266. G
IVE
G
IFTS OF
S
INCERITY
When a relationship begins to grow and gift-giving occasions occur, the best option is to always go with a sincere gift from the heart. For example, let’s say the person you’re dating loves to read. An easy gift idea might be a book that someone at the store suggested that she might like, based on her tastes. A better idea would be a book that is genuinely powerful to you that somehow connects with your relationship. The best gift of all, though, is that book with a note folded up inside explaining just why that book was powerful to you and how it connects to the relationship. Just a little more effort takes an ordinary and unremarkable gift and turns it into something sincere and special that can help build the connection between the two of you. A bit of extra effort and sincerity can make something inexpensive into something truly profound.
267. P
LAN A
R
OMANTIC
F
REE
D
ATE
If you’re committed to living a frugal lifestyle, get your date involved and plan a romantic free date where you don’t spend money beyond what you’d ordinarily spend. Pack a backpack full of food, a candle, and some matches and go on an evening hike. Have a movie night where you each pick two films from your own collection and watch all four together. Go on a daylong bicycle ride out in the country together. Spend a Saturday together involved with a volunteer project. Dating doesn’t have to be an expensive situation. It just has to be something that you both find value in, and that value doesn’t have to cost money.
268. T
AKE
W
ALKS
T
OGETHER
No matter what stage your relationship is in, there are a few things you can do to build a long-term bond, such as taking a long walk together and talking about life, problems, and everything else in between. Relationships are built on a bedrock of communication, and taking a long walk together and giving plenty of open air to revealing things about yourself and getting to know each other on an intimate level can be a big part of that foundation. Communication is the glue that helps people stick together and the best part is that it’s free.
269. W
RITE
L
OVE
N
OTES
To some, this tip might seem very corny, but it’s one of the best little things you can do to help keep a relationship alive and vibrant. Every once in a while, when the person you’re with least expects it, take a few minutes to write a note simply stating how important that person is to you and then put that note in a place where it will easily be found by the recipient. Little token reminders of your love and affection like this are great, inexpensive ways to refresh the bond between you.
270. B
E
A
TTENTIVE
While it’s easy to get caught up in the big things in a relationship, it’s often the little things that matter. Pay attention to what your partner is saying and doing, even if it doesn’t directly involve you, and use that information to make little choices to make your relationship stronger. For example, instead of plotting a big surprise birthday party for your partner, pay attention and listen to what she really wants. You might find out that the big surprise bash you were thinking about is the last thing on earth that your partner wants and instead she’d rather have a simple and intimate evening alone with you. Another example: If you routinely go out on the town together, an attentive partner might notice that the other person is getting tired of the old routine and thus it might be good for both of you to build a different routine, perhaps one that involves going out less and staying home more. Attentiveness not only builds a relationship, but it often prevents you from throwing away money based on your own preconceptions.
271. F
IND
A
REAS OF
M
UTUAL
I
NTEREST
T
HAT
D
ON
’T I
NVOLVE
S
PENDING
M
ONEY
Most relationships are built around some areas of common interest. What areas of common interest do you have with your partner? Which of those areas don’t require a great deal of money to enjoy? Put some effort into finding areas of common interest, particularly those that don’t require financial input. For example, perhaps you both enjoy bicycle-riding or going on nature walks, or perhaps you’re both happy to curl up with a good book. The more time you spend getting to know each other as people, the more likely you are to discover common interests that don’t require throwing money to the wind.
272. B
UILD A
F
INANCIALLY
E
QUAL
R
ELATIONSHIP
F
ROM THE
S
TART
Obviously, no relationship will start off with both partners on exactly equal financial footing, but that doesn’t mean that a healthy relationship revolves around one person covering all of the necessary bills while the other member is a spendthrift. Instead, both partners should take responsibility for some part of the financial situation and both partners should also get to reap some of the reward in terms of financial flexibility and spending money. You can start this early on by having both partners occasionally paying for date expenses, or by going Dutch regularly. Later on, agree to have one person cover a few of the bills while the other person covers the rest. For example, one partner might pay for rent while the other one handles the other expenses. Eventually, you’ll want to merge finances with some basic agreements and rules on how things work for both partners. Doing this now will save much pain and needless expense later on, as both partners are committed to and involved with the financial success of each other.
273. G
ET ON THE
S
AME
P
AGE
F
INANCIALLY
Beyond merely working together to get the bills paid, it also helps to talk about long-term goals and what you both can do to reach these goals together. What do you both dream about? Where do you see yourselves in ten years? Set some big goals that you both have an interest in achieving, and then offer each other positive encouragement toward reaching those goals. Encourage each other to reduce spending and make intelligent purchasing decisions. Talk about the temptations that you each have, and confess your fears and challenges to your partner as well. Put everything out there on the table—everything you’re worried about, everything that makes you uncomfortable, everything you dream about. Work together to break down those worries and move toward those dreams. Knowing that you’re both on the same page with similar goals and pushing each other in a loving way toward those goals will save both of you a tremendous amount of money over the long run and will also help cement a lifelong relationship.
274. P
LAN A
W
EDDING
C
ENTERED
A
ROUND
L
OVED
O
NES
, N
OT
S
TUFF
Many wedding plans grow completely out of control, costing the bride and groom and their family many thousands of dollars for one over-the-top day. In the end, though, memories aren’t made of a ten-foot cake or of the perfect flower arrangement or of the expensive bridesmaids’ dresses. The memories are about friends and family coming together to celebrate. Your wedding plans should focus on the people you love and care about, not on some giant fairytale wedding fueled by bridal industry marketing. Instead of asking how big your wedding cake should be, ask whether or not the wedding and reception will be accessible to everyone. Instead of picking out the “perfect” dress for the bridesmaids to wear, pick them out together and make a price-conscious choice that reflects the financial realities of everyone involved. Another option is to drastically shrink the entire wedding plan and have an incredibly simple ceremony, surrounded only by the people you care about the most.
275. P
LAN A
R
OMANTIC
H
ONEYMOON
, N
OT AN
E
XPENSIVE
O
NE
Many marriages start off with a pricey honeymoon that goes far beyond what the new couple can rationally afford. While a honeymoon can be a truly memorable experience, it doesn’t have to come at the expense of financial reality. Instead of planning an expensive “destination” honeymoon, plan something simple that you’ll both deeply enjoy. Love wine? Tone a trip to Paris down to a week-long driving tour of the Napa and Sedona Valleys. Enjoy the outdoors? Spend your honeymoon together in a stunning national park, enjoying natural beauty during the day and each other at night. Just want to get away? Spend it away from everyone in a small, quiet town in your favorite area of the country where you can enjoy yourself deeply on a shoestring. Your honeymoon doesn’t have to have five stars or a five-figure bill. Step back from that concept and look at what you’re both really passionate about, and ask yourself how you can share that passion together in an intimate setting. You’ll find your answer there, and it’ll likely save you a lot of money over the usual honeymoon ideas.
276. D
ON
’T G
ET
M
ARRIED
I
F
Y
OU
’R
E
S
TILL
H
AVING
D
OUBTS
If you’re nearing your wedding day and you’re still feeling intense doubts about the whole idea, don’t get married. For starters, if you’re unsure about the whole idea, there’s a strong chance that once you’re married, your marriage will fail and you’ll have to face the deep financial and emotional cost of divorce. For another reason, if your partner is committing with his or her whole heart and you’re not doing the same, you’re being truly unfair to that person, taking their hopes and dreams and passions and not giving the same in return. If you feel doubts, take the time and space you need to work through them, but don’t commit to marriage unless you’re truly ready to give it your all. Marriage isn’t easy and ending a marriage can be incredibly expensive. Don’t make that commitment unless it’s with your whole heart.
277. G
IVE
Y
OUR
M
ARRIAGE THE
C
ARE AND
F
EEDING
I
T
N
EEDS
Once you’re settled into married life, don’t abandon the things that made your relationship work to begin with. Spend time every day, or as often as you possibly can, with your partner just talking about your cares and concerns. Engage in activities together as often as you can, and if you notice you’re starting to do more things apart, make a concerted effort to steer that ship back in the right direction by suggesting things to do together. Forgive your partner for little mistakes. Your partner’s not perfect and neither are you. Putting forth the regular effort to keep your relationship strong will not only make your marriage last, but it will save you the money and heartache of counseling and potentially the money and heartache of a painful divorce.
278. R
EALIZE
M
ONEY
D
OESN
’T H
EAL A
M
ARITAL
P
ROBLEM
Many people try to repair rifts in relationships by throwing money at the problem. A big bouquet of flowers, a wonderful gift, and a kiss on the cheek and suddenly everything is better, right? While a gift might appear to be a good patch, it’s just superficial—the real problem often goes much, much deeper. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re plotting to “fix” things by buying a gift, ask yourself honestly whether you’re actually trying to fix the problem or if you’re just hoping to smooth things over without really fixing anything at all. If you’re just trying to smooth things over, a different approach might be in order. Instead of buying an expensive gift, set aside some time to talk with your spouse about the problem and listen to what your spouse says. Take it seriously. If passions are on display, then it’s because something is important. Don’t just buy something. Not only is it a waste of money in the end, it does nothing at all to actually heal the problem.
279. B
E
C
OMPLETELY
H
ONEST WITH
Y
OUR
P
ARTNER ABOUT
M
ONEY
I
SSUES
When you’re dealing with finances, complete honesty is always the best policy. It’s far better to show your partner that bill you’re hiding now than to hold on to it until later when months of dishonesty have built up around it (and a higher balance has likely built up as well). If you’re ashamed to tell your partner about a purchase you’ve made, you’re better off talking about it now than convincing yourself that it’s really fine and opening the door to a Pandora’s box of spending. Whenever you spend money, you should be willing to tell your spouse about it, and if you are truly open, it will encourage your spouse to be equally open.
280. H
AVE
R
EGULAR
T
ALKS ABOUT
Y
OUR
F
INANCIAL
S
ITUATION
Once every month or so, sit down with your partner and talk about your financial situation. Go through your bills together, allowing your partner to see exactly what you spend and you to see exactly what your partner spends. Talk about your progress toward your big goals and encourage each other to keep making good moves all the time. Doing this regularly encourages you both to make better financial moves on a daily basis, reducing unnecessary spending and thinking more about the big goals that you share, which in the long run is an incredibly financially strong way to live.