A Beautiful Funeral: A Novel (Maddox Brothers Book 5) (23 page)

America rolled her eyes and sat up. “Five people have been lying to us about a safety concern involving our entire family. Thomas, Liis, Travis, Abby, and Cami.” She looked at Camille. “So don’t try to snake out of the blame, Cami. Just because your husband is angry about the lies and you want to be on his side doesn’t excuse you from the truth.”

Camille’s cheeks flushed red, and her eyes glossed over. “I didn’t ask to be put in this position.”

“You still had a choice.”

Liis finally chimed in. “Abby only knew because I told her. And I asked her to be discreet about the information she had.”

Travis looked down at Liis, surprised. “You told her?”

Several seconds passed before Liis could look Travis in the eyes. “Years ago.”

His shoulders sagged. “So every time I left town and lied straight to her face about where I was going … the elaborations … she knew?”

“She was in a dark place,” Liis said. “She was sure you were having an affair. She knew you were lying, she just didn’t know about what. Telling her saved your marriage.”

“Then why not tell me?” Travis said, fidgeting. “You let me continue lying to her?”

“If you told her, the FBI would have rescinded the agreement. She had to have a valid reason for coming up with it on her own. The information she gave you on Mick was more than a satisfactory explanation, and the Bureau knows Abby is an extremely intelligent individual.”

“Don’t speak analytics to me, Liis.” He closed his eyes and shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s being released from the hospital today. I need to get back there.”

The twins sat down, whispering about the new development. They had been lying, too, and had agonized over it for years, but Thomas and Travis’s had overshadowed their secret, giving them an unexpected easy out. It reminded me of the time my sister Finley had snuck out and stole our parents’ car. She had no plans. She just wanted them to notice her for once instead of catering to my cries for attention. When they realized what she’d done, they were too busy hiring an attorney to get me out of trouble for setting fire to my father’s partner’s vacation home to be angry with her. She didn’t even get grounded. My antics made anything less than arson seem trivial.

Trenton noticed the twins were occupied and used the opportunity to rush Travis, slamming him against the wall. Seconds before their collision, Liis scooted her chair into the corner, pulling Jim and Mr. Baird with her. She had quick reflexes, just like I imagined an FBI agent to have. The other agents rushed into the room, but Travis held up one hand, signaling for them to back off.

Trenton’s face was wet with tears. “Why did you have to kill Benny, Travis? Why didn’t you stay with Thomas and protect him if you knew he was in danger?”

“I didn’t know, Trent,” Travis said, staring into his brother’s eyes. “I didn’t know. And even if I did, I would have stayed here to protect my family.”

Trenton gripped Travis’s collar and shoved him against the wall. Travis didn’t even attempt to fight back, and I wondered why. “He was your family. He helped raise you, Travis. You just let him face that alone?”

“I’m sorry,” Travis said sincerely. “I’m so fucking sorry, Trent. You have no idea how bad I feel about this, or how much worse I’ll feel later when … It’s not fair. Maybe it should’ve been me.”

Trenton released Travis’s shirt and took a few steps back.

Shepley patted his back. “It could have been you. It could’ve been Abby, or James, or Jess, or Ezra, or Mare. And we would’ve never known it was coming.”

Tyler tucked his chin with a confused look on his face. “What are you saying, Shep? That what happened to Thomas was lucky for the rest of us?”

“Of course not,” Shepley said.

“He’s saying what happened to Thomas shouldn’t have been our warning,” Trenton said. “We should have all been notified and ready the moment Travis was embedded in the fucking mafia as a spy.”

Tyler wrinkled his nose. “You’re going to blame Travis for this? He didn’t ask for this. He’s just playing the hand he was dealt, man. So stow that shit before you say something else you’re gonna regret.”

“He’s not going to regret asking questions,” Shepley said. “If we had done that years ago, maybe we wouldn’t be planning a funeral.”

Travis seemed hurt that Shepley was taking Trenton’s side. “Really?” Travis asked.

Shepley patted Trenton on the shoulder, showing his allegiance.

“You’re my best friend,” Travis said in disbelief.

“You’re wrong on this one, Trav. We have a right to be upset about what you’ve done,” he said.

“If you don’t mind,” Jim said, scooting his chair to the table again. “I’ve got some plans to make. If you do mind, you’re going to have to leave. This funeral’s not gonna plan itself.”

“No,” Mr. Baird said, straightening his tie with a nervous twitch in his eye. “No, it is not.”

The boys sat down, and Jim looked each of them in the eye. “Not another word. I mean it.”

“Yes, sir,” they said in unison.

“Ladies?” Jim said, looking at America, Camille, and Falyn.

They all nodded.

It felt strange to me, even after a decade of sobriety, not to be included in the calling out of bad behavior. It was even stranger to feel proud and validated.

“Okay, then.” He turned another page, and Liis pulled her chair next to his, looking over urns like nothing had happened.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CAMILLE

J
IM CHOSE TO HAVE THE FUNERAL
at the high school auditorium. The attendance would be too many people to fit into any of the small churches in Eakins. People were standing against the wall in the back and along the sides. Fellow Eastern alumni, former high school friends, and football teammates. The stage looked like a mini botanical garden, surrounded the urn with plants, sprays, and bouquets. One wreath wore a sash that said son, another father, another husband. I was sitting in the second row directly behind Liis, unable to stop watching her for any reaction. She sat stoic, and the few times she looked back to scan the crowd in disbelief, she looked uncomfortable and a bit ashamed.

Sniffling and muffled conversation filled the silence, the acoustics amplifying the crowd’s pain. It was unbelievable how many knew and cared about Thomas. Even his FBI colleagues were present, taking up the three rows behind the family. The director sat behind Travis and reached up to pat his shoulder.

Jack stood up and, with Shepley’s help, carefully climbed the stairs to the stage. With folded notebook paper in hand, he stood behind the podium. The paper crackled as he unfolded it, and then he cleared his throat.

“My brother asked me to read this letter for him. I’m not convinced I can get through it myself, so please bear with me.” He fished his glasses from his jacket pocket and placed them on his face, pushing them up the bridge of his nose.

“My dearest Thomas,” he began, pausing for a moment before he continued, “you are my firstborn, and that means you and I spent quite a bit of time together alone before your brothers came along. We bonded in a unique way, and I’m not sure … I’m not sure how I’ll move on with my life without you. But I’ve said that before.

“I remember the moment you were born. The first time I held you in my arms. You were a tiny giant. Your arms flailed, and you screamed, and I was both filled with pride and terrified. Raising another human being is a harrowing responsibility, but you made it easy. When your mother died, and I was overwhelmed with my own grief, you took over. And that was an easy transition for you because when the twins were born, you used to insist on being the other pair of arms to hold either Taylor or Tyler. You used to follow Trenton around with a Kleenex, and you orbited Travis like he would break at any moment. I’ve never seen a young boy fawn over babies the way you did, and I was looking forward to watching you do that with your daughter.

“When you were eleven, I took you hunting. We’d shot guns before, and you were pretty good at it, but that particular morning was rainy and cold, and you decided you’d wait in the truck. I trudged out to my favorite spot and wiped the rain out of my eyes for two hours, chilled all the way to the bone, wishing you were bearing that miserable, foggy morning with me. I didn’t see a single doe. And then I heard a shot, and then another. I gathered my gear and ran back to the truck as fast as I could, nearly slipping in the mud when I stopped to see you inspecting your kill. I’ll be damned if you didn’t get your first buck that year—a twelve-point, nearly dry and warm while I’d been sitting in the freezing rain. I should have known then that you knew what you were doing; that you had your mother’s intuition and not just her eyes.

“When Diane passed, you never asked me what to do, you just knew, as if she were whispering in your ear. You rocked Travis to sleep, you calmed Trenton, and you dressed the twins in matching outfits like your mother used to. You combed their hair and made sure they were clean for school, no matter how many times you had to scrub them before you led them onto the bus. You took care of everyone else, and then you went and did what you wanted to do, and I can’t be prouder, son. I really can’t.

“I wish we could have had one more evening at the dining table with a hand of cards, talking about the world and how amazed you are by the mother of your child. I’d do anything to listen to you talk about your future and your job, even if you couldn’t tell us everything. I don’t know why this happened to you, the most careful of us, the surest of his footing, the most prepared. You were the strongest. But thinking about you finally able to hug your mom’s neck again gives me comfort in a way I can’t describe. I know her death was hardest on you, not because of the burden you embraced, but because out of all the boys, you’d loved your mother the longest. You never let that get in the way of what she’d asked you to do, though, to take care of your brothers. You never let her down, not even now. I would give anything to take your place so you can be here with your wife and raise your daughter because I know you’d be a damn good father, just as you were a good son. I’m going to miss you as much as I’ve missed your mother, and I know just how much that’s going to hurt.

“Thank you for keeping our family together and safe until the end, and thank you for ignoring everything and everyone else—even yourself—to do what was right. I knew you long enough to know you don’t make a decision without good reason, and this is no different. I’ve adored you since your first breath. You were a good boy, and a fine man, and this family will rise up again to be our very best in your honor.”

Jack pressed his lips together and then folded the paper, tucking it into his jacket pocket. He took off his glasses, and Shepley walked him across the stage as the tune of one of Thomas’s favorite songs began humming through the speakers.

Jack sat next to his brother, and they comforted each other while the music played. Even Abby and Travis were crying. Abby hugged Liis, while Travis rocked Stella, touching his cheek to her forehead, tears dripping from the tip of his nose. I intertwined my fingers with my husband’s trembling hand, squeezing hard. He wiped his cheeks, sucking in a breath between quiet sobs. As I scanned the faces of our family, we looked so broken, so lost. My breath faltered, watching a local pastor take the stage. He would attempt to offer comfort and pray for our loss, but nothing would take away the pain. Not even God. I looked at Trenton, watching him let his tough-guy persona fall away in front of a huge crowd without a second thought. It was heartbreaking to watch men fall apart—men who could face anything else without flinching. Now, pain flooded in with their every breath, and I sat in the midst of Thomas’s brothers, wishing I could take their pain away, wishing mine would somehow disappear. It was too much to process. The music only made it hurt worse, so I decided to feel nothing, the way I did when I was little and my father was hitting my mother.

Several cars were parked in the drive, spilling out down both sides of the street in front of Jim Maddox’s home, just as I’d pictured. As the news of Thomas’s death spread, more people would arrive, bringing casseroles and sweet memories.

I swallowed, bracing myself for condolences. Jim was the father who would bury his first-born. Liis was the widow. I was the sister-in-law and the ex-girlfriend. I felt like my grief ran deeper than Falyn’s or Abby’s, and that spawned guilt. My stomach sank, and my nose burned. There was nothing I wanted to do less than walk into the house and play the part of supporting wife and sister-in-law and ignore that Thomas was also my first love, that we had shared a bed more than once, and we had almost moved in together. He had loved me, and I would have to pretend none of that existed out of respect for his wife and my husband.

Trenton squeezed my hand. “I know,” he said simply. With two words, he set my mind at ease, expressing both understanding and unconditional love. He’d forgiven me the night before for my lies and omissions. It wasn’t okay, he pointed out, but it was understandable, and he loved me anyway.

A black sea of friends and extended family milled about the house, trudging over the carpet Diane had chosen, through the rooms Thomas had once played in, and where they were once a complete family that death hadn't touched. This was why Diane had made Jim walk away from the police force. This was why she made him promise not to let the kids follow in his footsteps. Once Death took Diane in its arms, Jim and the boys have all been waiting for it to come for them. It became real then, a tangible thing, because it didn’t just happen to someone else. It happened to
her
. Their everything, their sunshine, their constant. And then she was a memory that faded with each passing day. Trenton had said he’s struggled to remember the sound of her voice and the exact color of her eyes. The moment she’d passed, they had seen Death, and Death had seen them.