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“Billy!”
The whole bed shook and bounced as the three men on it jumped. Xavier grunted and
did his best to shield Chase as Billy scrambled over them.
“What? Liam, did you not have your coffee yet? You must not have, scowling like that!”
“You’re in bed with two naked men, Billy, why wouldn’t I be scowling over that?”
Xavier started to roll over and defend Billy but Chase wound his hand around Xavier’s cock and squeezed. “Billy’s man enough to answer his lover, don’t you think?”
It rankled, having Chase murmur that in his ear, and it rankled even more that the man was right. But Xavier couldn’t be irritated about it for long because Chase’s nimble fingers were touching—not stroking, exactly, but dancing over his length, finding all the right spots guaranteed to turn Xavier’s brains to mush. He blocked out Billy and Liam, didn’t even know if they were in the room anymore as Chase pressed his thumb to Xavier’s slit. Xavier opened his mouth, his lover’s name tingling on his tongue, only to discover that Liam at least was still in the room.
“Actually, I came to find Billy because I thought he might want to go with me to see you, Chase. Shearing’s set up a time for a three-way call with James, although there are rules.”
The rules, or at least one of them, were going to be a bitch. Remaining quiet no matter what he heard was going to be difficult, but Chase would do it. The other rules—that Chase not try to find James at this point and that he accept whatever bit of time he was allowed to listen without throwing up a fuss didn’t make him any happier. At least he had Xavier with him, although he wondered when he’d become the sort of person who needed someone else.
It disturbed him on one level, but Chase couldn’t deny he felt…better, with Xavier sitting beside him, holding his hand.
It should have been embarrassing, like a school kid leaning on his crush instead of
being strong enough to deal with life on his own. But it didn’t. Chase just felt cared for, and safe, though he couldn’t fathom why he’d felt unsafe before. He was strong, and despite www.total-e-bound.com
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getting his ass kicked twice by a group of men, he could generally take care of himself. Yet with Xavier here, it was as if nothing bad could happen to him.
Fucking ridiculous hearts and flowers shit.
But Chase didn’t pull away. In fact he leaned against Xavier’s side until the bigger man released his hand and draped his arm over Chase’s shoulders. Xavier reached across his lap with his other hand and picked up Chase’s hand as Liam walked into the living room.
“Okay, Shearing is fixing to call, and everyone“—Liam gave him a hard look before
glancing at Billy—“needs to be quiet. Otherwise I hang up.”
Chase nodded while Billy glared at his lover. “What was that look for? Are you
implying I can’t be quiet?”
Liam’s cheeks darkened as he stared at his phone. “No, I…it’s just—you can be
exuberant, that’s all—”
“And I can also be quiet,” Billy snapped but he cuddled up to Liam’s side. “I’m not an idiot.”
“No,” Liam sighed, “but apparently I am—”
The ringing of his phone cut off the rest of what Liam might have said. Chase couldn’t help but tense beside Xavier as Liam answered his phone, not speaking, only listening for a few seconds before he pressed the speaker button. Shearing’s deep voice sounded loud in the silence of the room.
“I finally received permission from James’ parents to interview him, although I’ve been warned not to upset him. Some of the questions I ask might be upsetting for all of us, James included though. I’ve been told by one of the nurses that James has refused all medications, which has led to some issues when he’s…” Chase heard the man swallow then clear his
throat. “When he has nightmares or flashbacks they have to subdue him because he’s
dangerous to himself, they think. It seems like this place has to be hell for the man, even if they are helping him—which I don’t know if they are. Now I’m going in and if I hear
anything at all from your end, I will disconnect this call immediately.”
No one answered, but Chase couldn’t have anyway. His throat was tight and his
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supposed. After having reassured the man that yes, he was indeed an FBI agent by showing his badge, Shearing was told he’d be taken to see James right away.
The sound of footsteps on hard flooring seemed to go on forever. Xavier tightened his arm around Chase’s shoulders and squeezed Chase’s reassuringly. Then he brushed his lips over Chase’s temple, which scattered some of Chase’s worry, replacing it with a warm feeling that made him a bit light-headed.
Until he heard the bare whoosh of a door opening, then Shearing, his voice so soft it was difficult to make out the words, spoke James’ name.
“James Stratton, I’m Agent Bill Shearing with the FBI—”
“I know who you are.” There was another voice, likely a nurse or doctor, but Chase
ignored her as he reeled inside.
It hit Chase like a punch to the gut, hearing James’ voice, all of the life gone out of it.
The tone was flat, a little shaky, and it was definitely James, but he sounded so…
damaged, like
me.
The realisation set his mind to racing as he snuggled unthinkingly against Xavier.
James had found him, beaten near to death by a gang of thugs who’d been determined
to steal what little money Chase had at the time. And the fact that he’d known one of the men trying to kill him, trusted him—he balked at thinking about that, instead picking at himself as he was used to do.
Chase had been too young and scared to know how to defend himself, too stupid to
have avoided the situation to begin with, and too damned sure nothing bad would ever happen to him. James had appeared like some vengeful angel and sent the thugs running—
and he hadn’t been much older than Chase! It was the man’s confidence, his belief that what he was doing was right, that made him so formidable.
Chase knew only that he’d been wrong to get himself in such a situation. Every bit of his confidence had been demolished in that dark alley, and it had taken him a long time to recover—although now he wondered if he ever had.
Each of the beatings he’d taken by Rollins’ men had brought back all that fear, all the terror, and despite Chase’s best attempts to bury it, he realised he might not have managed to.
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When Shearing spoke again, Chase tuned back in, remaining silent as the agent
questioned James to no avail.
“Can you tell me when Rollins had you abducted?”
“No. I don’t remember.”
“Can you tell me who took you, what he or she or they looked like?”
“No.”
“You don’t remember?”
“No.”
The interview continued in this manner for several minutes. Shearing never seemed to get irritated with the lack of helpful answers, but each one of them twisted Chase up so bad inside he had to bite his lip to keep from whimpering.
Because he knew without a doubt as he listened to that monotone voice, that James
Stratton, the man he’d always admired most in this world, the person he’d aspired to be like, was lying. It was there in the rapid answer, the way he didn’t even pause to think, and hidden somewhere in that dull voice was the slightest hint of strain.
Maybe he was wrong, maybe…Chase shuddered as James answered yet another
question.
No, he’s lying, but why?
Chase would just have to break a rule or two to find out.
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Xavier ushered Billy and Liam to the door. Liam stepped onto the porch then turned
back to face him. “I’m not sure that phone call was a good idea. I don’t think it did anything to reassure Chase that his friend is okay.”
“James isn’t okay,” Xavier pointed out. “I don’t even know the man and I could tell that much from hearing his voice.”
“I meant…” Liam closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I meant it may
have done more harm than good. I feel like I just went in there and kicked a defenceless man in the balls instead of helping him.”
“I think he needed to know,” Billy said quietly. “And yeah, it probably hurt him to hear his friend sounding like a space cadet, but it was the truth and that’s what Chase needed.”
Xavier couldn’t have agreed more—almost. He looked at Billy and nodded. “That’s
exactly what I was going to say, minus the space cadet comment.” He hugged Billy and shook Liam’s hand before locking the door and returning to sit beside Chase.
Chase looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “You need to call the security
company, have them send someone out today and update your system.”
Before Xavier could even so much as agree, Chase stood up then promptly sat back
down. “I need to go.”
Xavier’s heart plummeted as he bit back a protest. He’d hoped Chase would spend the
day with him, but he wouldn’t pressure him. “Okay. You do have Max’s truck, so I can see where you’d need to get it back to him.”
Chase gave him an odd look. “I meant, I need to go to…to wherever James is.
Something’s wrong. I need to know where he is, see what it will take for me to get to him.”
“His family—”
“Hate me,” Chase snorted. “They told Shearing I couldn’t be around James. They
always thought I was a bad influence.” His lips thinned as he averted his gaze, his shoulders tensing. Xavier touched a hand to Chase’s shoulder and he flinched. “I’m sorry,” he said www.total-e-bound.com
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pulling his hand back and trying not to be offended by Chase’s withdrawal. Getting his feelings hurt over something like that wouldn’t help either of them, and since he’d meant the touch to be comforting for Chase and it hadn’t been, then Xavier had no right to feel rejected.
In other words, it’s not all about me.
And yet he still felt the sting of that flinch—until Chase sighed and seemed to deflate. “No, I’m sorry Xavier,” Chase said as he darted a glance at him. “Maybe I should go back to the bunkhouse. I’m just not fit to be around right now. I should just go back and lock the door to my little room and…”
Xavier had noticed the way Chase’s gaze was darting everywhere and suspected that
leaving wasn’t what Chase wanted. “Or you could stay here and talk to me, snap at me if it makes you feel any better—or, I have this great home gym. A workout after a light breakfast might help.”
“I—” Chase sighed and flopped back, wincing as his shoulder clipped Xavier’s. “You’re not going to try to talk me out of finding James?” he said, eyeing Xavier with a dash of suspicion.
Xavier frowned as he eyed Chase back. “Why would I? You’re a grown man, capable of
making intelligent decisions. If you feel you need to find James, then I trust you have a good reason for that feeling.”
“You don’t think I’m crazy, that I should respect James’ parents’ wishes?”
Xavier shook his head. “Not if you don’t believe it’s what your friend would want. Do you think he’s capable of making decisions for himself right now?”
Chase nodded without hesitating. “I do. James wasn’t some ranting lunatic on the
phone—you heard him. I think he’s—well, maybe not fully up to snuff, but he’s a lot sharper than he was trying to appear in that conversation.
“And I think maybe…maybe he needed someone to make decisions for him when the
FBI first found him, but his parents have overstepped their boundaries, you know? Probably just trying to protect their only child and all that, but I think it’s hurting James.” Chase shrugged. “Or I could be totally wrong. I don’t know the extent of what happened to James, or what long-term damage there might be.”
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very good man Chase was. Not that Xavier had ever doubted it. “I think you should follow your instincts. Chances are, no matter how close James is or was to his parents, he was probably not as close to them as he was to his best friend or friends—there are just some things most people don’t want to share with their parents.”
“He’d want me there,” Chase said, looking at him with a grateful expression. “He
would. I don’t understand why he hasn’t asked Shearing or someone to find me for him.”
“Maybe he has,” Xavier suggested. “Maybe he asked his parents and they told him
some line of bullshit. If they truly didn’t want James hanging around you, who knows what they might have said.”
Chase shrugged. “Or maybe he really doesn’t remember me. Maybe whatever was done
to him while he was kidnapped totally fucked up his head in a way I either don’t want to believe or just don’t know about. Or…or maybe he blames me for all this in the first place. Or for not finding him sooner, when he first got abducted—”
“Stop, Chase,” Xavier said as he slowly reached for him. This time Chase didn’t flinch, in fact he moved closer, snuggling up to Xavier’s side. Xavier put his arm around Chase’s shoulders and gently squeezed. “Don’t torture yourself like this, blaming yourself for scenarios that may not even be true. This is another reason why I think you should find James.”
Chase tipped his head back and blinked up at Xavier. “Another reason?” He slid a hand over Xavier’s stomach, his blunt nails scratching a light trail of fire even through Xavier’s T-shirt.