A Blessing for Miriam (33 page)

Dear God in heaven, You who ride the winds of the storm and speak with Your fierce wrath. Have mercy upon Your children today. Forgive us our trespasses as we have forgiven those who trespassed against us. Hold not our iniquities to our account, and look kindly on Your children here in Oklahoma. Thank You for a safe journey these last forty-eight hours when so many things could have gone wrong. We have arrived safely by the grace of Your hand. Be with us now as we face this new day and say our last goodbyes to a brother and a sister who have been much loved this side of eternity. We believe You hold them in Your arms even now and lay before them all the glories of heaven as befits Your will. Have compassion on us who remain behind. Comfort the hearts that grieve. Amen.

Miriam stood and wiped her eyes, as did
Mamm
.
Daett
’s prayer comforted her. At least he hadn’t laid blame on anyone, and had only asked for forgiveness. Who didn’t need forgiveness? That was a daily prayer they all prayed. Hadn’t Wayne shown her that they both needed to walk in understanding and tenderness toward any weaknesses found in the other? At the thought, a quiet sob rose in Miriam’s throat again. She leaned against
Mamm
, who helped her to the couch.
Daett
had gone outside, so only the two of them were in the living room.

More people would arrive soon. Breakfast would be brought in
by the community’s women, and benches would be brought and set up in the living room for the funeral. She didn’t want to see any of that. She didn’t want to say the goodbyes that lay ahead. Yet the moment would come.

As if someone was reading her thoughts, a buggy drove into the lane. Two others soon followed. Deacon Phillips’s wife, Katie, was the first of the other guests to enter the front door. She carried a large, covered plate in her hands.

“
Gut
morning,” Katie’s soft voice greeted gently even as her face remained sober. “This must be your
mamm
, Miriam.”

“
Yah
, it is.” Miriam was on her feet and belatedly made the introductions.

Mamm
shook hands with Katie.

“You have a
wunderbah
daughter,” Katie said, a slight smile playing on her face for a moment. “She is much-loved in the community. We all mourn with her.”

“I can’t thank you enough.”
Mamm
wiped away a tear. “It’s such a comfort to arrive after a long drive and find that your daughter has been in such
gut
hands. You have been a great blessing to Miriam. Why the Lord chose to take away so much, we will never understand.”

Katie nodded. “Yet we will comfort ourselves that the Lord loves those He chastens. We have been chastened greatly these last days, and we humble our hearts to accept both the
gut
and the difficult from His hands.”

“I agree,”
Mamm
said. “Let me take your plate,” she offered.

Katie held fast the plate. “No, others are coming to help, and you’re not to move a finger as our guest. Other than to eat and prepare for the service, of course. You must be exhausted after all those hours on the road. I see your driver has fallen asleep in the van already. The poor man must have been exhausted.”

“
Yah
, the driver did
gut
,”
Mamm
agreed. “The Lord was with us.
We sang and prayed when sleep became a problem. And he’d stop and nap when necessary.

“Should we awaken him for breakfast?” Katie asked.

“He will probably be hungry.”
Mamm
glanced out the window. “Let me go and ask once the food is ready.”

“It’ll only be a few minutes.” Katie turned and opened the front door for several other community women. They greeted Miriam, and she introduced
Mamm
. Then the women hurried on to the kitchen.

Miriam took a seat on the couch again, and
Mamm
went to speak with the van driver. Miriam felt a wave of weariness sweep over her, and things became a blur. The plate of eggs, bacon, and toast that Katie brought her ten minutes later never came into focus, and Miriam managed to eat. She moved upstairs when the men brought in the benches and began to set up for the service. The noises downstairs continued for a long time.

Mamm
found Miriam in the upstairs bedroom an hour later. “Come, it’s time to change,”
Mamm
told her.

Miriam managed to stand on her own. She lifted a black dress from the closet rod. Aunt Fannie had brought her the mourning clothes the day before. Tears flooded Miriam’s eyes again.
Mamm
quietly helped her change as if she were a small girl. In some ways she was, Miriam thought.

Dressed and as ready as she ever would be, Miriam followed
Mamm
downstairs. The benches for the family were set up near the back bedroom. Miriam took her place beside Rosemary. The extended Yutzy family, including children, gathered on benches behind them.

The ministers filed in, and the service began. Miriam tried to listen, but the words pushed themselves together in her mind until the voices were soft buzzes. Time slipped by quickly, as if the Lord was revealing His mercy by the tears that fell to the hardwood floor
under Miriam’s feet. The usual viewing of the bodies didn’t happen. Instead, the family stood and led the way outside.

Miriam drove with
Daett
and
Mamm
in a buggy Deacon Phillips had supplied for them, but at the graveyard she took her place beside Rosemary.

Bishop Wengerd stepped forward and with bowed head and clasped hands led out in the final prayer. The wind moved across the prairie, but this time Miriam could make sense of most of the words. When he was finished, both caskets were lowered into the ground and dirt was thrown on them. Miriam kept her sobs quiet, and Rosemary leaned into her.

When the graveside service was done, the people walked together back to the buggies.
Mamm
appeared in front of Miriam, slowed down, and took her daughter’s hand. Miriam sank against
Mamm
, who waited until Miriam could continue.
Daett
walked up on the other side of Miriam, and between the two of them they helped her into the borrowed buggy. The long line of buggies began to move. Miriam thought she saw Wayne’s buggy ahead of them. Who would be driving his buggy today? she wondered. Likely she would see Wayne in everything for a long time—unless the Lord healed her heart quickly.

“Help me, Lord, please,” Miriam begged as
Daett
drove.

Mamm
, sitting beside her, held her hand until they arrived back at the Yutzy home. Miriam whispered, “I have to go on with life now.”

“I want you to,”
Mamm
assured her. “We just have to help each other through the rough spots.”

“The Lord will help us,”
Daett
said as he brought the buggy to a stop by the barn. “We’ll continue to pray for you, Miriam, and to seek the Lord’s guidance.”

“Thank you,” Miriam told him. “And thank you for coming to Oklahoma.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,”
Daett
said. “The Lord will be with you, Miriam. As I know He already has in mind whatever lies on the road of life ahead of you.”

Miriam lowered her head and hurried toward the house.
Mamm
walked closely beside her.
Daett
’s kind words brought fresh tears to her eyes, but Miriam had cried enough for one day.

Chapter Thirty-Three

T
he late-evening shadows were creeping across the lawn when Miriam stepped out of Deacon Phillips’s walkout basement door. A weary smile spread across her face at the sight of her horse, Sally, tied to the hitching post. Deacon Phillips’s
frau
, Katie, had gone out of her way all week to make sure everyone was comfortable and felt welcome for the last week of school—including Miriam. School was being held in temporary quarters in their basement.

Wayne’s funeral was in the past, and Miriam had struggled to gather herself together these past days. Life must go on. That Sally should be hitched up and ready when she was done working late this Friday night didn’t surprise her. Katie must have encouraged Deacon Phillips to do the task. Miriam decided Katie deserved a moment of her time and a hearty thanks. She walked up the incline to the house and knocked on the front door.

“Come in!” a cheery voice called out.

Miriam opened the door and stuck her head in. “You didn’t have to arrange to hitch-up Sally, but thanks! And also thank you
for the help and encouragement all week. You and Deacon Phillips have been so kind.”

Katie appeared in the kitchen doorway. “You know we wouldn’t have it any other way after your great losses—Wayne, Joy, and the schoolhouse.”

“But it’s still so nice of you.”

Katie smiled. “Well, you have a
gut
evening now. I’m sure you’re enjoying having your
mamm
and
daett
around. The Lord must have gone out of His way to comfort your heart.”

“
Yah
, He has. Thanks again!” Miriam closed the door and walked toward her buggy. She untied the rope, tossed it under the buggy seat, and climbed in. Once inside, Miriam settled in and drove out of the lane toward Route 48. The low profiles of the few homes and buildings left undamaged in Clarita appeared on the horizon.
Daett
and other men from the Amish community had worked in town the past few days to help the
Englisha
. They’d also been working on the wrecked schoolhouse site. Just last night Uncle William had told her the basement walls should be up today.

She should drive past and see for herself. The jaunt might help buoy her spirit, which was still reeling with the pain of losing Wayne. A cloud crossed Miriam’s face, and, instead, she headed Sally toward home. Maybe she would make the trip tomorrow. Tonight she would stay home and rest. A weary body didn’t help a weary and sorrow-filled mind recover any sooner.

There was also the matter of the upcoming conversation with
Mamm
and
Daett
. She still needed to reveal her secret. She’d pushed the subject to the back of her mind all week, using the extra work on her shoulders at school as an excuse. But she needed to settle the matter of giving to the relief effort. She wanted to get their opinion on what to do about the money, but first they had to be told about it. Aunt Fannie or Uncle William hadn’t told them because
Daett
would have brought up the subject himself. The shock when
Daett
was told could be considerable, and she hated to have him know
she’d been hiding such a secret so soon after the funeral, but there seemed no other way. She’d already waited too long.

What a mess.
Daett
had spoken so kindly to her after the funeral, but he had strong feelings about money, and he might not easily overlook her keeping this knowledge from him. What a relief it would be once he’d been told. He’d decide what to do with it after that. Wasn’t giving to help rebuild the community a chance of a lifetime? And for such a decent cause, the Lord must have played a part in the matter. Help was desperately needed in this time of sorrow.

Miriam sighed and turned her thoughts elsewhere.
Daett
and
Mamm
had told her some
gut
news this week.
Mamm
claimed Shirley was doing much better lately, and that a nice, young, Amish man by the name of Glen Weaver had started paying her attention at the
rumspringa
gatherings. That was
gut
news indeed.

Miriam pulled Sally to a stop at Highway 48. She looked both ways before she guided Sally north.
Daett
would have to be faced tonight. She would always have regrets if she didn’t speak with him while he was in Oklahoma. He’d be busy again tomorrow, and there was a potluck supper in Clarita for everyone in the evening. That had also been Katie’s idea—to show appreciation for the help with the cleanup everyone had given, but especially for the men from the community. The
Englisha
people would also participate. Due to the entire ruckus, the picnic for the last day of school had been postponed until next week. Hopefully things would calm down a bit by then.

Through it all, Katie had been a jewel. If someday she could only be half the
frau
that Katie was…But why think about that now? Wayne was gone. Miriam bit her lower lip. Perhaps she would never be a
frau
. It was in the Lord’s hands, and she would trust Him. That she could do.