A Blessing for Miriam (15 page)

“Miriam, don’t imagine things.” Aunt Fannie stopped her. “Wayne’s true to you, I know he is. William told me the same thing. It’s just…I’m not used to how some girls act anymore. Esther’s a little outgoing, that’s all. But eat. Your food’s getting cold.”

“Eat?” Miriam exclaimed. “How can I eat now?”

Aunt Fannie got up from her chair.

“What were they doing?” Miriam’s gaze followed her.

“Nothing much.”

“Don’t hide this from me, please,” Miriam begged. “The truth will hurt, but I have to know.”

Aunt Fannie returned to her chair. “Smiles, mostly. And they disappeared outside together after the hymn singing. I don’t think Wayne took her home. He wouldn’t do that. And Wayne’s buggy was still there when William and I left the hymn singing a half-hour later.”

Miriam’s head spun. “How bad was it? The smiles? Did everyone notice?”

Aunt Fannie looked away. “Wayne seemed to like her smiles, and he gave plenty back.”

“Then others also noticed?” There was little question in Miriam’s voice.

“William didn’t.”

Miriam didn’t move, and her food remained untouched.

Aunt Fannie continued. “Of course, men wouldn’t. William’s blind as a bat when it comes to such things. Plus he likes Wayne. Of course, I do too. I thought with all my heart he was true to you. I still think he probably is.”

“Oh, dear Lord, how can I take this?” Miriam laid her head in her hands and moaned. “So my fears weren’t just about nothing.
Wayne likes Esther’s attentions. He couldn’t resist them while I was gone.”

“At least he resists them when you’re here,” Aunt Fannie consoled, trying to sound cheerful.

Miriam moaned again. “If this is true…Oh, I can’t think about it. And our wedding is planned for this fall. I sat up with
Mamm
most of two nights to get the details down.”

“Your wedding is the least of your worries right now.” Aunt Fannie touched her hand. “And maybe there’s nothing to it.”

“I’ve lost a man once,” Miriam groaned. “Wasn’t I just reminded of that back in Possum Valley? I might as well throw my heart out into the road and let every passerby drive over it.”

Aunt Fannie wrapped Miriam in a tight hug. “You must never say that. And we mustn’t imagine too much until you’ve spoken with Wayne. He may have a perfectly
gut
explanation.”

Miriam pushed away her plate. “I think I will fast and die by evening. I’ll never be well again. Not if
another Swartz
girl steals my boyfriend.” Miriam stood up and grabbed the edge of the table for balance.

Aunt Fannie was by her side at once. “You have to eat, Miriam, even if I have to spoon-feed you. You need your strength.”

Miriam resisted for another moment before she gave in. Grudgingly, she took a bite with Aunt Fannie watching closely. Miriam whimpered between each bite.

Aunt Fannie stayed beside her. “We should get Wayne and William in right now and straighten this thing out.”

Miriam shook her head.

“But the problem has to be gotten to the bottom of,” Aunt Fannie insisted.

“It’s already solved, and I’ve lost,” Miriam managed. “There’s nothing more to say.”

Aunt Fannie took a deep breath. “Are you giving up that easy? Surely not!”

Miriam groaned again. “All is lost. That’s the reality. Twice now, all is lost.”

Aunt Fannie ignored her. “It’s exhaustion from your trip to talk like that. I should have kept my big mouth shut. At least you should talk with Wayne before you go off the deep end. There’s always hope.”

“I’ll deal with this in my own way.” Miriam choked down one last bite before she got to her feet. “I haven’t even shared any news from home with you.”

Aunt Fannie waved the comment away. “The news can be told later. There are more important things going on right now.”

“You should have told me last night already, so I could have wept for hours.” Miriam paused by the kitchen table as the first gush of tears came. She held them up as she rushed up the stairs. Once there, Miriam collapsed on her bed. With her head in the pillow she muffled her sobs. She heard her aunt’s footsteps come up the stairs and stop by the bedroom door, only to leave again. Miriam knew she needed to work through this herself. But how? She had no idea where to begin. She didn’t want to speak with Wayne. She couldn’t bear the pain. She had given her whole heart to him and trusted him. How could he do this to her? He could at least have told her he wanted the relationship to cease, that he preferred Esther over her. Those things did happen to people. But instead he’d led her on—and probably still would. But why would he do that? What would it accomplish? And they had specific wedding plans now, although Wayne didn’t know about all of them.

Miriam stopped her thoughts. This reaction was way out of proportion. She must control her emotions. Just because Ivan had reminded her of the past didn’t mean she should arrive back at her Oklahoma home and fly off the handle at the first sign of trouble. Hadn’t she expected Esther to increase her attentions toward Wayne once she was gone from the community? So what if Wayne had spoken with Esther beside his buggy. That might have
happened, but it wasn’t the end of the world. What she should do is act as if Aunt Fannie had told her nothing and see what Wayne said when she met him. Wouldn’t that be the best course of action? Things never turned out well when a woman had suspicions—even if those suspicions were correct.

Miriam sat up on the bed and dried her tears. She would do that. Where the strength would come from, she had no idea. Perhaps the Lord would have mercy and compassion on her and pour out further grace. Nothing else made much sense. She got off the bed and took the stairs with care, her hands on both sides of the wall for steadiness. Her head still swam, but Aunt Fannie had been wise to make her eat. She needed her strength.

Aunt Fannie’s concerned face met her at the kitchen doorway. “Are you okay?”

Miriam nodded. “Well enough to go out. I’m going on with the day, and I’ll start by helping you with the dishes.”

Aunt Fannie touched her shoulder. “They’re done, dear. You can go to the schoolhouse if you want to. I’ll have William harness Sally for you.”

Miriam shook her head. “Thank you, but I need the exercise.”

Aunt Fannie hesitated. “If you say so.”

Miriam moved on to find her coat in the closet.

Aunt Fannie’s voice followed her. “I’ll have a lunch packed for you by the time you have Sally hitched to the buggy.”

She really didn’t care, Miriam thought, but Aunt Fannie’s gesture was kind. And Aunt Fannie had been right about breakfast. Maybe she would need food at lunch time…even if it probably would taste like plastic.

She slipped out the washroom door and ran across the yard in a quick dash. The conversation with Wayne would come eventually, but she’d have more strength tomorrow. Maybe if Wayne didn’t see her until she was out the lane, he wouldn’t attempt to have words
with her. And surely she had his guilty conscience on her side. The man must feel shame over whatever he’d done.

Sally neighed when she walked in. Miriam stroked her face as tears stung her eyes again. At least her horse welcomed her home with an honest heart. But what terrible thoughts those were. She needed to contain herself until Wayne had his say, and even then she had to forgive him. From somewhere the grace would come. It had to. She couldn’t live with bitterness in her heart, whether it was against Wayne or Ivan or both. They had a right to choose the
fraus
they wanted to spend their lives with.

“
Gut
morning. I see you’re finally up.”

Miriam jumped and whirled around when Wayne’s voice greeted her from the barn door. She didn’t say anything.

Wayne sounded cheerful. “I couldn’t wait to speak with you.”

“Aren’t you needed at the greenhouse?” Miriam said steadily.

“Your Uncle William understands.” Wayne chuckled.

“I’ve not been gone that long,” Miriam managed to squeak out. She clung to Sally’s halter for a moment before she led the horse out of the stall. She had to act normally. But how? Wayne seemed his usual self. Surely he couldn’t pretend this well?

“Surely you missed me?” His teasing voice was closer now.

“I missed you a lot.” Miriam forced herself to face him. She didn’t have to make that emotion up. She had missed him terribly.

“Same here. I couldn’t wait until each day had turned into the next one. They couldn’t go by fast enough. I love you a lot, Miriam. I want you to know that.”

“Really?”

“Of course.” He touched her face briefly. “Still beautiful as ever. I see no one stole that away in Possum Valley. Here, let me take Sally. I’ll get the harness on for you.”

The man was guilty. Miriam was sure of it. Why didn’t he just say so? He had to notice how unresponsive she was. He had to notice she’d been weeping.

“I’ll hold Sally,” she said instead.

Wayne moved toward the harnesses on the wall and then had Sally’s on the horse’s back in no time. “How was the trip?” His smile was back.

“Okay, I guess. I never like the bus, but
Mamm
and
Daett
were doing well when I arrived. Shirley, of course, is very troubled from the accident.”

“I would expect so.” His voice sounded genuinely concerned.

How could Wayne fake his emotions to this extent? Or were they faked? They felt like they always had…before. He was a little overeager, but what boyfriend wouldn’t be on the first morning his girlfriend returned from an extended trip?

Miriam forced her thoughts back to Shirley. “She’ll have scars on her face for the rest of her life, probably. That’s difficult for Shirley to accept because she always thought her beauty was her best asset. But who can argue with the Lord’s will?”

“That’s true,” Wayne concurred. “One must accept what is.” He gave her a gentle smile and led Sally out toward the buggy. “I’m so sorry about your family’s trial. I’m sure it’s difficult for everyone.”

“
Yah
, it is,” Miriam agreed. She helped him fasten the tugs and climbed into the buggy.

Wayne patted Sally on the neck before he gave Miriam the lines. “See you later,” he said. “I hope we have more time to talk soon.”

Miriam tried to smile as she drove Sally out of the driveway. Wayne hadn’t asked about the wedding plans, but maybe he’d forgotten that was one of the reasons she went home. Yet what man would forget that kind of thing?

Chapter Sixteen

T
he early afternoon sunlight filtered in through the schoolhouse windows. Miriam pushed aside the lunch pail Aunt Fannie had packed and walked across the floor. Had a buggy driven in or had she imagined it? She paused when she caught sight of one in the schoolyard. She pulled in a sharp breath as Sarah Mullet, the substitute teacher for the time she’d been in Possum Valley, climbed out. Miriam went out and greeted her. “
Gut
afternoon! What a surprise for you to show up. And after you put in all that time taking care of things while I was gone.”

“Did you find everything okay?” Sarah stepped inside. “I thought I’d come by and check.”

“Of course.” Miriam didn’t hesitate. “You’re a teacher. I’m sure things were a much greater mess when you came than when you left.”

“Thanks. You are more than kind.” A concerned look crossed Sarah’s face. “That’s not the only reason I came over.”

Miriam let go of the door, and it swung shut. “Did you have
to spank one of the children? I know I’m not the best disciplinarian in the world.”

A trace of a smile filled Sarah’s face. “No. They all behaved themselves quite well. It’s about you and Wayne, or rather how Wayne and Esther acted while you were gone. I thought you should know.”

Miriam put her hand against the wall for support. “I think I’d better sit down before you tell me more.”

Sarah followed Miriam over to a student’s desk and watched as she sat down. “You don’t seem surprised. Do you already know?”

Miriam tried to breathe evenly. “I know less than you do, I’m sure. Aunt Fannie told me this morning that she saw Wayne and Esther smiling at each other a lot. I’m so embarrassed, Sarah. Was there an awful display?”

Sarah wrinkled her face. “I wouldn’t say it was awful, but Esther clearly has her intention set on Wayne. She spent all day at the services smiling at him and teasing him whenever they crossed paths, which she made sure was quite often.”