Susie squinted as she came closer. “It looks like a check, miss. For ten pounds?”
Victoria nodded and, taking the check, did a little dance around the room. “Yes! Yes! They paid me for an article I wrote on mallow! Can you imagine?”
Susie’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “I can’t! You mean like for a newspaper?”
“For a magazine!”
“Well, that’s just fine, miss! My mother once had a recipe printed in the
Summerset Weekly News
, and we thought that was wonderful. That probably isn’t much the same, is it?”
Victoria shook her head and checked a laugh that threatened to burst out. “Not quite, but I bet she was very happy.”
“We were all very proud. Did you need anything, miss?”
Victoria shook her head, disappointment sinking her stomach. Of course it wasn’t the same as telling Prudence. It wasn’t even the same as telling Katie, their kitchen maid back home,
who had been her friend and a fellow student at Miss Fister’s Secretarial School for Young Ladies. Because she didn’t really know Susie. Susie had been Prudence’s friend, not hers.
Susie stood to leave. “Wait, Susie.” The girl turned and Victoria saw that her cap, which she was required to wear for her duties upstairs, still rested crookedly on her head. “Have you heard anything from Prudence lately?”
A wide smile lit up Susie’s plain features. “Yes, miss. I got a letter just the other day. Oh, she sounds as if she’s having a wonderful time! She wrote that she and Andrew had the pleasure of staying in a luxurious hotel and dining in fine restaurants while they secured a more permanent place to live. Now they’ve settled into an elegant apartment near the college where Andrew’s studying to be an animal doctor. As soon as he’s done, they’re planning to move to a big country house. She even has her own small staff!”
Victoria smiled sadly, glad that Prudence seemed to be flourishing the more distance she put between herself and Summerset. But her happiness for Pru was still tainted by guilt and sorrow. “Have you written her back yet?”
Susie shook her head. “I was going to tonight.”
“Can I give you a paper to slip into your post? I don’t have enough news for a full letter . . . ” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t want to tell Susie that Prudence hadn’t written to her since she’d left, or that she didn’t even have Prudence’s address.
Susie nodded. “Yes, miss. I will get it tonight on my way to bed.”
Victoria hurried to her desk. She pulled out a piece of paper and dipped her ebony fountain pen into her inkwell.
Dear Prudence
, she wrote, and then stopped as a giant blot stained the paper. What was she supposed to say?
I’m sorry
? But for what? For discovering that her own despicable grandfather—the
Buxton patriarch—was Prudence’s real father? For the insufferable snobbery of her family? For her failure to step in and defend Prudence when she was relegated to the maid’s quarters upon their arrival to Summerset in the first place?
But what about the way Prudence is treating me?
Victoria thought stoutly. Prudence hadn’t been in touch with her since her wedding to that sweet footman. She wrote to Susie, but coldly ignored the girl who had been like her sister.
Victoria slumped in her chair. She felt overwhelmed by the entire affair, crippled by the gravity of it all. Maybe if she pretended hard enough that it hadn’t happened, she could find something to write . . . but no. Rowena had pretended not to see how horrible the situation was until it exploded all around her. Simply
willing
things to change had gotten her nowhere.
Taking a deep breath, she got out a clean piece of paper and started again.
Dearest Prudence,
I hope this letter finds you well and happy. Susie says you are settling into your new home and Andrew is studying for the exams. I wish him the best of luck. I’m sure everything will turn out all right.
Victoria stopped and chewed on her thumb. Did that sound too patronizing? Like she didn’t believe he would do well on the examinations? She shook her head.
“Oh, bother.”
Dipping her pen, she continued.
I have some good news to share. I wrote an article on mallow, you know, the kind of articles Father and I used to
read to each other that bored you and Rowena to tears? Well, I wrote one and sent it to
The Botanist’s Quarterly
and what do you know, but the editor liked it and bought it! He even sent a check for ten pounds and told me he wanted to see more! So you see, all those lectures Father and I used to attend finally came in handy! Perhaps someday I will become a botanist like Father, for I have decided that is what I would truly like to do. I haven’t told anyone else but you, my dear, because no one else could possibly understand . . .
Here, Victoria stopped and took a deep, shuddering breath as grief over her father threatened to overwhelm her. When she had composed herself, she finished.
I miss you more than I can say.
She paused again, wondering whether she should mention Rowena, but then decided against it. Let Rowena and Prudence sort themselves out. All she knew was that, for her, life without Prudence was growing unbearable.
Please write back soon.
Love,
Vic
Victoria chewed on the end of the pen and then added a stanza from “My Heart and I” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
You see we’re tired, my heart and I.
We dealt with books, we trusted men,
And in our own blood drenched the pen,
As if such colours could not fly.
We walked too straight for fortune’s end,
We loved too true to keep a friend;
At last we’re tired, my heart and I.
There. Now it felt complete. Victoria put her pen and ink away and left the letter out to finish drying. She stood and stretched. A part of her longed to rush off to her secret wing of the house and set to work on her next article, but she was too restless for that. Then she remembered that there was someone else who would be delighted over the news. The same person who had given her the idea for her piece in the first place—Nanny Iris!
An hour later, Victoria was sitting at Nanny Iris’s table, enjoying a delicious cream scone that even Cook, with all her expertise, could not rival.
Nanny Iris’s kitchen was warm and inviting, with printed gingham curtains draped on the tiny windows and a rack of pots hanging over the sink. The scrupulously clean stone floor might have been worn and cracked in spots, but the whole cottage was so charming that Victoria never felt anything but peace here.
“That’s wonderful, my dear girl. You know your father would be quite proud,” the old woman said from where she stood, smiling, at the stove. She was stirring up a concoction that smelled terrible, but she assured Victoria it would help when she had a breathing episode.
Victoria nodded, unable to speak. Nanny Iris had been her father’s nanny and taught him everything she had known about plants and herbs, just as she was teaching Victoria now.
Nanny Iris came over to the table and patted Victoria on her head. Even though Nanny Iris always made Victoria feel like a
child rather than the confident young woman she worked so hard to embody, at least the old woman always made her feel warm and genuinely beloved. When Ro and Pru treated her like a child, she always felt patronized, insulted.
The old woman wiped her hands on her starched white apron and picked up the letter again, even though she had read it three times already. Victoria glowed. She’d been right to come here.
But instead of reading it again, Nanny Iris frowned. “Why does it say V. Buxton instead of Victoria?”
Victoria washed her scone down with a sip of tea. “Hmm? Oh, yes. I thought if I used Victoria, someone at the magazine might recognize the name and know me as my father’s daughter. I’m very proud of his work, but I wish to be known for my own merits and make my own opportunities.”
“Very commendable,” Nanny Iris murmured. “Was there any other reason?”
“Well, I thought it sounded more established, more impressive. V. Buxton. Don’t you think?”
Victoria grinned, but when she caught sight of Nanny Iris’s face, her smile faded. “What? What’s wrong?”
“So this editor, Harold L. Herbert, doesn’t realize you’re a woman?”
“Well, no,” Victoria admitted. “But that shouldn’t make any difference, should it?”
“No, it shouldn’t!” Nanny Iris said firmly, and patted her hand.
But doubt began to creep into Victoria’s mind. Just because it
shouldn’t
make a difference doesn’t mean it
didn’t
.
* * *
The leaden winter skies hung over Summerset, as heavy and despondent as Rowena felt. In the weeks since Prudence had left, Rowena had developed a pattern of habits designed to keep her mind as empty as possible. In the last four months, her father had died, she’d let her childhood home slip away, and Prudence had left her. Emptiness of the mind was preferable to endless choruses of
if only
.
She looked up into the sky again. Her fingers fluttered subconsciously over her lips as she remembered the kiss she shared with the pilot on the frozen lake. She hadn’t seen him since, and it had been weeks. Even the sky felt empty—and too quiet—without the roar of Jon’s plane flying over Summerset Abbey, a once weekly ritual that he’d abandoned without explanation. Rowena wondered whether his brother had put a halt to their budding friendship the moment he had found out at the skating party that she was a Buxton.
She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed his name.
Jon.
She tried to remember how incredibly blue his eyes were and the way his thin, well-formed lips would widen in a smile just for her, but the image was already growing blurry. Instead the memory of her flight in his aeroplane came into her mind. She remembered the thrill of leaving the earth far behind and the soaring freedom of floating above the clouds. She’d felt completely untethered, as if she’d left her problems on the ground. The memory was so sharp and clear, she could almost feel the chill of the wind in her face. Restlessly, she snapped the book she held shut.
Rowena’s life had never been as fascinating or exciting as Victoria seemed to find it, but at least it used to be interesting and enjoyable. Now Victoria often buzzed about her like a worried
bee, sometimes coaxing and other times accusatory, but nothing Victoria said seemed to reach Rowena at all. It was rather as though Victoria were speaking to her through a wall of jellied aspic. Everything in her life—changing dresses for every meal, entertaining Lady Charlotte’s guests, even her occasional trips into the small town of Summerset—suddenly seemed so pointless and exhausting.
So Rowena read voraciously from the ornate library that held thousands of volumes of books. She didn’t care what books she read and rarely remembered anything about them when she finished, but while reading them, she had no room in her head to dwell upon anything else. When she wasn’t reading, she rode her horse like a fury, taking long runs up through the hills to see into the valley below. Though she rarely admitted it to herself, she was always holding out hope that she’d see an aeroplane soaring through the skies.
“Yes, I think that’s about enough.”
Rowena jumped upon hearing her aunt’s clear voice. She looked up from the window seat in the sitting room to find Aunt Charlotte bearing down upon her with the determination of an angry goose. Aunt Charlotte had been Lady Summerset for twenty-five years and the title had long settled itself in the regal set of her finely shaped head atop a long, definitive neck. Her blue-eyed, dark-haired beauty, which had once awed even the Prince of Wales Marlborough set, was still very much in evidence, even though the tautness of the skin had softened, blurring the exquisite lines of her heart-shaped face.
If her loveliness had once been appealing, Rowena thought as her aunt loomed over her, now it was simply terrifying. Though Aunt Charlotte rarely raised her voice, her temper was known by the frost of her tone and the unrelenting sting of her words.
In spite of her lethargy, Rowena snapped to attention. “Good morning, Aunt Charlotte. What is about enough?”
Aunt Charlotte snatched the book out of her hands. “Enough reading. Enough sulking.” Her voice softened just a hair. “Enough grieving.”
A lump rose in Rowena’s throat, but she only said, “But I like to read.”
“Nonsense. Or rather, it doesn’t matter if you do like to read, it ruins your eyes and the squinting will give you wrinkles. You’ll also get a stooped posture and rounded back. You’ve met Jane Worth, haven’t you?”
Rowena frowned. “You mean the short, little woman with the—” Rowena made a curved movement with her hand, showing a humped back.
Her aunt nodded solemnly. “She always was a bookworm.”
Rowena tried to shake her head. Surely that couldn’t be true.
Her aunt continued. “And honestly, child, you look a fright. Your forehead is oily, your hair is lank, and I don’t know how long it’s been since you bathed. You’re one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen, and right now, you wouldn’t merit more than even a passing glance.
Enough
.”
Rowena blinked, stunned. Her aunt thought she was beautiful? She’d never told her that before. Had she always thought so?
To Rowena’s surprise, her aunt sat close to her on the silk window seat and clasped one of Rowena’s hands in her own. Rowena tried to remember another moment when Lady Summerset had touched her affectionately but couldn’t recall a single time, even from the many summers that she spent at the abbey during her childhood.
“I understand your loss. I, too, lost my father at a young age.
But you’re a young woman, and your father’s heart would break if he could see you now.”
Something twisted painfully inside Rowena. No matter what her aunt’s motives were, there was no doubt in her mind that she was speaking the truth. Her father would hate her moping, her listlessness. Though she had imagined over and over his disappointment at her treatment of Prudence, she had never thought about how saddened he would be at how she was treating herself.