A Changed Life (39 page)

“You mean sleep? As in, sleep here at the beach house, and with you?” I was stuttering over my words, and it was like my tongue was swelling.

Simon could read me like no one else could. “Yes, we are both sleeping here tonight, and before you ask, your parents know we are here, and are totally fine with it. They trust us both.”

I went upstairs to the master bedroom to find my small bag filled with my pajamas, toiletries, and fresh clothes for tomorrow. Simon had thought of everything, and my heart was just bursting with love for him.

He had run a bath for me with my favorite lavender salts. While I was soaking in the tub, he showered in the other bathroom. I wanted him to join me in the tub, but he laughed, and said he didn’t think that would be a great idea at the moment. I didn’t tease him, and enjoyed my bath. I joined him in the bedroom. The bed had been turned down, and fresh flowers were on the nightstand. Simon was propped up on his elbows inviting me in to lay with him. Simon pulled me into bed with him spooning me from behind.

He wrapped me up in his arms, and legs entwined with mine. I couldn’t have asked for a more intimate moment with the man that I love. My breath began to even out, and my eye lids grew heavy. I was out like a light, and drifted off into the most contented sleep of my life.

I was feeling hot, and my skin felt like it was on fire. Simon must have shifted through the night, because he was sleeping so peacefully on his side. My pajamas were soaked in sweat, and I tried to move without waking Simon. I padded my way to the bathroom, and suddenly felt a burst of liquid run down between my legs. Blood started pouring out of me, and then the pain hit me like a freight truck. I let out a cry for help, and the next thing I saw was Simon bursting through the door, shocked at what he saw. I felt the ground moving, and my head feel dizzy. I was beginning to fall, and felt Simon catch me in his arms as I drifted into unconsciousness. My eyes were rolling to the back of my head, while Simon was on the phone with the 911 operator. He was pleading with me to stay with him.

The paramedics arrived, and I was placed onto a stretcher and lifted into the ambulance. Simon was holding my hand, and crying over me. I was drifting in and out, while the sirens were blaring. I felt a sharp stick to my arm, and my face was being covered with a mask. All I heard were strange voices calling out my vitals over a speaker, and heard someone say eta ten minutes. Simon was shouting at me to stay awake. “Baby, please open your eyes, and stay with me. Don’t you leave me, Nicolette!” I tried to keep my eyes open as I listened to Simon’s painful and panicked sobs.

I felt helpless as I watched Nicolette being taken away from me into an examining room. I had her blood all over me. My heart ached for my girl, and what was happening to her. Thank god it was Dr. Jonas that was on call tonight. She knew me very well, but insisted I stay outside, and wait for her to examine Nicolette. I needed to call Nicolette’s parents, and I took out my cell phone with a trembling hand, and dialed their number. It was around five a.m. When her father answered his cell half asleep, I told him what had happened, and where we were. He said they would get to us as soon as they could. Not even a half hour later, Mason and Christina Vanelle were running through the emergency room doors, and demanding to know where their daughter was. Taking in the sight of me, Mason grabbed hold of me, and asked me what had happened to Nicolette. I broke down in his arms, because I couldn’t hold back my emotions any longer. “Simon, it’s ok son… we’re here now. Please tell us what happened with Nicolette?” Her father was incredibly calm and patient with me.

I told Nicolette’s parents that we were asleep, and the next thing I know, I was hearing her scream from the bathroom. She was standing in a pool of her own blood holding her stomach in pain. Her mother clasped her hands over her mouth and said, “She’s losing the baby.” I didn’t know what to say. I had Nicolette’s blood all over me, and now my girl was going through a miscarriage. I never felt so helpless in my life, and I wasn’t allowed to be with her.

We waited for more than four hours to hear some news on Nicolette. Dr. Jonas finally emerged from the O.R., where Nicolette needed emergency surgery. We were told that Nicolette had suffered a miscarriage along with a uterine tear to her placenta causing the monstrous hemorrhage. We all sat down away from the open waiting room to learn more about Nicolette’s condition.

Dr. Jonas explained that Nicolette was barely healed from the sexual assault she endured, which caused much damage to her uterine wall. It was very rare that she was even able to get pregnant, after experiencing a trauma in the manner she did. Her body most likely rejected the pregnancy resulting in her miscarriage.

With the tear to her placenta, an infection was also evident, and this is why she was running a fever. Dr. Jonas speculated that Nicolette had to have known something was wrong. By the time, Dr. Jonas operated on Nicolette, her infection was quite severe, and hadn’t appeared to look like it just started. I never have felt so sick in my life, and I ran to the nearest garbage can and puked my guts up. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I’m here in this fucking hospital, again, and I can’t do anything for her. I needed to get out of here, but couldn’t bear to leave her. I just cleaned myself up in the bathroom, and told her parents I would be outside until I could visit with her. Dr. Jonas had said that she would be in recovery for an hour or so, I called my parents while I waited.

My dad and brothers took a day trip out to Big Bear. My mom was staying behind. She was actually in the area of the hospital when I called her. My mom joined me fifteen minutes later. I had my head in my hands when my mom found me outside the emergency room entrance. Taking me in her arms, I broke down and cried in defeat. This was rare and very unusual for me. I was always able to control my feelings. Today I couldn’t and truly needed my mom to comfort me. I felt completely broken, and never more so alone than at this very moment.

“Simon, please tell me what happened with Nicolette?” I explained everything to my mom from the time we arrived at the beach house until waking up this morning. She gave me words of encouragement that I needed to be positive and strong for Nicolette, but somehow I was angry all at the same time.

“Mom, Nicolette had to have known something was wrong? I felt a pulsating pain throughout my head. I now put it all together after hearing what Dr. Jonas had said and talking with my mom. Nicolette did know, and never said a fucking word to me! How could she be so reckless with her health, and not tell me? My heart began to beat rapidly. What if I didn’t get Nicolette to the hospital in time? I could have lost her, never knowing why she kept this from me. Why did she do this, mom? I’m so angry, I can’t see straight.” I hit the wall with my clenched fists.

“Simon, stop it right now and sit with me. Punching walls is not going to help, Nicolette.” I slowly calmed down, and sat with my mother. I was in shock that Nicolette put herself at risk, so she wouldn’t upset me or anyone else.

I knew she was in no shape to discuss this with me now, but I had to know what the hell she was thinking by keeping this from me. Why I was so oblivious not to see how sick she really was?

“Simon, you don’t know if Nicolette knew how sick she was. She wasn’t far into her pregnancy at all, and how could she understand all the changes that were happening to her body and all at once?”

“Mom, you don’t know Nicolette like I do. She can be extremely stubborn, and headstrong. She doesn’t trust me, mom. I tell her every day how I feel about her, and I beg her to believe me. Now when she needs me the most, she still can’t be honest and tell me what’s wrong. When I’m around Nicolette, it’s like all logical thinking goes out the window. I am blinded with my love for her. She is all I think about mom, and now here we are again, in this hospital, and she won’t let me help her.”

“Simon, anyone could see how you feel about Nicolette. I know it has taken me some time to accept your relationship with her, and I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. I was worried that you would be hurt again. I now see that you two belong together, and love each other very much. Take some time to calm down, and give Nicolette a chance to explain things to you Simon. She loves you, and she does trust you. You have to be patient with her, and very careful. She is incredibly strong and inspiring. She has gone through so much in the past few months, and she is still standing, Simon. She is with you, doesn’t that tell you something?” I had no words for my mom, but she made total sense. All I could do was hug her, hoping my actions were enough to show her what I couldn’t say.

My cell phone had gone off while talking with my mom. Nicolette was awake, and was asking for me. My mother joined her parents for coffee, while I went in to sit with my girl. I pulled a chair over to the side of the bed that was wire free. Nicolette had an I.V. in her arm with two bags of liquid going through it. She looked so pale with a mist of sweat on her forehead, and I could feel the heat pumping off of her as I kissed her. Nicolette was on a strong dose of antibiotics to fight the infection.

I looked at my beautiful girl in this hospital bed, and all I could do was let out my cries for her. I was done being strong, when the sight of her had just weakened me. Nicolette reached for my hand, and I kissed hers when we locked our fingers together. The first thing she said was,
“I’m sorry”
with more tears following from the both of us.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Nicolette?” I hated to ask her, but I needed to know.

“At first, I thought it was nothing, and told my mom. She explained some things to me, and even gave me the baby book to read. We both agreed that what I was feeling was normal, and not to worry about it. The next couple of days after first feeling sick, I began to experience sharp pains, but they always subsided. I wasn’t bleeding so I wasn’t worried. I read more, and talked with my mom. I believed this was all normal for a beginning pregnancy.”

“I’ll ask you again, Nicolette. Why didn’t you come to me, and tell me right away that you were sick? The night we had dinner at your house, was that the first time you felt the pain?” The way Nicolette was looking at me, I already had my answer. That was days ago, and she has been suffering ever since.

“Simon, I’m sorry for not being honest with you. I should have told you the truth. I just didn’t want to hurt you, and cause you to worry. You had the track meet to get through, and win for the school. If I would have told you than your mind would have been focused on me, and not the team.” Hearing Nicolette explain to me why she didn’t tell me was like sticking a knife through my stomach, and twisting it. She didn’t want to bother me? She kept her pain hidden from me, and it completely shattered me.

“Nicolette, don’t you know by now, how important you are to me? There is nothing more important to me than you. You should have told me, Nicolette. Keeping your sickness from me, it put your health at risk, and I could have lost you. Where would that have left me? You need to talk to me, Nicolette, and always be honest with me.” I cupped her face, and kissed her gently. I didn’t know any other way to get through to her.