A Changed Life (47 page)

“While I was away Simon, I began to incorporate art into my therapy. It helped me a great deal, and when I couldn’t say what I was feeling, I would sketch it out, and it became a daily routine for me. I was so numb when I first arrived at the clinic, and I felt so alone, and isolated from everyone else.”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you.” Simon held my hand.

“It wasn’t your fault, Simon. At the time, I couldn’t let you help me, and I alone chose this. I had no choice but to accept the responsibility of my leaving. As time passed, I began to feel comfortable, and slowly let some of my guard down.”

“My therapist Lana, she was truly a miracle worker. She was tough and didn’t put up with any of my shit. When I wanted to pack my bag and leave, it was Lana who convinced me to stay with the program. I was there to recover first. I took yoga classes, long hikes, anything I could do to heal my spirit, and then onto my heart. I knew the only thing that could do that was you Simon, I just needed to take care of me first.”

“I understand that better than anyone Nicolette. When you left, I shut down, and tuned the world out. I shut my family out, and our friends. I didn’t know how I could go on until one day Sam pulled my ass out of bed, and we went surfing. I felt alive out there on the ocean, and it was thrilling to feel the board under my feet. When I got back to shore, and I had seen I missed your call, my world shattered again. Can I ask you something baby?”

“Of course you can… anything you want.”

“If I had answered your call, would you have talked to me?” I looked deeply into Simon’s eyes, and I honestly didn’t know how to answer him. “I really don’t know. I had just found out from Bailey that you were chosen to be valedictorian. I was so immensely proud of you, and I wanted to just let you know that.”

“You didn’t leave me a message.”

“No, I did not. I chickened out and hung up. My only comfort was listening to your voice on your message. You never changed the greeting on your phone, and it made me smile.”

“Why Nicolette? Why did you call everyone but me?” I could see the hurt in Simon’s eyes as he questioned me. “I wasn’t ready, and certainly not strong enough. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing by you. If it were a clean break, then you could move on with your life, and eventually forget about me. I knew I caused you so much pain, but this would be the last time. As much as it hurt me to let you go, I convinced myself that I was setting you free.”

Simon searched my face, and took hold of my arms. “Nicolette, don’t you know that you are my whole world? Without you, I couldn’t breathe. I barely survived you walking out on me that night. After you left me, I finally realized that you were the only thing in the world that could truly hurt me. It was because I loved you so much, and I willingly gave you my heart. You are the first girl that I have ever loved, and will ever want to love for the rest of my life.”

We held each other, and cried until we were empty. We needed to get this out. Simon had held his feelings in for so long, and after everything we shared today, he still had this weight on his shoulders. Now that we have openly shared our pain, we vowed not to talk about this again, and laid it to rest. We had walked hand in hand back to our bedroom, and held each other through the night, and never breaking our bond with one another.

If I was dreaming, I didn’t want to wake up. I slowly opened my eyes, and my beautiful sleeping angel was in my arms, and sleeping so peacefully. Nicolette was real and here with me in our home. We talked, and shared so much yesterday. Making love to her was beautiful and amazing. I craved more of her, and wanted to feel her naked on top of me. I ran my fingers up her naked back as she stirred a little, until she opened her eyes, and looked at me.

“Good morning baby, how did you sleep?” I asked her.

“Oh honey, I think you know my answer.” My girl was adorable. “I slept wonderful, and so safe in your arms, thank you for holding me.”

“I’ll hold you for the rest of my life, if you let me Nicolette.” I wasn’t going to wait one more second to ask her, so I leaped off the bed, and told her to stay put. Nicolette giggled again, and oh how I can listen to that sound forever. I grabbed the ring box from my coat pocket, and jumped back into bed with Nicolette. I sat up to face her taking her hand in mine.

“Nicolette, you are my whole world. I love you with every fiber in my soul. From the moment I saw you on the beach, I fell in love. There was something about you that I just felt drawn to. You are beautiful inside and out. When you walk into a room, I have to catch my breath, and slow my heart rate down. I dream of you at night, and you are my first thought that comes to my mind the minute I wake up in the morning.

When I accepted this home, I knew I could only live here if you shared it with me. I want to love you, and take care of you for the rest of my life. One day I want children with you, to know our love will create a son, or daughter for us. Dreaming of that moment brings me to my knees. This is what you do to me. My future is with you, and the life we are going to make together. Please say yes to me today. Be my wife…be mine forever?”

I slowly opened the ring box that was sitting in the palm of his hand. He whispered that this ring had belonged to Aunt Grace. She had always loved roses, and she never married, but that didn’t stop her from wearing this beautiful diamond. She had designed a 3 carat diamond placed into a rose shaped setting. The ring looked like a blossoming flower encased in surrounding diamonds. It was the most beautiful and exquisite ring I have ever laid eyes on. Simon held my hand, and placed the ring on my finger. It was a perfect fit.

He kissed the ring, and then asked me again. “Will you marry me Nicolette, and be mine forever?” I couldn’t speak. I just nodded my head, and blinked back tears. Simon held my face in his hands, and said, “Baby, I need to hear the words. I need to hear your beautiful voice say yes.” I let out my breath, and whispered, “Yes” to him.

Simon began kissing me slowly, and removing the sheet away from me. Caressing my naked body, and loving me with his, as we began to make love sealing the commitment we had just promised to each other. “You have made me so happy Nicolette. Always trust that I will love, and protect your heart every day for the rest of my life.”

I always knew this, and I didn’t ever have to question Simon’s love and devotion for me ever again.

Any doubts that I ever had were placed there because of my fear. After what happened to me with Michael, I didn’t want to believe that Simon could love me. I blamed myself, and I hated Michael. I questioned everything in my life, and all I have gone through, until I heard someone’s story being told one day in group. I was listening to Ariel. She had been raped by a family friend over a course of several years, she never told anyone her secret until the night her dad’s friend threatened to have his way with her younger sister.

Ariel snapped, taking her father’s gun, and shot her rapist three times to his chest. He fell to his knees and died right before her. He never got the chance to hurt her sister, but the scars he had left on Ariel were permanent. She was not held responsible for shooting him because it was ruled out as self-defense, and they believed her years of abuse she endured by this man. Six months later, Ariel tried to kill herself. She survived her suicide attempt, and that’s what brought her to the clinic. I sat and listened to this poor girl tell her story. Her parents had just dumped her here, taking her younger sister away, and leaving the professionals to heal her.

Ariel was alone, with no one to love, or care for her. I knew what had happened to me was nothing compared to what happened to her. I had a family waiting for me back home. I was so blessed to have friends, and Simon, who every day proved he loved me, and vowed to always be by my side. The next day I left Switzerland for Chicago, making my way back to Simon, and reclaiming my life back. I had gained new perspective and had the newfound confidence to handle anything I would have to face. I was stronger and I was ready to fight. I held Simon in my arms, and I told him over and over, how much I loved him. Simon, loved me back with his body, and asked me, “Can we get married tomorrow?” All I could do was smile.

I awakened before Nicolette, watching my beautiful fiancé sleep. Nicolette’s chestnut brown hair cascaded over her pillow, and her long eye lashes looked like swaying feathers on her big brown eyes. By accepting my marriage proposal, Nicolette has made me so happy. I know we are young, and most people will think we are crazy to get married at our age. The truth is most people haven’t gone through what we have, and that alone has aged us way beyond our years.

I left Nicolette sleeping in our bed, because she looked so peaceful, and I didn’t want to disturb her. We spent half the night with our bodies entwined with each other, making passionate love until we were sated. I walked out onto the deck. The sun had risen a short time ago leaving a bright glow over the ocean. The waves looked good today and maybe I would even do some surfing. I wanted to call my parents and tell them our good news. My brothers were leaving tomorrow for Illinois. They had stayed in California long enough and they needed to return to their lives. It would have been great if they stayed for the summer, but all three have summer internships lined up.

I could arrange to have a brunch catered here at the house. I would call and invite our families over to share our news with them. I wanted to get moving on this. My parents were early risers, and probably would be planning their day by now. I had phoned my house, and Jacob answered. “Hey little brother, are we seeing you today?” He asked. “Yes you are and that’s why I’m calling. How about coming out to the beach house today for brunch?” Jacob sighed on the line. I think he was hoping we could do some guy stuff today. “Come on Jake, be a team player, and gather the troops. Have everyone here and yourself by noon.”

Not happy about it, Jacob agreed. Can’t say I blame his moodiness. We haven’t had a lot of male bonding time, but now everything has changed, and I can breathe again. I had to call Nicolette’s parents, and invite them as well.

Uncle Jack picked up on the second ring. Nicolette loved him very much, and I just hope he would give us his blessing on our upcoming nuptials. I had called the catering company to arrange for our last minute brunch, and they were amazing. I have programmed their number to my phone on speed dial. They have catered many parties for my parents, and now I will be using their services as well, maybe even for our wedding reception.

I quietly entered our bedroom to find our bed empty, and my sleeping Nicolette missing from it. I looked in the bathroom, and she wasn’t in there. My heart began to beat a little faster when I couldn’t find her, and then I saw her through the French doors that led to another deck we have off our bedroom. Nicolette was sitting on the lounger with her knees pulled up to her chest, she looked deep in thought. I was feeling nervous, and wondering why she didn’t come find me when she had awakened.

The ocean breeze felt so refreshing on my face. This whole time living out in California, and I’m still not tan. My porcelain skin refuses to darken, and I look ivory standing next to Simon. Simon and I are engaged. How did I get here? I’m going to be, Mrs. Simon Paulson.