A Cowboy For Christmas (16 page)

* * * *

Brent woke up early and
smelled lavender. He’d lost it if he smelled her when she wasn’t
there. And felt the warmth of her bare back pressed against his
front.

He wasn’t remembering her
scent, he smelled her. There, with him, asleep. Hugging her closer,
he breathed in her scent and kissed her cheek, her neck, that
little spot where her neck met her shoulder. His face fit
perfectly. Their bodies fit just right as they lay there
together.

The night before crashed
back into his thoughts, like the waves beating the beach. A throb
started in his temples. Had he asked too much?

He’d opened his heart,
expecting her to do the same. What could be so big and dark that
she couldn’t tell him? After all they’d shared, she couldn’t trust
him the way he trusted her.

Maybe she didn’t plan to
stick around.

As she made a little noise,
she turned to him. When her eyes opened and he saw uncertainty
there, his stomach knotted up. “Missy . . . will you be all right
today?”

She nodded, flattening her
hand on his chest.

“
Will you come to me if you
need to talk?” he asked, and she nodded again. That nod didn’t
necessarily mean she’d talk to him about whatever hurt her
before.

Holding her, he kissed her
face and reassured her before getting up. Seeing her in his bed
made him feel torn between his responsibility for his horse . . .
And the woman he loved.

She wanted space. He could
see it in her desperate look. “I need to go down to the stables.
But you can stay there as long as you like.”

Nestled down into the
covers like that, she had her face half hidden and didn’t give away
anything in her expression.

“
Thanks,” she said when the
moment drug out. He took her hand and reluctantly let go to leave.
What could he do with a woman like that? He loved her enough to let
her get away with it. But he knew she'd eventually need to talk
about it.

He could tell that Ivan was
expecting to get it for the incident. The young man readily agreed
to check on the horse during the night and the morning before Brent
could make it over. He didn’t bother saying anything to Ivan,
knowing it wasn’t needed. Some things in life weren’t learned
through words.

He went to the stables and
to his horse. “Hey, old friend. Just couldn’t let that other horse
show you up, could you?”

The soft footsteps
surprised him. He’d expected Missy to stay in bed a while or find
something to keep her busy. So far, she hadn’t felt the need to
spend all her time with him.

Maybe she was here to talk
to him. It could happen, just like he could win the lottery or find
gold on his property. He turned to look at her while still running
his gloved hand over Jeffery’s nose. She wore a sheepskin coat, her
hands tucked into her pockets. With her long hair pulled back into
a ponytail, she had a strange aloof look that didn’t go with her
personality.

Something was stirring in
the air, and he got a bad feeling about it.

In the minutes while he
waited, he caught her quick glances.

“
I have to ask you
something.” She’d kept the distance between them, and he could tell
this was hard for her to do.

“
Shoot,” he said. Guilt
flashed through her eyes, filling him with dread.

She pulled in a breath,
taking forever. “We have to cool things between us.”

Out of all the possible
requests, he hadn’t seen that coming. Though the air hung misty and
silent around them, her words seemed to echo in the
cold.

“
Brent?”

“
Why?”
Why do you want to gut me and leave me to die?

“
The ranch.” She tried to
shrug. “My sanity.”

He stepped closer, wanting
to take hold of her arms, but she backed up. “I can tell you’re
lying.”

“
What do you know?” That
city girl cover was back, the one she’d worn the day she came to
his porch.

“
Is this about what I told
you last night?” he asked, confused and hurt that his confession
would drive her away.

With a shake of the head,
she said, “Of course not. Don’t ever think that.”

“
Then what? Don’t you see I
need you? I think you need me.” Brent stepped so quickly, she
couldn’t back away from him. She couldn’t run with his hand
gripping her arm, but she didn’t look like she planned to answer
him, either.

Eyes big, she bunched her
mouth up at him. “I don’t
want
to need you.” Her enraged voice told him she was
telling the truth for once.

“
I don’t understand. I know
you didn’t plan on this, but neither did I. Fate brought us
together.”

At the fiery flashes in her
eyes, he knew he’d picked the wrong words.

“
Are you saying I don’t
have a choice?”

“
Of course you do,” he
said, wishing to hell he could understand her. “I just need to know
why you won’t take it.” Why couldn’t he break through?

She shook her arm free. “I
can’t walk into this lightly. I need to think about it.”

In his opinion, she did too
much thinking, but he let her leave.

Chapter Ten

The radio on her kitchen
counter played Christmas music, but to Missy, it didn’t feel like
Christmas would be coming to Ocean View Stables.

Telling Brent the truth had
seemed like the worst thing that could happen. Maybe she couldn’t
handle this.

“
Time to make peace.” She
stood in her kitchen, watching out her window as Brent walked with
Jeffery in the pasture. After two weeks of not talking with him,
not working beside him, or making love to him, she felt like a
stranger to herself.

She wrapped up in a coat
and scarf and walked down to see him, knowing he might send her
packing. He saw her coming, but didn’t give her a warm
greeting.

“
How is he?” she asked, not
stepping close enough to pet Jeffery.

“
Much better, thanks.” He
only gave her a glance. Boy, he wasn’t going easy on her, was
he?

“
I missed you,” she tried.
He whipped around, sending her a step back.

“
I didn’t send you away,
remember?” She’d never heard his soft voice sound as bitter as it
did now. Had she hurt him that badly? “You wanted to cool things
down, they’re cooled.”

She pushed her hands deep
into her coat pockets to keep them warm. “I got scared.”

“
And I offered to help.” He
kept his attention on the horse and she stood for several minutes,
thinking about leaving. But she couldn’t. He sighed and turned to
her. “You want me, then you don’t. My horse is more dependable than
you are.”

“
Okay, fine,” she mumbled
to herself on her way into the stables. She decided Dancer needed
some one on one time with her. It’d be good for both of
them.

Maybe a horse
was
more dependable. So
what? Why did she have to be dependable? She saddled Dancer and
took off on the path to the top of the hill. They set a good pace,
stopping when they arrived at the spectacular view of the Pacific
Ocean.

Waves rose and fell in a
natural rhythm and pace. The cold wind stung her cheeks, but she
welcomed it.

Such a beautiful view . . .
she loved this place. She wasn’t sure when it had happened, but she
felt like she was home – like she'd found whatever it was she'd
been looking for.

She nudged the horse and
headed back as the sun slipped down into the clouds over the
water.

* * * *

After she’d put Dancer up,
she trudged back to her little house in the fading light. Inside
she flipped on the lights and dropped onto her couch. Was there
enough wine left in her fridge to get her drunk? She was almost in
tears, about to get the wine, when someone knocked.

Knowing it’d be him, she
opened her door to a tall cowboy, his hat in hand, and hurt in his
blue eyes. She had put that hurt there, and that made her stomach
go sour. She let him in and went back to her couch.

“
What’s going on,
Missy?”

“
I was wrong.” She could
say it only so many ways. He looked so handsome. And so
frustrated.

“
Is this about
Ben?”

She stared at him,
dumbstruck. “Oh, you’re mad at me. I replaced him. And you’re mad
at me.”

His eyes went wide.
“No!”

Then what did he mean? She
waited for an answer. He turned his hat in his hands. After a sigh,
he said, “I don’t know what else to think. You won’t give me
anything.”

Actually, she’d given him
everything but the truth. “Sit down with me, Brent.”

He sat and immediately
demanded, “If that’s not it, what’s holding you back?”

She couldn’t break eye
contact. His blue eyes held hope and questions. He’d shared his
guilt with her, why couldn’t she tell him?

She hadn’t said the words
out loud to anyone. And she stared at him now in silence, her heart
pumping erratically in her chest. Each beat sounded loud inside
her, hurting. Each breath took effort.

She’d give anything for him
to know, to somehow read her mind, and save her from saying the
words. She couldn’t do it.

“
I can’t do this, Missy.”
He stood and her heart shattered. “If you want me, you want me. And
if not, we’ll see what happens here at the ranch. But you can’t go
one way and then the other.”

His eyes blazed at her as
he set his hat back on his head. He stormed out, maybe for the last
time.

* * * *

That couldn’t have gone
worse. After stalking out into the darkness, he stopped and stood
with both hands on his hips. He’d do anything to get Missy to love
him, truly love him and share her life and secrets with
him.

What could it be? What
haunted her and kept her so guarded?

A light rain began to fall
as he stood in the middle of the road. Rain didn’t bother him. The
expression he’d seen on her face when he left did.

Now walking just to move,
he took one step after another, though he didn’t want to leave. Was
fair the most important thing? No matter what else happened, he
couldn’t leave things be the way they were. He loved her, even if
they didn’t have a future together, so he couldn’t leave her with
those angry words.

Halfway back to his house,
he couldn’t go on. He turned and started for her house again, but
right then he heard someone take off from the stables on horseback.
How’d she get past him?

Did that woman take to a
horse every time she got mad?

He ran to the stables,
threw a saddle on Jeffery and took off after her. The rain
continued to drizzle, coating him with tiny water droplets that
started soaking through his clothes. At least she’d stuck to a
path, so he saw her up ahead.

“
Missy!”

She turned Dancer to run
off, but he galloped up to her. She really meant it when she said
her and Dancer were friends. At least someone was riding him
again.

“
Wait, Missy, can I tell
you something?” He could barely see her.

“
I deserve it, so go
ahead.” Her rough, shaking voice told him what his eyes
couldn’t.

“
I didn’t mean to tear into
you that way. I said what I did because I care about you.” He
paused, wanting to stop, but he couldn’t hold back his feelings for
her. “I love being around you, but I can’t do it, not if you’re
this way.”

“
What way?” The rain had
flattened her hair to her face and down her shoulders, but she
didn’t seem to notice.

“
I’ll put aside the fact
that you’re out here alone on a black night.” He wanted to tell her
to get inside, but they had more important things to discuss. “You
were into me, now you’re running. You’re breaking my
heart.”

Her horse became still.
Missy, too, remained quiet, and he had to take that as her signal
for him to leave. Fine, he’d had his say and she wasn’t stopping
him. “All right, Missy. But please get inside. You’ll get hurt out
here.”

He retreated a ways down
the path and made sure she got back to the stables, figuring she
knew he was keeping an eye on her. How could he not? She could tear
his heart in two, but he couldn’t control how much he wanted to
protect her. He waited outside while she took care of Dancer before
he took Jeffery in and brushed him.

* * * *

For two full minutes, Missy
stood outside Brent’s cabin door with her fist raised to
knock.
You’re breaking my heart.
She’d never broken anyone’s heart before. She’d
never had anyone who cared so much about her. After he said that,
she couldn’t stay away.

The door swung open before
she knocked.

“
I’m sorry.” She wrapped
her arms around herself. “For the way I’ve treated you. I’ve been
immature and selfish. And confused.” His face was set and hard, his
brows creased as she stared at him. She pulled in a breath, but it
sounded like a sob before she finished.