A Cowboy For Christmas (A Copper Mountain Christmas) (6 page)

“
Good plan. Pop raised us like that as well. He saw too many friends lose everything when they didn’t. I’ll let the guys know I’m taking you to your tree.”

He found Duke, his ranch foreman, and told him he
’d be in the back of the tree lot. They had loud speakers booming out the soundtrack from A Charlie Brown Christmas.

When he walked back over to Annie he found Evan standing
there telling her some story. He stopped in his tracks as Annie bent down so she was on eye level with his son, leaning in and listening intently. His heart clenched and he saw another way that she’d changed. It wasn’t that she’d been uncaring when she’d lived in Marietta... it was just that she’d always been thinking about herself. He was starting to see signs that she had changed.

“
He’s a silly dog who just eats ice cubes and drools all day,” she said to Evan.

“
Puddles is silly too. Daddy made me leave him in the house since there would be too many people here today and he might get scared or run off,” Evan said to Annie.

“
There are a lot of people. It’s just Rumple and me and I needed some company today.”

“
Why’d you need company?” Evan asked.

“
Promise not to tell?” she asked.

“
I promise,” Evan said looking very solemn.

“
I get a little scared when I’m meeting people so I like having a friend with me.”

Evan smiled and nodded.
“Me too. I wish I could take Puddles to school with me.”

“
I think Miss Abrahams wouldn’t like that,” Carson said joining them. “Puddles would definitely disrupt the lesson.”

“
Yes, he would,” Evan said

“
Everything set?” Annie asked as she straightened up.

“
Yes, I’m going to use the Mule to take her out to the trees, you stay with Duke,” Carson said to Evan.

“
I should keep Rumple too,” Evan said.

“
Great idea,” Annie said, handing the leash over to Evan who tugged the dog to his feet.

The Kawasaki Mule was an ATV that was great for traveling all over the ranch, since there weren
’t many places it couldn’t go. Carson didn’t like the thought of Evan wondering around by himself. He ruffled his son’s hair and Evan smiled up at him. He was reminded of how much he loved his son.

“
I will. I hope you like your tree, Miss Annie.”

“
I’m sure I will, Evan. Did you take care of it for me?”

“
I helped. Daddy did most of the work,” Evan said. Then he turned to run over toward Duke.

Carson heard Annie sigh and he looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

“I just never knew kids could be like that.”

“
Like what?”

“
Never mind… I’ll sound like a moron if I say it out loud. Where’s this mule? Please tell me it’s some kind of vehicle and not an actual mule.”

“
Woman, I’m a cowboy. We only ride horses and ATVs.”

CHAPTER FIVE

“
This has always been one of my favorite parts of the holiday,” she said as they zipped through the trees on the ATV. Snow fell all around them and she was tucked next to Carson. The wind was cold as it rushed around her but she didn’t mind. It was impossible to dwell on her uncertain future while they raced along. She felt so
in the moment
. There was no time to dwell on the mistakes of the past or worry about her uncertain future as the vehicle bounced along the ground. She just held on and let herself breathe. Something she realized she hadn’t experienced in a long time. It had been too easy to just exist.

“
Yeah, the first year after Rainey died I think it saved me. I just wanted to hibernate until the season passed, but I couldn’t. I got out here and saw the joy everyone has when they are picking out their trees. They all have the sparkle in their eyes as they picture the tree in their own homes. It didn’t make the first Christmas without her better, but it did make it easier to cope with.”

She wanted to reach over and squeeze his hand but didn
’t want to distract him. “I don’t know how you did it. I can’t imagine losing someone I loved like that.”

“
Well losing your husband must have had an impact on you. Separating is always hard,” he said.

“
Davis and I weren’t exactly a love match. We just liked doing the same things and our lives fit, you know?” she asked.

He stopped the Mule.
“We have to walk from here. I don’t really know what you mean... why marry someone if you don’t love them?”

He started walking toward a copse of trees in the distance and she fell into an easy pace with him.
The snow was higher here than it had been in the tree lot, but not impossible to walk on. “I chose a different path than love.”

“
I guess you did. I’m not judging – just asking, you know,” he said.

“
I didn’t think you were,” she said. It was just that she hadn’t put too much stock in love. She’d seen it tear her father apart when her mom and sister Gilly had left and she knew she’d never wanted to let an emotion do that to her.

Her family had been taken from her and she
’d decided at an early age to never risk losing anyone like that again. And she’d thought she’d done a good job of it until she found herself back in Marietta at Christmas time.

“
You seem different now from when you were younger,” he said. “I know – what a dumb thing to say, cowboy. Right?”

“
I am different, just not the way I thought it would be,” she said, stopping and turning toward him. “You never were a dumb cowboy.”

“
You’re just saying that because I used to let you cheat off me in Algebra.”

“
I let you think that. Oooh! Math is so hard,” she said with a laugh. Realizing how free she felt, for the first time losing everything seemed it might have been a blessing.

“
Why’d I leave you behind?” she asked wistfully.

“
I wouldn’t come with you,” he said. “I knew that my life was in Marietta.”

“
I wonder if mine was too,” she said under her breath.

“
Nah, you were too big for us even back then. I wanted to live out here, you needed a city.”

“
I did,” she said. “And I wanted to design big pretty interiors. Something that there wasn’t much of a market for around here.”

“
How’d that work out for you?” he asked.

“
Good. Made me a rich woman,” she said. She left it at that.

He led them down a path between two rows of huge fir trees in massive pots.
She walked slowly behind him, closing her eyes to breathe in the scent of pine. She let it wrap around her senses and fill her with that joy of the holiday season. “I don’t think this is going to fit in my house,” she said.

“
Yours isn’t this big. Those trees are for the mansions on Bramble Lane.”

“
I can believe it,” she said. “They must look so pretty in the window of those old Victorians.”

“
They do. They’ll all be installed and decorated in time for the Christmas Stroll next week. Evan loves the houses all decorated with lights.”

“
I do too,” she said.

He stopped in front of a seven-foot tree and tipped his head toward it.
“This one is yours.”

“
Mine,” she said. It was odd, the things she owned post-Davis. A rundown house, a drooling dog, a beat-up Mustang and a seven-foot Douglas fir. She started laughing at how ridiculous that was, compared to what she used to own. Suddenly her laughter turned to tears. She didn’t know why she was crying or how to stop it now that it had started.

Carson started to ask her something but she shook her head and turned and ran away.
Just had to get away from everything. Her breath sawed in and out and the cold air burned as she inhaled but she didn’t stop... just kept running as fast as she could.

Life was too much.
Being with this sweet cowboy who could have been hers if she’d chosen a different path. Being alone in the midst of this fragrant Christmas forest and knowing that she’d continue being lonely. And it was no one’s fault but her own that she’d wanted to get away.

She ran into a tree, a spray of snow rained down on her, and the snow stopped her tears.
Surrounded by the beauty of this moment and the cold of the snow, she couldn’t help being forced into this moment. She reached a fence and stood there staring out at the Copper Mountain, wishing… just wishing life had been different. Her breath huffed out of her in visible puffs, the tears dried on her cheeks making them cold, and she brought her gloves up to wipe them away.

Carson walked up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder.
When she didn’t run, he drew her back against him and then turned her in his arms. He didn’t say anything – just took her face in his hands. They were warm and big as he held her.

He brought his mouth down on hers and rubbed his lips back and forth slowly and gently.
She opened her lips under his and his kiss pushed away the sadness that she’d been carrying for too long.

That melancholy that had been her blanket far too long was disappearing under his kiss.
It was a kiss she hadn’t realized she’d missed until this moment. She stopped dissecting it and just let herself enjoy the minty taste of his breath, the smooth feel of his tongue against hers.

And the way he held her was as if he never intended to let her go. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back with all the pent-up desire she hadn
’t realized she’d bottled up until now. Until Carson. Carson Scott had always been something different to her.

He tunneled his fingers through her hair, rubbing the back of her neck.
She tipped her head to the side to deepen the kiss and stretched up on her toes so she could taste more of him. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed physical closeness. She thought she was sort of sexless or one those women with a low sex drive... but Carson sparked something inside of her.

And now she realized that he was exactly what she wanted.
What she’d always wanted, but she’d been afraid to give up on her dreams of something bigger – something more. It wasn’t his fault that she’d gone searching some ephemeral thing, only to find it wasn’t there.

She hoped that what she really wanted was right here in Montana, but this kiss made her anxious inside, a bit on edge.

She tasted like hot chocolate and peppermint. He held her face in his bare hands, her skin was soft and the trail of her tears damp but he didn’t think about anything other than her mouth. It was full and luscious and as his moved hers, he wondered why he’d waited so long to kiss her. She tasted of memories and yet at the same time this was a totally new experience.

The last time he
’d kissed her he’d been a boy... eager to cop a feel of her breasts or coax her into the back of his beat-up pickup truck. Now he was a man. While he was still eager, he knew how to savor things, especially – Annie.

He slid his fingers into her hair, beneath the knitted cap she wore.
Her hair was silky and smooth. He deepened their kiss, hungry for so much more of her. Her taste was addicting and he knew he’d never get enough of it.

Her hands slid along his sides to his waist and she tugged him closer to her.
He canted his hips forward and she rocked hers against him. Damn, she felt good. The bulge in his pants was hard and all he could think of was how to get them both naked.

But a chill breeze blew through the thick fir trees, stirring the scent of the evergreens and bringing a light dusting of snow down on them.
He pulled back, but her eyes were closed and her lips full, swollen from his kisses. So he couldn’t resist bending down and taking one last taste of her.

He lifted his head the second time, every instinct urging him to scoop her into his arms and find someplace sheltered so he could make love to her.
But he knew that now wasn’t the time.

She
’d been crying. He didn’t like seeing her sad. It was one of the reasons he’d contemplated leaving Marietta with her all those years ago, but in the end he knew he couldn’t make her happy.

He hoped to God that was not still the truth.

She stood so still and quiet next to him that he took a step away and looked out to the distance where Copper Mountain rose up to meet the sky. He saw the thick clouds that meant another snowstorm was headed their way. He had work to do, needed to get back to the ranch, and make sure his hands had gotten enough hay distributed to the cattle before it snowed.

But he didn
’t want to leave this quiet area or this woman. He wanted Annie to be back for good, partly for her but mainly for himself. He was tired of sleeping alone in a cold bed and he wanted something he couldn’t really identify. Something hard to define, but that seemed to be centered on Annie. He didn’t know that Annie was the right woman, but he wasn’t talking about forever. He just wanted…

“
Sorry about that,” she said at last. Her voice was low-pitched and a little raw.

“
About what?” he asked, feeling a bit raw himself. “That kiss might have been the highlight of my day.”

“
Really?” she asked.

“
Yes. It’s been a while since I’ve kissed anyone.”

“
Me too,” she admitted. “I guess we both needed to let off a little steam.”

“
Don’t make this into something physical. I wasn’t just kissing a woman, I was kissing you, Annie.”

She looked down and away from him, and he wondered if he
’d read her wrong.

“
Me too. I wanted to kiss you, Carson. You kiss like a man now,” she said.

“
I should hope so,” he said.

“
I didn’t mean to freak out like that. I don’t know why I was crying,” she said at last and he stepped back and let frigid air and the distance cool his body. Of course she knew why she was crying but she didn’t want to admit it and not to him.

“
Probably being back home and not having any of your friends and family around you,” he said.

“
Thanks Dr. Phil.”

“
Just calling it like I see it. You’ve always been a bit of a rebel and I think being back here has reminded you of all that. Was it talking to your sister?”

“
Probably. I hate how, even though I’m thirty-three and an adult, I still feel like I’m six around her. Why is it I’m still Marilyn’s little sister?” she asked. And now it was just the two of them. They were the only ones alive who remembered the joy of their little family and the sadness when it ended. This Christmas she wanted to make some new memories with her sister and her sister’s family. There was no reason why she had to be alone.

“
It’s the same with me and Alec. He’s always bossing me around and sometimes I just do what he says before I remember that I don’t have to. It’s habit for him and for me.”