A Cowboy For Christmas (A Copper Mountain Christmas) (7 page)

“
Yes, I guess so.”

“
I’ll tell you one thing,” he said. “When Rainey died, having Alec there made a huge difference to me. He just stepped in and refused to let me retreat the way I wanted to.”

“
I really am sorry you lost your wife.”

“
I know,” he said, glancing out toward the mountains again. He missed Rainey always would, but he wasn’t pining for her. “She would have liked you.”

“
You think so?”

“
Yes, she didn’t take any sass off me either,” he said.

She laughed like he hoped she would, but the sound was forced and he realized she was still fragile inside.
In fact... kissing her might have been a mistake. Maybe he’d just made her feel even more vulnerable.

But now that her guard was down, maybe he could get a few answers from her.
“What are you running from? And don’t say you aren’t running. You have that look in your eyes.”

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her waist, looking over at him as if to gauge whether she could trust him or not.

“I thought if nothing else we’d once been friends,” he said at last.

“
We were,” she admitted. “But you asked me to dinner to tell you that story and I can’t do it right now without crying again. “

“
Fair enough,” he said. “We should be getting back anyway. I’m not sure how long Evan will be good with Rumple before he tries to ride him or put a pair of Rudolph antlers on him.”

“
Truly?”

“
He did it to Puddles last year. The poor dog looked miserable but he tolerated it. He just loves Evan,” Carson said, leading the way back to her tree. “I’ll get the tree trimmed up and delivered to your place this afternoon.”

“
Why don’t you bring it by tonight and I’ll fix you dinner,” she said. “Seems the least I can do since you’re delivering my tree.”

He
’d have to find a sitter for Evan but he suspected his dad might want to have his grandson sleep over. “Sounds good to me.”

Annie had gone carefully over her budget and then decided she could just splurge on the fixings of a nice Italian dinner.
It was the one meal she was really good at cooking and she admitted to herself she wanted to impress Carson.

An open bottle of Chianti sat on the counter and
a hearty lasagna in the oven as she waited for Carson to arrive. She’d put on her favorite Christmas CD by Diana Krall. She had purchased some cookies from Rachel at the Christmas tree lot and looked forward to eating them. But for right now, she was sitting in her living room looking out the big bay window for him.

Rumple sat at her feet, every once in a while looking up at her as if to ask where he was.
She knew she was being stupid. This wasn’t the way she normally acted. But to be fair, she hadn’t had a first date with anyone in over ten years and she was a little out of practice.

One thing a settled relationship did was
take the nerves out of things like dinner. Her house smelled of garlic and tomatoes, she’d made her own sauce from her mother’s recipe which had been her grandmother’s, and there had been something soothing about making it.

She
’d felt the same way when she’d been in New York and made it. The food and the recipes of the women in her family linked her to them. It was the closest thing she had to home until now.

She looked at the boxes of Christmas decorations she
’d found in the attic, but had been afraid to open. She had no idea what memories lurked in the boxes and she wasn’t sure she was ready to face them. But she knew once she had a tree she was going to want to decorate it.

She
’d found the box labeled Lights. She should go through them instead of standing at the window like… like a woman who couldn’t wait for her man, she scolded herself, and forced herself to turn away. Carson wasn’t her man. He couldn’t be unless she let herself be honest with him about her emotions. And she’d have to start thinking about staying here. Something she didn’t want to do tonight.

She opened the box with the string lights in it and groaned.
Last year she’d hired a service to do this. Really, it had been so much easier but then again she’d had the entire interior of her apartment decorated by the service. The doorbell rang and she started at the sound.

“
Stop being silly,” she warned herself. But she couldn’t help the jolt of excitement that went through her. He was here.

She took her time walking to the front door and unlocked the deadbolt before opening the door.
Diana Krall had started singing Sleigh Ride and it felt like a sign to her. Carson stood there with his Stetson in one hand and his leather jacket open.

“
You look pretty,” he said.

“
Thanks. You look good too.”

“
I’ve got your tree but seeing this door, it’s going to be hard to get it in.”

Rumple ambled forward and nudged Carson
’s legs with his nose and he bent down to scratch her dog behind his ears. And she just noticed how well the jeans fit him and when he straightened and looked over at her, one eyebrow lifted in question she sort of blushed and wanted to kick herself for that.

“
How’d you do it the last time you delivered it for dad?” she asked as Rumple ambled back to his large doggie bed in the kitchen.

“
He never had the tree delivered. Just left it there on the lot said maybe someday he would if his girls came home,” Carson said.

Those words made her heart ache. She hadn
’t been close to her dad. They hadn’t gotten along, but if he’d asked her one time to come home she would have. She’d just always felt so unwanted, so in the way. And now she heard from someone else that maybe she had been needed here.

“
Oh. I never knew that,” she said, feeling it was one more way she and her father had never understood each other. Would it have killed him to call her and ask her to come back?

“
That was thoughtless,” he said, he ran his hand over his thick hair. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

“
It’s fine. I never wanted to come home. I never knew he wanted me to,” she said. “Want to come in and see if there is a better way to get the tree in?”

“
I think I’d better. I have it on a hand truck, so… don’t you have double-sided French doors on the back?” he asked.

“
Yes. You want to come in there?”

“
I think it’ll work. I brought a couple of guys with me. Where do you want it set up?” Carson asked.

“
I’m debating. Either next to the fireplace...” she said, leading him into the living room and pointing to the left side of the hearth. She’d already started decorating with a few boughs she’d picked up at the Christmas tree lot earlier. She’d placed them on the mantel with a string of twinkle lights that she’d found in her old bedroom. “... or over there in the middle of the bay window.”

Carson looked at both areas then back at her.
“It’s up to you, I think I’d put it in the window if you want my opinion.”

“
Why?”

“
It’s dark in that corner– plus the tree will spill over in front of the fireplace and if you put a blanket on the floor and sit there it’ll be crowded.”

“
I think it might be cozy with a fire on one side, the tree in the front and you on the other,” she said. Giving voice to what she wanted. She hadn’t been shy before her downfall and she hated that she’d lost that part of herself.

But today out the in the snow, kissing Carson had reminded her of herself.
The woman she was searching for. She still didn’t really know who she was, but she was remembering a few things about herself that she’d forgotten. And one of them was if she was home for Christmas she was wanted to spend it with this cowboy.

“
You sure about that?” he asked.

She pulled him close and kissed him long and hard and deep – and when she took a step back she noticed his cheeks were flushed and his lips swollen and wet.

“What do you think?

CHAPTER SIX

“
I think I better get that tree inside and send my boys home so we can be alone,” he said, turning toward her front door. He wasn’t ready to play games with her and this had the feeling of a game. She’d kissed him and then thrown down a dare.

“
Now who’s running?” she taunted.

He didn
’t like being called a coward and in essence that was what she was doing. “I’m not the one who ran away fifteen years ago or even this afternoon. Make sure those doors are unlocked – and you might want to keep your dog out of the way. The guys won’t be able to watch the tree and your pet.”

“
I guess I need to apologize for that,” she said.

“
Only if you mean it,” he said, unable to stem the anger he felt as he watched her and wanted her. It was one thing to let her leave him when they’d been eighteen but to open his heart up to her again... ? And there was no denying that’s what he wanted.

“
I do. I’m sorry for running away.”

“
Are you done running?”

She just stood there with the light from the house surrounding her and the pretty Christmas garland all around her.
She looked like an angel and he wanted to believe she could be his miracle, but she wasn’t.

He turned on his heel and walked at a fast clip to the door.
He was debating skipping dinner with her and just going home. He’d forgotten how easily his heart could be bruised but leave it to Annie to show him how simple it was.

“
Car?” she called.

He hated that he liked the sound of his nickname on her lips.
He wished he could think of her the way he viewed all the other women in town. Paige and Flo and Sage—though Sage was engaged to be married now – but he had never lusted after any of them. And he didn’t want to lust after Annie either. But dammit, she’d always been different.

“
Yeah?” He glanced over his shoulder and she stood there in the middle of her living room with the logs burning in the fireplace behind her. She wore a pair of slim-fitting jeans and a long-sleeved red thermal top with the top buttons left open. She looked too damned tempting. He knew he wasn’t leaving because this was the one place he truly wanted to be.

“
I’m sorry. I was trying to prove something to myself, not hurt you.”

He wanted her to be strong and sassy the way she
’d always been and there was no way that could happen as long as she was still running. And even if a person stayed in one spot, she could still be hiding out. Like his brother Lane who was back home because as he’d so eloquently put it, he needed to learn how to walk again.

“
We can talk after I get your tree sorted,” he said. “Dinner smells good.”

“
Thanks. I made lasagna. Everyone likes it,” she said.

“
I don’t know about everyone,” he said as he walked to the door stopping to look back at her as he donned his cowboy hat. “But I certainly do.”

“
I’m glad,” she said.

He stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him.
The old house looked worn down, not at all like it had the last time he’d been inside it more than fifteen years ago. Could she stay in a place like that? It was nothing like he remembered her wanting for her life.

But then she
’d admitted that she wasn’t the same woman she used to be.

“
We’ve got to take the tree around the back through a couple of French doors,” he said as he approached his ranch hands. Carl and Jimmy had been working for him for the last five years and were solid guys.

“
When don’t we have to do some sort of odd wriggling to get a tree in the house? At least this place isn’t built like those Victorian mansions in town,” Carl said.

“
Stop bitching,” Jimmy said. “Let’s get it done. I’ve got a date tonight.”

“
You do? I didn’t realize there were any blind women in town,” Carl said.

“
Maybe it’s the charity of the Christmas season motivating her,” Carson added.

“
She likes me,” Jimmy said. “Said so herself.”

They worked quickly to get the tree down from the flat bed and soon had it set up in her living room next to the fireplace where she
’d said she wanted it. She had mugs of hot cocoa and cookies waiting when they were done. Jimmy looked like he wanted to decline but Carl was having none of it. They all sat at her kitchen table and talked about the weather. Soon the boys were on their way and he was alone with her.

“
Those two are funny,” she said. “I don’t remember them.”

“
They’re from Colorado. Cousins I think. Definitely good friends. They came to town for the rodeo one year and decided to stay and change their luck.”

“
Working for you?” she asked. She liked getting to know the details of Carson’s life. She realized that he was still a stranger and she had no one but herself to blame for that. But tonight she vowed she’d change that.

“
Yeah, I’m a pretty fair boss.”

“
I’m not surprised,” she said. “You’re a fair man even when someone’s not too nice to you.”

He arched one eyebrow at her.
It was an arrogant gesture and one she noticed he did often.

“
Me. Sorry again about earlier.”

“
It’s already forgotten… well, almost.”

“
Almost?”

“
How the hell am I supposed to forget that kiss?” he asked his voice was low and husky. Seductive.

“
You’re not,” she said. “I don’t suppose you want to help me with the lights. We’ve got another thirty minutes until dinner will be ready.”

“
Sure, I’d love to. This old house is looking really cheery.”

“
I’m glad,” she said. “I hadn’t realized it was in such bad shape but I’m glad for it.”

“
Why?”

She thought about the sketchpad she
’d filled with images for the rooms in the house. She used her paycheck from the diner to slowly buy a few new pieces for the living room and it was shaping up to be what she had envisioned. It was hard to start from scratch but it was what she’d needed. “It gives me something to do,” she said, leading the way back into the living room.

She picked up a box and put it on the coffee table.
He glanced down and groaned. “Tangled?”

“
Sorry,” she said, wrinkling her nose. She really didn’t want to waste the money on buying new ones. “I guess I should have picked up some new ones—

“
Why do that when these are perfectly fine? It’s not my favorite job to do but I can definitely untangle lights.”

They both started working together through the box and finally reached the bottom and the last one.
He realized that the silence filled only with the sounds of music from her Christmas CD was masking the one thing that he couldn’t stop thinking about.

He tugged on the strand of lights and she glanced up at him from where she held the other end and he slowly drew her toward him by coiling the lights in his hand the way he would a lasso.

“Now about that kiss,” he said when she was standing not an inch from him.

“
What about it?”

“
I’d like another chance at it,” he said, pulling her into his arms and taking the kiss that he’d been wanting since he’d held her in the pine tree forest and he’d tasted her tears and her passion.

Caution had been her touchstone since Davis had been arrested and her life had fallen apart and for once she wanted to just jump in and forget that there were such things as might-have-
beens and regrets. For once she was just going to take what she wanted and, as she’d been doing for the last nine months, she’d deal with the consequences later.

She wanted this moment. She wanted this man and his kisses.
They tasted better than the finest cuisine she’d ever sampled. He felt right when he wrapped those big strong arms around her. He was tall but not so much taller that it was a strain to kiss him. And she really liked that his arms around her and his lips on hers had started to feel like home.

Or something damned close to it.
The fire crackled behind them and the piney scent of the tree mingled with the smells of the lasagna and for a minute it felt like home.

Home.

The one place she’d never really found in all her years of searching. But home shouldn’t feel like this, shouldn’t be a person, should it?

His hands smoothed over her waist and he tugged her off balance until she was pressed breast-to-chest with him.
She grabbed his hips and went up on her toes as she thrust her tongue deeper into his mouth.

He moaned deep in his throat and his hands tightened on her waist and then slid them lower to her butt.
He cupped her and pulled her closer until she felt the ridge of his erection nudging her center. She melted and clung to him as he lifted her off her feet. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders.

She lifted her head and looked down at him.
Those big blue Montana sky eyes of his were dilated with passion and she easily read the intent them.

“
Dinner will be ready in five minutes,” she said, her own voice sounded husky to her ears. “I can turn the oven off and…

“
I can wait,” he said, giving her a hungry kiss before setting her on her feet. “Just barely, but I can wait. I want this to be about more than sex. Unless you’re just looking for a holiday fling.”

“
I’m not sure what I’m looking for,” she admitted. “I’m not trying to lead you on, but I’m a mess right now.”

“
Fair enough,” he said. “Why don’t you go and get dinner ready and I’ll put these lights on the tree. Then we can drink wine and talk and see where the night leads. No pressure.”

“
No pressure,” she said, but in her mind there was already a lot of it. He was a single dad. He was a Paradise Valley rancher. He was settled. Everything that she wasn’t. She had no idea what she wanted or needed. Only that she really liked Carson.

She walked into her kitchen listen to the Charlie Brown Christmas CD that had switched on after Diana Krall and wondering when life was going to settle down.

She’d thought by the time she was thirty she’d have at least figured out how to not be awkward around a guy. But she hadn’t. Part of it she blamed on Davis. Not on him exactly, just on having spent ten years living with him as pleasant roommates and almost strangers.

But she knew that her awkwardness owed more to her own uncertainty in herself.
She pulled the lasagna from the oven and set it on the counter to cool while she made the garlic bread. It was her dad’s recipe for bread and as she melted the butter and added minced garlic and dried garlic powder to it, she was struck by the memory of her entire family in the kitchen.

Momma and Daddy laughing with each other as she and her sisters had set the table and danced around to the music playing.
Daddy had to have missed that closeness once momma and Gilly had gone to Ohio to see the specialist oncologist. It had to have been hard for him. Gilly’s death from the cancer and her father’s reliance on the bottle had meant that momma hadn’t come back.

Only as an adult could she see what he
’d lost instead of, through her childish selfishness, only focusing on what she had lost. A different man would have handled the situation in a better way, but her father had done the best he could.

She sliced the French baguette she
’d bought in town and slowly dipped the bread in the hot butter and placed it on the tray. As she did it she wrapped herself in the memory of the happier times, questioning if she had left Montana searching for the same kind of happiness she’d missed when her mom and sister were gone and their family had shattered.