A Family This Christmas (11 page)

Jenny stood absolutely still, not returning the kiss, but neither did she withdraw.

On her lips he tasted wine and Jenny, a heady mix that zoomed straight down his body, switching on his arousal. Somehow he didn’t think this was the time for bedroom activities. His kiss had been about sealing his vow to look out for her, about showing he cared.

Her hands crept up his chest, smoothing over his muscles till she touched his neck, then his cheeks. ‘Cam,’ she groaned against him, and opened up her mouth, allowing him access to that sweet cavity.

Then her breasts were pressing against his chest, her stomach pushing into his. He saw her eyes widen as she realised his reaction to her, and under his mouth her lips felt as though they were smiling.

Cam placed his hands on the shapely backside that had been taunting him for days. She felt right, so soft yet firm.

The blasted phone rang.

Neither of them moved except to lift their mouths free of each other.

The phone continued ringing. Finally Cam swore and stepped away to snatch the offending instrument from the counter. ‘This had better be good. Hello?’

‘Cam, Amanda. I’m just leaving with the boys. You’ve got five minutes.’ Click and she’d gone.

‘Do you have to go out?’ Jenny asked.

Shaking his head, he felt laughter beginning to erupt. ‘That was Amanda, warning us the boys are on their way home.’

A twinkle lit up her eyes. ‘She’s far too cheeky. But I guess we have to be grateful.’

‘I think so.’ That kiss could’ve been headed down the hall to his bedroom.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

A
T
FIVE
J
ENNY
gave up all pretence of sleeping and got up to pull on a sweatshirt and shorts. In the kitchen she made a mug of tea and took it outside, where she sat on the deck and watched the sun coming up from behind the hill on the other side of the estuary. As the sky lightened a sense of acceptance flowed over her.

She was going to have to tell Cam what had happened that day Alison had died. Their relationship would stall if she didn’t. Last night’s kiss told her there was a relationship on offer if she wanted it. She did. If Cam could see past her mistakes. If she could forgive herself.

Too many ifs.

How about another one? What if her feelings for Cam were love? It had to be. It gripped her, squeezed her heart, made her smile, laugh and sometimes cry. If that wasn’t love, what was it?

Clink. A cup rattled against another in the kitchen. Cam was also up and about.

Sipping her tea, she waited for him to join her. Had he tossed and turned all night like she had? Even in the half-light his face showed signs of lack of sleep. ‘Hey,’ she whispered as he sat down in the chair next to her, holding his mug between those same firm hands that had gripped her bottom last night and set her hormones to dancing.

But the sleepless night, this drinking tea out here so early, was only half the problem. ‘I have to be in the Kahurangi National Park on the thirteenth.’

She watched him raise the mug to those lips she wanted more of, saw his throat swallow, then heard him say, ‘I’ll drive you.’

‘Just like that?’ With no questions asked, he’d drive all that way for her?

‘Yes.’

‘It’s a work day.’

‘I’m owed time off.’

Those tears that she’d managed to hold onto all night spilled over and ran down her cheeks. ‘Thank you.’

‘No problem.’

The last quarter of the sun exploded over the horizon. The new day had arrived. Jenny drained her tea, set the mug on the floor, dug deep for strength, and told him, ‘We were hiking along a cliff face. There was a track there, not well maintained but a track.’ She swallowed down on the bile rising in her throat. ‘I insisted on going first, whereas she usually did. We even joked about me being the bossy twin for a change.’

Cam nodded. ‘You blame yourself for that.’

She nodded. ‘When I was halfway across the face the track simply fell out from under me. Alison shouted a warning but it came too late.’ She swallowed. ‘She clambered down the edge of the slip after me, yelling all the time to hold on, she was coming.’ Sniffed. ‘A boulder broke lose and bounced down the cliff. It clipped Alison’s head, crushed her chest.’

Cam’s hand enveloped hers. He stayed quiet, waiting as though they had all day if she needed it.

This was hard. Even after all this time. Alison’s silence ricocheted around inside her head. Her own fear blocked her throat, turned her mouth sour.

Cam’s thumb stroked the back of her hand.

She hauled in some air. ‘I screamed at her to move, to get up. She didn’t. No movement at all. When I reached her she was unconscious. I couldn’t save her. I had nothing with me to help her. My cellphone was smashed, as was the emergency locator beacon in her pack.’ The words spewed out of her mouth now. ‘It tore me apart to even think of leaving her while I went out to the road for help. Deep down I think I knew she wouldn’t make it.’

‘You weren’t injured?’

‘Hardly, in comparison. Scrapes and bruises, torn muscles. Nothing to hold me back.’

‘You stayed anyway?’

‘I couldn’t leave her, my sister, my twin. She died in my arms an hour later. I’d never have raised help in time to save her so I was glad I hadn’t left her alone. How awful would that be? Dying alone?’ Her lungs forced the air out in one long huff.

Forget holding her hand, Cam now wrapped her in his arms and sat her on his lap. ‘Shh, Jenny, sweetheart.’ His lips grazed her forehead and he rocked her.

After what seemed like a long time but probably wasn’t she continued, ‘With my foot in a cast I can’t walk in to that place where it happened, but I have to be as close as I can get for the anniversary.’

‘You want to say goodbye?’

‘No.’ Hardly. ‘I want to say sorry, beg Alison’s forgiveness.’

The rocking stopped and Cam locked eyes with her. ‘Whatever for?’

‘Because I couldn’t save her.’

The truth dawned in his brown eyes all too quickly. Except he didn’t put her aside in disgust, or even agree she’d failed. Instead he said, ‘Tell me if I’m wrong, but you were supposed to save Alison after a boulder smashed her head?’ There was nothing but bewilderment and concern in his gaze. No horror at her failure.

Didn’t he get it? ‘Yes, I was.’ She shivered. ‘I understand the reality of the situation and how no one would’ve been able to help her. But the other half of me, the half attached to Alison, doesn’t.’

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Cam shook his head and wrapped her tight in his arms again. This time he didn’t rock back and forth, just settled further in the seat and held her. ‘We’ll go together to the park.’ That’s all he said as they sat there for nearly an hour.

Not one word of condemnation, nothing about her responsibilities not being met, just the promise that they would go there together.

Was it possible she might get through this? Have a life on the other side of this? She wouldn’t know for a few days yet.

* * *

The trip, a few days later, was painfully quiet, and got quieter as the kilometres passed beneath their wheels. Cam kept a watch over Jenny as she drew in on herself, hunching her shoulders forward as the environs of Nelson and Tasman dropped behind and hills and mountains began filling their vision. Should he get her talking to alleviate some of that tension tightening her shoulders?

He couldn’t make any of this better for her. He’d give everything he had except his boys to make it go easy for her, though in reality he understood she had to do this and if anything could make her feel more at ease it was getting through today. ‘What’s the plan? How far in are we going?’

‘Since I can’t walk the track, I figured the car park is going to be it. I might try walking a little way along the track but it is very uneven and narrow.’ She swivelled in her seat to stare at him. Better than watching those mountains getting bigger and bigger? ‘The rescue crews used the car park as a base to conduct the search for us. We’d written our trip intentions in the hut books all along the track and when we were a day late Search and Rescue swung into action.’

‘How overdue were you?’

‘Twenty-four hours. I waited with Alison, holding her to me.’

The hitch in her voice snagged his heart and he lifted one hand from the steering wheel to cover hers. ‘You were incredibly brave.’ Then and today. He slowed the vehicle. ‘This the turn-off?’

‘Yes.’ Her cheeks had paled more than usual.

As soon as he’d taken the turn he slowed, then stopped and took her hand in his again. A slight tremor shook her, while her skin had turned cold. ‘Hey, sunshine, you’re doing fine.’ But she wasn’t really. Why would she? This had to be extremely hard. ‘I’m here, okay?’

Jenny stared around. ‘How did I think I could do this on my own?’ she asked in a whisper. Shoving the passenger door wide, she dropped to the ground and, hands on hips, stared up at the mountain range dominating the skyline.

After parking, Cam strolled across to stand behind her and pulled her slim body in against him. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he dropped his chin on top of her head. ‘What do you have in mind now that you’re here?’ He’d piggyback her along the track if she wanted to go into the bush. Probably cripple him for ever but he’d do it.

As Jenny rubbed her hands up and down her arms she continued to gaze around. ‘The sun was shining the day it happened. A hot, windless day that sapped our strength. But we were impervious to that, loving every step we took through the bush and out in the open, listening to and watching the fantails flitting from bush to branch as they stayed just ahead of us.’

‘Did you start out from here?’

Shaking her head, she explained, ‘No, we came from the west. We had arranged for friends to walk the track in the opposite direction and we met in the middle, swapped car keys with them. That saved a lot of manoeuvring of vehicles before starting out.’

‘I guess it would.’

‘Our packs were heavy with gear and wet-weather clothing. I remember complaining about the ache in my shoulders when we reached the first hut where we spent that night. Alison told me to harden up. Sympathy was never her strong point.’

Cam rubbed his chin back and forth across her head. ‘You two do a lot of tramping in remote areas?’

‘It was our escape from everyday stresses and tensions. Ever since Dad took us on an overnight tramp out of Dunedin when we were ten we were hooked. You couldn’t stop us from throwing our packs on our backs and heading out to some hill or mountain. Later, when we were busy with our careers, it became our twin time. We’d go for a week and just be us.’

‘Bet you miss that more than anything else.’ She had been lucky to have that relationship with her sister. It’s what he wanted Andrew and Marcus to always have, a rock in their lives for when the bad times cropped up. His sisters were close to him and he knew how important that had been when Margaret had walked out on him.

Twisting around to look directly at him, Jenny said, ‘You’re right. It felt as though I’d been sliced down the middle and half of every part of me was missing.’

Her eyes glittered and with his thumb he smudged away an errant tear. ‘Your mojo.’

‘Yeah.’ She drew the word out, then astonishingly her mouth curved ever so slightly upwards. ‘I totally bamboozled the boys with that, didn’t I?’

‘They’re still trying to find it for you.’

‘Truly?’ The smile widened. ‘They are great little guys. So caring and thoughtful. They get that from you, I’d say.’

‘Of course.’ Though to be fair, ‘Margaret wasn’t always selfish. She used to be the person who turned up on your doorstep with baking if you’d had a bad day, or she’d change an appointment so she could take you to yours when you got a flat tyre.’ Funny how now with Jenny he could acknowledge that.

‘No one’s all bad. I’m glad you told me that. Do you still miss her?’ Those green eyes bored into him.

‘Not at all. Haven’t for a long time. But I still get angry at how she treats the boys.’
I thought today was about you, not me.
‘Want to walk a bit? See how that ankle stands up to the track?’

Her eyes locked with his for so long he began to think she’d gone to sleep with her eyes open, until finally she ducked her chin. ‘Yes. You will be there with me, won’t you?’ Then she sucked a breath. ‘Tell me if I’m expecting too much of you.’

‘You’re not. Trust me.’

After slinging his day pack on his back and locking the car, Cam walked behind Jenny as they stepped along the rutted, root-bound track, holding his breath every time she stumbled, breathing a sigh of relief when she went on. She carried a bunch of pink and white peonies against her chest. Alison’s favourite flowers, apparently. After nearly an hour they reached a knoll and sat on the trunk of a large fallen tree. Sweat beaded their brows and dampened their arms and throats.

‘It’s a hot one.’ Cam dumped the pack, then stretched his legs to ease the tightness in his calves. ‘I enjoyed that. How’s the ankle?’

‘It’s telling me I’m an idiot and I’m ignoring it. But I guess this is as far as I should go. It’s not as if I can make it to the first hut, let alone to where the accident happened.’ She bent to remove her boot. ‘I know I shouldn’t take this off until we get back to the car but I hate standing around in wet boots.’

There’d been a stream where they hadn’t been able to avoid wading through knee deep water. ‘If we’re stopping here for a bit, I’ll do the same. We can put them on that log in the sun.’

Jenny looked around. ‘I remember stopping here for a nut bar and a juice on the way out with the rescuers.’

Talk about a cue. Unzipping the pack, Cam retrieved two juices and some oat and blueberry muffins from the bakery. ‘Will these suffice?’ He grinned, feeling like one of his boys when they did something cool.

Her eyes widened and her shoulders relaxed for the first time all morning. ‘Thank you. Again. I seem to be saying that a lot this morning.’

‘You can quit any time you like. I’m here because I care, because I want to be with you today.’ And every other day, but putting that out there had to wait for a more suitable time.

‘Thanks.’ Leaning closer, she kissed his cheek. Then kissed it again.

Breathing in her scent, citrus overlaid with good, honest sweat, sent a shaft of desire arrowing through him right to his gut and beyond. He loved this woman. And right now was so not the moment to be reacting to her like this. But how not to? Love had brought him to this mountainside with her. He turned, kissed her cheek, then gently grazed her lips with his, before pulling back and deliberately stabbing the end of the straw into the hole on the top of the juice box. ‘Drink up. I’ve got lots of goodies in that bag.’

‘Like what? You didn’t bring a picnic?’

Had that been the wrong thing to do? Today of all days should he have made sandwiches and left it at that? No. Jenny might be facing her grief but she could celebrate having made it through the first year, too. ‘Yep. I had to make myself useful.’

‘Thanks, again.’

‘You’re welcome.’

They sat quietly, not speaking, for a while. Then Cam heard a soft sniff and saw a flood of tears streaming down Jenny’s pale face. ‘Hey, sunshine, come here.’ And once again he wrapped her up in his arms.

‘I miss her so much.’

His hand rubbed circles on her tense back.

‘I still should’ve been able to save her.’

Huh? He shook her ever so gently and put her away from him enough to be able to gaze into her eyes. ‘Being a doctor doesn’t automatically make you superwoman. There was nothing you could do.’ She must’ve been in mental agony. His hands tightened on her back, his palms seeking the warmth that told him she was alive and well now. ‘At least your parents didn’t lose both of you that day.’ He brushed his lips across her forehead before tucking her back against his chest.