A friend wasn’t the only thing she seemed to have made, though. Kotohime didn’t know why the yuki-onna held such a strong dislike for Lilian, nor did she understand the nature of their relationship. Their rivalry was obvious, however.
“
So what exactly are they fighting over?” Ms. Swift asked. Kotohime visibly perked up. She was, after all, curious to know the answer as well.
“
I can’t be too sure,” Lindsay shrugged. “They seem to dislike each other out of principle. I do know that a lot of their arguments revolve around Kevin, though.”
“
So they’re fighting over my son?”
Ms. Swift looked at the two again.
“
Skank.”
“
Loli.”
“
Whore.”
“
Bitty titties.”
“
Cow muncher.”
“
Tsundere.”
“
Who’s a tsundere?!”
While Ms. Swift simply stared with a raised eyebrow, Lindsay chuckled nervously. “Well, sometimes they do. Other times I almost feel like they’re arguing simply for the sake of arguing.”
“
Meat.”
“
Jailbait.”
“…
Although, I don’t know if name-calling can really be called arguing…”
“
Hmmm… well, regardless, I believe we need to break this up now. There are many more stores to visit, and I still have yet to find the perfect outfit for Lilian, one that will blow my dense son’s mind.”
“
Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Lindsay asked apprehensively. “I mean, Kevin’s gotten a lot better at talking to girls in the last month or so, but I don’t think he’s ready to see Lilian wearing something too scandalous.” She looked back at the stunning redhead, and quickly added an anecdote to her concerns. “Plus, this is Lilian we’re talking about. That girl already causes heads to turn. I’m not sure Kevin could handle her if she’s too, um, ah…”
“
Sexed up?” Ms. Swift offered when Lindsay trailed off. The girl nodded, her cheeks flushing at the woman’s words.
“
Uh, yeah, I guess…”
“
Excuse me,” Kotohime interrupted. “Are you saying that Kevin-san actually used to act even worse around women than he does now?”
“
Way worse.” Lindsay confirmed with a nod, then paused, her face morphing into one of befuddlement. “Wait. ‘Kevin-san?’”
“
Worse than even the most anti-social of social shut-ins,” Ms. Swift confirmed. Lindsay pouted at being ignored. “He’s like an Otaku without the hug pillows and eroge.”
“
I see.” Kotohime grew introspective and silent. The other two stared at her for a moment longer, but, when it became obvious that she would not be speaking again, they returned to their previous conversation.
“
Anyway, I’m sure my son can handle whatever clothes I buy for Lilian,” Ms. Swift said dismissively. “And if he cannot, then it just means we need to work with him some more. I won’t have a son who acts like a pansy around women.”
“…
Right.”
***
“
Well now, this is a surprise,” said a voice with a horrible fake Spanish accent.
Kevin almost sighed. While the day had started off unpleasantly, it had steadily improved after meeting up with his friends. It had been nice to have a “guys’ day out” kind of thing—though he would never call it that out loud. He didn’t want his friends poking fun of him for saying something like that. Eric would have been particularly vicious with his yaoi comments.
Of course, nothing good could last forever. Kevin had learned that the hard way.
“
Hello, Juan Pompadour,” he greeted flatly.
“
My name is not Juan Pompadour! It is Juan Martinez Villanueva Cortes!”
“
Ah, right. I forgot.” He actually hadn’t forgotten. He just never bothered remembering in the first place. The name was simply too long, and Kevin didn’t care enough to remember it.
But he wasn’t going to tell Juan Pompadour that.
“
It is not Juan Pompadour!!”
“
Who are you talking to?”
“
What are you talking about?” asked a clueless Juan.
An angry red tic mark appeared on Kevin’s forehead. “Don’t give me that. You were clearly talking to someone.”
The look on Juan’s face was that of a man staring at someone who’d just said something extraordinarily stupid. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“
Tch!”
Raising his head, Juan managed to give the appearance of a snobbish aristocrat as he looked down his nose at Kevin. “I did not expect to see you here, nor do I see my lovely
señorita
with you either.”
Kevin twitched at how Juan called Lilian “his
señorita
,” but didn’t react otherwise.
Juan continued irritating Kevin with his voice. “Not that I am surprised, mind you. She probably got sick of your presence and decided to leave. I would, too, if I were in her position. My poor
hermosura de flor
must have finally snapped under the yoke of your
feminidad
, your girlishness.”
Somewhere in one of the many stores that littered the mall, Lilian sneezed. She then began scaring the other customers by yelling at… someone―they weren’t sure who―to stop calling her flour.
Kevin’s right hand clenched into a fist. “For your information, Lilian is currently shopping with my mom, otherwise she would be here.”
Juan’s expression was infuriatingly smug. “A likely story. I bet she got sick of spending time with you and decided to find someone else to go out with. Perhaps I should go find her and… keep her company,
si
? I am sure that she would love to spend time with someone as
masculino
as myself over some weak little plebeian like you.”
“
Lilian,” Kevin said through gritted teeth, “isn’t like that.”
Juan’s expression was overwhelming in its condescension. “If you are saying that, then you must obviously not know women very well. They are all like that. Women are flighty creatures, prone to finding something fascinating one day and bland the next. It is just how they are. And my
cautivador le florecor
is no different.”
“
I may not know much about women,” Kevin admitted, “but I know plenty about Lilian.” He glared at the boy in the Matador outfit. “And I know that she is nothing like that. Don’t compare her to other women.”
“
It appears you are getting awfully defensive,” Juan observed with a candid smile. “Are you, perhaps, feeling jealous of me?”
“
W-w-what? Jealous?! Of course not!” Kevin scoffed, looking away and glaring at something in the distance. “I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of you!”
“
Oh? My mistake,” Juan shrugged. “With the way you are acting, it is easy for one to assume that you are nothing but jealous swine.”
“
I told you I’m not jealous! Or have you already forgotten that I’m the one Lilian likes?!”
“
Is that a fact?” Juan’s conceited expression really pissed Kevin off. He wished he could wipe that aggravating smirk right off the pompadour boy’s face. “Since you are so sure of your relationship with Lilian, then you shouldn’t mind making a little wager.”
Kevin narrowed his eyes.
***
After Ms. Swift stopped the argument between Christine and Lilian, they continued their shopping extravaganza. Unfortunately for Lilian, Kevin’s mom found the yuki-onna to be quite adorable, and had invited her along, though perhaps “forced” would’ve been a more appropriate term.
“
A-a-adora―th-that’s―but I’m not!”
“
Now, now, dear, such a cute little girl shouldn’t get so angry.”
“
C-c-c-cute?!”
“
That’s right. Cute. Now come along. We must find some clothes for you.”
“
Wha―hey! Quit dragging me!”
“
Oh, I can’t wait to dress you up! It will be just like dressing up a doll!”
And so, with Christine added to their ever-growing entourage, the group resumed their activities.
It was nearly an hour later when they finally stopped for lunch. While the term “progress” may have been misleading, they had made some amazing headway in their shopping, with Ms. Swift having found two outfits for Lilian, a small trinket for Kotohime, and several items Ms. Swift decided she needed for one reason or another.
Christine hadn’t gotten anything, though she had been forced to dress up in a variety of outfits, much to her embarrassment.
Of the three, Kotohime had been the only one who complained about getting something.
“
I cannot accept something this expensive,” Kotohime said after Ms. Swift saw her eying a very lovely, if pricy, authentic Japanese vase used for presenting flower arrangements.
It was a small hobby she had picked up in her long years of wandering, before becoming a vassal for the Pnév̱ma clan. None of the younger kitsune knew how someone so skilled in the art of killing had acquired an interest in an activity as mundane as flower arrangement. Only the Pnév̱ma clan matriarch knew the four-tails’ full history, and the katana-bearing female had every intention of keeping it that way.
“
You can and you will.” Ms. Swift was most insistent. “You might not be able to tell because Kevin and I live in such a small apartment, but I’m actually very well off. It helps that I live below my budget,” she added as an afterthought. “Buying something like this won’t even put a dent in my account.”
Kotohime still did not look convinced. “I do appreciate the gesture, but…”
“
Look,” Ms. Swift started, her friendly aura evaporating like a bucket of water that had been tossed into the sun. All the lights around her seemed to vanish as well, like they’d been sucked straight into a black hole. “You will either accept this gift as a thank you for looking after my son, or I will buy it and smash it over your head. The choice is yours.”
In spite of her inherent belief that she could kill this human easily, Kotohime still felt a small thrill run down her spine. Maybe it would be better to err on the side of caution in this instance.
“
Ah, well, in that case, I shall accept this gift with the utmost gratitude.”
The words seemed to have a soothing effect, as the aura of death and despair Ms. Swift had been exuding vanished, and the woman was all smiles again.
“
Great!”
As the group waited in line to pay for their items, Lilian leaned over to Lindsay and cupped a hand to her mouth. “Do you think that’s the reason Kevin has so much trouble around girls?”
“
Nah,” Lindsay whispered back. “Well, maybe a little, but if that was the reason, I think he’d be terrified of women instead of just shy.”
“
Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“
What are you girls talking about back there?” Ms. Swift asked.
“
Nothing,” the two replied in unison, sharing mischievous grins. Behind them, Christine was nearly pouting. Nearly, because incredibly dark and broody goth girls like her did not pout. They sulked.
“
How come I don’t get any kind of gift?”
“
I offered to buy you those clothes you tried on,” Ms. Swift pointed out.
“
T-those clothes looked awful on me.” Christine turned her head, thereby missing Ms. Swift’s pout.
This girl clearly didn’t appreciate her sense of fashion.
“
I thought you looked cute in them.”
“
C-cute?!” Christine squeaked.
Lilian grinned at her love-rival. “Yeah, cute like a little kid.”
“
What was that?!”
“
Ara, ara, I believe that is enough fighting, you two.” Kotohime stopped the fight with her words… and her katana. “You two are beginning to draw a crowd. I dislike crowds, so you won’t fight anymore. Okay?”
The two took one look at the katana that had been thrust between them, gulped, and then decided to call a temporary truce.
“
O-okay,” Lilian mumbled warily. “We promise not to fight anymore.”
“
What she said,” Christine muttered.
“
Good. Ufufufu…”
“
Does your maid always laugh like that?” Lindsay asked.
“
Sometimes.”
“
It sounds a lot like yours.”
“
U-ugh.” Lilian could practically feel the insult penetrating her like an arrow. “D-does my laugh really sound like that?”