How could someone who had the blood of a man like that flowing through them ever be able to accept and return the love of another?
Lilian deserves better.
Standing underneath the September sky, with a beautiful vixen in his arms, Kevin’s mind was consumed by dark thoughts, which the sky seemed to mirror. That night, there wasn’t a single star to be seen, covered as it was by dark clouds rolling in from the west
.
Chapter 10
Secret Asian Man
“
And time!”
Kevin Swift slowed his all-out sprint to a jog and then to a walk after passing the finish line. Several sweaty bangs fell into his eyes, which he brushed away with some minor irritation. He really did need a haircut.
Coach Deretaine stared at his stopwatch, blinking. “Twelve-point-fifteen. Not a bad time, Swift. You’ve been getting better. You’ve surpassed your old average again.”
Still trying to catch his breath, Kevin took a moment to answer. “Thanks, Coach.”
“
Whatever,” Chase grumbled. “I could… have gotten… that time… too…”
“
Say that when you aren’t lying on your back, Chase.”
“
Bite me.”
“
All right,” Coach Deretaine pocketed his stopwatch. “I plan on running you two through a few more sprints, but take a quick break. Hydrate yourselves and rest up.”
“
Yes, Coach,” Kevin said while Chase mumbled incoherently.
Chase slowly clambered to his feet as Coach Deretaine started yelling at other members of the team. His breathing was hard, and his cheeks were redder than a blimp. He walked over to Kevin with a noticeable limp.
“
How have… how have you gotten so fast?” he asked.
Kevin did the infamous Shaft head tilt to convey his confusion. “What do you mean?”
“
Don’t play dumb,” Chase spat, his demeanor suddenly turning fierce. “Last week you were barely able to make thirteen seconds, and now you’re running at twelve-point-fifteen? People don’t improve that quickly.”
“
You do remember that I wasn’t feeling too hot last week, don’t you?” Truth be told, he wasn’t feeling too good this week either, but it wasn’t due to lack of sleep. “Anyway, if you don’t like how much faster I am than you, then maybe you should think about training harder.”
“
That’s easy for you to say,” Chase grumbled. “You’re the one who’s getting times nobody has a right to achieve. I’ve been working my ass off, and I still haven’t gone past twelve-point-fifty-eight.”
“
Not my problem.”
“
Tch.”
Kevin turned away as Chase grew silent, his mind continuing to run wild even though his body was still. It happened often lately. Whenever he wasn’t occupied by strenuous physical activities, his mind became consumed by guilt. He just couldn’t stop obsessing over his current situation.
Only the act of running gave him any respite, however temporary it might have been. That desire to reach the finish line, to defeat his opponent, gave him the focus needed to push aside his problems. Too bad each sprint only lasted around twelve seconds.
“
I noticed Lilian isn’t with you today.”
“
She said she had something else to do today. Last I saw, she was headed for the library.”
“
Really?” Chase quirked an eyebrow. “So, she finally got tired of watching you, huh? About time, if you ask me.”
“
Nobody asked you,” Kevin snapped. “The only reason she’s not here is because I asked her not to come.”
“
Ah, I take it there are some problems in paradise?”
Kevin sighed. He’d been doing that a lot lately. Sighing, that is. “I guess you could say that.”
“
You wanna talk about it?”
Kevin thought about it for a moment, before deciding he had nothing to lose. And Chase actually had experience with girls, so maybe the older boy could give him some advice.
Or maybe he’ll just make fun of me.
Kevin laid out his problem for Chase, telling him of Lilian’s feelings and his own confusion. It took nearly ten minutes, and by the time he finished, Chase was frowning.
“
That does sound like a bit of a problem. And you’re saying Lilian’s serious about this? Like, seriously serious?”
“
It’s more than just her being serious.” Kevin ran a hand through his sweaty hair. “I can’t really go into details, because I honestly don’t understand them myself.” Half-true. For obvious reasons, Kevin couldn’t give Chase the entire story. “But, suffice it to say that Lilian’s not looking for a simple high school romance. She wants something more permanent. More lasting.”
“
I think I can kinda see where you’re coming from.” Chase nodded in a sagely manner. “I would be pretty annoyed if someone wanted to be in a serious relationship with me. I mean, we’re in high school. Who the hell marries the person they dated in high school? Nevermind the first person they ever dated, period. That crap just doesn’t happen often.”
“
It’s not that.” Sweat flew off Kevin’s hair as he shook his head. “To be honest I… I don’t think I would mind being in a more permanent relationship with her. I’m just not sure if I really deserve to be with her. I don’t know if I can give her the same commitment that she’s willing to give me. Lilian is such an amazing person. Sure, I found her annoying at first, but I think I only felt that way because I was so hung up on Lindsay that I couldn’t see anyone else in that light.”
“
Don’t forget that you couldn’t even talk to girls without passing out.”
Kevin grimaced. “Did you really have to bring that up?”
“
Yes.”
“
You’re a real friend,” Kevin said, his voice rank with sarcasm. “You know that?”
“
I try,” Chase grinned when Kevin glared at him. He became serious moments later. “So why don’t you think you deserve to be with her?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? There were many reasons he didn’t deserve someone like Lilian, a lot of which he didn’t want to share with anybody, much less Chase.
He looked down at his hands. They looked so weak, so frail, so human.
“
Because I’m weak. Every time a problem comes along, Lilian’s always been the one who solves it. She hasn’t needed my help at all. Even if I tried to help, I’d only become a liability.”
He thought about that time with Chris. Had it not been for Lilian, he would have died that day. Of course, he wouldn’t have been in trouble in the first place if not for her, but that was just semantics.
It was the most recent event, however, that had solidified his uselessness. Those three yōkai who attacked him had been losers. Literally. Their human forms were pathetic and nerdy, and their yōkai forms were just as bad. Even that hi-no-tama had looked ridiculous, like a fart engulfed in flames, yet he’d been powerless against it.
“
She needs someone who can stand by her side and support her as an equal. As you are right now, you’re just a liability.”
Kevin gritted his teeth. Kotohime was right. He was a liability. He couldn’t protect Lilian. He couldn’t even protect himself.
Even if I returned the love Lilian has for me, it wouldn’t do any good. I’d still be a liability.
His mirthless smile reflected his inner thoughts perfectly.
She’s better off without me.
He’d never been bothered by his own humanity before, but there was always a first time for everything, he supposed.
“
Well, I can definitely see how that would be a problem,” Chase admitted. “I mean, needing a girl to fix all your problems is pretty pathetic. You’ve probably lost a couple hundred man points for that.”
“
Oh, shut up.”
“
But, honestly, I think you’re looking at this the wrong way.” Chase looked at the track field, eyes staring at something only he could see. “All you’re thinking about is how you feel.
You feel like you don’t deserve to be with Lilian.
You’re the one who feels pathetic. Did you ever stop to think that maybe Lilian doesn’t think that way? That maybe the reason she chases after you so fervently is because she believes you’re not pathetic, that you do deserve to be with her. That maybe, just maybe, you have something that she believes is worth chasing after?”
“
I… no. I’ve never thought about it like that.”
Chase shrugged. “Then maybe that’s your problem. You’re only thinking about yourself. Try putting yourself in Lilian’s shoes. There’s obviously something about you that she finds worthy of her. She wouldn’t still be chasing after you if she thought you weren’t worth all that time and effort.”
“
When we find someone who has the traits we desire in a mate, we seek to make them ours.”
Kevin remained silent, recalling Lilian’s words.
“
Maybe you're right,” Kevin admitted slowly. “I’ve been focusing so much on how I feel that I never really took Lilian’s feelings into account.”
“
That’s because you’re an idiot who has no experience with women.”
“
Hey!”
“
On the other hand, I am an experienced and cultured young man who has already dated several girls, and therefore, have more knowledge about them than you.”
“
Ugh, whatever.” Kevin found that he didn’t have any ground to stand on in this argument, so he just dropped the subject. “At least I can run faster than you.”
Chase’s face turned red. “That won’t always be the case! You might be having your fifteen minutes of fame right now, but just wait, I’ll eventually catch up to you, and when I do, you’ll be eating my dust!”
“
I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“
Chase, Swift! If you’ve got time to be arguing, you’ve got time to do some running! Get over here!”
“
Yes, Coach!” They gave each other one last glare before jogging over to the starting line.
***
The library was the only place outside of the locker rooms that remained open while the gym was undergoing repairs.
A large cylindrical building made of brick, grass and steel, the library looked like a giant rectangle with a single spire jutting out of the ground from its hindquarters.
Bookshelves lined the walls and created numerous aisles for people to walk down. A small section near the cylindrical spire was dedicated to computer stations, while the center contained tables and chairs for people to read or do their homework at.
Lilian Pnév̱ma sat at one of the tables reading a
shōjo
manga, a love story, and one that she hadn’t read yet. Perhaps it was a little odd for a girl, but she’d always been a bigger fan of
shōnen
than
shōjo
. She just preferred stories with more action.
Lilian wasn’t reading this manga for the sheer enjoyment of it, however. Oh no. She was researching. Her eyes scanned each page, studying everything within them in great detail. Only after she had memorized the entire page would she move onto the next.
As she continued reading, a scowl crossed her face.
“
Why doesn’t this thing have any useful information?!”
“
Shhh!”
Lilian ignored the strange shushing noises coming from all around her. She also ignored the glares she could feel at her back. They weren’t important. “Doesn’t this stupid thing have anything I can use in it?!”
“
SSHHH!!”
“
Lilian?”
Looking up from her manga, Lilian saw Lindsay standing before her holding what looked like a soccer manual.
“
Hello, Lindsay,” Lilian said morosely. She went back to studying her manga.
“
Everything okay? You seem a little down.”
“
Yeah… I’m fine,” she mumbled.
“
Uh huh…” Lindsay’s tone conveyed skepticism, but she didn’t inquire any further. “So what are you doing here?”
“
Researching.”
“
Researching?” Lindsay sat down opposite of Lilian. “What are you researching exactly?”
Lilian sighed, but stopped paying attention to her manga. It wasn’t helping anyway. “I’ve been trying to research ways to help me get closer to Kevin.”
Lindsay looked bemused. “And you’re doing that by reading manga?”
“
Kevin had this manga in his collection, so he must like it. I thought there would be something in here that I could use to bring us closer together. It’s also a surprisingly good story,” she admitted. “Though it hasn’t given me any helpful ideas.”
Lindsay slowly shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand your enjoyment of manga. Kevin, I get. He’s a guy. They like comics and stuff―”
“
Manga,” Lilian interrupted.
“
Excuse me?”
“
It’s called manga, not comics. Comics are made in America. Manga are from Japan.”
“
Same difference.” Lilian’s resulting frown made Lindsay feel like she’d stepped on a bed of spikes. “A-anyway, it doesn’t really change my point. Guys like that kind of stuff. They enjoy stories with explosions and superpowers and whatnot. But you’re a girl, so I don’t know why you’d enjoy reading something like that.”