A French Affair (11 page)

‘I'm definitely up for trying.'

Tilting her head back to look at him, she said, ‘Sometimes I feel as though I'm losing you, or at least a sense of who we once were, and it scares me so much.'

Pulling her in close again he said, ‘I've told you before, we will get through this, it's just important not to keep trying to push one another away.'

‘You're right,' she whispered, feeling certain he was the only one doing that, but not wanting to criticise or upset him again she kept her thoughts to herself.

For the next hour or so, as they sat in the sun, enjoying the food, and drinking a little too much wine, she could sense the easy familiarity between them finally reasserting its hold. Ordinarily on a Sunday, should they find themselves alone like this, they'd go upstairs for a siesta after lunch, but it didn't seem likely they would today, since neither of them was willing to risk it not working, and bringing back the tension between them. Instead, she told him how she was glad the publisher, Karina Rutherford, had postponed their lunch, since it would give her more time to work on the proposal she was planning to put to her. She'd like to do a book, but not the one Karina was suggesting. Instead she'd like to write a part-fact, part-fictionalised biography of Modigliani and his muse, Jeanne Hébuterne. It wasn't a new idea, as she'd been toying
with it for years, but until now she'd never had enough time to pursue it.

His response was encouraging enough, though she guessed it wasn't so much the idea that interested him as the hope that any new project might provide the distraction she needed. Since Jeanne Hébuterne's passion for the artist who'd immortalised her had always been a source of great fascination for her, Jessica was ready to believe that she could stay focused for long enough to lose herself entirely in the work she'd have to do.

‘By the way,' he said, coming back into the garden with two coffees and a handful of chocolates, ‘have you looked at my schedule this week? We're transmitting from Manchester on Wednesday and Thursday.'

‘Yes, I noticed that. What's the event?'

‘An all-party conference on climate change. I don't suppose you feel like coming?'

She shook her head. ‘I have to be here for Harry.'

‘I'm sure he'd be only too happy to stay with the Grants, if we asked them.'

Her eyebrows arched. ‘They're having him for over two weeks when school finishes,' she reminded him, ‘so I don't think we can ask them to take him now. Besides, I'm going to miss him enough when he goes away, so please don't ask me to part with him even sooner than I have to.'

‘Well, at least that sounds as though you're allowing him to go to Devon,' he commented mildly.

‘Of course I am. He'd never forgive me if I didn't.'

‘So why not tell him, instead of putting him through all this angst?'

She frowned. ‘What angst? He hasn't said anything to me.'

‘But he has to me, and I've already told him he can go.'

Her eyes widened with surprise.

‘By holding back your decision you were making him suffer unnecessarily,' he informed her, and picked up one of the tabloids.

Though she was about to deliver a cutting retort she stopped herself as she realised he was right, she had been withholding her decision unnecessarily, thanks to an inability to commit to anything that would take her children from her side. ‘I should have realised you had when he stopped plaguing the life out of me,' she said, attempting a sardonic tone.

His eyes flicked in her direction, then returned to the paper.

‘So, what time are you due at the studios?' she asked, a while later. ‘I thought we might go for a walk in Holland Park.'

‘I'm happy sitting here,' he responded, keeping his eyes on the page. ‘Why don't you read the papers? You haven't picked one up today.'

A playful light came into her eyes. ‘Is it safe?' she asked.

He frowned and looked at her. ‘What do you mean, safe?'

She shrugged. ‘Well, I'd hate to find out you were playing away through one of the Sundays.'

At that his expression turned thunderous, and putting down the paper he got to his feet. ‘That has to be one of the stupidest things I've heard you say yet,' he snarled.

Her face turned crimson. ‘Of course it was. I'm sorry,' she cried. ‘I just didn't think. Charlie, come back, please . . .'

But he was already inside the house, and a few minutes later she heard the front door slam shut behind him.

Guessing he'd go straight to the studios, she decided to give him a while to calm down before calling to apologise again. It really had been the stupidest thing to say, and she couldn't even think now what had made her come out with it, especially when she didn't suspect him of being unfaithful at all – she never had. They'd always been far too close for that, and considering the problems he was having lately she could only cringe now at having shown such an atrocious lack of sensitivity. Still, she barely knew what was driving her these days, so it wasn't likely she could understand what had got into her then, she only knew that she mustn't let him go on air with this still simmering between them – nor was she going to allow Harry to go on not knowing that he had both parents' permission for his holiday. As soon as he came in she'd make a big deal about having to hurry up and buy everything he needed to take with him, which, she realised with sinking dismay, was going to mean another journey out to the shops alone – unless she ordered everything via the Internet, as she'd started to do for the groceries again.

Deciding to do a spot of surfing ready for when he came in, she carried the dishes into the kitchen, loaded them up, and was just climbing the stairs to the study when the phone started to ring. Surprised Charlie was calling her so soon, she ran the rest of the way and grabbed the cordless on his desk before he had time to ring off.

‘Jessica! Hi, it's me.'

‘Lilian!' Jessica replied delightedly. ‘What a lovely
surprise. You've got the most wonderful knack of calling at just the right time.'

‘More bad moments?' Lilian said darkly.

‘Not the kind you're thinking. Anyway, where are you? Did you manage to get down to Burgundy for the weekend?'

‘That's where I am,' Lilian confirmed. ‘And Luc's in Paris, would you believe, but he'll be back tomorrow. Talk about ships in the night, but I've managed to wangle the week off, so we'll at least get to spend Monday and Tuesday together – and then, my darling, I'm going to be there, with you. If you're free.'

Jessica's heart leapt with joy. ‘Oh my God, that's fantastic news,' she cried. ‘I haven't seen you for so long. Are you sure Luc doesn't mind?'

‘He's fine with it,' Lilian assured her, ‘but I'm afraid it'll only be for one night. I want to be back here on Thursday, because his father's test results are due on Friday.'

‘Of course. One night is more than I'd dare hope for, and as luck would have it Charlie's going to be away on Wednesday, so we can do exactly as we please. I might even venture out to a restaurant, because I'm less likely to be recognised if I'm with you. Oh, Lily, this is so wonderful. I can hardly wait.'

‘Me neither. I've missed you so much these past few months.'

At that Jessica's smile wavered. ‘Do you realise we haven't seen each other since Natalie's funeral?'

‘Of course I do,' Lilian responded. ‘And I feel absolutely terrible about it . . .'

‘I didn't say it for that reason,' Jessica jumped in. ‘Honestly, just talking to you on the phone makes me
feel more able to cope. So tell me where you're flying into and I'll pick you up.'

‘There's a flight from Lyon straight into Heathrow arriving at eleven twenty. Is that OK?'

‘I'll be there.'

‘Great, now is there anything you'd like me to bring? Fernand has already boxed up a few bottles of his best wine.'

‘Fantastic. We'll definitely see a couple of those off. Incidentally, did you ever ask him about that call from my mother?'

‘As a matter of fact I did. He thinks it was around the beginning of June, because he remembers it was when he first started feeling unwell. Apparently she was asking if she could stay at the grape-picker's cottage for a few days. He said yes, but then he never heard from her again.'

Jessica was frowning. ‘Why did she want to go there?' she asked. ‘I'd have thought she'd never want to see the place again.'

‘So would I. Maybe it seemed like a good idea, some kind of therapy or something, but in the end she decided she couldn't face it.'

‘Mm,' Jessica responded, wondering how to voice her suspicions.

‘Anyway, this is just a fleeting call,' Lilian told her. ‘I'm taking Fernand over to Daniella's for the evening. Between you and me I think the poor guy's terrified of what might be wrong with him, so he's making the most of his grandchildren while he can.'

‘Then please send Daniella my love,' Jessica said. ‘As sisters-in-law go, I think you struck gold. Actually, with husbands too, but don't tell Luc I said that or it might go to his head.'

Lilian laughed. ‘You haven't done so badly yourself,' she reminded her. ‘I'm sorry I won't see him on Wednesday, but hopefully all four of us can get together soon.'

After ringing off Jessica quickly connected to the Internet, then picked up the phone to call Charlie.

‘Can you talk?' she said when he answered.

‘Not for long, but I'm sorry I walked out on you.'

‘Oh darling, it's for me to apologise, not you,' she told him earnestly. ‘It really was the stupidest thing to say, and it wasn't meant to hurt you . . .'

‘I know. These things just come out the wrong way sometimes, and when I consider some of the things I've said and done that have hurt you in the past . . .'

‘You've never hurt me,' she assured him.

Instead of laughing, as she'd expected, he sounded almost sad as he said, ‘I only wish that were true, but it was never intentional, I hope you know that.'

‘Of course I do. Now, before you go, I've some good news. Lilian is coming over on Wednesday and you know how she always manages to cheer us up. It's just a pity you won't be able to see her too.'

‘What's important,' he responded, ‘is that you do – and with any luck she'll be able to talk some sense into you about what happened that day.'

Jessica immediately tensed. ‘Maybe you're right,' she replied, ‘or maybe she'll be able to tell me by then why my mother contacted Fernand at the beginning of June with the intention of going back there, because frankly I find that a little odd, even if you don't.'

There was only silence from the other end.

‘Are you still there?' she asked.

‘Yes, I'm here,' he answered. ‘I should go now though, I'm due on air in five minutes.'

‘OK, let's avoid the issue,' she retorted. ‘We might as well, because we're clearly never going to see eye to eye.'

He sighed wearily. ‘Give me Rufus Keane's number when I get home,' he said. ‘I'll do what I can to find Veronica, and we'll speak to her again. Will that make you happy?'

Only slightly mollified, she said, ‘I wouldn't use the word happy, but I'm glad you're finally prepared to accept I might have a point.'

Though he hadn't actually said that, he didn't argue. ‘I'll call you when I take a break. It should be around seven.'

‘OK. But before you go . . .'

He waited.

‘I love you,' she said.

After a pause he said, ‘I love you too,' and a moment later they both hung up.

‘
HEY, MUM! HAVE
you seen this?' Nikki cried, grinning all over her face as she bounded into the kitchen clutching one of the morning tabloids. ‘Dad's only made it into the list of the nation's sexiest men. I mean, there have got to be a lot of weird people out there to have voted for him, don't you think?'

Charlie's head came up from
The Times,
as Jessica chuckled into her cornflakes.

‘Has he got his clothes on?' Harry demanded. ‘If he hasn't everyone's going to see his willy.'

As he sniggered and spluttered Jessica patted his back, while reminding him that everyone had seen his at the pool last night, when he'd dived in and lost his trunks. Then to her surprise Nikki treated her to a resounding kiss on the cheek as she passed, making her wonder what she'd done to find herself back in favour after the sulking and backchatting of the past few days.

‘So where do I rate?' Charlie wanted to know, clearly ready to enjoy his new status as a sex symbol.

‘Ninety-eight out of a hundred,' Nikki informed him.

Charlie's face dropped.

‘Just joking,' Nikki grinned. ‘You're at number seven. Can you believe it?'

‘Out of how many?' Jessica asked, reaching for the paper.

‘Twenty, which isn't bad. It means you're a hunk, Dad.'

‘Is that like the Incredible Hunk on UK Gold?' Harry wanted to know.

Jessica and Nikki burst out laughing. ‘Exactly like that,' Nikki informed him, planting a kiss on the end of his nose.

‘You can mock,' Charlie grumbled, ‘but at least I have a public out there who appreciate me, even if you lot don't.'

‘But they don't have to live with you,' Nikki reminded him. ‘We know what you're really like.'

‘Yeah, because you're always bursting out of your trousers,' Harry piped up.

At that even Charlie had to laugh, and it was quite some time before Nikki and Jessica could keep a straight face.

‘Did you speak to Lilian last night?' Jessica asked Nikki, going back to her breakfast.

‘Oh yeah, and she was totally cool about me not being here today. I explained I had to go to Manchester with Dad, because I'm helping out on the programme . . .'