A French Affair (47 page)

Though she'd already showered and washed her hair, as yet she still hadn't decided what to wear. Part of her wanted to greet him the way she'd been amongst the vines, completely naked apart from her hat, while another part longed for him to undress her, as he had at the lake. Recalling the exquisite feel of the chiffon sliding down over her body sent such a wave of desire coasting through her that she opened her robe and let it fall to the floor, as though trying to recreate it. Without him there, it wasn't the same at all.

Turning to the mirror she gazed at her reflection. Her skin was the colour of honey, glistening softly in the evening sunlight, while her sun-bleached hair shone like ivory, making her dark eyes seem larger, and almost blurred by their inner glow. She could feel the rhythmic beat of her heart as her gaze dropped to the small swell of her breasts. Her nipples were large and thickly taut, and as she touched her fingers gently to them she gasped at the sensation that shot between her legs. She imagined him coming to stand behind her, pressing himself against her as he watched her reflection, and her eyes closed with the joy of knowing it would be soon.

She went to the armoire and began going through the clothes she'd brought with her. Nothing seemed quite right, which made her feel more certain about not dressing at all. She looked at her shoes and jewellery, then at the hat hanging from a post at the end of the bed. She was just reaching for it when she heard a car pulling up outside, and smiled to herself as she realised he hadn't wanted to waste time walking. So she would greet him as she was, for she really didn't want to eat, or even drink any wine, she only wanted to be with him.

She waited, wondering if he would come upstairs to find her, or if he'd call out to let her know he was there. If he called out, she'd walk down as she was, letting him look at her the way he had amongst the vines, knowing that this time she would be his. If he came upstairs, she would undress him and look at him the way she had at the lake.

Hearing footsteps in the kitchen her heart fluttered with anticipation. Then, to her confusion, she realised the engine was still running outside.

‘Jessica! Are you up there?
Surprise
!'

Jessica's heart stopped. Then grabbing for her robe she put it on, shouting, ‘Lily, is that you?' She stuffed her feet into a pair of flip-flops. ‘I'm just coming,' she called, and feeling dizzied by shock she forced herself out to the top of the stairs.

‘Oh my God, look at you!' Lilian cried, gazing up at her in rapt admiration. ‘Such a tan. And your hair is so blonde. My darling, I don't think I've ever seen you looking so lovely.'

Jessica tried to laugh. ‘What are you doing here?' she asked shakily as she started down the stairs. ‘I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow.'

Lilian was watching her with gentle affection. ‘I managed to get through everything by lunchtime today,' she replied, pulling Jessica straight into an embrace, ‘and it seemed crazy to stay in Paris when I could be here with Luc. And you!' she added. ‘Oh God, I'm so pleased you stayed on.' Standing back, she looked searchingly into Jessica's face, showing how concerned she'd been, and how genuinely happy she was to see her.

Vaguely noticing how pale and tired she looked, Jessica said, ‘Does Luc know you're here?'

Lilian laughed light-heartedly. ‘You're going to think I'm mad, I know, but I thought I'd surprise him, only I couldn't go by without coming in to see you.'

Still too thrown to cope with this well, Jessica waved a hand towards the cooler. ‘Will you have a drink?' she offered.

‘No thanks, I've kept the taxi waiting, and I'm just dying to see Luc . . . Are you entertaining?' she asked, looking at the table set for two, complete with flowers and candles.

‘No,' Jessica answered. ‘I mean, yes,' she added hastily, since she obviously was. ‘Daniella's coming over.'

Lilian's delight showed. ‘Oh I'm so glad you two have become friends,' she declared. ‘Isn't she wonderful? The three of us must get together over the weekend. I've brought loads of jewellery back with me, so you can take your pick.' Then her eyes started to twinkle. ‘I don't suppose your dinner would stretch to three? I'm thinking of Fernand. If you could invite him, Luc and I could have the evening to ourselves.'

Jessica almost felt as though she was drowning. ‘It's OK,' she said, her voice ringing hollow in her ears, ‘Fernand's away for the night at a
Chevaliers
dinner.'

‘Oh, excellent,' Lilian cried, leaning forward to help herself to a raspberry. ‘Do you know if Luc's at home? Mm, delicious,' she said.

As Jessica watched her she could only think of how she'd imagined sharing those berries with him later, then dismissing it quickly from her mind, she was about to respond when Lilian frowned.

‘Is that Luc's phone?'

‘Uh, yes,' Jessica replied. ‘He dropped in earlier – with the raspberries – and forgot to take it with him.'
Why had she lied about the raspberries? It seemed so absurd and unnecessary.

‘Then I'll take it for him,' Lilian said, going to pick it up. ‘Do you mind if I rush off now? We'll have loads of time to chat over the next few days, before Charlie gets here, and I don't want to wait any longer to see Luc.'

‘No, of course not,' Jessica said, returning yet another embrace.

‘My goodness, you're shaking,' Lilian said, pulling back. ‘Are you OK?'

‘Yes, of course,' Jessica responded, with a laugh. ‘You just made me jump when you came in.'

Lilian peered at her closely. ‘Are you sure that's all it is?' she asked, concern showing through the tease in her eyes.

‘Yes. No. I mean . . .'

Lilian's head went to one side.

‘It's nothing,' Jessica said. Then, grabbing her by the arm, ‘Go and see Luc. He's really missed you, you know.'

Lilian's smile showed her appreciation. ‘We'll get together in the morning,' she promised. Then added with a laugh, ‘Or maybe it'll be closer to midday.'

As she got back into the taxi Jessica stood at the door, managing to smile and wave, though not really knowing whether she was more horrified by how close she and Luc had come to being discovered, or crushed that they would now never make love.

Turning back inside she looked at the table, all laid out for dinner, then became aware of her nakedness beneath the robe and felt her head starting to spin. She wondered how Luc would react when Lilian walked in the door. She could easily imagine his shock, God knew she'd felt it herself, but after that . . . Would he be
pleased to see her? She wondered if she should call to let him know Lilian was on her way, but when she picked up the phone she asked herself what right she had to ruin Lilian's surprise. None at all, and besides, she wasn't sure she could speak to him now. So instead she called Daniella, feeling utterly wretched about embroiling her in a lie, but if she was going to avoid any awkward, or even impossible situations later she didn't seem to have a choice.

‘I see,' Daniella said, after Jessica had finished explaining. ‘Well, I think the best thing is for me to come and share your dinner. That way neither of us is lying, and you won't be alone tonight feeling completely terrible.'

‘No, really, you don't need to do that,' Jessica assured her, even though she was already dreading the evening ahead.

‘Yes I do,' Daniella responded. ‘I will have to explain things to Claude, because as you know we have guests . . .'

‘Then you absolutely cannot come . . .'

‘But it is only his brother and the friends you met last night, and we're all thoroughly bored with one another really . . . No, please don't argue any more,
chérie
. Lilian will be sure to ask if we had a nice time, and I cannot lie to her so
ouvertement
, and I don't think you can either. But I will warn you, I am hungry, and though I doubt you can eat, I will certainly need to.'

By the time Daniella arrived Jessica had dressed and put the fish in to bake, but she was hardly aware of what she was doing. She had so many terrible emotions roiling around inside her that she might not even be the same person she'd been an hour ago, for there was nothing good, or even defensible about the
way she was feeling. Her thoughts were inextricably entangled in images of what might have been, and what was really happening . . . She could see them together, Lilian's beloved face so happy as she looked at her husband, her eyes closing as he kissed her, her body melding into his as his arms went round her . . .

‘I think I'm losing my mind,' she confessed to Daniella. ‘I can't believe this is happening. It's like I'm in the middle of a nightmare, but I keep reminding myself it could have been so much worse. If Lilian had come back any later . . .' Her eyes closed at the very thought of it. ‘She looked so thrilled to see me,' she said brokenly, ‘and so excited about being with Luc. Oh God, how could I have done this to her? What's happening to me?'

‘Here, drink some wine,' Daniella said, passing her a glass, ‘it might help to relax you.'

Though Jessica put it to her lips, she didn't take a sip. ‘I'd give almost anything not to be feeling the way I do,' she said, putting it down again. ‘I'm so ashamed . . . I . . . Oh Daniella, how on earth is it possible to be so jealous of someone you love? No, I can't go there. I just can't. He's her husband. They love one another, and what happened between us . . .' She broke off as her heart seemed to fold in two. ‘Please tell me how we can feel the way we do, and still love other people? It doesn't make any sense.'

‘Maybe not, but it is a reality,' Daniella responded. ‘So perhaps it would help if you ask yourself this . . . If you were able to take him away from her, would you?'

Jessica almost gasped at the jolt she felt inside. ‘No! Of course not,' she cried. ‘But it doesn't mean I don't want to, and that's what's so wrong. Oh God, I wish Charlie was coming tomorrow. If nothing else, it
would remind me how much he means to me, because right now I seem to have lost sight of everything.'

Daniella's smile was full of sympathy as she sat down. ‘Believe it or not, you're probably still in a state of shock,' she told her gently. ‘Lilian turning up like that . . . I'm sure it won't seem quite so bad in the morning.'

Knowing it would, Jessica's hands went to her face. ‘What if she finds out?' she said. ‘What if somehow . . .'

‘From what you tell me there's nothing to find out,' Daniella reminded her.

Jessica lifted her head. ‘It's true, we've never made love, but tonight we were going to. And there have been other things . . . So much . . . For heaven's sake, you know we went to Paris. How do you think Lilian would feel if she knew that?'

‘But you stayed at my apartment, while Luc was in his?'

‘Yes, but all the time we were there we were fighting our feelings for one another.' Her eyes went to Daniella's, and there was a look of such utter helplessness in them that Daniella reached for her hand.

‘It'll be all right,' Daniella told her.

Jessica shook her head. ‘It won't. It can't. Oh God, I feel so afraid . . .'

‘But there is nothing to be afraid of. As long as Lilian and Charlie never find out . . .'

‘You don't understand. I keep trying to tell myself that it's just a passing attraction, or an infatuation . . . Maybe it is for him, but for me . . .'

‘Ssh,' Daniella chided. ‘Your feelings are very tender right now, which is only to be expected, but what is important is how much you love Lilian. You're not going to do anything to hurt her. No-one is. And you're not going to hurt Charlie either.'

‘No, no, of course not. He's already hurting so much over Natalie . . .'

Daniella turned round as Jessica's mobile started to ring behind her. Reaching for it, she looked at the number and said, ‘It's someone up at the house.' Her eyes came to Jessica's. ‘That means it's either Luc or Lilian.'

Jessica pressed her hands to her head, unable to think what to do.

‘Let me answer,' Daniella said, and without waiting for permission she clicked on.

Jessica's heart was beating hard as she watched her, then she felt almost faint as Daniella said, ‘
Oui, elle est là. Je te la passe
,' and she held the receiver out to Jessica. ‘Luc,' she said.

Feeling almost stifled by her emotions, Jessica took the phone and put it to her ear. ‘
C'est moi
,' she whispered.

‘You know that Lilian's here,' he said.

‘Yes.'

She heard him inhale, and could almost feel the turmoil inside him, and even see the strain in his eyes.

‘Just tell me . . .' She took a breath. ‘Just tell me you were pleased to see her.'

‘Jessica . . .'

‘I need to hear you say it. She loves you, Luc . . .' Her voice faltered and she didn't try again.

‘I admit the timing could . . .'

‘Please just say it,' she whispered.

Several terrible moments ticked by. Eventually he said, ‘Yes, I was pleased to see her.'

Knowing he meant it, she fought down all her other feelings, and smiled past the tears in her eyes as she looked at Daniella and said, ‘Then that's all that matters.'

THAT NIGHT JESSICA
had a dream about Natalie. In it, Natalie was beckoning her to follow, as though she had something to show her, something that was hidden in a place Jessica didn't want to go. Natalie pleaded and begged, all the time laughing and skipping around, as though they were playing some kind of a game. Jessica was laughing too, but she was afraid. She didn't know what of, but she thought there was something wrong with what was happening. Then her mother was there and Jessica kept asking her, ‘Where's Natalie? I have to find her.'