A Game of Shadows (35 page)

Valerie had just a moment to notice how radiant Louisa looked before her daughter flew into her arms, burying her face in her mother’s shoulder.  “Oh, Mama, I’m so glad you are back.  So much has happened.  Did Aunt Louisa tell you about the wedding? It was simply beautiful.  You should have seen my gown.  It was magnificent.  Theo’s brothers are so dashing, and they thoroughly approve of his choice.  Theo told me so.” 

Louisa tended to babble when she was nervous
, and this was no exception.  She was addressing her comments to Valerie, but her eyes were on her father, full of apprehension and shame.  Alec just stood quietly in front of the fireplace, his hands behind his back.  He gave Louisa a quick peck on the cheek, but not the usual warm embrace that she’d come to expect from him.

“Do sit down.  Should I call for some refreshments?  Theo is out at the moment, but I would be happy to show you the house.  Mama would you like to see it?”  Louisa sat down, her eyes darting nervously between her mother’s face and her father
’s back. 

“Dad, was your trip productive?” she asked quietly, finally realizing the depth of Alec’s anger.  “Dad?”

Alec finally turned around, but remained where he was, studying his daughter with an expression that made her blood run cold.  He didn’t answer her question about the trip, but came closer, standing in front of her so that she had no choice but to look up at him, their eyes meeting.

“I am only going to ask this once and I hope you will tell me
the truth, because I will know if you aren’t being honest with me.  Did either Theo or Tom coerce you into lying with them or did you do it willingly?”  Alec held Louisa captive with his gaze, her face turning an alarming shade of red as she tried to look away from her father.  She opened her mouth to lie, but she simply couldn’t.  He’d know, and then it would be worse.

“They didn’t coerce me,” she whispered.

“Did they hurt you or threaten you in any way?” Alec asked, his voice flat and cold.

“No.”

“So, you made a conscious choice to lie with two men, neither of whom you were married to?”

Louisa just nodded, an ominous cold spreading through her body until it reached her heart, chilling her to the bone.

“And did you have anything to do with Tom’s death?  Tom had the power to destroy your life and he died rather conveniently.  I can’t imagine that my child would ever be guilty of such a heinous crime, but I have to ask.”  Valerie gasped at the suggestion, but Alec held up his hand, signaling her to be quiet.  “Thomas Gaines died days after you found out you were with child.  Was that a coincidence?”

Louisa started to cry quietly, her face full of fear and regret.  “I put yew seeds in his wine.  He was cruel to me and as good as called me a whore,” she whimpered, averting her gaze from Alec’s.

“You are a whore,” he said, turning away from her. 

“I could hang for murder,” Louisa whispered, her hands shaking violently in her lap.  “Would you really turn me over to the authorities?  Would you watch your grandchild die?”  She was sobbing now, her face blotchy and swollen, but Alec didn’t seem moved.

“I will not be responsible for your death or the death of your child.  It won’t bring Tom back, and it will ruin not only your reputation, but that of your husband and Kit’s entire family.  However, as of this moment, I no longer consider you my daughter.  You are dead to me, Louisa.”  Alec walked toward the door followed by Louisa’s howls of grief.

“Dad, please, I’ll do anything to make things all right between us.  Anything.”  Louisa ran after Alec, throwing herself at his feet, but he just pushed her away, looking at her with an expression Valerie had never seen on his face before. 

“I might have been able to live with the fact that you have no morals or self-respect, but I can’t live with the fact that you murdered a man in cold blood, and tricked another man into marrying you under false pretenses.  I’m grateful to Kit for what he’s done for you, but I will not be a part of it.  Your actions are between your conscience and God.”  Alec walked out of the room, leaving Louisa in a heap on the floor, crying and shaking.

“Mama,” she wailed pitifully. “Mama, don’t leave me.”

Valerie felt physical pain in her heart as she looked at her daughter, but she couldn’t go against Alec on this.  Their daughter had committed murder.  It hadn’t even been an act of passion, but a premeditated killing that she’d planned from the moment she collected the seeds of the yew tree.  She’d had time to turn back and change her mind, but she went through with it and watched Tom die, for he had to have died in front of her considering the fast-acting poison of yew.  Valerie rose to her feet, afraid she might collapse on the floor next to Louisa.  She forced herself to walk to the door, but she couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye.  She’d always known that Louisa was capable of far more than either she or Alec suspected, but she was still their baby, their little girl, and nothing she’d done would make Valerie stop loving her.

“Louisa, take care of yourself and may God keep you and your baby.”  A sob burst from her chest as she followed Alec outside, her heart breaking into a thousand little pieces.  She sank onto the top step, her legs unwilling to carry her away from the place where she had to lose another child.  Now all of her children were gone: baby Alex dead in his grave, Finn one-hundred and fifty years away, and Louisa lost to her forever.  Valerie didn’t even notice as Alec scooped her up and carried her to the waiting coach, her head on his shoulder.  Nothing mattered anymore, nothing.  Her last baby was gone.

Valerie couldn’t remember coming back to the house or getting into bed, but she couldn’t forget the terrible nightmares that kept her up all night.  Every time she dozed off she saw her daughter being led to the gallows, the thick rope tightening around her neck as Louisa cradled her swollen belly, begging for mercy.  Valerie woke up screaming, clutching her own stomach as it twisted with the agony of her loss.  She pretended to be asleep when Alec finally came to bed, smelling of liquor, his face ashen in the moonlight streaming through the window.  Valerie knew he wasn’t asleep as she turned toward him, wiping the tears from his cheeks and laying her head on his chest.  Neither one of them said a word; they just lay there in each other’s arms, lost in their terrible grief.

Alec got up before dawn, getting dressed quietly and tiptoeing out of the room in the hope that Valerie might get some rest.  The rain that fell during the night had finally stopped, leaving the city sopping wet and strangely empty.  Normally the streets were already coming to life so early in the morning, but no one was outside unless they really had to be, even beggars and vendors hiding in narrow doorways to avoid the dripping leaves and eaves of houses, and shivering from the unseasonal cold of the October morning. 

Alec walked along, unsure of where he was going until he got there.  The Tower of London loomed in front of him, its gray bulk as uncompromising and solid as ever, rising out of the mist coming off the river, the black crows dotting the towers like smudges of ink.  Guards stood at attention at the gate, but Alec didn’t go near them.  He simply stood, looking at the place where his brother had died so many years ago, memories choking him with their unexpected clarity.  He wasn’t sure what brought him there, but he needed to come, to face this next crisis.  He stood there for a long time, lost in thought until Valerie’s voice startled him out of his reverie.

“You still miss him, don’t you?”

“I miss all of them: Finlay, my parents, Rose and Finn.  And I will miss Louisa as well.”  Alec didn’t bother to ask how Valerie had known he was there, she always knew his heart.

“You won’t reconsider?” she whispered, already knowing the answer.

“Val, I can’t.  I simply can’t.  I could learn to live with the fact that my daughter disappointed me and that she manipulated Kit into lying to Theo, but I can’t live with the fact that she killed Tom.  I never liked the man, but he didn’t force her or hurt her.  She went to him willingly, fully knowing what the consequences might be.  No matter what he said to her, she had no right to take his life.”

Alec turned to Valerie, begging for her understanding.  “God knows I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but I had no choice.  I helped Finlay die to spare more torture, and I killed those two men in Williamsburg to save you.  Louisa killed Tom out of vengeance and fear.  She wanted to assure her life with Theo would be secure.  With Tom out of the way, no one would be able to hold anything over her except us, and she knows that we’d never do that.  She thought it through, Val.  She planned it.  I simply can’t live with that.”  Alec took Valerie’s hand, turning to face her.  “I will not impose my will on you.  If you decide to maintain a relationship with Louisa, I won’t blame you, but I can no longer be her father.”

“We’ll never know our grandchild, Alec.  It’s not the baby’s fault.”  Alec just nodded, his eyes full of pain. 

“I know, but that’s how it must be.  I have a feeling that Louisa will get over this a lot sooner than we will.  She’s a survivor, and she will do whatever she has to secure her own happiness.”

“We’ll never get over it.  This will stay with us for the rest of our days, haunting us and tormenting us.  Knowing that our daughter and grandchild are out there in the world and having no contact with them is worse than death.”  Valerie leaned against Alec, his arms going around her as the mist swirled around them, chilling them to the bone.

“Louisa and Kit will keep an eye on her,” Alec said, hoping to give Valerie something to hold on to.  At least she would have news of their daughter, if not physical contact. 

“Maybe it’s time we went home,” Alec suggested. 

“Yes, you might be right, although there’s something I’d like to do first.”  Valerie took Alec by the hand leading him away from the Tower and the horrible memories that resurfaced so frequently, especially in that place.

October
1777

Maryland

Abbie used a stick to push the potatoes deeper between the burning logs in the hope that they would bake faster.  She was terribly hungry, and the appetizing smell of the potatoes made her mouth water.  These were the last of the potatoes that Jim Jensen gave them when they left Staten Island, their food supplies dwindling almost down to nothing after a week of traveling.  They still had a chunk of sausage left to eat with the potatoes and a few apples, but as of tomorrow, they would either have to buy food, which would deplete their meager savings since neither Abbie nor Finn collected their earnings before Abbie was arrested, or hunt for it, which would slow down their progress toward Virginia.  Neither solution was desirable, but they had to eat, and with four people to feed, the supplies went quickly.  Abbie tossed some ground chicory into the boiling water, making coffee to have with their meal.  She didn’t much like chicory coffee, but it was better than nothing and at least it was a hot drink in her belly, warming her through against the chill of the gathering night. 

Abbie inhaled deeply, enjoying the aroma of burning wood, potatoes and simmering coffee.  Sounds of birdsong filled the air as a gentle breeze moved through the trees overhead, bringing with it a distinct smell of autumn.  It would be a few weeks before the leaves began to change, but already the nights were getting colder, a warm fire a necessity for camping in the woods.  Finn and Sam had gone to the river to bathe and shave, but Abbie and Susanna just washed in parts, finding the water too cold to wade into.  They’d washed their undergarments a few days ago, taking advantage of a warm day and drying them on a bush while they slept.  All they had were the clothes on their back
s, making it difficult to maintain good hygiene, but they had been lucky to escape with their lives, making complaining just plain churlish, especially when the area was swarming with British troops after the Battle of Brandywine.  Abbie never knew if her information had reached the rebels in time, but it likely wouldn’t have mattered, considering the outcome. 

Susanna emerged from the woods, carrying a pile of firewood which she dumped close to the fire and sat down next to Abbie.  She looked pale and drawn, her eyes drooping with fatigue as she stared into the flames, the tongues of firelight dancing in her pupils.

“Susanna, are you all right?” Abbie asked, taking Susanna’s hand in a gesture of comfort.  Susanna didn’t take back the hand, but she never turned to face Abbie, speaking into the flames instead.

“I’ve made a terrible mistake, Abbie, and now I have to do something to rectify it.”  Her voice was low, trembling with deep unhappiness.

“Is it Sam?  Were you wrong about your feelings for him?” Abbie asked carefully, not wanting to pry.  She’d noticed that the relationship between Susanna and Sam seemed to become more strained after they left Staten Island, the two of them looking awkward and shy as they traveled south.  They seemed happy when they arrived at the farm after fleeing the fort, but something changed over the past few days, making Abbie wonder if Susanna had rushed into the relationship and was now regretting her decision to leave. 

Susanna sighed, drawing up her knees and wrapping her arms around them as if to comfort herself.  “He doesn’t love me, Abbie.  I put him in an awkward situation
, and he was too much of a gentleman to reject me outright.  Maybe he was hoping that I’d come to my senses and leave on my own, but I stubbornly refused to face the facts, hoping that he would come around.  I think I should just go back before it’s too late.”  Susanna finally turned her head to face Abbie, her cheeks glistening with tears as she finally put her feelings into words.

“Why do you think Sam doesn’t love you?”  Abbie had
been surprised by that comment since she thought that Sam’s feelings for Susanna were obvious.  But then again, Susanna had only known Sam for a few weeks, so she wouldn’t be able to read him as Abbie could, needing proof of his affection for her.

“He hasn’t touched me,” Susanna whispered, averting her eyes in embarrassment.  Sam had made sure to spread his bedroll close enough to protect Susanna, but not close enough for the two of them to touch, a respectable distance between them at all times, unlike Abbie and Finn
, who slept intertwined and tangled in their blankets. 

“Susanna, I know my brother and he’s not the type of person who would allow himself to be saddled with a wife just because he’s too much of a gentleman to refus
e her.  And as far as the other, eh, problem goes, I think he doesn’t want to offend you.  You’re not married yet, and this is not the way to consummate a relationship.  Have you spoken to him of your feelings?”

Susanna just shook her head, tears running down her face.  “I’m too ashamed to say anything.  And afraid as well.  I couldn’t bear to hear him say that he just wants me to go.”  She hastily wiped her cheeks as they heard the men returning from the river, laughing as they shared a joke. 

“Please don’t say anything to him, Abbie.  I’d be mortified to think he felt pressured to continue our relationship.  I’ll just say goodbye and leave in the morning.  I think it would be better that way.  No prolonged goodbyes.  I hope my father can forgive me for the way I behaved.”  Susanna busied herself with rolling the hot potatoes out of the fire, avoiding looking at Sam as he stepped into the light of the flames, looking years younger after his shave.  He seemed to be feeling better the last few days, his wound healing well and not paining him as much after a day in the saddle.  Sam tried to catch Susanna’s eye, but she avoided looking at him as she divided the potatoes and placed them next to the chunks of sausage already on the plates. 

“I’m starving,” Sam said, accepting his plate and carefully peeling the potato so as not to burn his fingers.  “Susanna, come sit next to me,” he suggested as he watched her peeling her own potato without much enthusiasm.  Susanna just shook her head, staring into the fire as if she saw her future in the flames.  Sam shrugged and took a bite of sausage, his eyes never
leaving Susanna’s face.  He seemed confused by her response but didn’t persist, holding out his cup for some coffee.  She poured it wordlessly, returning to her meal. 

Finn’s gaze met Abbie’s over the leaping flames, his confusion obvious.  He didn’t say anything, but instead got up and sat down next to Abbie, putting his arm around her in a proprietary manner and giving Sam a meaningful look.  Sam didn’t budge, continuing to eat his dinner in silence
, and no longer watching Susanna. 

Abbie took a sip of her coffee, watching the scene.  She couldn’t understand Sam’s attitude.  He was always so charming and confident around women, certainly not needing to be prompted to show affection, but this was different.  He almost seemed scared.  Perhaps Susanna was right
, and Sam felt trapped by his debt of gratitude to her.  Maybe he didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth, and hoped that she would figure things out for herself and be the one to end the relationship, therefore saving what was left of her pride. 

Abbie had seen Sam kiss her a few times, but he was holding back, the kisses chaste and sweet rather than passionate.  Maybe he simply felt no desire for her. 
She wasn’t the type of woman he was normally attracted to, and gratitude only went so far.  Abbie felt Finn’s hand on her leg and put her hand over his, thinking how heartbroken she would be if Finn didn’t want her.  Susanna was right to want to leave.  Why prolong the awkwardness if the attraction wasn’t there?  Sam might feel genuine affection for her, but if he didn’t desire her the way Susanna desired him, the marriage would ultimately fail.

With their meager meal finished, Abbie rose to her feet to collect the dirty
dishes and go wash them in the river before bedding down for the night.  “Sam, why don’t you help me?” she suggested, handing the plates to Sam.  He followed obediently, carrying the dirty dishes and humming a tune as Finn began to spread their bedrolls close to the fire, chatting to Susanna in a low voice.

Abbie turned to Sam as soon as they were out of earshot, watching his face intently
as he set the plates down on the bank, trying to avoid Abbie’s gaze.  “What’s going on?” she asked, taking his face in her hands as he tried to look away.  “Susanna is planning to leave in the morning and return to the fort.  Is that what you want?” she asked gently, trying to understand her brother’s feelings.  “Do you want her to go?”

Sam just shook his head, looking like a sad puppy that
had been left out in the rain.  “Then what
do
you want?” Abbie asked, growing frustrated with him.  “You seem to be avoiding her.”

Sam sat down
on the grass, staring out over the water slowly flowing past them, the first stars shyly appearing in the darkening sky.  He just sat there for a moment, looking much as Susanna had done before, miserable and forlorn.

“I love her, Abbie, and it’s scaring the life out of me.  I never expected to feel this way.”  He looked up at Abbie, begging for her understanding
, but she just shook her head in confusion, unable to understand the logic of Sam’s argument.

“Please explain this to me because I
’m confused.  You love her, she loves you, but the two of you look like the very picture of misery.”  

Sam sighed again, patting the space next to him in an invitation for Abbie to sit down.  He was still staring out over the water, his eyes full of anguish.  “I’m all wrong for her
, Abbie.  I can do nothing but ruin her life and she’ll resent me and wish she never clapped eyes on me.  She thinks she loves me, but how will she feel once she realizes that there’s no going back, and she’s trapped in Virginia with no ties to her family or chance of returning to England?  She’s a proper lady, not suited to be a farmer’s wife.” 

“Why don’t you let her be the judge of that?” Abbie asked, leaning against him in a show of affection.  Sam wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head.  “I’d rather she left me now than later.  I couldn’t bear it, Abbie.  I just couldn’t bear losing her after I allow myself to believe that she’s actually mine.”

Abbie pulled away from Sam, glaring at him from under her lashes.  He probably couldn’t see her expression in the dusk, but he could feel the force of her stare.  “Have I ever told you that you are a right damned fool, Samuel Mallory?  I’ve never heard such nonsense in my whole life.  You go back there, and you tell her that you love her, and allow her to love you.  That girl has just given up everything and everyone she loves to follow you to the ends of the earth, and you are sitting here telling me you can’t bear to lose her?  I’d beat some sense into you if you weren’t injured.  I swear, only a man can be so daft.” 

Abbie got to her feet, gathering the dirty dishes and stepping closer to the water to wash them before turning around and glaring at Sam again.  “Are you still here?  Do you need a swift kick in the seat of your pants?  Because I’m more than ready to administer it.”  Abbie put her hands on her hips, daring Sam to argue with her.  He just got to his feet and planted a quick kiss on her cheek before trotting back to the campsite.

“Tell Finn I need him,” she called after him, hoping he’d have enough sense to talk to Susanna in private.  Abbie shook her head in wonder, amazed by the foolishness of men.  “Can’t bear to lose her,” she mumbled under her breath as she began washing the plates.  “Idiot!”  She couldn’t help smiling as she thought of Sam.  He’d really and truly fallen in love this time, finally realizing how fragile his heart was.  She hoped Susanna would take good care of it, for she had no doubt in her mind that Susanna would love him with all her might if only he’d let her.