A Gift of Grace (15 page)

Jessica’s voice quavered as she continued. “I thought maybe, just maybe, if I did the weeding then Daniel would actually talk to me during our rides to and from the furniture store.” She paused to take a deep breath, fighting threatening tears. “But no, it didn’t work. Daniel ignored the fact that I spent all morning weeding and shouted because I was wearing a bikini top and shorts. He only focused on the fact that I wasn’t wearing a dress that would probably make an Eskimo sweat in Antarctica!”

With a sympathetic expression, Rebecca reached for her again. “Jessica—”

“Save it.” Jessica held her hands up. “I’ll be in my room and away from the eyes of the community, so I won’t embarrass you and Daniel any more today.”

She started up the stairs and then stopped and faced Rebecca again. “Oh, and I’m sorry for working on Sundays. It seems I can’t even get the days right when I try to do something nice.”

Turning, Jessica stomped up the stairs. When she reached her room, she flopped onto the bed and sobbed into her pillow.

For what felt like the millionth time, she asked God why her parents had to die and why she and Lindsay had to come to this awful house.

“Where are you, God?” she whispered. “Have You forgotten me?”

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S
wiping away a tear, Rebecca watched Jessica stomp up the stairs. Her niece’s words echoed in her mind. Poor Jessica had been trying to do something good. She wanted to finish the weeding so Daniel would realize she was truly trying to be helpful. However, the good intentions had blown up in her face. Now her niece’s heart was broken, and Rebecca’s heart was shredded.

Daniel’s reaction had rattled Rebecca. Up until today, she hadn’t seen him lose his temper about the girls. Now he was furious, and she wondered how she was going to make Daniel see that Jessica only wanted to impress him. All Daniel would see was an inappropriately dressed girl doing work on Sunday. To make matters worse, she had embarrassed him in front of his brother Robert yet again. Daniel would never believe that Jessica was trying to gain his approval.

How could she make him see the whole picture without getting him angrier than he already was? But if she didn’t try to make Daniel see the truth, he would never know how hard Jessica was trying. It seemed Rebecca would never win in this situation. No matter what she did, she was bound to hurt someone she loved.

Had God heard her prayers? Was He listening?

Sighing, Rebecca wiped another tear and cleared her throat. She had to pull herself together before she went outside to greet her visitors.

“I guess that didn’t go well, huh?” Lindsay asked, sidling up to Rebecca.

“No, not at all.” Rebecca folded her arms across her chest. “She said she was trying to help. She thought that by doing the weeding she could win Daniel over.”

“She picked the wrong day to do it, though. And that outfit was just about the worst possible.” Lindsay shook her head and frowned. “I wish we had gotten home before Robert pulled up. I could’ve gotten her inside and avoided everyone seeing her.”

“
Ya
,” Rebecca said, studying her niece.

Rebecca had been so proud to have Lindsay with her today. Lindsay looked like she belonged, sitting with Katie and the other young women their age during the service. The community had embraced her during the service. Rebecca was still astounded by Lindsay’s interest in the Faith and her desire to be a part of it. Unfortunately, she had no idea how to reach Jessica.

“Do you want me to check on her?” Lindsay asked, nodding toward the stairs.

“I don’t know.” Rebecca shook her head. “I think she may need to be alone.”

Lindsay bit her bottom lip as if contemplating the situation.

“We’ll check on her later,” Rebecca said, looping her arm around Lindsay’s shoulders. “I promise. Right now we need to be with our guests and act like nothing happened.”

“
Ya
.” Her niece nodded with emphasis. “Nothing happened. Got it.”

Plastering a smile on her face despite her inner turmoil, Rebecca took Lindsay’s hand and led her back out to the yard, where Daniel stood talking with Robert and Sadie.

The children were gathered around the fence by the horses. Katie met Lindsay’s gaze and gestured for her to approach. Lindsay trotted over, joining the group at the fence.

“Is everything all right?” Sadie asked Rebecca.

“
Ya
,” Rebecca said with a forced smile. “Everything is fine.” Needing to change the subject quickly, she waved toward the door. “How about you go sit on the front porch and enjoy this beautiful day the Lord has given us? I’ll get us some iced tea.”

The men nodded and then made small talk about the weather and work.

“Iced tea sounds nice.” Sadie stepped toward her. “Can I help you?”

“
Nee
. I can manage.” Rebecca patted her sister-in-law’s arm, hoping to deter her from coming to the kitchen.

Rebecca met Daniel’s glance, and he scowled, causing her heart to sink. She knew she would endure another earful about Jessica this evening. Rebecca shook her head. They didn’t need to air any more of their family troubles in front of his brother. She’d deal with her husband after the company was gone.

The men headed for the front of the house, and Rebecca started for the back door.

“Wait for me.” Sadie rushed to catch up with her.

Rebecca squelched the urge to groan with irritation. The last thing Rebecca needed was her nosy, outspoken sister-in-law making conversation in the kitchen. “I’m fine, Sadie.
Danki
.”

“Don’t be silly.” Sadie swatted her arm. “I’m happy to help.”

Rebecca forced a smile.
Ya, and get more gossip about my niece to spread at your quilting bee
.

They stepped into the kitchen, and Rebecca pulled the container of freshly brewed iced tea from the refrigerator.

“Is Jessica doing okay?” Sadie asked, her voice overly timid as if she were trying to appear genuine.

“Jessica will be just fine.” Rebecca snatched four glasses from the cabinet and placed them on a tray.

“Are you sure?” Her sister-in-law’s expression was grim. “Robert says she needs guidance.”

Rebecca felt her back stiffen in response to the criticism. “I would say she needs understanding more than anything right now, considering what she’s been through with losing her parents and moving to an unfamiliar community.”

Sadie placed a hand on Rebecca’s sleeve. “She needs to learn respect for our ways. She forced her rock music and a computer on my sweet Katie.”

Taking a deep breath to settle her frayed nerves, Rebecca paused before she spoke. “I don’t think Jessica forced anything on Katie. I think they were just two girls getting to know each other. It was innocent.”

Sadie shook her head, clicking her tongue. “I don’t think so, Becky.”

Rebecca bit her lip at the pet name that she only permitted Daniel to call her. Sadie was being condescending, and it made her angry. “Sadie, as I said, you must remember that the girls just lost their parents. They’re trying to find their way in this world, and it’s our calling to give them love and support.”

“Oh, of course. But we also need to remind them that they’re living in
our
community,
ya
?” Sadie’s expression softened. “I see Lindsay is finding her way quite well. Perhaps her older sister should follow her lead.”

“I think Jessica should go at her own pace.” Rebecca placed the pitcher on the tray.

“I don’t know.” Her sister-in-law shook her head. “I think her pace is misled.”

“We need to give the girls love and understanding. It’s the Christian thing to do,
ya
?” Rebecca heaved the tray and started for the front door.

Sadie followed at her heels. “Well, her behavior has not been so Christian. I can’t say she was dressed like a good Christian earlier, and according to Robert she gave my Samuel a seductive look the last time we were here.”

Shocked by the words, Rebecca stopped dead in her tracks, and the tray teetered in her hands. “What did you say about the last time you were here?”

“She gave my Samuel a suggestive look at the front door on their way out.”

“Who said that?”

“Robert.” Sadie gestured toward the front door. “They were leaving, and she turned and walked into Samuel. Then she gave him
the eye
.” She dramatically pointed to her eye and winked.

“The eye? I’m not sure what you mean.” Rebecca shook her head in disbelief.

“She looked at him like she wanted to … you know!” Sadie gave a frustrated sigh. “She wanted to tempt him.”

Rebecca silently counted to ten, hoping to curb her boiling fury. “Sadie, Jessica is a child. She’s not going to try to seduce any young men. She’s just a confused teenager who wants to fit in. I would appreciate it if these judgments about her were kept to yourself.”

Sadie folded her arms across her apron. “I think you’re naïve when it comes to your niece.”

Rebecca’s eyes narrowed in response. She willed herself to keep her temper in check. “Remember what Elizabeth always says,
‘
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.’ Perhaps we should take that advice and keep my nieces in our prayers.”

Her sister-in-law’s brows knitted, her hazel eyes gleaming with irritation. “
Ya
. Perhaps we should.”

Rebecca continued through the door, where she found the men sitting side by side and discussing the rising cost of lumber. She placed the tray on the ledge in front of the men and sank into the porch swing.

Rebecca’s thoughts wandered while the men and Sadie chatted about idle things. Her mind kept replaying her conversations with Daniel and then with Jessica. She pondered how she was going to keep her husband happy and also get through to Jessica. How could she balance her role as wife with her role as guardian to two English girls?

Elizabeth had repeatedly told her to listen, pray, and have faith. She’d done so over and over in her mind, but none seemed to be leading her down the right path. No matter how hard she tried, she still found both Daniel and Jessica disappointed and angry with her. She needed to find the solution before she lost them both forever.

Closing her eyes, she prayed from the bottom of her heart:

Lord, tell me what to do. Please Lord, give me the knowledge I need to be a gut wife and guardian
.

Much to Rebecca’s dismay, Robert’s family stayed and visited through supper and into the early evening.

Lindsay spent her time with Katie and her younger sister Nancy. It warmed Rebecca’s heart to see the girls talk and laugh. However, she spotted Sadie and Daniel frequently watching Lindsay with an accusing eye. Rebecca yearned to tell them to give Lindsay the benefit of the doubt, but she knew it was no use. They’d both deny being suspicious of the girl even though it was written all over their faces.

Jessica spent the evening in her room and didn’t even come down when Rebecca called her to supper. Rebecca had longed for the company to leave early, so she could talk with Jessica and try to get her to understand that she loved her and wanted the best for her.

When the guests finally left for the evening, Rebecca hurried up to Jessica’s room and was heartbroken to find her asleep, sprawled across her bed clad in a pair of plaid boxer shorts and a short-sleeved T-shirt. Her phone was lying next to her one side and her iPod and ear buds were on the other.

A pang of guilt rang through Rebecca. If she were a good guardian and surrogate mother, she would’ve helped Jessica through this difficult day. But her duties as wife and hostess had kept her chained to her company. She should have snuck away and at least brought Jessica a meal. Grace would’ve been disappointed in Rebecca’s neglect today.

Rebecca moved closer to the bed. Jessica looked angelic with her dark hair framing her face and her lips curving in a sweet smile. She touched her arm, and Jessica sighed in her sleep and rolled to her side.

Tiptoeing toward the door, Rebecca hoped she could talk to her alone tomorrow night and make her see that everything would be all right.

She gingerly shut the door and crossed the small hallway to Lindsay’s room. She gave the door a light rap and then opened it, finding Lindsay sitting cross-legged on the bed while writing on a small lap desk.

Her niece looked up and smiled. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Rebecca leaned back on the door frame. “What are you doing?”

“Writing a letter to my friend Cindy.” Lindsay pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and nodded toward the door. “Is she okay?”

“She’s asleep.” Rebecca sighed. “I wanted to break away earlier to talk to her, but I kept getting caught by Sadie. It was as if she knew I wanted to talk to Jessica.”

Her niece nodded. “I’m sure she’ll be okay.”

“I’ll talk to her in the morning. I just hope she isn’t upset all day tomorrow.” Rebecca stood up and smoothed her apron. “Thank you for coming to service with us today. I enjoyed having you with me.”

“
Ya
.” Lindsay giggled. “I enjoyed it too.”

“You know you don’t need to feel obligated to come to service and be a part of the community, yes?”

“Yes.” The girl nodded her head. “I know that. But it feels right.”

Rebecca smiled. “You look beautiful in your Plain dress. I think your
mamm
would be proud.”

Lindsay’s porcelain cheeks glowed a light pink. “I have a feeling you’re right.”

“Well, good night.” Rebecca stepped into the doorway. “I’ll see you bright and early.”

“Good night, Aunt Rebecca.” She smiled as Rebecca closed the door.

Rebecca sighed while a myriad of emotions rioted within her. The day had been a mix of disappointment, frustration, and also happiness. She was happy to see Lindsay fitting in and excited about her new life. However, she was also disappointed in Daniel and frustrated with Jessica. She wondered how she was ever going to find a balance.

Stepping into her bedroom, Rebecca spotted her husband sitting on the side of the bed with his arms folded across his wide chest while waiting for her. Still fully clothed, his handsome face wore a stony scowl, sending a chill slithering up her spine. He rarely lost his temper, but when he did, it was like a storm rolling in during the heat of summer.

Rebecca pulled the door closed and stood in front of it, bracing herself for his tirade. She took a deep breath and willed herself to remain calm.