A Girl's Guide to Moving On (33 page)

Despite myself, I laughed. “Sounds like she's exactly the kind of woman you need.”

Jake agreed. “I have Owen Christmas morning, and I thought I'd come by and spend part of the day with you and Dad, if that's all right?”

“Of course.”

“I want Owen to have as many memories of his grandfather as he can.”

“It'll be good for them both.” I wanted to warn Jake how quickly his father tired out, but decided against it. “I'll make us a special dinner.”

“Could you make that pasta dish I like so much? You remember, the one with the clams in it? Owen likes pasta and I wanted to share it with him.”

“Of course.” I'd need to dig through my recipes and make sure I had all the ingredients. It'd been several years since I'd last cooked it.

“We won't stay too long, I promise,” Jake said, glancing toward his father again.

“Don't worry, son. It will do your father good to see Owen.”

“I have him starting tomorrow. Do you think it would be too much to have him visit Dad then?”

“Not at all.”

“I'd like you to meet Carlie, too.”

He said this as if he wasn't sure I would want to, seeing how close Nichole and I were. “I'd like to meet her, Jake. And I don't think you need to worry about Nichole, either. She's moved on. I know she wants you to do the same.”

He exhaled as though relieved. “I hope that we can be cordial to each other.”

“Dropping the threat of suing for custody of Owen will go a long way toward seeing to that.”

Jake grinned and looked almost boyish. “You should have heard what Carlie had to say when I told her what I'd threatened. She about chewed my ear off, giving me her opinion.”

“In other words, you'd more or less changed your mind before you talked to Rocco.”

“No, not really. Even though I knew I'd probably lose, I wanted to fight her. After talking to Rocco I realize how screwed-up my thinking was. Besides, if I'm going to have a serious relationship with Carlie, I was going to need an attitude adjustment.”

“Looks like you're making progress.”

“That's for sure. It's been an eye-opening month for me.”

I was grateful for everything that had opened my son's eyes.

“What about you, Mom? How are you holding up?”

My thoughts instantly went to Nikolai and I felt the weight of regret settle over me. “Okay.”

“I realize looking after Dad is taking up all your time now. What about those classes you were teaching?”

“The session ended and I didn't renew my contract.” The last few classes had been torture for me without Nikolai. Seeing his empty space in the front of the classroom made my heart ache. Even if I'd wanted to continue teaching, I wouldn't have the time now. Sean needed me.

Jake left soon afterward and Sean woke. I helped him to the bathroom and convinced him to eat some soup and bread. He made the effort, and that pleased me. I know the only reason he ate was because he wanted to show me he appreciated that I'd cooked for him.

In the evening, I sat by his side and he reached for my hand. He'd done that several times now. Frankly, I couldn't remember the last time my husband had wanted to hold my hand. I think it was shortly after Jake had been born.

I knew Sean had regrets and I was grateful that he spoke to Jake about them. Our son needed to hear it and I was pleased Jake had chosen to share some of their conversation with me. In retrospect, I believe Sean counted on that. For Sean to tell me these things would have been too hard emotionally. The words weren't important. I already knew Sean realized all the years he'd wasted. It was better we not discuss it. We would spend his remaining months free of misgivings and tension.

After Sean was down for the night, I cleaned the kitchen and put away the leftovers. My gaze rested on the bread, my only contact with Nikolai at this point. I swallowed down the sense of loss and returned to the task at hand.

Christmas day without Owen was going to be difficult. I'd had him for Thanksgiving and it was only fair that Jake get to have our son for Christmas. Jake picked up Owen late Friday afternoon. Leanne had called previously to let me know Jake had been by to visit his dad and it had gone well.

I was a little nervous about seeing Jake. We hadn't really talked since our last short conversation, when I'd told him I'd decided to fight him if he sued for custody of our son. I'd already made an appointment with my divorce attorney for after the first of the year.

He stood outside my apartment and I invited him in while Owen ran to collect his backpack. “How's your dad?” I asked, making conversation.

A look of sadness came over him and I realized I should have chosen a different topic.

“Not so good.”

“I'm sorry, Jake.”

“Yeah, it sucks. Listen,” he said, glancing down at the floor, “you can forget what I said about taking you to court. You're a good mother and I was out of line.”

This was a major surprise.

“Owen needs you.”

“He needs you, too.” Just not the majority of the time. In the years to come that might change, I realized, although I didn't want to think about that now.

“I haven't done a good job to this point, but I want you to know, Nichole, I intend to be a better father from now on.”

For one wild moment I was too stunned to speak. “What changed your mind?”

“A lot of things. My talk with Rocco, mostly.”

“Rocco?” My head started spinning. Rocco hadn't said anything about this. He'd mentioned he wanted to talk to Jake, but I'd heard nothing since.

Jake glanced up and shocked me even more when he added, “Rocco's an all-right guy. If I'd loved you half as much we wouldn't be trading our son off on holidays and weekends. Like I told my mom, Rocco and I aren't ever going to be good friends, but I trust him to do right by you and by Owen.”

Leanne knew about this conversation and hadn't said anything about it to me. I didn't know how many shocks my brain could absorb. Perhaps she assumed I already knew, I reasoned.

Before I could question him further, Owen flew into the living room. “I'm weady, Daddy. Santa's coming and I get to open my gifts, wight?”

“That's right, big man.” Jake lifted Owen into his arms and hugged him until my toddler squirmed and wanted down. “Come on, Dad, let's boogie outta hewe.”

I had to smile because that was something Rocco said. Under normal circumstances I think Jake might have objected, but not now. Instead he laughed and took hold of Owen's hand.

As soon as my ex and son were out the door I grabbed my phone.

That was one argument I was happy to lose.

Christmas Day was spent with Rocco and Kaylene at their house. Since a fair number of Rocco's employees were ex-cons, many of them didn't have family connections, so Rocco put out a spread for them. Otherwise they would end up spending the day alone.

When I volunteered to help with the buffet, Rocco was more than happy to have me there. A good portion of the morning and early afternoon was spent with the two of us in the kitchen, cooking up spaghetti sauce, along with garlic rolls and a tossed green salad.

I was busy cutting up lettuce for the salad when I whirled around and nearly bumped into Rocco. He caught me by the shoulders and paused, smiling down on me. The look in his eyes was enough to make my toes curl. Before I knew it we were in each other's arms. After only the slightest of hesitations, he kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that, in the words of Shawntelle, had the power to melt the panties right off a girl.

“Dad,” Kaylene cried in complete disgust. “Don't you two have more important things to do than stand in the middle of the kitchen making out?”

Rocco's eyes connected and held mine like a vise. “Can't say that I do.”

“You're embarrassing.”

“Get used to it,” Rocco told his daughter as he kissed me again, practically bending me in half over his arm.

“Dad, I'm serious.”

Rocco reluctantly broke off the kiss. “I am, too,” he whispered, looking deep into my eyes. “Very serious.”

The teenager made a huffing sound and returned to the other room.

Despite all the pauses in the meal preparation, Rocco and I managed to get everything on the table in time. I'd brought homemade cookies and candies made from the very recipes my mother had once used. It was fun to learn that Karen and Cassie had baked many of the same recipes I had. Each one of us had happy memories of the goodies our mother had once lovingly prepared.

The first person to arrive was Shawntelle, along with Jerome. I hadn't seen her since our come-to-Jesus talk. The minute she walked in the house, she threw her arms in the air and headed straight for me.

“I knew you weren't as dumb as you look,” she cried, wrapping me in a bear hug strong enough to lift me two feet off the floor. “You aren't no fool. You know a good man when you find one, same as me.” She set me back down and grabbed hold of Jerome's hand, bringing him forward to meet me. “This is Jerome. He met my kids, all five of them, and he's still with me,” she boasted.

Jerome was tall and thin and about as opposite of Shawntelle as a man could get. I doubted he could get a word in with that woman around, but it was clear from the way he looked at her that she was everything to him.

“Hi, Jerome,” I said, grinning at them both. “Speaking of the kids, where are they?”

“With my cousin. Remember Charise? I had to bribe her to watch them for a couple of hours, but Jerome needed a break.”

“You needed the break,” Jerome countered.

Rocco joined us and slipped his arm around my waist. “What's this I overheard?” he asked, studying me. “You and Shawntelle had a long talk?”

Shawntelle piped up, eager to tell the story. “You bet we did. I gave this woman a piece of my mind because it was clear she was missing parts of her brain and needed my help.” She had her hand on her hip as she spoke. “Got to say it's a good thing she listened, too.”

“Good thing is right,” Rocco agreed, and tightened his hold on me to the point that I was plastered to his side. This was Rocco's way of saying he wasn't going to let me go ever again. Not that I would argue. I liked being exactly where I was.

Within the next hour the house was full of employees and friends. Sam and a few other guys from the tavern that I'd met stopped by, too. Both Rocco and I were busy with our duty as hosts.

Everyone seemed to know who I was, although I hadn't met more than a couple of his employees previously. My guess was that Shawntelle had more to do with this than Rocco. By the end of the day I knew all their names and felt like I had learned a little about each of them.

Rocco had taken a chance on each one and none had failed him. He explained that he was a good judge of character and it didn't take him long to determine who would last and who wouldn't. It was clear to me that every man and woman would have gladly sung Rocco's praises. He was more than their employer. He was their friend, and for a couple perhaps the first person willing to look beyond their mistakes and give them a second chance at being independent.

By the time the last stragglers had left we were all exhausted. The only one who showed any real life left in her was Kaylene.

“Best Christmas ever,” the teenager boasted.

“Better than last year?” Rocco asked, and then whispered in my ear, “She got an iPad, which was at the top of her list,
and
a cell phone.”

“Yup, even better than last year.”

“Why's that?” her father asked.

Kaylene flopped down on the sofa next to where Rocco and I had crashed. “Because I've never seen my dad so happy,” she said. Her eyes lit up as she looked to me. “Thanks, Nichole.”

“You could be jealous, you know.” I'd heard plenty of stories where the daughter of a single father resented the dad's love interest.

“I could be, I guess,” Kaylene said, weighing my words.

“Don't give her any ideas,” Rocco whispered, and then nibbled on my earlobe, sending chills racing down my spine.

“It isn't only that you're good for my dad,” Kaylene said, growing thoughtful. “You're good for me, too. You're teaching me how to be a woman.”

“I am?”

“She eats her pizza with a fork now,” Rocco muttered, and he didn't look happy about it.

“And you know about fashion,” Kaylene continued, “and makeup and all the things a woman my age needs to learn.”

“Woman?”
Rocco repeated, lifting his brows with the question.

“I am a woman, Dad,” Kaylene insisted, and then as quickly asked, “Can I watch TV? There's a movie on Hallmark I want to see.”

“By all means,” Rocco told her.

Kaylene jumped off the couch and headed into the other room.

Rocco had his arm around me. My tired feet were tucked alongside me on the sofa and my head rested against his shoulder.

“Didn't you love seeing Shawntelle with Jerome?” Rocco asked me.

The memory of the two brought a smile. “They're certainly an odd couple.”

“So are we,” he suggested.

“No, we aren't,” I argued, lifting my head from his shoulder.

It seemed like he was too exhausted to disagree. “Did you notice the way Jerome looked at her? It was as if that woman could do no wrong.”

I had noticed and been touched by the tender looks Jerome gave Shawntelle.

“I recognized it because that's the way I look at you,” Rocco whispered, nuzzling his nose in my hair. “Have I ever mentioned how much I love the way you smell? It's like nothing I could name—a combination of roses and almonds.” He paused and then groaned. “Don't go mentioning that to my friends, or they'll think I've turned into a woman.”

“My lips are sealed.”

He grumbled about something else, but I didn't catch it. I closed my eyes. I could fall asleep right here with Rocco's arms around me.

“I love you, Rocco,” I said on the tail end of a yawn.

He went still and quiet, and for a moment I was afraid I'd said the wrong thing. I knew some men freak out when women profess their feelings. This wasn't the first time, either. I'd said it that day just before I fell on the sidewalk.

A number of people had mentioned to me that Rocco loved me, so I wasn't expecting it would upset him if I said what was in my heart.

“I love you, too,” he whispered, after what seemed like an eternity. “When you told me you wanted to stop seeing me it felt as if my entire world had imploded. I half expected you'd want to break it off with me at some point, but when it actually happened it was so much worse than I imagined. The only point lower was when I was tossed into a jail cell.”

“It was a low point for me, too,” I told him. “I wasn't even half alive afterward. Ask Leanne. It was worse even than the day I found out that Jake had been cheating on me. When I learned my husband had gotten another woman pregnant I was filled with righteous anger. When I broke up with you all I felt was this horrible sense of grief. The only thing I can compare it to was the feelings I had when my parents died.”

“You should have been honest with me.”

In retrospect, he was right; I should have told Rocco about Jake's threat right away. It would have saved us both a lot of unnecessary suffering. Still, I believe everything worked out the way it was meant to. In other circumstances, Rocco might have talked to Jake with a lot of anger and resentment clouding his head.

“Leanne met Carlie, the woman Jake's currently seeing,” I told Rocco, “and she thinks this is exactly the kind of woman her son needs.”