“Okay, so. First, I’m sorry. Really, really sorry.”
“About what?”
“About pushing you away. I shouldn’t have, especially since I know how it feels after you gave me the silent treatment that time. I just needed time to think and make some decisions.”
“And? What did you decide?” Ellis’s heart was doing flip-flops as he waited to find out what Dale had decided to do.
“I don’t want to be your friend.”
Ellis sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. “Okay,” he whispered.
“I’m not done.” Ellis heard Dale take a deep breath, and something stroked his knuckles. His eyes popped open in time to see Dale’s hand untangling his fingers and twining them with his instead. “I want more,” Dale said softly. “I know we’ve never talked about this and that I never gave you an inkling I felt more than friendship for you, but I like you. That’s why I kissed you.”
Ellis swallowed loudly. “You like me?”
The hand around Ellis’s tightened. “Yes. I’m bi. I already knew that, but I’ve never liked a guy that way, not until you.”
“What about Stephanie?”
“I broke up with her. Just now. I came right from her house to talk to you.”
Ellis chuckled. “You didn’t waste time.”
“Once I made my decision, I didn’t need to. It would only have hurt you and her more. I guess it was time to stop hiding, you know?”
“Even if it’d be easier?”
“Yeah. I never had a good enough reason to do it, but now, well. You are.”
Ellis finally gathered to courage to look up. Dale was looking at him, their hands still clasped together. He could see Dale was still nervous by the way his leg was bouncing, and it made him smile. “So you broke up with your girlfriend for me.”
“Yeah.”
“What do you want from me, Dale? What did you have in mind when you decided to come here?”
“Honestly? I just thought it wasn’t fair to Stephanie to stay with her, not when I want you more than I want her.”
“I get that, but what do you want from
me
?” Ellis held up their clasped hands. “This is going to make things hard for both of us if someone at school finds out.”
“I don’t care.”
“You know that’s not true.”
Dale huffed. “Okay, it’s not, but I know you by now. I know you won’t want to hide.”
“Actually, I think we should keep it a secret at school, at least for a while.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I don’t want people to talk behind my back and gossip. It’s only until the end of the year anyway, and we can always change our minds if we want to.”
“Okay, I’m fine with that, but are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
Ellis grinned at Dale. “I don’t know what you’re thinking.”
“Shit, it’s never been so hard!” Dale chuckled and raked his free hand through his hair, messing it up. “Do you want to go out with me? Be my boyfriend?”
Ellis beamed. Only hours before he’d thought their friendship hadn’t survived, and now Dale was asking him to be his boyfriend. It felt unreal, maybe a dream, but Ellis didn’t want to wake up. “Yes, okay.”
Dale beamed back and moved toward Ellis. He cupped one of his cheeks and leaned in. Ellis’s heart did somersaults. Their lips met, and Ellis lost himself in the sensations Dale created in him.
The kiss was wet, warm, and affectionate. Ellis slid his arms around Dale and held him as close as he could in the position they were in. It wasn’t comfortable, but who cared?
Ellis squirmed, and Dale chuckled and moved away. He kissed the tip of Ellis’s nose and reclined backward on the bed, tugging on Ellis’s arm to make him follow. It was a bit awkward, being so close to Dale when Ellis had spent the past few months trying to keep as far away from him as he could, but it was also so, so good.
They ended up on their sides with Ellis’s head pillowed on Dale’s arm while the other one was around Ellis’s waist. They were close enough to feel each other’s warmth but not pressed together.
Dale grinned. “So, boyfriends.”
“Uh-huh. Do you want to come out to your family?” Ellis knew that even if Dale said no, he would tell his parents. It was time. Besides, half of his family already suspected he was gay. It wouldn’t be a surprise for them.
“I think I will, but I’m not looking forward to it.”
“How do you think they’ll take it?”
Dale shrugged. “I’m not sure about my mom, but she always talks about my cousin like he’d have an easier life if he was
normal
. She never said anything outright, but it doesn’t give me much hope, you know?”
“What about your dad?”
“I think he’ll be fine. One of his best friends is gay, and he doesn’t care one bit.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah. I’ve always felt more at ease with him. Sometimes I wish I could live with him instead of with my mom.”
“Why don’t you?”
“She needs help with Alicia.”
Ellis snuggled deeper into Dale’s embrace, still a bit bewildered about what had happened. “Do you want me to be there when you tell them?”
“No. I don’t know how my mom will react, and I think you being there would only make things worse.”
“Do we tell anyone else?” Ellis needed to tell someone before he exploded, but most importantly, he didn’t want to hide this part of his life from his family and his two best friends, not anymore.
“Well, I told Seth, and I think I’m going to have to tell the soccer team.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want them to feel betrayed if they find out in another way.”
“How did Seth take it?”
“He doesn’t care. He’s fine with us being together too. I don’t know why I was afraid of telling him.”
“Not everyone’s going to be fine with it. What if one of your teammates tells everyone?”
“I’ll deal with it when it happens. I don’t want to hide it anymore. It wasn’t a problem before because I’d never wanted to be with a guy, but now I have you. I don’t want to hide forever.”
“We’re only seventeen. It won’t be forever.” Truth to be told, while Ellis did want to be open about their relationship, he was also scared to death. He’d never had many friends, and the rest of the school usually ignored him, but he wasn’t out. He knew it would change if he came out, especially if he dragged Dale along for the ride. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face whatever reaction the school would have.
DINNER HAD
been… painful. Connor was home again, and he kept looking from Ellis to Dale like he knew what had happened. Of course, it could have been the hickey Ellis hadn’t noticed was on his neck until he and Dale were back in his room.
“Why did you do this?” Ellis groaned as he pulled on the collar of his T-shirt and examined his neck in the mirror. He crinkled his nose at the reddened skin, hoping no one would notice it at school the following day. He was lucky his dad hadn’t—yet.
Dale placed himself behind Ellis and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Sorry, I got carried away.”
“What am I supposed to tell Anna tomorrow? She’s going to notice it, and she won’t let go until she has an explanation. I don’t think
I tripped
will work.”
“Tell her the truth.”
Ellis groaned. “I don’t want to.”
“Oh?” The mirror reflected Dale’s hurt expression, and Ellis turned around in his arms and kissed his cheek.
“She’s going to squeal so loudly you’ll probably be able to hear her from wherever you are in the school.”
Dale smiled and pressed a kiss on the side of Ellis’s neck. “What about a movie?”
“Huh?”
“Movie? You know, those things you can watch on your computer where people move around and tell a story?”
Ellis stuck his tongue out, and Dale moved away. “As long as it’s not porn.”
“Oh, I’d forgotten about that. We’re going to talk about it.”
“Do we really have to?” Dale nodded. “Great. Remind me I should think before I open my mouth next time.”
Dale huffed, but Ellis knew his annoyance was fake. He grabbed his laptop and put it to charge then settled next to Dale on the bed. They sat against the headboard, Dale’s arm around Ellis’s shoulders, the PC on the desk chair Dale had moved closer to the bed. It wasn’t the best position to watch a movie, but Ellis knew they wouldn’t actually be watching it. Still, he dutifully looked at the small screen while he waited for Dale to start talking.
“Did you already like me when it happened?”
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
“What do you mean, maybe?”
Ellis turned toward his boyfriend. He crossed his legs to be more comfortable and put his elbows on his knees, leaning his chin in his cupped hands. “I’m not sure. I know I liked you as a friend and that you made me nervous. And yeah, I might have had a crush on you, but I wasn’t about to admit it, not even to myself.” Ellis chuckled. “I remember thinking that even if I did like you, I’d never have you anyway.”
“I realized during the movie. I couldn’t focus on the woman on the screen. I kept seeing you in her place.”
Ellis slapped Dale’s arm. “I’m not a girl!”
“I know.”
Dale snagged Ellis’s waist and pulled him closer. Ellis went willingly, and they rearranged their bodies until they were comfortable. The movie was all but forgotten as their legs tangled together, and Dale kissed Ellis.
“I feel guilty as fuck, you know?”
“Because of Stephanie?”
“Uh-huh. But I couldn’t resist.”
“Is that why you took
it
out?”
“Why I took what out?” Dale teased Ellis. Ellis went to tickle him, and Dale held his hands up in surrender. “Fine, okay. Yeah, that’s why I decided to jack off in front of you. I was thinking with my little head, though. I knew I couldn’t touch you even if I wanted to, and you looked so good, all flustered and embarrassed.”
Ellis could feel his cheeks burn at the memory. “I thought you’d gone crazy.”
“It was either that or touch you.”
“I wouldn’t have minded.”
“You would have freaked out. Besides, you wouldn’t have liked it because it would have meant I was a cheater.” Dale gave him a soft smile.
“You know me quite well.”
“A bit.”
“Mmm, so what’s my favorite color?”
“Blue.”
“Favorite food?”
“Anything with potatoes.”
Ellis’s brows rose on his forehead. “You’re good.”
Dale smiled and buffed his nails on his T-shirt. “I know, baby.”
“Oh, no. There’s one thing you don’t seem to know about me. I don’t want to be called babe, baby, honey, sweetheart, or anything like that.”
“I’ll stick with El, then.”
Ellis patted Dale’s chest. “Good boy.”
“Any more questions?”
“Not for now.”
“Well, I have some.”
Ellis arched a brow. “Really?”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“Let’s hear the questions, and I’ll decide. Come on, first one.”
“Okay. You said the guy who left at the end of last year wasn’t your boyfriend, right?”
“That’s Matt. He’s my best friend, that’s all.”
“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”
Ellis shook his head. “No. I’m not out, remember? And it’s harder for gay guys. Not only do you have to find a guy you like, but unless you ask him right out if he’s gay, you can’t know for sure. He could react badly at the question, maybe punch you or something. I don’t particularly want that to happen to me.”
“So the night of the party… was it your first kiss?”
Ellis shook his head. “No, that would be Emily Varden when I was ten.”
Dale grinned. “You started early, huh?” Ellis stole a kiss from a willing Dale, and Dale continued. “Was it your first kiss with a guy?”
Ellis shook his head again. “Nope. I haven’t had a boyfriend, but I’m not that innocent.”
“Now I’m curious. Who was it?”
“Matt.”
“Your best friend?”
“Yes. He’s never been more than that, but we were two teens who’d just realized they were both gay. We were curious, and we knew we couldn’t easily find a boyfriend, so we decided to experiment together.”
Dale’s brows shot up. “Experiment? I take it it wasn’t only a kiss?”
“Nope.”
“What else did you do?”
“Watched porn together like I did with you. Jacked off.”
“Each other?”
“Yeah.” Damn, Ellis hadn’t thought he’d have to spill his sex life right after they’d gotten together.
“What else?”
Ellis blushed. “Mutual blowjobs, but it happened just the one time.”
Dale gaped. “Seriously?”
“What? Don’t tell me you’ve never received a blowjob.”
“I have, but I never, you know, been on the giving side of things.”
“How far did you get? Sexually, I mean.” Ellis was curious, even though he suspected he already knew the answer.
“Wait, that’s all?” Dale asked. “Blowjobs?” Ellis nodded, and Dale continued, “So you’re still a virgin.”
Ellis was probably going to stay red until Dale went home. “Yeah. The blowjobs were fun, but it was a bit weird. I don’t like Matt that way.”
“You want your first time to be special.”
Ellis shrugged. “I guess. We did kind of think of going all the way, but it didn’t feel right. What about you?” Ellis asked, hoping it would be enough to move the conversation from him to Dale.
“I’m not a virgin.”
Ellis chuckled, but jealousy churned in his gut. “I didn’t think you were.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve heard your exes talk, make comparisons.”
“The fuck? It’s not like I sleep around!”
“Much.”
“Hey! I’ve only had a few girlfriends!”
“Let’s see, there was Joan, Claire, Madison, Rachel, and of course, Stephanie, and those are only the ones you dated for a while. I don’t think I know about your one-night stands.”
“Did you spy on me or something?”
“No. It’s just, you’re hot, you know? Me and Anna used to, um, check you out. Sometimes.”
Dale laughed. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
Dale leaned forward and kissed the tip of Ellis’s nose. “Now you can do it whenever you want.” He smiled. “You’re my first guy, you know?”
Ellis felt something like relief flutter in his chest. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’ve been with girls, but you’re the first guy I did anything with.”