“Because it was my sister.”
“Oh,” she said, her shoulders slumping a little.
“Exactly. I really…I hear everything you’re saying and I couldn’t be more in sync with your vision on how things should be, trust me. This is just as new for me, and I am feeling all those same things. It’s just, I’ve never been in this position before and I want—need—to do the right thing, by both you and Ruby Jean. I couldn’t lie and say oh yeah, everything is perfect, no clouds. But…it’s—”
“Complicated,” she finished for him, nodding in understanding. She might not know the details, but she did comprehend his problem. It’s not a place she’d want to be stuck, either. And the fact that it was clearly bothering him, enough for them to even be having this conversation, meant she mattered to him. On par with the only other person he was truly connected to—his own sibling.
He raked his hands through his hair, swore under his breath. “This is so not how I pictured this evening going.”
“Me, either,” she said on a sigh. She still felt bad, but now that her heart had stopped cartwheeling, she was beginning to recoup a little. “But, while I do appreciate the spot you’re in, you can’t bring something like this up, then get all mysterious and close-mouthed about it, and not expect me to want answers. Yes, I overreacted initially, and I have to think about that, about why I was so convinced this couldn’t work that I jumped so hard on the first little sign that there might be a problem with Paradise—that’s on me. But you’re also part of why we’re sitting here like this right now and not tearing each other’s clothes off, and that, I’m afraid, is on you.” She rested her forearms on her thighs and reached her hands across the small gap between her knees.
He took her hands immediately in his, and it might be the most foolish thing she’d ever allowed herself to feel, but having the warmth and strength of his hand in hers made her believe that, no matter what it was, it would all be okay. As long as they tackled it together.
A ghost of a smile crossed his handsome face. “You wanna just forget it came up and get back to the ripping clothes part?”
He was too damn charming by half. She should be mad, or at least miffed. But she felt her lips twitching. “I haven’t crossed it completely off the list.”
His smile was there, but there was true regret in his eyes.
“I guess…can you tell me why you can talk to Ruby Jean about whatever this is, but not me? Is there a reason she’s concerned?”
“She doesn’t know you, and while she’s wild about the idea of us being together—do not doubt that for a second—this is important enough to her, to her future, that she doesn’t want to risk screwing it up by bringing someone else in—also with a vested agenda in the situation—and trusting them not to inadvertently ruin things for her if put between a rock and a hard place.”
“Wow.”
“Don’t take it personally, Lauren. And know that I stood up for you in this. She might not know she can depend on you, but I do.”
She tilted her head to the side a little, because he’d ducked his gaze right there at the end. “Do you? Really?”
He squeezed her hands, lifted his gaze to hers. “As real as I can know it to be, yes. And don’t take that as a slight, but you have an agenda in this, too, stakes in the outcome. And I…”
“You’re stuck in the middle. Right where I know you’d rather not be.”
“Pretty much anywhere else, yes.”
“But you trust me. To handle Ruby Jean’s…situation? Whatever you want to call it…you know I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize you in any way, and, by extension, I wouldn’t to your family, either.”
“Yes…”
“But—”
“I just need to think on it some, figure out the right way to do what’s best for…well, everyone.”
“Is there anything I can do to make that easier?”
“Actually…” He pulled their joined hands up and kissed the backs of her knuckles, then tugged a little and she fell across the gap between them, and he used her forward momentum to pull her all the way on top of him as he fell back on the bed.
“Jake, this is a great solution to a lot of things but—”
“Shh,” he said, leaning up to kiss her lightly. “I just like us better when as much of your body is touching as much of my body as possible.”
“Think more clearly that way, do you?” she asked, the wry note back in her voice. Not that she was struggling. Because, truth be told, whatever it was he had to figure out, this was where she’d most like to be while he did it.
“No, but it’s a lot more fun this way.” He scooted farther back on the bed and shifted her so she was curled up against his side. He reached up and dragged a pillow under his head, then snuggled her closer.
She liked the steady beat of his heart beneath her cheek. She slid her arm across his waist, and at his urging, tucked one leg between his.
“Better?”
“Much. Is this a good thinking-it-through position for you?”
“Best one to date. Though I’m open to improvements.” He toyed with the ends of her hair and lightly stroked her back.
She smiled against his chest. “Okay, so we’re laying here, thinking caps on…what part can you tell me? I’m assuming, if it has to do with both our families, the common thread is Arlen.” She tipped up her chin. “One blink for yes, two for no. Then you won’t have technically tattled.”
He chuckled and wrapped her closer to him. “I know this seems really unfair and frustrating to you, and it is, but it’s not a place I’ve ever been before. I wouldn’t let anything bad happen. To you or Ruby Jean. So don’t think, if push came to shove—”
“That you’d put your only sister above the woman you’ve only known for less than a week, or that I would put you before, I’m guessing, my mother in this case, as she’s the only real family I have.” She lifted her head slightly. “Or did you mean Arlen when you said both of our families, because, seriously, if you think you need to protect him because of our relationship, please don’t go to any great—”
“Arlen is in the middle of this, and no, he’s the last one I’m worried about and I know you share that sentiment.”
“Okay. Good.” She settled her head back on his chest, and he resumed playing with the ends of her hair, which felt ridiculously good, while they both thought things through in silence for a few minutes.
He spoke first. “Can you tell me what you and your mom talked about today? I mean, specifically? Did you tell her about your job?”
“Yes, but she already knew.”
“She did? How? News from someone back home?”
“No, news from her new husband.”
Jake lifted his head and looked down at her. “Arlen told her? How did he know?”
She lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. “I have no idea. And don’t worry, I know you didn’t tell him.”
“No, I didn’t, but I appreciate the trust.” He kissed her hair. “Truly.”
“I knew you wouldn’t do that. Charlene says he keeps up with news in Washington, apparently somewhat avidly, so she assumed he heard about it that way.”
“How long has he known? For that matter, how long has she known? When we were there for the barbecue, I can’t believe she could have known something like that and let him go on about your working for Fordham like he did, and not ment—”
“She didn’t know then. When I didn’t say anything to her about it that night, and Arlen heard we were getting together today for some private mother-daughter time, he made the decision to tell her. This morning. At breakfast.”
“Why?”
“My mom, of course, thinks he was telling her so she’d be able to talk to me about it if I didn’t bring it up. According to her, Arlen said he was telling her to help with our reconciliation, in case I was afraid to tell her. He was helping us.”
“And, from the slight edge I hear there, I’m assuming you don’t assign the same benevolent attributes to his revelation.”
“I’m fully aware I’m still heavily biased against him, despite having a really good, very frank talk about their relationship—or lack of obvious one—with my mother today. So I get that my perspective is warped, but, well, no, I guess I don’t. That’s just not the vibe I get from him. When we were at the house, Arlen and I had a little…conversation.”
“You mean right before I came to get you for dessert?”
“Yep.”
“We didn’t get the chance to talk about that, but I’m assuming that whatever was said didn’t alter your opinion of him any.”
“Hardly.”
“Can I ask why?”
She sighed. “Yes, and I wish I could give you a more specific answer than I just didn’t like the way he was looking at me.”
Jake leaned back a little and tilted her head back so he could see her face. “And how was that?”
“Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything creepy or lascivious, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“No, I didn’t get that particular vibe from him. At all. But, I noticed him watching you at various points in the evening, too.”
“Did you? I did, too. When we were alone in his office, I didn’t feel threatened in any way, but it was still…I don’t know. Creepy, just in a different way. Cold, I guess. Calculating. I caught him a few other times, too, after that, watching me. That’s the best way I can describe it, too. Not looking at me, but watching me. It feels different.”
“Like he was, I don’t know, studying you or something, trying to figure you out.”
“Exactly. You pegged it. Did it seem like he was a bit too…intense about it? Not bad, not good…just really focused?”
“That’s as good a way of describing it as I can think of.”
“So, I think it was that, and the fact that I don’t see him and my mother acting very…well, newlyweddish, that is keeping me from changing my initial instincts about him.”
“You talked to your mom about that part?”
“At length, yes.”
“And?”
Lauren reviewed the high points of the conversation she’d had with her mom as Jake listened, explaining about Arlen treating her differently than other men, challenging her opinions, being open to debating them with her, no kid gloves. “I had no idea she felt so sheltered or taken care of, although I know that’s exactly how men do behave around her. I always thought it was sweet, but from her perspective, I can see how patronizing it must have felt, to be so respected for what she did so well, but never assumed that there was an avid brain behind the beauty and elegance. So I guess I can see the attraction, purely from that standpoint, but…I just don’t like the guy. I can’t help it. Actually, the whole topic came up because she was talking about us.”
“What did she have to say about us?”
“All good, trust me. She likes you a great deal and is happy to see me happy. So I said that it was the very thing she was seeing between us that I wasn’t seeing between her and Arlen.”
“But she said she was content.”
“Well, she didn’t use that word, no, but that’s when she told me what it was about him that had initially attracted her. I did talk to her about the passionate and tempestuous parts that I didn’t see them having, and she more or less said she was okay with the status quo, then tried to sell me on what you’d been saying might be the case, which is that she didn’t need the passion and excitement at her age.”
“Well…?”
“I called her on it, because, Jake, I know my mother, and I don’t care if she’s in her nineties instead of her sixties, she’s not someone to settle. For anything. She’s just…not.”
Jake pulled her closer and rubbed a comforting hand up and down her arm. “Maybe she’s not settling.”
Lauren looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that maybe the fulfillment is coming from those other things. She might not be having it all, in the broadest sense, but maybe she’s not settling as much as you think. She does seem very happy.”
Lauren sighed. “I know. I guess it’s just I know her pretty well, and this doesn’t seem to fit with the woman I know.”
“You’re learning there’s a whole lot more to her, too,” he said gently.
“I am. I know. And I feel horrible that I never saw that part of her in there, dying to get out.”
“How could you when she apparently didn’t, either?”
Lauren paused, then smiled and looked up at him. “You know, you really are good at the ‘saying the right thing’ stuff.”
“Just keep track; I’m sure I’ll screw up.”
She hugged him again. “I already did tonight and I’m still sorry.”
He rubbed his hand over her arm. “It’s water under the bridge now. So, how did you leave things with your mom?”
“That I’d stop badgering about it, and do my best to be supportive, and assured her I was completely supportive of her happiness.”
“And Arlen, how did you leave that topic?”
“Well, I didn’t sugarcoat it, she knows how I feel, and that while I support her, and her new life in general, that he’s not someone I feel entirely comfortable with.”
“Entirely?”
“Okay, not even marginally. But she knows my feelings about it haven’t changed, just that I’m trying to maintain a new perspective on the matter that will help me see things her way a bit more. I think we both felt like we’d made as much progress as we could with just talking about it and that the rest will simply have to come over time. I told her I’d do my best to look for positives…and she accepted that I’d try.”
He hugged Lauren closer and she wrapped her arm more tightly around him, amazed at how much better a sounding board he made than thinking things through in her own head. The snuggling while talking definitely earned two thumbs up from her, too. Which reminded her. “Oh, and I didn’t get to tell you about the oddest thing that happened today. Well, maybe not the oddest, but it was kind of strange.”
“Was it about Arlen?”
“No, it was about the bike. And tonight, there was something else.”
“Hold that thought, for just a second, okay? There was another thread of what we were talking about that I wanted to follow up on before we change topics.”
“Okay.”
“You said you told your mom about quitting your job?”
“Yes, and that she already knew about it.”
“Right. Arlen told her. She felt he’d told her to help the two of you mend fences, but you didn’t think that was his motive.”
“I didn’t tell her that part. I kept that to myself.”