A Headstrong Woman (4 page)

“You haven’t inconvenienced me at all, it’s a beautiful afternoon to be out,” he assured her. “As for mastering the lady of the manor I assure you aren’t the first or the last newly wed to struggle with that. I came home one evening to find Emily sitting in the floor beside a burnt mess that should have been dinner.”

“Emily?”

“My wife, she died several weeks ago.”

Alexandria flinched at his words, “I’m sorry for your loss. I didn’t mean to cause you to…”

“No, no, you have nothing to apologize for; I brought her up. Actually it feels good to talk about her. I hadn’t realized until just now that I hadn’t and that makes me nearly as sad as losing her.”

Alexandria wasn’t sure what to say to that. Lilly, who had been watching Jonathon since they left the house, suddenly abandoned Alexandria’s lap for Jonathon’s.

“Lillian! Mr. Stewart is trying to drive,” Alexandria chastised as she attempted to reach for her step-daughter.

“She’s fine. I love kids,” Jonathon assured her as he settled Lilly more firmly in his lap. He placed the reigns in Lilly’s hands and kept his hands below hers. Lillian shot her new mommy a triumphant smile.

“Congratulations, Mr. Stewart, she doesn’t take to just anyone but when she does she’s loyal.”

“I’m honored; it isn’t everyday a pretty lady takes up with me,” he joked with a smile.

Alexandria thought back to the previous Sunday at church and it was her turn to smile, “You must not be aware of the stir caused at church Sunday.”

Alexandria watched him color but felt no remorse for her teasing.

“I’m not unaware, I simply wish to ignore it in the hope it will go away.” His expression was so woebegone that Alexandria found herself laughing. It felt good to laugh.

“I wish you luck with that one, Mr. Stewart. I’ve seen the young ladies around here when they are taken with a fellow; they are quite relentless.”

“Thanks for the warning.”

“You’re welcome. Where are you from, Mr. Stewart?”

“South Dakota.”

“So when your wife died you decided on a change of scenery?”

“I did,” he nodded.

“Do you have any other family?”

“I have an older half-brother Lewis, he’s married to Carol and they have Missy and Nate. I have an older sister Carol, she’s married to Frank and they have twin boys Matthew and Mark, and my brother-in-law keeps joking about a Luke and John,” he shared and watched her smile. “I also have a younger brother Theodore, though we all call him Ted.”

“No mother and father?” her eyes were lit with teasing.

“A mother, Dorothy, and a father, Nicolas,” he returned on a chuckle.

“Where do they live?”

“In the same community I did in South Dakota.”

“And you left them all?” her eyes were wide in disbelief.

“Had I not I would have been perpetually haunted; there were memories everywhere,” he shared quietly.

“I guess that would be hard,” she acknowledged. “I just can’t imagine being that far from my family. They are only a few miles away and I miss them more than I ever imagined,” Alexandria admitted.

“Schedule a standing dinner date for Sunday. Emily and I alternated our families every other Sunday so we could all stay in touch,” Jonathon suggested.

“I just might do that; thanks Mr. Stewart,” she offered him a wide smile.

“You’re welcome,” he nodded as town appeared on the horizon.

Alexandria entered the store, her list in one hand, and Lillian’s small hand firmly grasped in the other.

“Well, hello, Alexandria,” Mrs. Lawson, a longtime friend of her mother’s greeted. “What brings you back so soon?”

“I’m afraid I forgot some things when I was last in here,” Alexandria acknowledged.

“Oh, I had hoped perhaps you were here to buy for a coming little one but I suppose it is a little soon for that isn’t it?” the woman offered a wistful sigh. Her own daughter seemed unable to conceive and the woman seemed to be casting her own wishes onto all of her friend’s children.

Alexandria tucked her head hoping to hide the pain the woman’s comment caused; she wasn’t likely to ever be in buying for a little one of her own.

“Listen to me; I’ve embarrassed you. I’m sorry dear, you never mind my meddling and let’s get that list filled shall we?” the woman offered her an apologetic smile.

Hoping to avoid further discussion of children and babies, Alexandria handed over her list and browsed some nearby merchandise. As soon as her packages were wrapped and ready, she added a stick of licorice to the order for Lillian and beat a hasty retreat. She was quiet on the return trip to the ranch, her thoughts heavy with all of her unrealized dreams. Beside her, Mr. Stewart seemed to respect her need for quiet and kept up a steady chatter with Lillian.

“Here we are,” Jonathon announced as they rolled to a stop by the ranch house. Alexandria startled and looked around in amazement. She had been completely unaware of where she was.

“Thank you so much for your help, Mr. Stewart,” Alexandria offered as he helped her down. She started gathering her packages; she tensed when Elijah moved to help her. As soon as they were in the door she turned to her husband, her head high and back once again rigid.

“I’m sorry I inconvenienced you and one of your men today. In the future I will try to make certain I do better.” With that said she turned on her heel and entered the kitchen.

Elijah stared after his wife and wished he could settle this matter but realized that with Millie bustling around the kitchen it would have to wait. He hadn’t meant to make his wife so tense she walked on egg shells around him and it had become clear she was.

It was with a heavy heart that he entered the barn several minutes later and greeted Jonathon where he was still busy grooming the horses.

“Hey, Boss,” Jonathon greeted.

“Hey, Jonathon,” Elijah returned on a sigh.

“I think something happened in town to upset your wife. She nearly talked my ear off all the way there and then barely said two words the whole way back,” he was hoping the man would show some interest in his wife’s wellbeing.

“She talked my ear off before we married, now she says very little to me,” Elijah’s mood soured more by the moment. “I made a mess of things and I don’t know how to fix it, Jonathon. I just don’t know where to start.”

Jonathon was quiet for a moment as he brushed the horse in front of him. He wasn’t sure what to say to the man. He decided to just be direct.

“It’s one thing to know someone…physically and another entirely to really know them and that is exactly my advice; get to know your wife all over again,” Jonathon offered.

“I’m not sure I ever really knew her,” Elijah admitted. “I thought she was a pragmatic, unromantic individual. I knew she was great with Lilly,” Elijah’s frustration was evident in his voice.

Jonathon winced at the idea of anyone being clueless enough to believe a woman unromantic; in his experience such a woman did not exist and if she did, he wasn’t certain he would be interested in knowing her.

“So get to know your wife,” Jonathon suggested.

“Thanks, Jonathon. I wanted to talk with you about something. I am in desperate need of a foreman and I think you would be perfect for the job,” Elijah announced.

Jonathon stopped short and stared at his boss. “I’m honored but there are others here more experienced and deserving. Rusty for instance; hasn’t he been here since the beginning? Rand shows great interest in how it all works…”

Elijah’s raised hand cut him off.

“You just illustrated my point perfectly. You are fair minded and even tempered. Rand will be leaving to start his own place soon and Rusty has, without explanation, turned me down several times. Sparky is too quick tempered and for one reason or another the others don’t suit. I need you, Jonathon.”

“Well, sir, I accept; thank you.”

“Thank you; I’ve needed a foreman for the ranch some time now. Come on; I want to show you the property lines.”

***

Elijah tucked Lilly into bed and returned to the kitchen where his wife was helping Millie put the last of the dishes away. He waited until Millie had retired and Alexandria was moving toward the stairs before he dug up the nerve to approach her.

“Alexandria, I wanted to discuss our marriage; I know we got started on the wrong foot but I want us to work on it,” Elijah stated his case.

Alexandria felt panicked; she couldn’t. She couldn’t hear him put into words the fact that he didn’t love her. She raised her chin and addressed him directly.

“I’m not ready to discuss our mockery of a marriage,” she stated and turned to continue up the stairs.

Elijah sighed and moved into his office. How on earth did he even start to fix things if she wouldn’t even talk with him? He knew he didn’t love her; not like she wanted him to, or had wanted him to as the case may be. She might well hate him by now. He knew, however, that they couldn’t continue on as they were. She had called their marriage a mockery and he winced at the accuracy of the statement, he who held marriage as the most sacred of unions had made a mockery of it.

He owed Alexandria better than she had received since she arrived. She diligently cared for his daughter day in and day out and all she had received in return was heartache and his short temper. How did he pretend something that wasn’t there and what if he pretended it was only to find he really did feel more? He didn’t want to feel more. Martha was the only woman he had ever loved or looked at in that way.

Elijah closed his eyes and recalled Martha’s image, her white blonde curls framing her petite, heart shaped face, her soft womanliness nestled next to him night after night; he could almost feel the warmth of her now. Martha had been so small, so dainty in her femininity; completely opposite of Alexandria. That had, in fact, contributed in his choosing her.

He was aware that Alexandria was a very beautiful woman in her own right. That hadn’t been why he had chosen her, however. He had seen the steel back bone in her willowy figure and had known that she would make a good rancher’s wife. He had seen her common sense and no nonsense approach with Lilly. Practical summed up what he had seen. What he hadn’t taken the time to see, hadn’t wanted to see, was the sensitive heart below the tough veneer. Nor had he allowed himself to see her girlish dreams of a blissful marriage. Elijah sighed and laid his head back against his seat. How was he ever going to fix this mess?

Alexandria lay in her bed, her thoughts in turmoil. What had Elijah wanted to say? Did he really want to establish a relationship with her? What kind of a relationship? That of a real husband and wife? Did she even want that anymore? She was a coward; she should have heard him out, regardless how painful his words might have proven. She should march back down the stairs and hash this out right now! She didn’t. She lay there for what felt like hours, her thoughts chasing themselves like a puppy after its own tail. She heard Elijah’s bedroom door open and close and she knew he had at last gone to bed. Still she lay awake, her thoughts taunting her.

Alexandria finally tossed aside her covers in frustration and without bothering with her dressing gown, slipped into the moonlit hallway, down the stairs, and into the dark kitchen. After lighting a lamp, she fixed herself a glass of water and moved to the table before seating herself to stare at the lamp. How had she gotten here? She watched the flame of the lamp sway first one way and then another before settling back into a straight line. She who had thought she saw things so clearly now wondered if she saw anything as it was at all.

Alexandria jumped when Elijah settled at the table across from her. Her spine immediately stiffened and her chin came up; her gaze was unflinching as it met his.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” his dark blue eyes were dark with regret.

“Apology accepted. I’m sorry I didn’t see things more clearly. I knew how deeply you loved Martha; I should have known you weren’t ready to move on,” Alexandria admitted her own short sightedness.

“I’m so sorry, Alexandria.”

“What’s done is done,” Alexandria lifted one slender shoulder and let it fall.

“We were friends once, weren’t we?” Elijah’s gaze searched hers earnestly, as though he didn’t quite know the answer.

“We were,” she acknowledged.

“Could would be again you think? Could we learn to be friends and… and then see from there?”  His gaze was hopeful as he watched her and Alexandria stared at him a moment. Forever stretched before them, ‘til death do us part’ according to the wedding vows.

“I would like that,” her voice was soft.

“Me too,” he offered her a smile.

Alexandria stood to place her glass in the galvanized sink and Elijah stood to escort her to her room. Now with the light to her back, Elijah could clearly see her feminine form outlined. She might be built differently from Martha but she was no less feminine, he realized in sudden unsettling clarity.