A Heart Decision (10 page)

Nicco had only been ten months younger, than Luke so
they’d grown up almost like twins. After his brother died, he lost
all reason to care what happened to him and had stupidly
jeopardized his athletic scholarship by fracturing his throwing arm
and shoulder. He’d required surgery to pin his broken body back
together—an operation for which he’d had no medical insurance.

On his release from the hospital, he discovered his
medical bills had already been paid by the guy he and Sabrina’s
brother had been torturing for three months. Then, only a few days
later, he also learned Ben had talked his dad into giving the
university a large endowment to appease the athletic department on
Luke’s behalf.

“I don’t get how you figure you’re still indebted to
me,” Ben said in an amazed tone. “You have no idea how much it
pissed me off when you refused to accept that money as a gift.”

Luke had lived on peanut butter for several years
after college to scrape together the cash to pay Ben back every
penny he’d laid out.

“Did it ever occur to you that I didn’t want you to
think my friendship was for sale? From the day we met, you made it
clear how much you despise brownnosers who kiss-up to you because
of your wealth.”

“I wasn’t trying to
buy
you,” Ben said. “I
just wanted to prove to you and Ty that I cared about you idiots
even if the two of you didn’t give a rat’s ass about me.”

“And I paid you back for the same reason—to prove
our friendship wasn’t about your money. You’re so big on truth and
honesty, I didn’t ever want you to doubt mine.”

“Oh, no? Then why haven’t you been honest with me
about Sabrina?”

“You want honesty? Fine. I’ve been crazy in love
with her for half my fucking life. Her face is the last thing I
picture before I go to sleep, and she’s the first thing I think
about when I wake up. And in between, she stars in all my X-rated
dreams. Every woman I’ve ever been with, I’ve imagined was
her.”

He sucked in a shuddering breath. “But my freshman
year in college, I realized I’d make her miserable. And when I
noticed how nuts you were about her, I knew I had to let her go.
You can make her happy, and I can’t. Is that enough fucking truth
for you?”

“Now we’re gettin’ somewhere.” Ben snorted. “So we
both love Sabrina. It should be up to her to decide who she
wants.”

“No. She doesn’t get to choose, because
I’m
not on the menu. As I told you before, my relationship with you is
only a small part of why I can’t marry her.”

“So enlighten me on the rest.”

“For one, I’m already married to my job. I sometimes
spend weeks at a time so deep undercover even my captain can’t find
me. While we were building a couple of RICO cases against the mob,
I came very close to being made, which would’ve gotten my head
blown off. And if those aren’t enough reasons, think about how high
the divorce rate is for cops.”

“Then work extra hard at your marriage and defy the
odds. What’re your other excuses?”

“Suffice it to say, I don’t want Sabrina to end up
hating me. And if I saddle her with my problems, she will.”

“What problems? Just tell me what you need, and
I’ll—”

“Damn it, Ben. Not everything in life can be fixed
with money. No amount of it could change my situation.”

“What situ—”

“It’s nothing you or anyone else can do anything
about, so just lay off, and stop making this harder on me than it
already is. Marry Sabrina and make her happy.”

“I wish I could.” Ben sighed. “But she’ll never be
content with me as long as she wants you. If you’re truly my
friend, you’ll give me a flesh and blood rival to compete
with.”

Luke’s mouth dropped open. “What the hell kind of
man uses emotional blackmail to get his friend to nail the woman he
loves?”

“A desperate one. Hear me out before you call the
men in the white coats to lock me up. Right now, I’m up against
Sabrina’s fairytale illusions about you. No man’s as perfect as
she’s built you up to be in her mind.”

“So what’re you saying?” Luke sputtered. “You want
me to be lousy in the sack and knock myself off the proverbial
pedestal?”

“In a sense. But I don’t want you to be anything
you’re not. Sabrina would know if you put on an act.”

“This is nuts.”

“Please. I can help her forget the memories of a
lost love. I can even try to heal her broken heart. But I can’t
compete with a dream man who she’ll spend the rest of her life
mooning over and wondering what could’ve been.”

Luke closed his eyes. He was in big trouble. Ben’s
reasoning had actually begun to make sense. “So you’re hoping
she’ll develop a case of buyer’s remorse.”

“Huh?”

“Like when a guy buys something he’s wanted for a
long time, and after he gets it home and uses it, he realizes it’s
not nearly as good as it was cracked up to be. The fellow feels
sort of betrayed and stupid for wanting it so much.”

“Yes!” Ben shouted in his ear. “Now you
understand.”

Unfortunately, he did. “I’m not agreeing to your
sick scheme. But I’ll forget about the home healthcare agency for
now and give it some thought.”

“Thank you. You know, it may help you, too. You
might discover Sabrina isn’t any better than the other women you’ve
been with.”

“Yeah, right.” If he believed there was even a
remote chance of that happening, he’d sleep with her in a
heartbeat. Luke ended the call and buried his face in his good
hand. Someone must’ve lobotomized him at the hospital while he
hadn’t been watching. Why the hell else would he agree to let
Sabrina stay?

They’d been alone together less than eight hours,
and he’d already had his hand on her breast and his naked dick
pressed against her fanny—not to mention the eyeful he’d gotten of
her crotch. He had to be realistic. As a red-blooded, heterosexual
male with a healthy sex drive, he could only resist temptation for
so long before his control snapped—especially if Sabrina kept
prancing around half-dressed.

Sooner or later, his willpower would weaken, and he
would do what Ben had begged him to—and enjoy every mind-boggling
second of it. But, damn it, he refused to be the one to make the
first move.

~*~

“So, what about the sleeping arrangements for the
rest of the night?” Sabrina set her half-finished plate of food on
the tray she’d situated between them on the bed.

Luke pressed the mute button on the remote to
silence the television on top of his dresser. “What about them?” He
pointed to the chicken she’d left. “Aren’t you gonna eat that?”

He’d already polished off two frozen dinners and
half dozen cookies while watching a rerun of
How I Met Your
Mother
.

“No. I don’t know where you’ll put it, but you can
finish it if you’d like.”

“Thanks. What do you mean by sleeping
arrangements?”

“Where do you want me to sleep? I brought an old jar
up if you want to use that to relieve your—”

“You can sleep right here.”

She did a double take and frowned. “Wait a minute.
Where’d you stuff the guy who just had a hissy-fit when he woke up
and discovered me in his bed?”

“I do not have hissy-fits,” he mumbled past a bite
of her chicken.

“Why the sudden U-turn?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I simply realized you’re
right. You can’t help who you love. All these years, I’ve been a
fool thinking I needed to protect you from myself when you know
full well I have no interest in anything more than a short-term
affair. You’re a big girl, so it should be your call if you think
you can handle casual sex.”

“Well, it’s about time you realized it.”

“But,”—he wiped his mouth on his napkin—“inasmuch as
I’m not gonna beat myself up if you throw yourself at me, I also
refuse to be the instigator of your infidelity.”

In other words, if anything happened between them,
she would have to initiate it. She’d never been comfortable in the
role of the aggressor. If she had, it wouldn’t have taken her
fifteen years to summon up the nerve to kiss Luke.

“What about Ben? Aren’t you worried about betraying
him anymore?”

“No. I gave that some thought, too.” After several
attempts to close the cookie bag one-handed, he passed it to her.
“I mean, I told Ben the score. And he seems to think the only way
you’ll ever be content with him is if you sow your wild oats with
me.”

“That’s right. He’s given me his blessing to do
whatever I need to do to resolve my feelings for you. So, I see it
as a sexual exorcism.”

“Call it what you want. I just don’t want to be
blamed for not helping you to get over me. All I ask is that
neither of you hates me when the smoke clears.”

She wasn’t certain she liked the change in Luke’s
attitude. It made him seem shallow and callous. But in his defense,
he was only giving her what she’d asked for and what Ben had
sanctioned.

He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the
bed. “Would you mind disappearing for a few minutes while I use
that jar?”

“No problem. I need to use the bathroom, too. Holler
when you’re through.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be finished before you get your
panties down.”

“You forget.” She grinned back at him as she headed
to the bathroom. “I’m not wearing any.”

“You
had
to remind me, didn’t you?”

She reached into the bathroom and pulled her silky
thong off the towel rack. “It’s mostly dry. If you’d like, I can
put it—”

“How do you usually sleep—with or without?”

Stepping back into the bedroom, she turned it right
side out. “That all depends on what I’m wearing. If it’s a long
nightgown, I go without. If it’s just a camisole or baby dolls, I
wear panties.”

He snorted, pointing at the scrap of fabric in her
hands. “You have the nerve to use the term
panties
? One of
the patches on my uniform would cover more than that.”

She usually wore something a little more
substantial, but she’d brought these to Ben’s, figuring she’d be
undressing for him. “Fine.” She flounced into the bathroom. “If you
feel that way, I’ll let it finish drying.”

When she crept back into the bedroom a few minutes
later, she glanced around Luke’s side of the bed. “Where’s the
jar?”

“I’ll take care of it when I get up in the
morning.”

“Stop being such a baby. I’m a nurse. I’m used to
disposing of patient’s urine.”

“Well, I’m not used to being a patient. It’s
humiliating having you dump my piss.”

She crossed her arms and huffed. “Luke.”

He pointed to the floor between the night table and
the bed and turned his face away. “Would you mind closing the
window and turning on the A/C, too? It’s a little warm in here.

After pouring the contents of the jar into the
toilet and rinsing the container, she set it on the night table
where he could reach it. As soon as she finished switching on the
central air conditioning, she hopped into bed beside him.

“Will it keep you awake if I watch TV for a while?”
He clicked off the light. “I’ve been working the graveyard shift
the last month, and my body is used to being awake at this
hour.”

“No, that’s fine. Most nights I go to sleep with the
television on.”

As he turned the volume up just far enough to hear
it, she snuggled against him. Sliding the arm with the sprained
wrist around her, he pressed his lips to her forehead. “G’night,
Princess.”

“You’ve been calling me that ever since I was a kid.
I recently found out my name actually
means
princess. Did
you know that?”

“Why’d you think I chose it?”

“I had no idea. All I know is it made me feel
special. Maybe it’s why I fell so hard for you.”

She laid her head on his shoulder and combed her
fingers through the raven curls on his chest. After several
moments, he pressed his left hand over hers and held it still, his
heart thudding like a tom-tom under her palm.

“I love you,” she whispered.

His chest expanded as the cadence of his heart
picked up. “I love you, too.”

It should be enough, but it wasn’t. She wanted him
to be
in
love with her.

Dusty whimpered from the floor next to the bed.

“I think he misses Mopsy.”

“He’s not getting in bed with us. He should be
locked in his crate.”

“Just for tonigh—”

“An hour ago, you were calling him an ungrateful
little mongrel.”

“I know.” She pouted. “But he’s sorry for what he
did. I won’t let him on your side of—”

“No. Now go to sleep.”

“I’ll fix you lasagna for dinner tomorrow,” she
offered in an enticing tone.

“With your homemade sauce and extra cheese?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Mmmm....that sounds good.” He held her closer and
sighed. “I can’t wait.”

She smacked his rock-hard abdomen. “That was
supposed to be a bribe.”

“I’m an honest cop, Brina. I can’t be bought—and
even if I could, it would certainly take a lot more than a lousy
plate of pasta and cheese.”

“My lasagna is
not
lousy.”

“Sorry. I stand corrected. Your lasagna is as good
as my mom’s.”

It should be. Teresa Marino had taught Sabrina
everything she knew about cooking. She drew a circle around his
navel with her fingernail. “How about if I offer you sexual
favors?”

“Nope.” He grabbed her hand and moved it back to his
chest. “Just last week, a hooker offered me a freebie when I busted
her for possession. I turned her down, too.” He pushed Sabrina’s
head back down on his shoulder. “Now go to sleep, or I’ll have to
arrest you for attempting to bribe an officer.”

“Oh, goody. Do you promise to use your big
nightstick to subdue me?”

“All right, this conversation has regressed far
enough.” He flipped off the TV and plumped his pillow. “If you
won’t go to sleep, I will.”