Authors: Mary Jane Morgan
Ryan’s cries came over the baby
monitor. Haley frowned, then stood. “Guess my time’s up, too.” Ryan’s crying
intensified. “See you guys tomorrow.” She handed her half-empty glass of wine
to Ethan after taking another sip.
“Hey, why does
he
get that?”
Ashley complained.
“He pays my salary.” Smiling, Haley
stepped out of the hot tub, wrapped a towel around her and headed inside. “See
you two tomorrow.”
“Women are supposed to stick
together,” Ashley hollered after her.
“You have a point,” Haley threw
over her shoulder, wishing she could stay. Today had been the most fun she’d
had in way too long. She heard a cat whistle and felt her face turn hot. She
quickly shut the door behind her. Ethan had obviously had too much to drink. She
was not the type of woman men whistled at. Ashley and Francie were those types
of women, all curves and lush, full lips with flirty smiles.
She’d never been lush in any way,
and had certainly never been flirty, even when she was single. Her towel
started to slip and Haley tightened it over her small breasts before it could
fall down. Nope, she definitely wasn’t the kind of woman men like Ethan Richardson
found attractive, and it didn’t matter anyway. Although if she were being
honest, she would be thrilled to know a man like him would even look at her
twice.
Dale had looked at her, though.
He’d thought she hung the moon, but he had never made her feel as if she drove
him wild with desire. She sighed. No one had ever made her feel that way, but
she had no room to complain. Dale had made her feel loved and special, and she
wondered if she’d ever feel like that again.
Sighing, she hurried up to her crying
son and back to reality.
“
I called in pizza for
dinner tonight,” Ethan told Haley as he walked into the kitchen. They’d been
back from the dude ranch for over a week and his mom’s surgery had gone well.
His Aunt Jo was returning in a few days to help with everything and even go
with Dottie while she recuperated at the dude ranch. Matt had promised to bring
her to town for physical therapy, so everything was taken care of with his mom
while they were in Disneyland.
Ethan handed Haley a soda. “As soon
as Mom’s home, things will get easier, especially with Aunt Jo here to help.
I’m sorry you’ve been here by yourself so much.”
“I’m fine. The kids have been good.
I took them to the park today.” She started loading the dishwasher. “When does
Dottie get to come home?”
“They’re shoving her out the door
tomorrow. It would have been tonight, but she got out of surgery so late, they
decided to keep her overnight. Her blood pressure’s up a bit.”
He leaned against the counter. “Have
you had time to look at what Ashley has planned for us in a few weeks? We need
to rest our weary butts before heading out,” he said with a grin.
“When you figure out how to do that,
be sure and let me know.” Haley gave him a fleeting smile and then finished
loading the dishwasher.
Ethan took her elbow and turned her
away from her work. “You’re not sleeping any better are you?”
She looked down at the floor, tried
to step back from him and butted up against the counter. “Sometimes,” she
finally said.
She sure didn’t look like she’d
slept much, but he didn’t think it would be smart to voice that. “Did you sleep
better at the ranch?”
“Yes,” she answered, finally
looking at him, “but I’m not sure why. I feel very comfortable in this house.
Actually more comfortable than at the ranch.”
“You can’t beat fresh country air.
The hot tub probably helps, too.” Ethan thought for a minute. “I think I’ll put
one on the deck here. It’s not like I don’t have room, and even Mom would
benefit from it while she’s recuperating from surgery.”
“That would be great. It does have
a way of turning my muscles to mush.” Ethan could think of a lot more
interesting ways to turn her muscles to mush. He clamped down on those
thoughts, but he couldn’t keep himself from worrying about Haley. She looked
worn down and frazzled, and he knew it was from lack of sleep. He just didn’t
know what to do about it.
When she finally got word about her
husband—no matter what they heard—her lack of sleep would get even worse. If
Dale was alive, she’d be so excited that she wouldn’t be able to let down
enough to sleep. And if he were dead . . . Ethan shuddered.
“Why don’t you put a movie on for
Kayla while Ryan takes his nap this afternoon, and then you can snooze on the
couch?”
“Good idea.” She smiled at him, a
tired smile that fed his worry.
“You don’t have to go on this trip,
you know. If it’s too much, I can take Kayla and Chloe myself. You and Ryan
could go to the dude ranch or stay here and relax.”
“I don’t want to stay here,” she
said, shaking her head. “I’m excited. Really. And it’s a trip of a lifetime for
Ryan. I just need to figure out why I’m not sleeping. It’s like there’s something
about to happen, and it doesn’t feel good. I know that must sound strange, but
it’s how I feel.”
Ethan’s stomach clenched. He’d been
feeling the same thing. He’d tried so hard not to let her pick up on it, but
he’d obviously failed. “Everything will be okay,” he said, trying to reassure
her. “Pretty soon we’ll be at Disneyland having a great time. Kayla is marking
the days off her calendar. Have you seen what she made?”
Haley smiled. “I helped her make it.
I used to teach. Remember?” she teased.
“I should have known you had
something to do with that. I’m having a hard time remembering how Kayla and I
managed before you came.”
This time Haley’s smile was a lot
brighter. “I love it here. I really do. I’m sure my sleep problems will pass
and everything will be fine. Better than fine.”
Ethan took her shoulders and turned
her toward the den. “Go take a break. Prop your feet up. I’ll finish in here
while you watch the kids build Lego castles.”
“Kayla builds things. Ryan just
sticks a few pieces together. I think Kayla might end up being an architect
like her Uncle Matt.” Haley pulled her apron off and draped it across the back
of a kitchen chair. “She’s a smart little girl. I bet she’s her teacher’s
favorite.”
“Of course she is.” Ethan’s phone
rang. “That’s probably Mother telling me to hurry up with her ice cream,” he
muttered, grabbing his phone. “Yeah, Mom. I’ll be there soon.”
“Sorry. Not your mom,” his friend
from the Pentagon said.
“Hold on a sec, Chris. Sorry, Haley,
but I have to take this.”
Haley’s eyes narrowed but she left
the kitchen. Ethan closed the kitchen door behind her and sank onto a chair. He
was so not ready for this, and his hammering heart was testimonial to that.
He pulled in a deep breath. “What’d
you find out?”
“Just what we expected, I’m sorry
to say. We have a positive ID on the remains and it’s Dale Donahue. From what
I’ve heard he was one of our best pilots. I’m sorry it turned out this way.”
Ethan’s mind scrambled for a
coherent thought. “How long before she gets the official call?”
“Tomorrow or the next day.”
“Shit. I’ve got to tell her.”
“Sorry, Ethan. That’s against
government policy and you know it, but you might want to be there for her when
she finds out.”
“Screw government policy. I need to
be the one who breaks the news to her. I started this, and I’m not dropping the
ball just because telling Haley her husband is never coming home will probably
be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
There was a heavy silence before
Chris spoke. “Do what you think is best, but I know nothing.”
“Thanks, buddy.” Ethan clicked off
and pocketed his phone. He had to do this and he’d never dreaded anything so
much.
He remembered only too clearly how
difficult it had been for Aunt Jo when she found out her Wally was gone, and he
couldn’t stand the thought of Haley finding out the way his aunt did—two government
officials making a routine, sterile delivery and then leaving the woman whose
heart had just been ripped out. Ethan drew in a fortifying breath. He would
tell Haley, be there for her and somehow help her through this. He hoped she
didn’t ‘shoot the messenger’ so to speak, because she’d become a friend as well
as an employee and Kayla adored her.
He dropped his head in his hands as
guilt and grief for what she faced crawled through him. He’d put this in
motion, and he wasn’t running for cover just because it was about to get rough.
Really rough.
Ethan stood and headed toward the
back door. He couldn’t face Haley right now. He had to have time to pull
himself together and figure out what he was going to say. He cracked open the kitchen
door. “I’m heading out to get Mom. Be back soon,” he hollered.
He hurried outside, sucked in a
deep breath of the warm spring day and wondered when would be the best time to
tell Haley this heartbreaking news. It would need to be after the kids were in
bed, but then she wouldn’t sleep a wink. Who was he kidding? She wouldn’t sleep
for a long damn time no matter when he told her that the husband she’d been
waiting on to return was never coming back to her and her son.
****
Haley dropped a bag of Sleepy Time
Tea in a cup of water and put it inside the microwave, set the time and pressed
start. She stared out the kitchen window at a velvet black sky filled with
twinkling stars. “Please come back to me, Dale” she whispered like she did every
night. “Our son needs you.”
She used to say that she needed
Dale too, but lately her prayer had been more about Ryan. She couldn’t stand the
thought of her son never knowing his father. The timer on the microwave went
off and she took the steaming tea out and added honey.
With a sigh, she went out back and
sat on the deck, wrapping her light-weight blue robe around her. A cat meowed
in the distance, a plaintiff sound that mimicked her own feelings and made her
shiver.
The back door opened and Ethan
stepped out. “Mind if I join you?”
“Of course not.” If truth be told,
she welcomed his company.
He sat in the chair beside her,
turned to face her more directly and she could see concern in his eyes. Her
heart fluttered. “I have something I need to tell you, Haley.”
She frowned as she watched his
face, looking for clues. This could not be good. “Am I fired?” she whispered.
“Good Lord no. We all adore you.
This has nothing to do with your employment.” He cleared his throat and looked
down.
“Then what is it?” she asked,
suddenly breathless.
He glanced back up at her, his eyes
sad. He took her ice-cold hand, rubbed the pad of his warm thumb over her
knuckles and sucked in a deep breath. “I had a phone call earlier today. A
friend of mine from the Pentagon called with news about your husband.”
Haley gasped, her free hand flying
to her chest, where her heart fluttered like a lost and frightened baby bird. “That
was the call you got in the kitchen?” He nodded. She searched his face and knew
what he was going to say, could feel it vibrating in the air between them. She
jerked her hand free. “No. Dale can’t be gone. He can’t. He hasn’t even met
Ryan.” Ethan opened his mouth, but she cut him off before he could get a sound
out. “Don’t say it!”
He sat quietly but held her gaze.
She looked at him imploringly. “I’m so sorry,” he finally said.
She covered her mouth with her
fingers, pressed down hard enough to make her lips go numb. She moved her
trembling hand away from her mouth. “Are they sure and why were you called and
not me?”
It was Ethan’s turn to look away.
“They found his remains. I wanted to be the one to tell you, not the United
States government officials.” He cleared his throat. “I contacted a friend a
few weeks ago to see if he could locate your husband. Unfortunately, it didn’t
turn out like we’d hoped.”
Haley’s heart squeezed until she
thought she might be having a heart attack. “I don’t believe you. Dale is
alive. Do you hear me? My husband is not—he’s not . . .” She couldn’t even say
the word.
She began to shake uncontrollably,
spilling hot tea on her hand and dropping the cup. It shattered into tiny
pieces just like her heart. Ethan gathered her in his arms and pulled her onto
his lap, but she couldn’t quit shaking. She jerked away, tried to get off his
lap and away from this nightmare.
“Stop. You’ll cut your feet. I’ll
carry you in.”
“Let me down.” He held her tighter and
she hit him in the chest with both fists as anger reared up and grabbed her. “How
dare you go behind my back to find out about my husband.”
“I thought you needed to know. I
thought being in limbo like you were was the worst thing for you.”
She shoved as far away from his
grasp as she could. “You should have asked me before calling anyone. You had no
right to take away my hope. My dreams.”
He winced. “That’s all they were,
Haley—dreams. You were stuck in a fantasy, barely getting through each day.”
“I was doing just fine.”
Ethan sighed. “No you weren’t.
That’s why you haven’t been able to sleep.”
She stared at him, somehow kept
herself from slapping his face. “None of this is your business. You had no
right,” she added through gritted teeth.
“I thought about that, and I
debated for a long time before I made the call. I did what I felt was best for
you. I thought it would be easier to hear it from me, than to have the
government show up and give you the news.”
“Easier? Easier?” she repeated, her
voice escalating. “There is nothing even remotely easy about this.”
Ethan shook his head. “I didn’t
mean it that way. I meant I wanted you to have the support of someone who cared
when you heard.”
“Someone who cared would not have
butted into my life and destroyed it.”
“I care, Haley. In fact, I care way
too much.” His chocolate brown eyes held her gaze. “You deserve to find
happiness again, and you could never do that until you knew the truth. I’ve seen
the look on your face when you catch yourself having fun. Like you’re being
unfaithful. Like you should never have happiness again. Besides, at some point
you’ve got to get some sleep.”
Tears ran down Haley’s cheeks. “You
think I’m going to sleep now?”
He pulled her toward him, but she
stiffened her arms. “Let me go. I want away from you. Now.”
His shoulders sagged as every bit
of energy seemed to evaporate from him. Haley cursed herself for even noticing.
“I know you won’t sleep tonight,” he said, “or even tomorrow night or the next,
but somewhere down the road you will find some peace.”
“Down the road I will be by
myself.
Raising my son all alone and trying to be strong enough to do a decent job
at providing a loving home for him.”
“I have no doubt you can do that.
You’ve done it here for Kayla. And me.” He stood and carried her inside then
put her down.
She shrank away from him the minute
her bare feet touched the floor. “I will never forgive you. Never.”
He sighed and ran both hands
through his hair. “Go ahead and be mad, call me names, do whatever helps. Just
remember, I only wanted you to have a chance to reclaim your life, and the only
way that was ever going to happen was for you to know what you were dealing
with.”
“Well, thanks to you, I know now,
don’t I?” She buried her face in her hands. “Only I don’t want to know. I can’t
stand it.” She raised her head, and wiped at her tears, her hands shaking so
much she could barely make them work. “I need to be with Ryan.” She turned and started
out of the kitchen. “He’s all I have now.”