Authors: Mary Jane Morgan
Ethan stopped her with a touch on
her shoulder. “You’ve got us, too. Please don’t forget that.”
She crossed her arms over her
stomach, turned back to him and tried to breathe, but couldn’t seem to get
enough air. “I’m your employee. I don’t have you. I only have Ryan. ”
“No,” he said, shaking his head.
“I’m your friend, too. Kayla and Mom love you. You are not alone, Haley. Please
believe that.”
She felt herself grow faint, then
sway. Ethan grabbed her and stared straight into her face, gave her a shake.
“Take a deep breath.”
She did as she was told but still
felt as if the room were tilting. “Sit.” He pulled up a chair and she sank onto
it. He shoved her head between her knees. Take a few deep breaths.
She did as he said. The room
stopped spinning, but her heart seemed to stop, too. She heard a wail, a
keening cry, and realized it was coming from her. Ethan stooped down and held
onto her as deep wrenching sobs wracked her body. Over and over the cries
erupted from her, until she felt totally drained and unable to stand on her
own. She was dimly aware of Ethan picking her up and carrying her to the couch
in the den.
She never knew a person could hurt
like this, could feel this much pain and still be alive. Somehow she had to get
away from it. She tried to struggle to her feet, and realized Ethan held her
down. She slapped at his hands. “Let me up. I need to get to my son.” More sobs
tore out of her. “Ryan will never know his daddy. Never. And Dale will never
know his son.”
She cried so hard, her stomach
rolled with nausea. Ethan must have left the room, because he returned with a
cold, wet washcloth and wiped her face. “I’m here for you, Haley, and so is
Mother. Please don’t shove me away. I want help you, be there for you.”
“I don’t want your help.” Haley
stumbled to her feet and practically ran out of the room. “I want my son. I
need him.” She raced up the stairs two at a time and burst into Ryan’s room. He
was sound asleep, hugging his teddy bear. Haley dropped to the side of the bed
and laid her head on the covers, listened to Ryan’s steady, slow breaths. She
climbed onto the bed and curled around him, holding him near her heart and
praying that somehow she and Ryan would find a way to mend one another’s
hearts, because right now she wasn’t sure she could keep breathing, let alone
ever begin to heal.
****
Ethan leaned back in his office
chair and watched Haley enter the room, her posture stiff, her mouth drawn, and
her eyes sunken. He sucked in a deep breath and got right to the point. “I want
to drive you to Knoxville for the funeral.” She shook her head, but he pressed
on. “You have no business driving yourself and Ryan. You’re too upset and too
damn tired. I promise not to talk. We’ll listen to an audio book or music.”
She didn’t respond and Ethan felt totally
helpless. Haley had barely spoken to him for over a week, and now she was
determined to drive herself and Ryan to Dale’s memorial service tomorrow. It
was too much for anyone to do alone. What if she had a wreck? Chills skittered
over him at the thought. Haley hadn’t been able to keep her mind on anything
since hearing about Dale and she’d had little, if any, sleep. To make matters
worse, her parents couldn’t come. Her dad was sick, and her mom didn’t want to
leave him. It pissed Ethan off just hearing they wouldn’t be here for their
daughter, but Haley hadn’t seemed surprised.
“How about if Dottie rides with us?
Would that be a good enough buffer for you?”
Haley narrowed her gaze on him.
“Your mom’s in no condition to do that. Besides, she can’t miss her physical
therapy. I will be fine by myself.”
“What if I ordered you as my
employee to let me do this?”
She gasped, her blue eyes narrowing.
“You wouldn’t do that. You
can’t
do that. This has nothing to do with my
employment.”
His entire body seemed to sag with
weariness. “If you crash your car because you fall asleep at the wheel, I’d
never forgive myself. I don’t want anything to happen to you, Haley,” he added
softly.
Her shoulders slumped, a look of
total defeat and exhaustion on her face. “Fine. Drive us.”
“Glad that’s settled. We’ll leave
at seven o’clock in the morning. That will give you time to visit with his
family before the service.”
Haley sank into a chair and rubbed
her forehead. “It’s only his mom and sister. His father died when Dale was in
college. His mother and I never got along very well. She thinks he married
beneath himself.”
“Well, she’s wrong,” Ethan snapped.
“Has she even tried to be a part of Ryan’s life?” He was curious and also
wanted to keep Haley talking. This was the first time she’d said more than a word
or so to him all week.
Haley shook her head. “Once Dale
went overseas for his third tour of duty, she quit talking to me. His sister
and I visit on the phone sometimes.”
“Sounds to me like you’re the one
who married beneath herself.” He held up a hand to stop her protest. “I’m
talking about your husband’s family, not your husband.” He stood and walked around
the desk, squatting down beside her. “I’ll be with you tomorrow. No one will be
ugly to either you or Ryan.” He reached for her hand, which was cold and
clammy. “Your husband chose you, so he obviously didn’t think you were beneath
him.”
Haley nodded, tears filling her
eyes. “Thank you.” She pulled her hand away. “I will be so relieved when this
is over.”
“I’m sure you will.”
Good Lord
so would he.
After this funeral, Haley could finally start the long, slow
road to recovery. He prayed she did that, because she’d had it pretty rough and
it didn’t seem to him like she had any reserve left.
He thought of his mom and his Aunt
Jo. He’d always known losing their husbands had been difficult, but seeing the
devastating effects on Haley, made him realize how truly awful it had been.
Something like this would impact your life in a way few people would be able to
understand. It was totally devastating, and Haley would have to work hard to somehow
overcome this. He prayed she had the strength and the will to do that.
****
Haley grasped her son’s hand and
watched as two United States Air Force officers folded the American flag that
had been draped on Dale’s coffin. She almost felt as if she were having an out
of body experience. As much as she hated to admit it, if not for the strong
presence of Ethan at her side, she might not have gotten through this. Her
mother-in-law had said about five words to her, given Ethan a drop-dead look, and
then proceeded to ignore them all, including Ryan, even though Haley had
explained why Ethan was there. Dale’s sister had been warmer, but had stayed
close to her mom, not saying much to Haley after giving her a big hug. How could
Ryan’s grandmother treat her own grandson like this?
Haley wondered how Dale could have come
from this cold family. He’d told her once that he joined the air force to get
away from them, and Haley finally understood the deep-seeded need he must have
felt to break away from their constricting bonds. Thank God she only had to put
up with them for a few hours before she could make her escape.
One of the officers handed her the
folded flag and she clasped it to her chest, not moving when people approached
her, offering their condolences. She nodded and, hopefully, said all the right
things, because she couldn’t remember what any of them said to her.
Finally, she felt Ethan touch her
elbow. He picked up Ryan and steered her back to his suburban. He opened her door,
tucked Ryan into his car seat in the back and then got behind the wheel.
Without speaking, he turned on the car and pulled away from the cemetery.
“Those people are colder than a polar bear who’s just crawled off an ice berg.”
Haley couldn’t help but smile.
“Well said. Thank you for coming. I think I could have made it through on my
own, but I’m not sure.” She let out a huge sigh and laid her head back against
the head rest. “I don’t want to go to the church reception. I’m not sure I can
get through it, and Ryan is exhausted,” she said as her son started to cry in
the back seat.
If you think you can last a little
while, how about I go buy Ryan and me a hamburger and then come back for you?”
She turned her head toward him, her
tired eyes barely focusing. “That sounds like a plan. How long do you think you’ll
be gone?”
“How long do you want me gone?”
Forever.
The thought shot
through her like lightening, gone as quickly as it had come. She squeezed her
eyes shut, knowing that what she truly wanted was Ethan right beside her. But
it would be wrong to rely on him. She had to get through this on her own. “Take
your time. I’ll be here when you get back,” she managed to say.
He nodded. “An hour tops, then I’m
driving you home so you can take one of those sleeping pills the doctor gave
you and collapse.”
She jerked her head up. “How did
you know about those?”
He winced. “Mom told me. Blame it
on her pain pills. She’s never been good at secrets, and now she runs off about
everything.”
Haley dropped her head in her hands
and rubbed her throbbing forehead. “I haven’t had one yet.”
“I can tell. Why not?”
“I need to be able to hear Ryan if
wakes up.”
“I figured you’d say that. How
about we trade beds tonight? That way I’ll be close to Ryan if he wakes up. My
room’s the quietest place in the house and the farthest away from any kids. I
promise you’ll sleep like a baby. If Ryan wakes up, I’ll put him in bed with
me.”
She scowled, not liking that idea,
but not sure why. Lord knows she needed to get some sleep. She was teetering on
the edge of both emotional and physical exhaustion. “We can try that, but only
if you promise to get me if there’s a problem.”
“God, you are stubborn. What
problem couldn’t I handle, Haley?”
She shrugged, knowing she probably
needed Ryan right now a lot more than he needed her. “I guess you’re right,”
she agreed hesitantly, knowing if she didn’t get some sleep, she was going to
keel over and wouldn’t that be worthy of Mother-of-the-Year Award. Not to
mention, Nanny-of-the-Year.
She shoved open her car door and
scooted out, so tired that her legs were wobbly. She opened the door to the
back seat and kissed Ryan. “Ethan is taking you for a hamburger, honey. Does
that sound good?” He stopped crying and kicked at the back of Ethan’s seat.
“I’ll see you in a little bit.” Haley gave Ryan another kiss and closed the car
door.
Ethan rolled down his window as he
drove off. “Go find a chair and sit before you fall down.”
She shot him a quelling look even
though he was probably right and headed for the reception, hoping she could manage
to stay upright another hour.
****
“I really don’t feel comfortable
sleeping in your room,” Haley protested, as she waited on Ethan to gather his
things. She’d already grabbed her nightgown and a toothbrush and was waiting on
him to leave. Not that she’d be any more comfortable with him gone. A king size
bed with a dark, walnut headboard, a television screen that practically covered
half a wall, a golf club and some sort of golf cup for Ethan to putt the ball
into, and a drafting table in one corner, on which she could see numerous
designs, made the room all but chant Ethan’s name.
“Once you lay down on that bed,
you’ll be out like a light. It’s the best mattress I’ve ever had. A good night’s
sleep will do you a world of good.” Ethan grabbed his toothbrush and a book,
then rummaged through a drawer for a fresh t-shirt and boxers.
“I’m going to go kiss Ryan
goodnight.” Haley headed for the bedroom door.
“He’s asleep. He won’t even know
you’re there.”
“I’ll know. Plus I want to see him.
Need to see him,” she amended.
Ethan’s gaze caught hers and held. “I
don’t know how you’re still standing. Sheer stubbornness would be my guess. I’ll
walk with you. I’m about ready to crash myself.”
She started down the hall, stopped
and leaned over to pull off her high heels and swayed. Ethan grabbed her before
she fell and lifted her into his arms. She wanted to protest, but was too
tired. He walked down the hall and into her room, setting her on the floor. “Do
you need anything else out of this room? I’ll get it for you while you go kiss
Ryan.”
“What I need is for you to quit
treating me like a child. I won’t break.”
“Obviously. But you might faint.”
She rolled her eyes as she headed
into Ryan’s adjoining room to check on him. She stroked his hair, kissed his cheek,
and rested her own cheek next to his for several seconds before leaving.
Ethan followed her into the hall and
she whirled on him. He stepped back. “Just making sure you’re tucked in safe
and don’t collapse in the hallway. How about I bring you some orange juice?
It’ll raise your blood sugar.”
Her narrowed gaze softened. “Actually
that would be nice,” she said.
Nodding, he headed downstairs.
Haley practically dragged herself
down the hall and wilted onto the bed. Without even standing up, she slipped
out of her dress and bra, and pulled a nightgown over her head. She didn’t have
the energy to even get up and brush her teeth. She sat as if in a trance until
she heard Ethan enter the room.
“Here you go.” He held a glass of
juice in one hand and a plate with apple slices and cheese in the other.
Sitting on the bed beside her, he handed her the orange juice. “Drink up. I
promise I didn’t spike it.” He grinned and she couldn’t help but smile at him.
He was being incredibly good to her.
“Thanks.” She took a sip, then
licked her lips and drank some more before picking up a slice of apple and several
wedges of cheese from the plate. “How come you’re being so nice to me?”