Authors: Mary Jane Morgan
“Nope. Thought I’d take Haley out
there tomorrow after all the kids leave, see how she likes it and get her
opinion on everything before I do much more.”
All eyes turned to Haley. “Is there
something you want to tell us, big bro?” Ashley asked, sending him a
mischievous grin.
A sudden memory of Ellie yelling at
him when he hadn’t made a huge production of his proposal even though she’d
insisted she didn’t want that, flashed through his mind. The fiasco with her
engagement broadsided him too. She’d almost had a coronary in an upscale restaurant
when he’d given her a half carat diamond ring, after she’d insisted ‘nothing
fancy’. That was Ellie. Said one thing but meant another.
He glanced at Haley suddenly not
sure which way to jump. “Nothing to tell,” he finally said. “But I’m doing my
best to change that,” he added, winking at Haley. “If I get lucky, she’ll have
my credit card permanently someday.”
Haley’s mouth dropped open and she
looked like she wanted to fall through the floor. Or punch him. His stomach
dipped and then bounced back up, threatening to bring birthday cake with it.
Dammit.
“Seriously, I’d really like your opinion on the house,” he added quickly “I
have a lot of decisions to make—tile, paint, counter tops—you name it.”
“Excuse me,” Haley said, her voice
as distant as the roll of thunder in a far-away storm. “I need to help Dottie in
the kitchen.” She turned to go and then pivoted back around. “Francie, I heard
you and Matt are heading out early to go see a friend’s new baby. Okay if Ryan
and I catch a ride?”
“Ah, sure,” Francie said.
“Thank you. I’ll pack after I help
Dottie so we’ll be ready whenever you are.” Haley stormed away before Ethan
could think of a response, let alone verbalize it. Just as well, since he
wasn’t sure he had enough air in him to talk. He’d sure blown the hell out of
that.
“Whew! Looks like you pissed her
off royally,” Ashley said. “What’s going on with you two?”
“Leave it alone, Ashley.” Cursing,
he strode after Haley. He didn’t have to notice the stiff set of her shoulders
to know she was mad as hell.
He caught up to her and grasped her
arm, but she jerked away. “Come on, Haley. Don’t leave. I really need your help
with the house. No pressure, just your opinion.”
Her blue eyes narrowed on him. “That’s
not how you made it sound and you know it. How dare you put me on the spot in
front of your family.”
He narrowed his gaze, anger
churning through him, both at himself and her. “They had already figured out
that I’m crazy about you. All I did was confirm that.”
The look she gave him churned with
anger. “What you confirmed was that you’re trying to talk me into marriage. And
your smooth side-stepping words after you’d blown it, didn’t even begin to
clean up the mess. Have you not heard a word I’ve said about pressuring me?”
“Trust me, I’ve heard every word
you’ve said,” he answered through clenched teeth. “Now that they know you don’t
want to help me with the house, I’d say the pressure’s off.”
“Think again. All eyes are on me,
waiting to see if you can sweet-talk your way out of this and exactly what I
will do.” Glowering at him, Haley strode to the kitchen.
Ethan ran a hand down his face and
let out an exasperated breath. He’d messed up big-time, and had no idea how to
fix it. This was the feeling he used to have with Ellie because she’d say one
thing but mean another, and he was forever trying to second guess her.
But Haley wasn’t Ellie. He should have
trusted his gut about that, but when he’d had that sudden flash of Ellie’s
spectacular fits when he had done precisely as she’d said, doubt had stolen
through him. God he was a fool. He’d known Haley was different. Known with
every fiber of his being that she was everything Ellie was not.
Cursing, he headed out to set up
camp for the all-nighter he had to somehow get through, when all he really
wanted to do was figure out a way to make things right with the woman he loved.
***
After quickly rinsing Ryan and tucking
him into bed, Haley sank into a tub of hot water, feeling totally drained. This
evening had been almost unbearable, from both the need to get away from Ethan
and the overwhelming sadness that permeated her. She still couldn’t believe he
had put her on the spot like he had. Talk about not respecting her wishes.
Feeling alone and exhausted, she
got out of the tub, dried off, pulled on a nightgown and scooted into bed. She
closed her eyes, determined to get to sleep and have this day behind her.
Tomorrow she would go through the Sunday paper and look at housing. See what
was available to rent. She could kick herself for not doing that last week, but
after she and Ethan had talked, she’d thought he would quit bugging her about
marriage. She closed her eyes and breathed in several deep breaths in an
attempt to calm herself. There was nothing she could do tonight except try to get
some sleep. She needed a good night’s sleep to get through the rest of this
weekend. Hopefully, she would find something to rent tomorrow and be out of
Ethan’s house within a week or so.
Tears seeped out of her eyes,
wetting her pillow. She wiped them away, angry with herself for crying. Ethan
didn’t deserve her tears any more than she deserved to be treated with such
disrespect, and she needed to remember that, no matter how difficult the next
few days were.
****
Unfortunately, Haley had barely
gotten to sleep when her alarm went off. Groaning, she flipped her sheet back
and crawled out of bed. She had a lot to do today, so she might as well get
started. Lord knows, she didn’t want to be here when Ethan returned. It would
be bad enough spending the evening here and keeping her distance from him.
Quickly she got dressed, pulled her
hair back in a ponytail and added a touch of mascara and lip gloss. Ryan began
crying just as she finished. She hurried to him and got him dressed. “How about
you and I go out for some doughnuts?” His face brightened, and she smiled. “We’re
off.”
She carried a still-sleepy Ryan
downstairs and out to the car, suddenly anxious to be gone in case Ethan had
been able to head home earlier than expected. The minute they were away from
the house, her shoulders relaxed.
The day dragged by with one
disappointment after another. Keeping her tears at bay, Haley pulled in front
of the last place on her list and turned her car off. “Looks nice from here,”
she muttered, feeling slightly hopeful. Getting out, she unbuckled Ryan from
his car seat, pulled him into her arms and headed for the front door. She rang
the bell and a lady about her age opened the door, a smile on her face. “I’m
Carla. You must be Haley.”
“I am, and this is my son, Ryan.”
Haley stepped inside when the woman motioned her in and was immediately
impressed. “I really like that your condo is only one story.”
“Me too,” Carla responded. “I also
like that the pool is right outside my back door. There are a fair amount of
children here, so that’s why it’s fenced. I’m leaving on a six-month work
assignment and need to sublet it, or I would never leave this place. It’s for
rent completely furnished. The whole works. About all you’d need is a crib for
your son.”
It sounded perfect, so why wasn’t Haley
excited? She walked through the living room, admiring the woman’s taste, then
stepped into the kitchen. “Oh this is fabulous,” she said running her
fingertips over the marbled granite.
“I put that in last winter. Another
reason I don’t want to sell it. Plus the people are friendly and the security
is good. Let me show you the bedrooms. Each one has its own bathroom, and the
master bath has a Jacuzzi.”
Haley followed her, loving
everything she saw. The master bedroom was bright and airy with beautiful light
green walls and cream colored carpet. Even the bedspread was to her liking. She
ran a hand over the soft quilt, admiring the intricate yellow and pink flowers
with dark green leaves on each patch. Simple yet elegant.
Ryan hollered for her and she
hurried to the other bedroom, where he was looking out the window and pointing.
“Swim?”
“Not now, honey.” He scowled, but
she ignored him and swept her gaze over what would be his room. It was smaller
with only a twin bed, an oak dresser, and a matching book case.
It was perfect.
She should be thrilled.
It was the only thing she’d seen
all day that she liked, and the price was reasonable. Unfortunately her heart
didn’t seem to want to be reasonable. She cleared her throat and smiled at
Carla. “When will it be available?”
Carla laughed. “Tomorrow. It’s more
difficult than I realized to rent a fully furnished unit, but I really don’t
want it to sit empty for six months. If you like it, you could sign a contract now
and move in tomorrow. My flight leaves early tomorrow morning.”
Haley’s stomach twisted into a
tight knot. She tried to relax, but that seemed to evade her. She’d been
extremely lucky to find this place. It was exactly what she needed, and she and
Ryan would enjoy living here.
“There’s a potluck twice a month in
the clubhouse, so it would be easy to get to know everyone.”
Haley nodded, warming to that idea.
This was definitely what she needed—a nice place that gave her time to think
and figure out what she wanted. “I don’t have a list of references with me, but
I could pay for six months up front.”
Carla’s green eyes widened. “That
would work. Let’s go sit at the dining room table and I’ll show you the
contract.”
Haley nodded as excitement and fear
wrestled within her, tying her stomach into a bundle of knots. Ethan would be
furious. And hurt. She swallowed past the knot in her throat and straightened
her shoulders, reminding herself that if he hadn’t pulled that stunt at Kayla’s
birthday party, she wouldn’t feel the urgency to get her own place.
She sat at the table and read the contract,
then signed her name with a slightly shaky hand. Before she could chicken out,
she wrote a big fat check and handed it to Carla, who in turn gave her two keys—one
for the condo and another for the mailbox.
“It makes me feel good to know you
will be here. It’s a wonderful place to live.”
“It’s a beautiful home,” Haley
responded. “I’ll pack tonight and come back tomorrow evening. Want to go
swimming tomorrow, Ryan?”
He clapped his hands. “Yes! Go swimming.”
Haley stood and picked him up,
praying she’d done the right thing.
Ryan cupped her face in his hands.
“KayKay and Daddy come live here?”
Haley swallowed past the tightness
in her throat. “No. This will be home for you and me, but they will visit.” She
hoped she wasn’t lying.
“They swim too?”
“Sure. If they want to.” After saying
goodbye to Carla, Haley carried Ryan out of the condo and buckled him into his
car seat. “Let’s not say anything to Kayla and Ethan about this. Okay? Mama
will tell Ethan tomorrow.”
Ryan looked puzzled then shrugged.
“Okay.”
“Thank you for being such a good
boy.” After kissing her son on the cheek, Haley buckled herself in, suddenly
breathless at what she had done. By moving out of Ethan’s house, she was
separating her son from Kayla. And Ethan. The man he called Daddy. Ryan loved
them both, and Ethan certainly treated him like his own son. Tears blurred her
vision and she pressed her lips together to stop their trembling.
Poor Kayla. Haley couldn’t stand the
thought of hurting her, especially now after the stunt Ellie had just pulled. Haley
dropped her head onto the steering wheel, fighting down panic, even though she
knew that staying at Ethan’s and feeling the constant tug and pull of their
opposite needs was wearing her out. She reminded herself that she wasn’t deserting
them. She’d still be there for Kayla. Still make her breakfast and tuck her in
at night. At least most nights. But she wouldn’t be there after the kids had
gone to bed, that time of the day when she was so vulnerable to Ethan’s charms.
So vulnerable that she continued to lose all rationale thought and allowed
herself to be swept up by passion.
Raising her head, she took a
fortifying breath. Somehow this would work out. It had to, because the thought
of not being a part of Kayla and Ethan’s life left her raw and weepy.
But in her heart, she knew it was
time, actually past time, she stood on her own two feet and trusted herself to
do what was best for both her and her son.
The last two days had been
unbearably fraught with tension, and Haley’s neck and shoulders ached with it.
Ethan had tried several times yesterday to talk with her about what he’d said
in front of his family, but she hadn’t wanted to hear it. How could he so
easily dismiss her wish to keep their relationship status quo? Now she felt as
if his entire family was watching and waiting to see what she did.
They were in for a surprise come
tonight
, she thought.
She sank onto a kitchen chair,
wondering if all men were as bull-headed and clueless as Ethan had been with
this matter. Dale had sometimes been a little bossy, had even pressured her a
few times in front of friends to do what he wanted. She hadn’t liked it, but
she’d kept silent about it. She’d told herself it was because she loved him and
wanted her marriage to work, but she now realized that she’d been silent
because she’d feared confronting him. Fear, plain and simple, was what had kept
her quiet, but now more. She had grown from being on her own and was now a
strong enough woman to speak out when it mattered. She might be scared, but she
refused to let fear dictate her life choices.
She was crazy about Ethan, and she
adored Kayla, but for once in her life she was putting her own needs first.
Thank God she had money from the
government. It would go a long way in helping her stay strong. Beginning
tomorrow morning, she would be living by herself again, but at least she didn’t
have to worry about paying her bills. Between Dale’s pension and the hundred
thousand dollar death benefit she’d received, she was set financially.
Emotionally, she was anything but
set. In fact, she felt pretty frail, but she had to move out of Ethan’s house,
even though she would miss seeing him first thing every morning and in the
evening after the children were in bed.
Especially in the evening
, she
thought, holding back tears.
Haley dropped her head into her
hands and rubbed her temples. Thank goodness she would still be here during the
day. She needed to give Kayla extra attention to help her through this
transition. Once Kayla got used to not having her here overnight, everyone’s
life would smooth back out.
Haley hoped she and Ethan would
remain friends. Hopefully, they would someday find a way to work this out. She
couldn’t let herself count on that, though, and she’d be wise to remember that.
Shoving to her feet, she began dinner and tried to calm her nerves before Ethan
came home from work.
****
Ethan must have looked at his watch
every five minutes all afternoon. The weekend had been a disaster after he and
Kayla had gotten back home. He hoped like hell this evening went better,
because the thought of losing Haley was tearing him up, especially since he
knew that if he lost her, he had only himself to blame.
Damn, this had been one long,
frustrating day, and no matter how hard he’d tried to get his head into work,
his mind always circled back around to Saturday’s catastrophe.
What in the world had he been
thinking to say what he did? He’d cursed himself a million times for not
trusting his instincts about Haley. He couldn’t believe he had let himself be
influenced by the screwed up way his ex-wife thought. One of the reasons he’d
fallen for Haley was because she was so different than Ellie. Why hadn’t he
honored that? Obviously, he’d been clueless just how deeply Ellie’s actions had
affected him.
Ethan shoved away from his draft
table, grabbed his briefcase, and left the office. He couldn’t sit here another
minute. He got into his suburban and headed home to Haley, the only woman who
had ever made his house feel like a real home. Haley made everything right and
he owed her a huge apology. She hadn’t given him the time of day yesterday, but
tonight he would talk with her no matter how distant she was. He was determined
to explain his actions, even if she didn’t want to listen. It was the only
chance he had of making her understand and, hopefully, giving him the
opportunity to win her back.
****
Haley settled the kids in the den
to watch a movie so she could talk with Ethan and tell him she and Ryan were
moving out this evening. She’d refused to have this discussion last night because
she wanted to wait until she was ready to leave. No way could she say what she
needed to say and then hang around and try to keep it together.
Ethan would be upset, probably even
angry when she told him she’d found her own place, but she hoped he would
understand that she needed space to process everything and decide what was best
for her.
Haley headed down the hall, dread
weighing her down. When she entered the kitchen, Ethan turned from where he was
loading the dishwasher and smiled. It was the first smile she’d seen from him
in a few days and, as usual, it made her soften like warm butter. She returned
his smile even though it felt forced, then sat on the bench at the kitchen
table, her heart pounding against her rib cage like an angry woodpecker. She
squared her shoulders, ready to get this done before she chickened out. “I need
to tell you something,” she said, forcing herself to look at him.
He dried his hands, then walked
over to the table and sat across from her. “I’m glad you want to talk. We need
to work through this.” He took her hand, which was ice cold. So much for not
showing how nervous she was. “I’m sorry about the other day, Haley. It wasn’t
my intention to put pressure on you. I want you in my life, but only if you
want to be with me.”
His face blurred through her tears.
She pulled her hand free and tried to clear her head enough to formulate a
coherent sentence. She couldn’t think when he touched her. He crossed his arms
over his chest, his brown eyes serious.
She sucked in a steadying breath.
This wasn’t going to get easier no matter how she said it, so she might as well
just spit it out. “I rented a condo for Ryan and me yesterday.” He started to
speak, but she held up her hand and hurried on. “I’ll still be here all day for
Kayla, but I want—make that need—to have my own place.”
He stared at her, his eyes hard,
not warm and caring like usual, and pain squeezed her chest. When he finally
spoke, his voice was hollow and etched with anger. “I know you’re upset, but
that’s a bit much, don’t you think?”
Her own anger reared its head. “No.
I need to do this. I know the kids will have some adjustment, but they will be
okay.”
His jaw muscles bunched, and she
fisted her hands in her lap so tight her fingernails dug into her palms. “
Some
adjustment?” he barked. “Is that what you call it? Our kids love each other
like brother and sister. And what about us? Will we
make adjustments
,
and then be fine as rain?”
“I hope we can do that, but right
now I’m not sure about anything,” she answered, her voice cracking.
He raked both hands through his
hair, then let them drop to the table. “So you’re just going to cut and run?
You’re moving out because I teased you about being a permanent part of my life.
I get that I overstepped my boundaries, but this?” He shook his head. “I don’t
know you at all, do I?”
Blood roared through her ears. “I
never dreamed you’d continue to put pressure on me after I explained how I felt,
so I guess you know me as well as I know you.”
“Oh that’s rich.” He shoved away
from the table and strode over to the counter, leaning back on it and bracing
himself with his hands. “So now we’re going to play games? Who knows whom the
least? Are we keeping score?” She looked away, at a loss for words. “So tell
me, Haley. How many points am I behind?”
“It’s not like that,” she retorted.
“But I need time for myself so I can sort things out in my life.”
“Time away from me is what you really
mean.”
Oh God, this was way worse than
she’d thought it would be. “Yes,” she managed to say. “But it’s more than that.
I need time for myself, so that I can sort out my feelings. I’m not ready for
marriage, but I can’t seem to stay out of your bed living under the same roof
as you. I feel…” She hesitated. “Out of control.”
He arched his brows. “I thought you
liked feeling out of control. Lord knows I do, and it’s long overdue. For both
of us.”
She cleared her throat as heat
flared in her face. “The fact remains, I don’t feel like you’re giving me
enough space to make my own choices. You’re pushing me to be where you are
emotionally, and I’m not there.” She looked away, not wanting to see the anger
that had turned his face to granite. “I can’t be there now. I thought you
understood that, but obviously I was wrong.”
“You weren’t wrong,” he said. “I
shouldn’t have said what I did. I admitted that and I apologized.”
“Which I appreciate, but the fact
is you said what you did even after I’d made myself perfectly clear that I didn’t
want any more pressure on marriage. Right now I don’t feel as if I can trust
you to not do that again, so I’m taking myself away from . . . from you,” she
finally managed to get out. “Even though I absolutely hate doing this to the
children.”
He leaned toward her, anger
radiating off him in waves, and his broad chest seemed to take up most of her
space “Children are always the innocent victims when adults mess up. You of all
people should know that.”
“I do know that.” She gulped in
much-needed air. “But sometimes it can’t be helped.”
His stare was hard and unyielding. “I
thought you and I had a strong enough relationship to work this out, and not
put our kids through any more loss,” he said in a voice she didn’t even
recognize.
“I thought so too,” she forced out
her dry throat, “but right now, I have no idea what will happen with us. You’re
right about one thing though. We need to handle this so Kayla and Ryan won’t be
devastated.”
He huffed out an obviously
disgusted breath and shook his head. “Don’t think for a minute there won’t be a
huge fall out, especially with Kayla.”
“I know,” she whispered, dropping
her head into her hands and rubbing her forehead. “I have anguished over it. I
thought I’d take Kayla over to the condo tomorrow and show her where Ryan and I
will be living. There’s a pool. The kids and I can swim if that’s okay with
you.”
“Of course it’s okay. Why would you
think you even had to ask?”
“Because we haven’t been speaking
the last couple of days,” she shot back. “I’m not sure about anything right
now.”
“We haven’t been speaking because
you wouldn’t give me the chance to talk with you. You cut me off every time I
tried, and I got tired of trying.”
His words rang true and she cringed,
but she couldn’t think about that ugly truth now. She let out a weary sigh, too
tired to think at all. The urge to get out of here overwhelmed her. “I don’t
want to argue with you, Ethan. It’s been a long, exhausting day.”
“Secrets will do that to you.”
She narrowed her gaze on him. “I
told you my plans as soon as I knew them.”
He barked out a laugh. “I doubt
that. Besides, you might have mentioned you were upset enough to hunt for a
place to live. There’s no way we can talk through our problems if one of us is
left out of the loop.”
“Well, you’re in the loop now, and
I won’t be living here, so things should calm down.” He glared at her, his eyes
as hard as marbles. She glanced away. “I think it’s best that I leave now
before we say things we’ll both regret,” she muttered.
“Don’t hold back on my account.” When
she didn’t respond, he shoved away from the counter. “I’ll get your luggage.”
“It’s already at the condo,” she
said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Anger and shock filtered over his
face. “Don’t be so sure about that,” he said, his jaw so tight that his mouth
barely moved.
She drew back in shock. “I’m not
quitting my job, Ethan. Just getting my own place.”
“Without saying a word to me about
it.” He slapped a hand on the kitchen table and she jumped. “Looks like you and
Ellie aren’t so different after all.” His words pierced her like a dagger, and
she shrank back.
“I didn’t say anything to you because
I knew you’d try and talk me out of it,” she responded in self-defense.
“Damn straight I would have,
because I thought we had something good between us.”
“I thought we did too,” she
admitted through tears. “Obviously I was wrong.”
“How would you know?” he yelled. “When
you decided not to discuss our problems with me, you didn’t give us a chance to
find out if we could work through this.” He stormed over to the kitchen sink
and poured himself a glass of water, gulped it down. “Don’t come back tomorrow.
Kayla and I can get along just fine without you.”
She gasped. “Surely, you don’t mean
that.”
“I sure as hell do mean it. I busted
my ass to win Ellie back but nothing was ever good enough for her. I made a
mistake this weekend, and without saying a word to me you make your own plans,
pack your bags, even take your own damn luggage to the new place before ever
letting me in on your plans. Look at you,” he said spreading his arms, “acting just
like Ellie who grabbed her shit and left without saying a word to me. Without
giving a damn what it would do to Kayla.” He glared at her, a look of dismissal
on his face. “Go get Ryan and leave, because I’m not going through what I did
with Ellie again. Not for anyone. You want to be gone so damn bad, then go, but
don’t think you can ever come waltzing back, because I’m done.”
Haley felt as if every bit of air
had been sucked from her lungs. Shock reverberated throughout her body and she
started to shake. “What about the children?”
“You should have thought about that
while you were planning your great escape.”
Haley’s stomach rolled and she
fought down nausea. She stood, her legs weak, and hurried to the den to get
Ryan. Bending down, she hugged Kayla close. “I have a new home to live in,
Kayla. I won’t be your nanny anymore, but it’s not because I don’t love you. I
hope you can come see Ryan and me sometime. You’re always welcome at my house.”