A Hope Christmas Love Story (6 page)

I walk in from shopping a week after the snow, bone tired and weary. I’ve been pottering about the pretty little shops in Hope Christmas, looking for trinkets for Paige and Ruby, without much success. I’m glad term’s over I could do with the break. I’m also confused since the party. I seem to have gone to a deeper level with Will than I ever intended. He’s already starting to talk about meeting up in the holidays, and I don’t know how I’m going to get through it. Christmas is such a family time. I want to spend as much of it as possible with Lou Lou. But how can I not see Will without giving the game away? And I feel so guilty. All the time.

I know Lou Lou has no idea I’m pretending she doesn’t exist. But I know. And it makes me feel totally crap. I’m torn apart with remorse for letting her down, and at the same time I’m more and more drawn to Will. I can’t afford to go there again, and yet I want to so badly. And I just don’t know what to do.

I’ve tried talking to Shaz about it, but she’s wrapped up with her uni mates and hasn’t got time for me anymore. I think Mum suspects I have a boyfriend, but I know she’d be furious if she found out I haven’t told him about Lou Lou. And I can’t blame her. It’s rubbish of me to lie like this, but I’m in so deep I don’t know what else to do.

A text comes through from Will.

I’ve just seen your mum on TV
.

What? How does he know what Mum looks like? I’ve been really careful not to mention what she does. I suddenly get a bad feeling about this.

And then another text comes in, with an ominous.
Ring Me
.

Cautiously I text back.
Right
.

One pings straight back.
Anything you want to tell me????

Oh shit. Something’s happened to make him suspect. I can feel the anger crackling down the line.

The next one comes quick on the heels of the first.
Why have you been lying to me?

Will
, I begin to text, and then my phone rings, and it’s him. I think about not picking up, but that would be putting off the inevitable.

Feeling sick, I say with forced cheerfulness, “Hi, Will, is everything ok?”

***

Is everything ok? Can anything ever be ok again?I cannot believe Melanie just said that. Especially after what I’ve just found out.

I come in from the gym, and find Izzy immersed in a cookery programme. Ever since Melanie showed us how to cook, Izzy’s become obsessed. This one’s a Christmas cooking challenge. The presenter looks vaguely familiar, and I can’t quite place her, and then it clicks. I saw her once dropping Melanie at college.

“I think that’s Melanie’s mum,” I say. “In fact I’m sure it is.”

I feel strange. Why hasn’t Melanie told me her mum is on the TV?

“Really?” says Izzy, “but that’s Cat Tinsall. She’s a really famous TV cook.”

The name does ring a bell.

But why hasn’t Melanie mentioned this before?
This
is what she’s been keeping from me?

Melanie’s mum is cutting out reindeer cookies and saying, “And today, I’ve got some help. My granddaughter, Lou Lou, is going to help me press the reindeer out. If you’re pressed for time and you have little ones, it’s a great idea to get them involved.”

“Granddaughter?” Izzy frowns. “I swear that’s the little girl I saw when I met Melanie shopping. She said she was her cousin.”

What? My world suddenly collapses. Is
this
what Melanie has been keeping secret from me?

I go straight to my laptop and google Cat Tinsall. Eventually I find a family photo. It’s from a few years ago, but it features Melanie’s mum and dad, two sisters and brother, just like she’s said, and a younger, sulkier looking Melanie. Except here she’s called Mel Tinsall. Not Melanie Carpenter. Has anything she told me been true? She’s been lying the whole time I’ve known her. Why would she do that unless she has something to hide?

I feel sick as I search for every scrap of information I can find about Melanie’s family. Then I come across a small piece buried in the
Mirror
:
TV cook’s Christmas Surprise
. And there’s a story from two years ago, about Cat Tinsall’s teenage daughter giving birth in a barn to a daughter named Louise, “but we call her Lou Lou,” explains Cat in the article.

That’s what Melanie was keeping from me. She has a two year old daughter. I’m beyond furious.

“What are you going to do?” Izzy asks.

“I don’t know,” I say. “Have it out with her. What else can I do?”

“You could start by telling me the truth,” he says.

His voice is cold and harsh. Never has he been this distant. And I know I’ve really blown it.

“It’s not like you think,” I say, but it sounds pathetic. What else is it like? I’ve been lying to him ever since we met.

“What is it like, Melanie?” he sneers. “Or should I call you Mel? That’s is your name, right? Were you ever going to tell me you have a daughter?”

I crumple inside.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I wanted to, but I didn’t know how.”

“Not good enough,” he says. “I told you everything about my life. Stuff I’ve never told anyone else. And yet you couldn’t even share that basic fact. How can I trust you?”

“I know you can’t,” I say. “There is no defence for this. It’s just …”

“What?”

“I did try,” I say weakly, “but you seemed so anti single mums.”

“What?” said Will, “when?”

“That time in the cafe,” I said, “when you started going on about girls not having babies too young.”

“Oh, that,” said Will, “I was thinking more about my mum. She’s never made any secret of the fact she had us too young. Anywaydon’t try and lay this on me. I’m not the one who lied.”

I take a deep breath.

“How did you find out?”

“I saw your mum on the telly,” he says, “with your daughter.”

The way he says daughter makes it sound like a dirty word. I feel worse than ever. That’s what he thinks about my darling Lou Lou.

“I knew you were hiding something from me. And two and two finally added up. Now I know why you wouldn’t let me meet your family,” he says. “All the time I was afraid you were ashamed of me, and it’s your own daughter you’re ashamed of.”

“I’m sorry,” I say again.

I know my words are deeply inadequate. But I don’t know what to do.

“It’s over, Melanie.”

“Will –” I cry, but he’s cut the connection, leaving me stunned and in shock.

I’m never going to see him again. And it’s all my own fault.

***

“It’s over,” I say, switch my phone off and slam it across the floor.

Izzy stands in the doorway looking at me thoughtfully.

“It went well then,” she says.

“What do you think?” I say aggressively, and then feel bad. None of this is her fault.

“Poor ickle Will,” Izzy comes over and ruffles my hair.

I nudge her in the ribs, but I like that for once she’s looking after me. I’ve just finished it with Melanie, but it hasn’t made me feel any better. I feel sick and betrayed and angry. So angry.

“Why?” I burst out. “Why did she have to lie to me?”

“To be fair,” Izzy pointed out, “I don’t think it’s just you. Does anyone else at college know Melanie’s got a baby?”

“Um-,” I cast my mind back. Melanie isn’t especially close to any of the girls at college. If any of them knew anything, I’m sure I’d have heard. College is a massive gossip factory. Anything that good would have gone down in minutes.

Although – suspicion rears its head again. Melanie has been there a year. Maybe it’s such old news, no one bothered to tell me.

“And,” continues Izzy remorselessly, “didn’t you say her tutor was always on her case? Wouldn’t he be more sympathetic if he knew the truth?”

I think about the number of times Melanie has screamed in late to class, and Tom has made some sarcastic comment about why she finds it so hard to get out of bed in the mornings. Would he really say that if he knew what she was dealing with?

“Oi, you’re meant to be on my side,” I say.

“I am,” says Izzy. “But I like Melanie. And you two, you’re good together. I know I’ve been a pain in the arse the last year, I think Melanie has been good for you.”

“How can we be good together if it’s all built on a lie?” I say

“Maybe she had a reason to lie,” says Izzy. “Melanie doesn’t strike me as a dishonest person. Don’t you think you owe it to her to at least ask?”

Izzy’s right. I always knew Melanie was holding out on me about something. I just never imagined this. And it’s going to torture me not knowing why.

“So what do you suggest?” I say.

“First you use 192.com to find out where she lives,” says Izzy. “Then you go and get the girl.”

I swear she’s watched too many romcoms.

After a while I can’t cry anymore. The moment I’ve been dreading since I first met Will has finally happened. And more than anything I wish I’d told him the truth from the beginning. But how could I?

Then I start thinking about how he found out. I’m mad as hell with Mum. Why didn’t she tell me Lou Lou was in those shots with her? I wouldn’t have minded, but I wish I’d known. Suddenly I’m furious. If Mum hadn’t done that, everything would still be ok. I know that I’m being irrational, but if only I’d been able to tell Will my way …

I storm downstairs.

“Mum, how could you!” I’m so angry I can’t think straight.

“How could I what?” Mum looks surprised.

“Do that bloody TV programme online?” I say.

“What’s wrong with it?” Mum says, she clearly hasn’t a clue.

“You never told me Lou Lou was going to be in it,” I say. “Did you know it’s gone viral?”

“Yes I’d heard but-” Mum says and then she looks at me in concern, “What is the problem exactly? Is it a boy?”

“Yes it’s a boy,” I yell. “A boy who thought I was Melanie Carpenter, an A level student, and has just discovered I’m Mel Tinsall, daughter of Cat Tinsall and mother to Louise Tinsall.”

“You’ve got a boyfriend who doesn’t know about Lou Lou?” Mum looks horrified, and I wince a bit under her disbelief.

“Not anymore, I haven’t!” I say. “Thanks a bunch.”

I grab the car keys, run for the door, slam it and run out to my car. I am crying so hard I can barely see in front of me. But I have to get away. I don’t know where I’m going or why. I need to go somewhere to clear my head.

I don’t know what possesses me but I decide to drive for the hills. The sky is turning purply blue, and the last pink rays of the sun are casting light on the hillside. I love being up here, it’s so peaceful. Maybe it will calm me down.

Or maybe not. It’s beginning to snow when I get to the top. Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea.

Flic, flac, Flic flac. The windscreen wipers are going faster and faster as the snow falls more heavily. I start feeling a little nervous. There are always stories of people who get stuck in snowdrifts up here in winter. What was I thinking of? I should go back. But I’ve taken a wrong turn at the last crossroads, and now I’m completely lost. I pull over, planning to do a three point turn and turn back. By now the last rays of the sun have gone, and the clouds are heavy and ominous. The snowflakes are so thick now, the windscreen wiper can barely clear them. I completely misjudge the edge of the road in the dark, and I find myself skidding slowly into a ditch.

It’s dark, it’s snowing, and in my hurry I forgot my coat, and I haven’t a clue where I am. How could I have been so stupid?

***

I drive like a maniac down the long windy road towards Hope Christmas, where Melanie lives. Finally, too late, I know where to find her. I wish she’d trusted me before.

It’s dark and snowing heavily by the time I nervously, I pull up in front of her house. If Melanie hasn’t told me about them, has she told them about me?

I ring on the door bell and a small fair haired woman I recognise from the TV flings it open and says, “Mel!” followed by “Oh.”

“Er, hello?” Mel’s mum says looking a bit confused. I can’t say I blame her.

“Hi,” I say feeling more awkward than I’ve ever felt in my life before, “you must be Mrs Tinsall – Melanie’s mum?”

“And you are?”

“Will Harris,” I say, “Is Melanie in?”

“No, she’s not,” says Cat. She looks worried, “And I’m not sure when she’ll be back.”

“That may be my fault,” I say feeling sheepish, “I think I overreacted a tad.”

“If you mean you just found out who Mel really is, no I don’t think you did,” Cat says. “I’ll try and ring her to let her know you’re here.”

“She’s not answering my texts,” I say. I’ve tried several times on the way over here.

Just then the phone rings. Cat leaps as if she’s been shot and answers it eagerly.

“Mel,” she says. And I can hear Melanie’s panicked voice on the other end.

“Oh my god,” Cat says to me, “Melanie’s stuck up on the hills, in the dark, and doesn’t know where she is.”

I feel like such an idiot. It’s cold, and it’s snowing and it’s dark, and I’ve got my car stuck in a ditch. I’m feeling a bit panicky now. What if I can’t get to get home?

I ring Mum. Thank god, there’s a signal. There isn’t always up here.

She tells me not to panic and that she’s on her way. But I can’t even tell her where I am. I was in such a state I wasn’t looking at the signposts. I feel so stupid.

I’ve been stupid about everything. Why did I ever think I should keep Lou Lou a secret? Why did I have to lie to Will? If he liked me enough he’d have been happy to accept her I’m sure. And Mum. I feel guilty about Mum. She wasn’t to know I’d made such a big cock up of things.

I start shivering. I don’t know whether to leave the heater on in the car or not. What if I run the battery down flat? Why did I rush off without my coat? Why did I come up here of all places, and when it’s snowing.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I think about Lou Lou, and have a horrible scary thought that something might happen to me out here, and then what would happen to her? I think about Will and wish I had done things differently. Maybe I can give him a ring and arrange to meet, and he’ll be prepared to listen when he’s calmed down … maybe.