Authors: Susan Sizemore
He found himself looking at his hands, the fingers spread wide before his face—as though they’d just let something precious slip right through them. He recalled watching Maddie’s still form bent over a clear mountain loch, hands carefully poised to quickly snatch a fish out of the water. The image brought a smile to his lips and helped ease the tight fist of control squeezed around his aching heart. He remembered standing in an abandoned house and thinking that she was no fairy woman but a practical, wonderful mortal. It seemed he’d instantly forgotten those thoughts on the dawn he had them for he’d been chagrined at his foolishness when she pointedly reminded him of her true nature.
His lass didn’t conjure fairy feasts out of midair, she went fishing for her breakfast.
He remembered holding his hand out to Maddie and speaking to her of trust and love. That had been in a protected, safe place far away from the cares of the world. Back in the world, he dared not trust himself to show more than a minute part of the love that burned through him for the woman who’d come to save his people.
Or perhaps he was frightened to love for fear that he didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Maddie. What if she did disappear back into her own time once her work at Cape Wrath was accomplished? Could he live with losing her? Or perhaps he held himself from her out of guilt for having forced the marriage on her? All he knew was that he’d overreacted, that he’d run from his own feelings and that his overreaction was likely to destroy the one wonderful thing that had ever come into his life.
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Had the White Lady sent her to save him as well? Was Maddie here to bring him back from the emotionless prison he’d put himself in to save his clan?
Would
saving him be the saving of the Murrays? Or were these thoughts excuses he made to himself to give in to his hot-blooded, selfish nature?
Or perhaps he wasn’t as selfish as he feared. Perhaps he was just a man and she was just a woman, and they needed each other.
He wanted desperately to be kind to the woman he loved, to be more than kind. He wanted to be loving, to show her how much he cared every minute of every day, not for just a few guarded hours when they were alone in this room. After what Maddie had said before leaving, he knew that they would not even have the time together in this room anymore. She was a strong, stubborn woman, she would not come back to him unless he bent to her in this.
It wasn’t even an unreasonable demand. Maddie was no princess of the fair folk who asked for roses in winter and expected them to appear. She was merely asking for her rights as a wife. He found no blame in her actions. He simply could not give her roses, even in summer. He could not bend, for to him the slightest bend would surely lead to breaking.
He wished with all his heart that he could call back the magic of the night they’d shared at the White Lady’s. He wished that there was some safe place for them but he would not abandon his people to find that haven for his heart and his heart’s desire.
And was the magic between us that night not the sort mortals make?
The thought was his but it seemed to come from outside himself. “Magic,” he said.
“That was not magic, that was love. It was trust. It was the way a man and woman are meant to be together.”
And can you not find that love every time you look into your Maddie’s eyes?
He could, he knew, if he dared.
“But how to control that love?” He looked around wildly, at the room he would not destroy no matter how strong the desire to smash his circumscribed world into oblivion. “How do I control myself?”
I’m not some ethereal little thing who’d rather drag you off on picnics and dancing in the
moonlight
.
No matter how much his pain, Rowan couldn’t stop the laugh as he suddenly recalled Maddie’s words. An image formed in his mind of her dragging him off, hoisted over her shoulder, for she was indeed
not
some ethereal little thing. She was a big, strong, capable mortal woman and he wanted her no other way.
I work for a living. I like working for a living.
As did he. They were a fine match. Together they could indeed fulfill the White Lady’s prophecy of saving his people. If he were just strong enough to be the partner Maddie deserved. She wanted and deserved more than a lover. Was he being strong by denying her the partnership she deserved or was he being a coward?
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You’ve seeped into my bones and blood and thoughts.
Just as she had seeped into his. Had his father ever truly been a part of his fairy wife? Had their thoughts and feelings, hopes, plans and deeds been as well matched as his and Maddie’s? He knew for a fact that they had not. Maddie was a part of Rowan’s world, his father had tried in vain for years to be a part of his fairy lady’s and had failed in the end.
“What do I have to lose by letting myself love this mortal woman? Am I not as mortal as she is? As attached to the world? Her cares and mine are the same. So are the joys. Why have I not seen that before?”
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to run off and have my way with you when I’m in the
middle of an important project. I can restrain my excess of passion for your manly touch for a
few hours out of every day, you know.
Rowan laughed again at the memory of her words. He laughed long and hard until his shoulders shook and his knees went weak and the laughter turned to racking sobs that he feared would never end. He lost control of his emotions and didn’t even try to gather them back. He cried, he shouted, he laughed wildly, he pounded on the wall and the bed and broke a piece or two of crockery.
It felt wonderful.
It didn’t last very long either. He discovered that once let loose, the flood of emotions were quickly spent. The storm was violent but soon over. When calm returned, he gazed around the empty room and shook his head.
“I’ve no time for private frenzy,” he realized. “What I need is to shout back when Maddie shouts at me.” He smiled. “She can’t have a proper fight all on her own. Now,
that
would be a satisfying way to have a roaring fit, the two of us letting ourselves say the things that need to be said and then making up in that big, wide bed.”
Only he had to convince her first that he was worth fighting with. He had to prove to her that he could be the man she needed and wanted, that he loved her as much as she did him. He was still afraid that he would follow in his father’s excessive footsteps.
He had to trust himself and try not to. He had to trust Maddie and in the love they shared.
When had he forgotten that love was about trust?
“And where has that woman gotten to?” he demanded as he threw open the bedroom door to find Rosemary, Micaela, Burke and Allen Harboth waiting on the other side. “Well?” he demanded of the startled lot. “Where is she?” He glared at Allen.
“Don’t you get any ideas about harboring my wife if she’s smart enough to run away from me either. She’s
mine
, Harboth.”
Allen stepped forward and put a hand on Rowan’s shoulder. “I don’t want your woman, Murray. I’ve got a fine woman of my own.” He glanced at Rosemary. “Why do you think I made peace with you, man? I’ve been trying to get Rosemary to run off with me since we met in Glasgow. Unlike Micaela, she wouldn’t give in while our clans were enemies.”
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Rowan looked from Allen to the smiling Rosemary then back again. “If you’re in love with my cousin, why have you been making cow eyes at my wife?”
“That was my idea,” Rosemary spoke up. “I thought if he made you jealous, you might see that you’ve been acting mickle odd lately.”
“Acting like a fool,” Micaela said. “Honestly, Rowan, you’re not a thing like Father.
You never have been. Thankfully, Maddie’s nothing like Mother. Did the White Lady put a spell on you to make you think otherwise?”
“No,” Rowan admitted. “I did that myself.” He looked sheepishly at his family.
“The spell’s broken now. Where is she?”
“The lord of the Isles asked her to come down to his camp,” Rosemary answered.
“To look at ship rudders of all things. She was crying, poor dear, but she went.”
“She said she didn’t have anywhere better to go,” Burke added with a dark frown at Rowan.
Rowan squirmed under his family’s disapproval but he didn’t stay to try to defend or discuss his foolhardy behavior. He went in search of his wife.
He was more than annoyed when Allen caught up with him near the castle gate.
Rowan rounded on the other laird. “What?”
“The lord of the Isles’ war,” Allen reminded him. “What do you want to do about it?”
It was a decision he had to make, one that couldn’t wait even for love’s sake. A tiny smile curved his lips as he recalled that Maddie had granted that it was his decision.
She offered information but didn’t try to bend him to her will in this. How had he been so blind as to think she was trying to turn his—their—home into her private fiefdom?
“What do we tell him, Rowan?” Allen questioned.
“We tell him to go to the devil.”
Allen thought for a moment then nodded. “Aye, but with sweeter words than that.
We can’t forget that he has a fine beginning for his army camped outside your gates.”
“And outside they’ll stay.” They’ll be gone in a few hours anyway, he thought.
“You find sweet words and plausible excuses to keep our folk out of the fighting,” he told Allen. “It’s Maddie I need to deal with right now.”
He had his own life to set to rights before he could concentrate on his people. For once he didn’t feel guilty about that. In fact, it felt as if a weight had been lifted from his soul. The new lightness growing in his being aided the sure speed of his steps. He rushed forward, holding onto hope for Rowan Murray for the first time in his life.
Never mind the lord of the Isles today. It’s Maddie who’ll be here for a lifetime
.
Please let it
be so,
Rowan prayed as he hurried out his heavily guarded gates.
Please, God, let it not be
too late to win her back.
He hurried through the village and down to the shingle where the lord of the Isles was camped. The ocean roared on one side, Murrays and visiting Harboths streamed down the narrow path behind him. On the shore, there were beached ships, tents and a 183
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great many people about. Rowan took no heed of anyone as he went along until he caught sight of Maddie. That she was surrounded by soldiers, he didn’t he even notice at first. What he saw was that she was tall and dignified as she stood with MacDonald next to his ship, the flame brightness of red hair dulled by the rain. The rain seemed to kiss her face but could not hide her tears from him.
Tears he had caused. Tears he would stop. He never wanted to make her cry again.
“Maddie! I love you!”
A smile as bright as sunlight broke across her features. It warmed him even from a distance. “Rowan!”
“Lord, woman,” he called as she turned his way. “I’m a fool!”
“No you’re not!” she shouted back.
Behind him Father Andrew said, “Yes he is.”
Rowan lifted his voice to shout over the roar of laughter, the roar of the ocean and a questioning murmur from MacDonald’s men. He wanted the world to hear. He stood in the center of the camp and proclaimed, “You know very well I am. You said so and you were right. I’ve come to my senses, lass!”
She held a hand out to him. “Just come to me!”
He hurried forward. “I love you! I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. I’ll love you ’til my dying day. Let the world witness that I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy if you’ll have me.”
He hoped she’d run to meet him but Maddie did not move. She smiled at him but still dashed away tears with one hand. Rowan saw that the lord of the Isles had his hand grasped about her other wrist. When Rowan was within a few feet of the shore where Maddie waited, a trio of soldiers blocked his way.
“Let me by.”
One of the men looked at MacDonald.
The lord of the Isles shook his head. “Stay where you are, Murray, and your lady will stay by me.”
There was a stillness, a tense alertness about the men surrounding the spot where Maddie stood. Rowan knew that he should have sensed trouble before. He knew now that Maddie was in danger and he knew exactly what it was. What he had feared might happen had come to pass. It was all his fault.
“She’s not going with you, MacDonald.”
“Ah, but she is, lad.”
Maddie tried ineffectually to pull away from her large captor. “I already told you that I’m not going with you.”
MacDonald paid her no mind. Even though he winced when she kicked him on the ankle, he more than outmatched her in size and strength. She was no more than a nuisance to him.
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She was Rowan’s nuisance and he wanted her back. Terror shot through him at the thought of losing her just as he’d begun to hope to build a life with her. Terror shot through him just because she was in danger. He let himself have that moment of terror then he forced it down and replaced it with the steely calm that came to him before every battle.
“I’m going to kill you, MacDonald,” Rowan said. At his words, two of the guards grabbed him by the arms. Behind him, the Murrays set up an angry shout. Murrays, MacDonalds and Harboths all had weapons in their hands by now.
Maddie watched the change come over Rowan, from apologetic lover to concerned husband to stone-calm leader, and she didn’t regret the transition one little bit. He had bared his emotions not only to her but to the world. She had seen the love, heard it, practically felt it as his words caressed and eased her aching heart and mind.
There was more than hope for them. They were going to make it. He loved her. She loved him.
All they had to do to be together was get through the lord of the Isles’ army.
Maddie couldn’t stop the grin as she looked deep into Rowan’s eyes. “No problem.