Read A Life In A Moment Online
Authors: Stefanos Livos
Yet, what
moved me the most was the card Natalia gave me:
Brother, congratulations! I know you’ll steal the show
tonight.
I believe in your abilities. You should always remember this.
Regards to everyone. Kisses to Ellie.
Love, Paul and Samantha.
Paul
...
It was strange to read it, but it made sense.
Paul
sounded much better and was certainly more pleasant to the British
tongue than the hoarse, Greek word
Pavlos
.
I put the tin lid on my linguistic thoughts and realised that these
words — that he had imparted to my cousin over the phone —
had made me even happier.
A smile,
rooted deep down in my heart, brightened up my face, filling it with
perfumed flowers of all colours...
A full
year had elapsed and everything had changed, and yet stayed the same.
I was nineteen and I thought my life was on track. I believed that,
even if I dozed off at the wheel, my journey would continue without
any major hurdles. Little did I know I was travelling with no fixed
destination.
I was
still a lowly bookseller who spent his days among books. I would dust
them, read them, sell them, shuffle them about on their shelves. They
were my children. I was a busy father, with an exhausting schedule,
but my family didn’t come home with me. They were a family that
recharged my batteries, only to let them run low every night.
I was
forced to forfeit many luxuries of my single life. The carefree
awakenings, my coffee time on the veranda, the sunsets in the attic,
meeting with my family. Only with Natalia I had more frequent
contact. She would drop by the bookshop sometimes to see me or ask
for my advice on things that concerned her.
Neither
did I see my friends very often. We played chase, like in the past,
but now we didn’t chase one another; we chased time, which ran
faster than all of us. Thanos spent all week at the photographic lab,
while at weekends he attended weddings and christenings as their
official photographer. Michalis wasn’t busy at all, but had
hidden himself away at home, cramming for his Polytechnic exams.
Later on, I was to learn the real reason why we never saw each other.
The long
separations, caused by my shopkeeping hours, made me miss Ellie more
than anyone else. She was my gaping wound, which was deepening all
the more. For this very reason, we bickered constantly. I knew she
was right about my too-long absences, but she also knew I had no
other option. We could never find a middle road.
«You
can come to the bookshop whenever you want; we can spend the nights
together; we can meet on Monday and Wednesday evenings when I am not
working...», I told her every time we fought.
«Vassilis,
you’re not the only one with commitments. I have to attend
school, study, write papers, prepare for the exams...»
I shrugged
my shoulders. «So, there’s problem on both sides.»
Ellie
agreed, grudgingly, and I carried on:
«But
you know I have to stick to this schedule. I can’t change it.»
«I
can’t change anything either», she would always state
imperiously, putting an end to the discussion.
Though the
whole situation was sad, it was at least consoling that we hadn’t
given up on those repeated, purposeless discussions. But for how
long?
One day, I
saw Thanos enter the bookshop, pacing on the carpet of the smile I
had laid. I was smiling because I didn’t know yet the real
purpose of his visit.
«How
have you been, buddy? Long time no see!» I said to him with a
sense of bitterness.
«Well,
we’re both up to our eyes in work... How are you doing here?»
I nodded
my head to signal my satisfaction. «Relatively well. There’s
stability; you know what to expect.»
«Stability
is always good.»
«It’s
strange to hear that from you!»
«Many
things have changed, my friend. I guess you’ve realised that.
We’ve grown up. Just a bit, but we have.»
«We’re
still wet behind the ears!» I smiled. «So, what’s
brought you here?»
That was
exactly the question my friend had anticipated.
«First
of all, we haven’t seen each other for quite some time, so I
thought I’d drop by to see you. But… I also need to tell
you something. To be more precise, I need to confide something in
you.»
I looked
at him without saying anything. I was surprised and a little worried.
«What’s going on?»
«Look.
I’ve been wavering over whether I should tell you or not. But I
wouldn’t be able to have it on my conscience for much longer.
I’d be completely consumed by it.»
«I
understand what you mean. Tell me.»
«How
are you getting along with Ellie?»
I didn’t
like the way Ellie had suddenly entered the conversation.
«I
don’t know. The truth is we haven’t been seeing each
other very often.»
«And
Michalis? How long is it since you two saw each other?»
I was
taken aback. I had no idea how these two questions could be related.
«I don’t see him very often, either. Actually, it’s
been quite a long time.»
Thanos
wasted no more time. He was already consumed by his overwhelming
secret. «Vassilis, whatever I tell you, you’d better
double-check the facts yourself, alright?»
«Alright,
can you tell me already?»
«Well,
yesterday afternoon, as I was driving past the harbour, I saw two
figures walking side by side, and I thought they were Michalis and
Ellie. But I didn’t see them clearly, so I didn’t believe
it was them. Then, stopped at the traffic lights, I got a better look
and realised I was right.»
I felt the
floor move beneath my feet. I swung between shock and rage, despite
Thanos’ advice to first seek out the facts.
«And,
of course, I wouldn’t have come to upset you for no reason, but
I’ve seen them walk together again.»
He was
asking me to take nothing at face value; yet he had already sown the
seed of suspicion, planting it deep inside my head, watering it and
watching it grow. I leant over the counter, shock weighing heavily
around my neck.
«What
do you think I should do?»
Thanos
just shrugged his shoulders.
«I
don’t know what to say. I mean… How? Michalis and
Ellie?»
«Vassilis,
I’ve told you. Don’t take any of this at face-value.»
I
half-smiled nervously.
«Look,
whatever you decide to do, please don’t mention me. All this
may be true, but I can’t be sure what’s behind it. I
wouldn’t like all this to sour my relationship with Ellie or
Michalis. I’ve known them both for so long.»
«Are
you sure you know them?» I asked suggestively.
«I
know them, Vassilis. It’s a totally different thing if people
sometimes surprise me.»
I was
thinking of all the possible aspects that could justify what I had
just learnt. None of them seemed at all reassuring.
«Have
you spoken with him?» I asked.
«Of
course not. What was I supposed to tell him? Even if I talked to him,
do you think he would tell me? Michalis would easily have me believe
I’m imagining things.»
I saw his
point.
«So,
Ellie is all we’re left with.»
«If
you ask me, I wouldn’t talk to her directly. If something’s
going on, she wouldn’t admit it.»
I met her
the following afternoon. After we had our usual conversation over our
limited free time, I asked her if she saw our other friends.
«Natalia
is the only one I see quite often. Actually, far more often than I
see you.»
«What
about the others?»
«I
don’t know. I haven’t seen them lately. No, I’m
lying! I saw Thanos...»
«I
saw him too, two days ago. But I haven’t seen Michalis for
quite some time.»
«Nor
have I. Last time I saw him was over a month ago, at that dinner we
had all together.»
I heard
that sentence like a ball smashing a window. I felt the slivers
slicing into my heart.
I took a
closer look at her. Was she the same girl that asked me to be
together forever? I’d known her for four years and I would say
she hadn’t changed a bit. But what if she had and I hadn’t
noticed?
There was
an unshaken kind of smile hanging on my face, like a piece of
clothing hanging to dry. I heard all my feelings parade proudly
inside me. Fury was the platoon leader, followed by bitterness,
indignation, sorrow, pain and disillusionment.
I let
Ellie go, without trying to make her stay. I immediately called
Thanos, who arrived soon after, the loyal friend that he was. After I
told him about my exchange with Ellie, we talked about her behaviour.
«I
am sorry, Vassilis», he said with a crooked voice, as if he was
a messenger delivering the bad news of a war threat.
«I
feel sorry myself, Thanos, but it’s better to know. The thing
is, she must have realised I am suspicious.»
«How?»
«There
are no flies on her. Nor am I a good actor. She will probably relay
all this to Michalis immediately.»
«Vassilis,
there may be something else behind Ellie’s behaviour. You can’t
be sure what’s really going on.»
«I
guess you’re right. That’s why we’ll go there and
find out.»
«Where?»
«Michalis’
place.»
«You
mean the two of us?» he asked, scared witless.
«Thanos,
I may be the interested party, but he’s a friend of yours, too.
If something’s going on, he’s kept that from you, as
well. So, come with me and I promise to not implicate you. You don’t
even have to come up to his flat. Just be with me.»
We sat on
a bench in the park opposite Michalis’ block of flats. We were
obscured by dense foliage, just to make sure we were invisible. The
lights were on in his flat, but we couldn’t tell whether he was
alone. We had to wait for a while until we saw Ellie’s
silhouette. She was gesticulating animatedly.
Although I
had been expecting it, I got surprised.
«I’m
going», I said, running off into the night. He ran after me.
«Do
me one last favour. Ring the bell and say you’re here for only
five minutes. Just do this. I don’t care if you come upstairs
or not.»
He
hesitated. He tried to change my mind, but soon realised he didn’t
stand a chance. He rang the bell.
When
Michalis opened up, he was speechless. I walked in and looked around.
Empty space.
«Tell
her to come out.»
«Who?»
«Michalis,
I’ve had enough of this bullshit!» I was beside myself. I
couldn’t guarantee any control over my reactions.
He was
flabbergasted but remained silent.
«Okay.
Let’s leave her out of this. You tell me what this is all
about. You have only one chance.»
«What
do you mean, Vassilis? Leave who out of this?»
My
clenched fist, smashing him first in the face, threw him against a
lamp, which smashed into pieces, making my point very, very clear.
«I
said you have only one chance, damn it!» I shouted at him,
slamming into him with another blow, and another and another.
He was
desperately trying to defend himself, weakened by my heavy blows.
Ellie flew out of hiding — his ally — managing to
distract me.
«Vassilis,
please don’t! Please, don’t hit him!»
I
restrained myself for a moment, during which Michalis regained
strength to lash out at me. Now I was the one who was trying to
defend himself, the one being beaten up by his best friend.
«Michalis,
please! Don’t fight!» we heard Ellie screaming.
There was
a cracking sound and all of a sudden, I felt blood trickling from my
nostrils. Blind with rage, I kicked him hard in his crotch. It was
the only way to buy some time and regain my footing. Through blurry
vision, I could see Ellie hovering in the room.
«I
don’t believe it! Even now?» I told her, feeling the
blood on my lips.
«No,
it’s not like this!» she told me, her face a pathetic
picture, enraging me all the more.
«What
is it like then?» I slung back, looking at Michalis, who was
groaning, coiled up tight against the floor. I wanted to make sure I
had some time before he regained strength. «I can’t
believe you actually made me feel guilty for not seeing each other as
much as we should’ve. So go to hell! Both of you!»
For a
moment, I stayed silent, hearing Michalis groan and swear.
«You’re
lucky I don’t know much more. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have
come unprepared», I said, ready to leave. I turned to Ellie for
one last time, repeating something I had once told her:
«
Each
man kills the thing he loves.
You
remember? You made it.»
Staggering
on my way out, I leaned over Michalis:
«You
were my friend.»
«Fuck
you!» he replied, only to receive another blow.
Since
there was no other way to end that encounter, I considered that punch
a farewell. I looked at them both for the last time. It would be the
very last time for one of them.
I left
bleeding and distressed. I was treading on the rubble of my ruined
world. Once outside of the building, it was surprising to see Thanos.
«What
are you still doing here?»
He didn’t
take any heed. «Vassilis! What happened up there? You look
terrible! Come, I’ll take you to my place.»
«No,
I want to go home.»
«Okay,
then», he agreed, patting his hand on the back of my neck in
comradeship. We started walking.