A Little Bit of Crazy (Little Bits) (22 page)

Marie:
It came through this morning! Shall I bring it over?

Maya:
I’m at work, can you please drop it there?  Xx much love

     It’s early morning and I’m sat at the office going through so many numbers I swear I’m about to shit out a calculator. It’s driving me mad, so damn busy because I’ve not being pulling my weight. Note to self, don’t get distracted.

     “Hey,” I say as Marie walks in and craftily slots the package into my bag. “What do you call three holes in the ground?”

     She sighs and sits on my couch, “Please tell me you aren’t looking up shit jokes again…”

     “Answer me bitch!”

     “Fine. I don’t know. What do you call three hills on the ground?”

     “Holes.”

     “What? I don’t get it.”

     “No you
blumbering fool, it’s what do you call three
holes
in the ground?”

     She snorts, “Oh. I don’t know. Tell me.”

     “Well, well, well,” I snort laugh, this pig thing is really becoming a problem. Marie just blinks. “No? Not digging it?”

     I laugh again at my own adaptation. “Get it. Digging it? I have to text this to Jacob.”

Maya:
What do you call three holes in the ground?

Jacob:
Seriously… you’re looking up jokes again?

Maya:
Why do you and Marie always spoil my fun?

Jacob:
Sigh… what do you call three holes in the ground? I just have to know.

Maya:
Well, well, well. But say it in a sexy voice and raise your eyebrow.

Jacob:
Sometimes I wonder…

Maya:
You shouldn’t, you might hurt yourself.

Jacob:
I dislike you very much

Maya:
Lies. So many lies.

Jacob:
Do you live to make my life miserable?

Maya:
Hehe, James asked me that exact same thing. And no, I live to make it interesting! ;)

Jacob:
I preferred it when we were talking about naked.

Maya:
I preferred it when you weren’t talking at all… ooh got to go, Marie is sighing and tapping her foot.

Jacob:
So am I princess. So am I.

     I laugh and zip my bag shut, “So. Where’s my coffee?”

     “Would you mind terribly if we go out for dinner tonight? My mum has invited us,” James says as we eat lunch.

     I shrug, “Sounds good to me. What time?”

     “Eight.”

     He leaves and I finish work. I go to a meeting, one of my lab dudes has created organic play make-up for children. Ready to be shelved. If he’d presented it to me a week ago I would have booted him out of my office. Now I want a bag full for Amelia. It’s completely chemical free and easy to wash off. I test it and then put it in the cute case it comes with. Safe to say Gerald leaves my office ecstatic and shocked. If they’d showed this to me two months ago I would’ve personally kicked them out of my office.

     I hide the make-up in my bag and when I get home I shove my bag in the closet before jumping in the shower and dressing up for dinner. I choose a gorgeous black Armani dress, it’s clingy to the hips where I fans out to my knees with a long slit up my thigh.

     James’ eyes burn with lust. I’m pretty sure mine match as he looks bloody beautiful. His suit is black and tailored to perfection, his white shirt looks like it’s come out of a Daz advert and I love him in a bowtie which is a gold color. It brings out his eyes.

     We laugh and chat about our day as I comb his hair back with a bit of wax. He’s complete male perfection. I lean forward and taste his neck, he sighs in content and then asks me something that will most likely haunt me all night.

     “Babe, are you sleeping with someone else?”

     My eyebrows go up in a flash and I drop the comb to the ground, “No. Of course not. Why would you ask that?”

     “You’ve been acting weird. Guilty even.”

     I smile reassuringly at him and kiss his lips, “Babe. I’m in too much pain to have sex and if I’m going to have an affair it would be with little James.”

     He doesn’t look reassured at all. I plan to reassure him properly when we get home. For now I straddle his lap, bring his hands to my ass and kiss him with all the love in the world. He relaxes and holds me close. “I don’t want to lose you,” he murmurs. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to hear him or not so I stay quiet and kiss him again as we wait for the car to arrive.

     “I got you something,” Sylvia grins as James seats me like a true gentleman. “I already ordered for you both by the way.”

     “
Gimme the gift Sylvie,” I joke, flexing my hands out in front of me.

     “Can you not be gracious or mature about anything?” I can tell she’s playing so I ignore her statement and hold out my hands like a child. Rolling her eyes she hands me a paper bag. I open it and pull out… baby boots, a white baby blanket, a white cardigan and a little white hat.

     “Mom,” James hisses as I stare at the tiny fabrics. I can hear the humor in his voice.

     Sylvia is beaming with pride, “I couldn’t resist.”

     I shove the baby stuff in the bag and sigh. “Ok, I’ll cut you both a deal. If you stop bugging me about this baby thing I’ll come off contraception in six months. That will give us time to go on a decent honeymoon, set up the office so we have more time at home and find someone to take over from me so I can have decent maternity leave.”

     They both stare at me with wide eyes and gaping mouths. A huge smile spreads across James’ face. “You mean it? In six months?”

     “Yes.”

     “I fucking love you,” he laughs and presses his lips to mine. “That good with you mom?”

     I look up at Sylvia and gasp at the sight of tears in her eyes. She waves us off and nods, looking straight down at her plate. “I’ve never had a newborn baby in the family. With me not being able to conceive and my sister was the same. And my nephew being gay and now living in England.” She looks up at me. “Thank you Maya. I’ll be able to enjoy grandkids without being too old to move.”

     “I can’t believe in a year and a half I could be a father,” he grins and looks up to the ceiling. “Definitely got the long straw.”

     “Ok, change of subject,” I laugh and sip my cranberry and vodka. “So, when am I to be forced to the next lunch?”

     Fortunately there isn’t another lunch for two weeks. Sylvia rolls her eyes when I do a victory fist pump and James asks why I hate the lunches so much. Mine and my mother in laws expressions match at his ridiculous question. We explain to him with cocked eyebrows how it’s a bunch of self-righteous old ladies who think being gay, black or not of their money league are an abomination to society. Some of them are nice but the rest are prissy twits.

     By the end of the night Sylvia has me howling with laughter, regaling me with tales on James and his antics as a boy. I asked her why she adopted him as a child and not a baby. I was worried my question would offend her but she just smiled and replied, “At first I wanted a baby, who doesn’t? But I fell in love with him the first moment I laid eyes on him. So did his father. I believe he was sat in the corner sulking because he genuinely didn’t believe any of the people were going to adopt him. It was heart breaking. Best decision of my life.”

     I squeeze James’ hand and Sylvia’s such a wonderful moment to be a part of. I don’t think I’ll ever forget this. Such a sweet moment between mother and son.

     When we arrive home I lay in bed in a pink silk chemise watching my gorgeous hubby hop around the room trying to pull off his shoe. He’s beautiful. Every inch of him is mine and I plan to explore it when I’m better.

     “Are we really going to try for a baby after six months?” James asks as I snuggle into his chest.

     “We aren’t going to try, we’re just going to let nature take its course. I’m not going to go mad and start checking my ovulation days. We’ll just pull the goalie and see what happens,” I mumble through my sleepy haze. “Now go to sleep.”

     My phone is ringing over and over again. I sit bolt upright in the dark and quickly pick it up. It’s just gone midnight, who the hell is calling at this time?

     “Hello?” I whisper, checking James. Luckily he’s still fast asleep.

     “Maya.” Lucas’ relieved voice sounds over the speaker.

     “Hey. Just a second,” I whisper and dash silently out of the bedroom. “What’s wrong?”

     “You know you said I could call you if I ever needed anything,” his voice breaks, I hear the wind crash against the phone speaker.

     “Daddy I’m cold,” Amelie whimpers in the background.

     “Of course,” I say suddenly on edge. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

     I’m slotting my shoes on and my coat on as I talk. I grab my car keys and dash out of the door without looking back.

     “We’ve uh. We’ve been evicted and there’s nowhere that will take us in. I thought we’d find somewhere by now but no one will help and…” he lets out a little sob and a shuddery breath.

     “I’m on my way,” I say and dash out of the elevator and into the cold night. “Where are you?”

     “We’re outside Walmart. Near my house.”

     I hang up and break all traffic laws as I drive through the city. The roads are relatively clear fortunately so I pull up outside Walmart in no time at all. I see Amelia and Lucas huddled up by the doors. Two suitcases by his feet.

     “Hey,” I say as I climb out. “Give her to me. Put the cases in the boot.”

     He hands me Amelia who is shivering and crying silently. Her little legs wrap around my waist and her arms grip my neck. I sit her in the back and wrap her in a picnic blanket before buckling her in.

     “You guys hungry?” I say and turn the heating up as he climbs into the passenger side.

     “No, we’ve just eaten. Thanks Maya.” He holds his hands over the heater looking solemn and defeated.

     “What time did you get evicted? Surely they wouldn’t just throw you out now.” If they did they better pray they have a decent lawyer.

     “No, they kicked us this morning but…”

     I hold up my hand to stop him.  I’m angry, furious in fact. I turn to him before starting the car. “It’s the middle of the night.”

    “I know, we are desperate,” he completely misunderstands what I’m saying.

    “No,” I say and slam my hand on the steering wheel. “I mean why didn’t you call me sooner dammit? I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night I care that your pride kept you from calling the one person you know has enough money to help. I thought we were friends?”

     “I…”

     “I nothing, I don’t want to hear your excuses Lucas. Don’t ever, and I mean ever feel shit for asking me for anything. I spend six hundred dollars on wine. I spend seventy grand on a bottle of whiskey for crying out loud. I should have been the first person you called!”

     “I hardly know you!” he shouts back clearly agitated as well. “I can’t just ask…”

     “As opposed to the people you do know… great load of help a bunch of non-strangers are ey?” Calm down, deep breaths. How could he be so damn careless? I want to scratch him. Or shove a pie in his face.

     “I know, I’m sorry. Amelia,” he lets out a little laugh and rubs his face in his hands as I pull out onto the street. “She told me to call you. When they took our car as payment.” He touches my hand on the console, gripping it tight. “Do you believe in fate?”

     “Nope.” Maybe.

     “I just think it’s odd, the same week I get my final notice is the same week you show up at our door. It can’t be coincidence.”

     “Whatever it is I’m glad I’m here Lucas. Even if we’re not family. I may not be the most caring of people but I’m generous. If there’s a way I can help I will, I’m just a bitch about it.”