A Little Bit of Everything Lost (3 page)

Marnie smiled. “Let’s go.”

**

They stopped by the Burger King drive-thru and grabbed some food – fries and a diet Coke for Marnie, while Joe wolfed down a Whopper meal, and then he got on the highway but wouldn’t tell her where they were going.

The windows were down, the radio was on, not too loud, and it was a perfect summer night. They drove in silence for a while but it was the good kind of silence. Comfortable. Like she had known Joe forever. He wound his fingers in Marnie’s and her hair whipped in the wind, sometimes catching in her mouth so she would have to spit it out. She put her feet on the dash, tapped them to a new Bon Jovi song, and watched as the mile markers soared by. When it appeared they were moving from city into country, Marnie got curious.

“Where exactly are we going?”

“There’s this place that’s really cool and I think you’ll get some great shots. Of course, maybe I should have asked you what you feel like taking pictures of, huh?” Joe laughed, and squeezed her hand. No one had ever been so affectionate with her.

“I trust you have some good ideas.”

“That I do,” Joe said. “We’re almost there anyway.”

He turned off the highway and they were on a dirt road with no lights, a few spattering of rickety homes and a junk yard. It was not the place Marnie had imagined Joe would take her. “This looks a little freaky to me.”

“Mar, trust me, okay?”

“Okay.”

A little further down the road, the area cleared to reveal a truck rental company with rows and rows of yellow trucks lined up. A locked gate secured the two-story building.

“Why are we at a trucking company?”

“You’ll see. Sometimes you ask too many questions.”

They pulled up to a security guard booth where a big guy sat inside reading a motorcycle magazine and smoking a cigar. Joe rolled down his window.

“Hey Mac, how are ya, buddy?”

“Joey, what are you doing here tonight? Does your dad know you’re all the way out here?”

“Yeah, we’re here for a school project, photography.” He lifted the camera as proof. “Gonna shoot some trains, if you’ll let us in?”

“I didn’t know you were taking summer courses?
” He tapped the cigar out the window and smiled widely at Marnie.

“
Let me just buzz you through. Do me a favor once you’re in though, make sure to turn off the lights on your way out. Last time you forgot and I got an earful from your dad.”

“Sure thing Mac. Sorry about that.”

“Thanks, and behave.”

“Always do.”

Mac waved them on as he lifted the security gate and Joe rolled the car through while Marnie looked ahead. Finally, she said, “Your dad owns this company? Are you like totally rich or something?”

“Or something,” Joe grinned.

“And what did he mean by ‘last time’? Do you bring all your dates here?” Marnie asked.

“Only the
ones with photography projects.”

“So, there’s a train track? That’s a great idea. I have the perfect lens to capture the trains and their flashing lights! How often do they come through? Oh my gosh, I’m so excited! This’ll be awesome!”

“Guess what else?” Joe asked.

“What? Tell me!”

“We can shoot from the rooftop, and you’ll have the city view that you can take pictures of too,
and
you can probably get some shots of airplanes taking off, and… you want to know the best part?”

“What, what?”

“If you’re really nice, I might let you kiss me while we’re up there.”

Chapter
Eight
When Marnie was 28

Almost immediately, Marnie talked about add
ing to their family, so it hadn’t been a big secret; it wasn’t anything she had been keeping from him, her desire to have more children. But Stuart didn’t think it was such a good idea. At the time, it angered Marnie. She thought Stuart was going back on a deal, especially when they talked about having a family with three or four kids from the very beginning.

She remembered when the boys were little how hard it had been though, the first time Stuart left for a trip. She thought she could manage. Jeremy was two-and-a-half, Trey was eight weeks old.

“I’ll be fine,” she reassured Stuart.

“Look, Marnie. I can fly my mom out again. She would love to spend some more
time with you and the boys. She’ll come help out.” Stuart hugged her so reassuringly. “You know I don’t want to leave you and the boys.”

“I know,” Marnie hugged him back, baby Trey tucked in between them.

“Please let me ask my mom to come again?”

Marnie said no. She wanted to do this mom thing on her own. To prove that she could take care of her own children. Besides, her mother-in-law had just been there. She came when they brought Trey home from the hospital, had made meals, gave Jeremy so much attention he hardly knew a baby brother even existed. She kept up with the laundry and took the baby during the day so Marnie could rest. Lynnette had been wonderful and helpful but now it was Marnie’s turn to show Stuart she could take care of her own children.

Except that’s not what happened.

Jeremy woke with a hundred-and-two degree fever in the middle of the night, and then threw up all over his crib. At the same time, Trey was breastfeeding, and then had an up-the-back blowout. It took Marnie four hours to clean the kids, break the fever, change the sheets, wash the bedding, and feed the baby again before everyone was settled back into the guest bedroom for what was left of the night.

She never told anyone. The incident had proven so parentally mortifying she would take it to the grave.

And even now, all these years later, Marnie was still doing most of the parenting, and it was hard, with Jeremy always taunting Trey, and Trey always being so sensitive and just a bit too whiny. It was a wonder Marnie hadn’t broken down sooner.

Maybe she shouldn’t have gone to the lengths that she did, but she had been so desperate to find something, to recapture whatever was missing in their marriage, in their family and their lives, that she was sure another baby would bring them all the happiness they needed. She was positive a baby would complete their family.

Chapter Nine
July 1988

“How long are your parents gone for?” Joe asked.

“Late August.”

“We can only be in love until then,” he said.

Marnie’s eyes practically popped out of her head at the L word, and he quickly covered up the flub, “Like. We can only be in ‘like’ until your parents get home.” That was the closest he had been to saying it.

“So,” Marnie raised her eyebrows.
“You’re in ‘like’ with me? That’s big news.”

Joe grinned. Marnie was relieved she had turned the awkward moment into a lighthearted one. She didn’t need tension.

In the days that followed, what they were doing, being in ‘like,’ or whatever it was, their attraction grew. Whether in Joe’s mind, if he was simply keeping busy until school resumed, or something else, Marnie didn’t know. What she knew though, something
was
happening. And she didn’t want it to stop.

She tried to be cool, to not get caught up waiting by the phone, she tried not to cancel plans with Collette if Joe wanted to do something. But she found herself doing just that. Marnie worked her shifts at The Bean and went to her photography class, but other than that, she was available to Joe anytime he called, and saw him whenever he wanted to see her. Which was all of the time. This was how she wanted to spend the rest of her summer.

She knew this was not the way to keep a guy interested, by being so available, but she felt it was completely out of her control. She gave into it – into him – readily, not thinking of anything but the now.

Soon, they’d both be back at school and she didn’t know what would happen then. She felt though, that her heart would collapse at the thought of not being near him. Marnie had never had such a connection with anyone so quickly.

And their connection was growing more and more intense each time they were together.

It was only a matter of time.

After the first-night underwear setback, Marnie knew she had to be ready. A trip to Victoria’s Secret and eighty-four dollars later, she was confident that no matter what she would be wearing, on whatever day, whenever and wherever it was going to happen, she would make sure that for the rest of his life, he would remember her
and
her underwear.

**

They were in her room, and although she knew it was going to happen, she was nervous, still, like she shouldn’t be in her bedroom with him. It wasn’t grown-up enough. There were stuffed animals, Cure and U2 posters tacked to the walls, books, empty wine cooler bottles, tops and shorts thrown about,
Cosmo
magazines tossed on the floor, jewelry and hair clips and makeup piled on the dresser. She should have cleaned her room, made her room
romantic
. Hell, she bought new underwear for the occasion; she should have cleaned her room. She knew this would be happening. And she hadn’t prepared.

He didn’t care. He was focused on her, not on any other details. He was lying on top of her, on her unmade bed and the pink and purple comforter. He was still dressed, although he had slipped off her shorts and tank. He stared so hard into her eyes that she could see her own reflection in his dark pupils.

“What?” Her shaky voice took her by surprise.

“You’
re just… beautiful.”

It was what she wanted to hear. It was the perfect thing to say, at the perfect time, and she lifted her head to his, and his mouth found hers, and he kissed her, soft, and then a bit harder, wanting more. But it was good. It was all good. And even though she was practically naked, she felt so warm beneath him. And safe. Closer than she had ever felt with anyone.

He was experienced, more than anyone else she had been with. He didn’t rush. He moved down to her feet, and caressed her calves and moved his hands along her toes. While it tickled her, she tried not to giggle. He looked up at her, and smiled. She laughed. A giddy little nervous laugh.

“
You okay?” he asked.

She nodded.

Joe moved up slowly, trailing his finger over her calf, circling her knee with his thumb, then rubbing the back of her thigh up toward her butt. Marnie spontaneously arched her back.
Be cool,
she thought.
Be cool.

As he crawled his body up hers, his lips stopped where his fingers had mapped out her skin. He slid his fingers through the hip string of her underwear – satin and purple – then he found the place
he was looking for and watched for her reaction to his touch. He teased for a while, played with her. She closed her eyes and thought of only what he was doing to her. With her head back and her eyes closed, she felt the warmth of his determined fingers, of finding his way into her, reaching. She imagined him wanting to know all of her secrets.

She would tell him everything.

There was a moan, and Marnie knew it had come from her, yet she felt like she was in another world, watching someone else do this to another person. Not to her. She focused, and felt Joe reaching deeper, and deeper, until she couldn’t help herself. She grabbed his shoulders and lifted her hips.

“You want to?” he whispered, his face near hers.

His perfect, perfect face.

“Yes, God yes.”

“I don’t have anything.”

“I don’t care. It’s okay. I just had my period.”

He slid her underwear off and she was already so wet from his fingers. He pulled off his shorts and she saw he had on simple plaid navy boxers. She wondered if he had put on special underwear too. Then shrugged the thought away, sure that guys didn’t plan like that. Like girls did.

He pulled off his boxers, and this was the first time she really got to look at him. He was completely naked, and very ready. She ran her hands along the sides of his abdomen up to his strong shoulders, his tanned chest. She looked at his belly button even, the skin smooth, soft and oval.
Perfect.
She grinned, and took him in her own hand, letting him know she was okay with it. With everything – with what he was doing to her, and what he was going to do with her. What they would do together.

He lifted himself onto her, grabbed her wrists gently, and held onto them over her head with his hands. His hair fell over his eyes. She wanted to see his face, and those hazel eyes that could turn deep green on golden days. She wanted to watch him as he did this to her. As they did this together for the first time.

Her breasts rose up and her nipples were hard. He leaned down to suck on her neck, then down to her nipples. She could feel how hard he was, beside her, naked. She could feel the wet tip and how close he was to her, and her mind was reeling, and she wanted to tell him to do it. She wanted to ask him to please.