A Little Bit of Everything Lost (6 page)

“
Joe,” she whispered.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Do you have any lemons?” he asked.

“Probably.”

“Grab some?”

“You want lemonade?”

“
Something like that,” he laughed. He moved away from her and she opened the drawer at the bottom of the fridge and scrounged around, and just as she was about to suggest something else to drink, she spotted a plump lemon.

“We’ve only got one. We have that lemonade powder stuff. I could get… ”

“One’s fine,” and he took it from her.

He searched some cabinets, found a cutting board. “Sugar? And can you get some ice?”

The thought of him in her kitchen, making lemonade, being domestic, excited Marnie but she wondered how he was going to make lemonade with only one lemon. In the back of the cabinet where her mother kept coffee stuff – powdered creamer, coffee filters, tea bags – Marnie found a small container of sugar.

Joe sliced up the lemon in crescent-shaped glistening chunks. Marnie walked over and poked him in the ribs, thinking how lucky she was to have this guy in her house, in her bed, in what she hoped would be her future.

“Did you get ice?”

When Marnie nodded in the direction of the glass she had filled with ice, Joe said, “Perfect.”

He placed five lemon pieces into a bowl. He then took the ice cubes from the glass, and dumped them on top of the lemons, chilling them.

“Sugar?”

Marnie nodded toward the sugar. Joe licked his index finger and skimmed the top of the white mound of crystals, then placed his finger on Marnie’s lips. She sucked.

“Taste good?”

“Umm.” She licked her lips.

He grabbed her around the waist and Marnie wrapped her arms around his neck and
they kissed, tasting each other’s sugared lips. In a fluid motion, Joe raised Marnie up onto the kitchen island, and she spread her legs a bit, waiting for Joe to join her on the counter.

God, if only my mother knew.

Joe kept kissing her as she scooted back a bit, opening her legs further, making room for Joe to climb up, but then he stopped.

“Wait. I told you I was thirsty.”

“Oh, come on, you’re kidding, right?”

Joe looked at her, and smiled. She was impatient, she was ready; she didn’t want lemonade.

Joe turned away from Marnie and she sighed, touched her knees to one another, closing her legs.

“This better be some damn good lemonade,” Marnie muttered.

“Can you do me a favor?” he asked from the sink, his back to her. She was still perched on the island, sure that her kitchen fantasy was going to be just that. Sure he was going to ask for something else, maybe the sweet and low, or some bottled lemon juice for this lemonade concoction he was so hell-bent on making.

“What?” she snipped, annoyed at being teased.

“Can you lie down?”

Joe was still facing the sink, and if he had turned around, he would have seen her eyes go wide. He had only been teasing her, and he did, in fact, want to play. She suppressed a giggle, and scooted until the back of her knees hit the edge of the countertop. Then, she leaned back, but kept her elbows on the counter, steadying herself so she could watch him.

“This good?” she asked, in what she hoped was a sultry, flirty way.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?” She pouted.

“Your shirt – actually,
my
shirt – is still on.” As he moved in front of her, she sat up. He latched his thumbs under the T-shirt and slowly, he inched his fingers, and thumbs, and palms up the sides of her, his hot hands tickling, teasing, so slowly. Her flesh prickled into goose bumps and she felt herself go warm from the inside out.

When Joe took the shirt off, he smiled at her and turned once again to the sink, retrieved the bowl of ice and lemon wedges and moved back to Marnie.

“Ready?”

Marnie nodded, suddenly nervous. Joe picked up a lemon wedge and sucked on it, not even making a sour face. He licked it some more, and then brought it to Marnie for a taste. As she licked it, lemon juice and water from the melting ice dripped onto her chin, and fell into a drop on her belly. She lay down again, and pulled her hair from behind her neck and let it fall onto the counter behind her head. She propped her hands under her head so she could watch. Joe lifted a cube from the bowl and held it above her stomach. Drops melted onto her, and turned hot when they hit her skin. Marnie felt like she was on fire. He moved the cube over to just above her nipple, and waited as it dripped – three quick splats – and then, he moved to the other one. She shuddered from the feeling and closed her eyes, to see only what she could feel, to remove the sense of sight to heighten the sense of touch.

“Oh, God.”

“That good?”

“Oh, God, yeah.”

When she felt the thick wedge of lemon on her belly, it surprised her.

He skated the lemon over her skin; skin that was hot and cold at the same time. Her nipples were tight, and the heat from below was insane. He moved the lemon back and forth, up and down her body, coating her with sticky sourness. She wanted him to lick it off her, to take every sliver of her body and suck it off. Her hips lifted as she arched her back.

He sprinkled sugar over the lemony path trailed on her body. Sugar fell, and then he traced the lemon wedge over the sugared lines. The sensation was almost too much and Marnie reached for Joe, ready.

“Wait, Mar. Hold on. You like this, right?”

“Yes, but I don’t know if I can take much more.”

“Oh come on, this is fun.”

“For you, maybe,
” she whined, “But, but… you’re torturing me!”

“Just hold on.”

Then she felt something new, something else down low.

The lemon.

This, she was not expecting. Not that she was afraid; it was just so… not Marnie. The old Marnie wouldn’t have done this. Been in the kitchen doing these things. Marnie wouldn’t have let a guy shave her as she had let him. Marnie wouldn’t have continued to keep it shaven. But she had. This was a new Marnie, one who wasn’t afraid of new things, the Marnie who was willing to trust completely. To trust Joe. This guy who she was certain she was falling in love with, because how could you feel this way for a person, and let him do these things to you, and want him so badly all of the time… how could you have so much desire for a person you weren’t in love with? How could you?

Because she knew she was in love with him.

The lemon wedge was making its way downward, and she moved her heels up, letting one knee fall open to the side.

“Looks nice down there.”

“Umm.”

He opened her up, spreading her, first licking the lemon and then slowly, gently, he took the lemon and moved it over her. He squeezed, and the juice fell onto her. He took the lemon and moved it back and forth, back and forth, onto her. He turned Marnie toward him now, and she lifted her knees up. Another lemon wedge and this time, he pushed a little too far. “Ooh, that stings.”

“Sorry, babe.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s good.” She loved when he called her babe.

He moved the lemon on her again, testing the limits, and again she cringed.

He put the lemon to the side and licked her skin, taking his time with her sugar-coated, lemony nipples. Then he slipped his tongue downward, following the crystal and sour path he had created. He grabbed the sugar bowl, and most of the contents scattered onto the counter. He pinched some between his fingers, and moved his head up to her lips to kiss her. His mouth tasted like the lemon drop candies she loved when she was little. But better. And she sucked at him. Joe found the parts of her he wanted, and he sprinkled the sugar grains onto her, rubbing them into her skin. Touching and tweaking, sugared fingers found their way inside her, and she was sure if he kept at it, he would make his own candy.

She gained some composure and moved so that he rolled over and she lifted herself onto him.

“My turn,” she said as she grabbed a lemon wedge and began squeezing it onto his skin. His tanned chest was rising and falling. She abandoned the lemon, found some sugar and coated him. She picked up the lemon again, sucked hard on it, dunked it into the sugar bowl and sucked the fruit some more.

“You know what would taste really good?” she asked.

He nodded.

“A lemon lollipop.”

She helped him out of his boxers and she took him in her hands, cupped him, felt him pulsing. She took one of the melting ice cubes and dripped it onto the tip of him. With each drop, his penis jumped. She wanted him to feel the desire and recklessness he had caused in her.

She took the ice cube into her mouth, and then plunged her lips onto him, licking gently up and down at first, then moving lower, taking the soft underneath into her mouth, and sucking just firm enough.

“Oh God, don’t do that.”

She lifted her head to look at him. “Don’t do what?” she mumbled, ice melting in her mouth.

“That. What you were just doing.”

“This?” And she repeated her motions, slowly at first, making quiet sucking noises, feeling the water drip from the cube, out of her mouth, onto him. He continued to moan. She loved making him feel this way, so she sped up, moving her tongue in circles, then plunging all the way down to the end, rubbing him below at the same time.

It didn’t take long, and since there was sugar and lemon to cover anything that might taste less than good, she sucked and sucked while he convulsed, and the heat of him melted away the last of the ice chip in her mouth. She didn’t stop until she heard him sigh, and then she took him out of her mouth, and licked him up and down until he was smooth and clean and no longer sourly sweet.

“Now I’m really thirsty.”

Chapter Sixteen
November 2004

I’m
going to send it this year.” Marnie had made this proclamation to Collete for the past seven or eight years without fail.

“Of course you are,” Collette said, as she did, every year.

“Really, I have to now,” Marnie said rather convincingly. “I know he’s coming to town. I have to send a Christmas card this year. No matter where he lives, if I send one to his parent’s address, he’ll get it.”

“It’s a little early for a Christmas card isn’t it?”

“So what? It’ll be like a holiday card. It’s practically the holidays anyway.”

Collette put her coffee mug down and looked at her friend.

“Marnie.”

Marnie smiled. She loved Collette to pieces. She knew her so well.
              “It’s just… ”
Just what? That she’s so tired of not knowing. That she has to get her life together.

“I want to know. I want some answers. I want
closure.
I really need to find out what happened to him. I have to do this. I deserve to know.”
              “Look, if you dredge up the past... You’ve got too much good going on in your life. Things aren’t that bad when you think about it, are they?”
              “What do I have?” Marnie asked. “Really? A marriage that’s practically written itself; post-partum depression over a… what? A baby I didn’t even get to love? That’s a joke! A three-day week marriage where we inevitably argue about finances or the boys, where we side-step our grief and instead go out with friends or to dinner or to soccer games and pretend it’s working for us.

You know, Stuart hasn’t exactly been very emotionally supportive.”

“I know… I know these past five months have been excruciating for you. And you know I love you, but please, please don’t take this the wrong way, but with Stuart gone so much, and Trey and Jeremy so active, they’re so busy with soccer, and school, and, and… ”

“Don’t you dare tell me that was a god-damned blessing.”

“I would never.”

“I know,” Marnie whimpered, then looked at Collette with tears in her eyes. “But I can’t keep moving like this. Like… I’m in mud. Like there’s fog everywhere. I have to stop it from the beginning. Can’t you understand I need to talk to him? And to fix myself. I’m a mess. I have been. Forever. Since he first came into my life. You of all people should know, more than anyone else. You were there.”

Collette nodded, “I do know.”

“I have to let him know what happened. God, Collette, he doesn’t even
know
. It’s not like I’m still in love with the guy. It was a fling. One summer. One Christmas break. With a heartbreaking end, a horrible ending for me. I really think something happened with him, and there’s more to it.” Marnie said.