A Little Bit of Us (2 page)

     I head to bed early, by early I mean five in the afternoon. Not to sleep, just to think and surf the internet, scouring the baby pages. Buggies, prams, clothes, bottles, and lots of different things I know nothing about. Diapers. Diaper sacks. Baby shampoo. Do babies even have hair?

     I don’t want this.

     Fear is a good emotion. Without fear we would not be brave.

    
But I don’t want to be brave. I want to be free. Which reminds me of a song I love.

     “I want to break free! I want to break free!” so yeah, I’m singing at the top of my lungs now whilst jumping on my bed, hairbrush in one hand the other swinging wildly above my head. The song is playing on my laptop. “I want to break free from your lies, you’re so self-satisfied I don’t neeeeeeeed you.” Jump, spin, jump, jump. “God knows, God knows I want to break free!”

      “I’ve fallen in love! I’ve fallen in love for the first time, and this time I know that it’s real,” Jacob jumps onto the bed beside me, takes my hands as we jump and sing together. Then he falls to one knee and starts banging his head whilst doing the air guitar. Dude can sing.

     Once the song is over we flop down onto the bed and giggle. I snort giggle. Still have that problem I’m afraid, it only makes Jacob laugh louder. “That was fun.”

     “Yeah,” I breathe and put on Girls just want to have fun. “One minute. Don’t press play until I say.” He grins and rests on his side with his finger hovering over the space bar.

     I vanish into my closet which has been tidied by the cleaner whilst we were out. Woman works fast. I grab a grey feather boa
, it’s not mine! It was already here, I swear! Next I grab some sun glasses, pull a silver skirt over my shorts and shout, “READY!” The song comes on, I exit and start singing. Jacob howls with laughter, his phone filming me as I lean against the closet door frame and bop my hip up and down. “And hide her away from the rest of the world.” I start strutting and spinning around the room. Jacob places the phone on my bed side table and joins me, steals my feather boa and struts along with me singing at the top of his lungs. Best day ever.

    “I look like an idiot,” he sighs as we watch the video play back.

    “You look like a
YouTube hit, imagine the press over this!” Resting my elbows on the counter I grin evilly. “I could sell this for a fortune.”

    “So could I.”

    “Yeah but they know me to do crazy things. It’s who I am. You however are private,” I squeal when he pinches my hip. Then reality slams me back down. “I’m not going to be able to be crazy anymore.”

     “Don’t be an idiot
, I would’ve loved to have a mom like you. You’ll be awesome. You’ll be the female version of the dad on American Pie.”

     “He’s embarrassing!”

     Jacob shrugs and sips his can of Coke. “You’ll be awesome. Don’t worry.” But I am worrying. How can I not worry? “So, James will be here later? I’ll get him from the airport.”

    “He said he’s hiring a car.” Sigh. “I’m really looking forward to seeing him.”

   
He smiles softly, silently telling me he’s not surprised. I haven’t meant to act like a love sick, heartbroken fool, I’ve tried not to but when thoughts of James overtook my brain, things just got bad. My emotions have been erratic at best, I’m constantly arguing with myself which my shrink says is normal. So no need to worry about the two other females in my head, Conscience and Libido. Although they are irritating. I definitely prefer the main contender, Irrationality. She makes me do crazy things.

     “How’s your mom?”

     He scratches the back of his head and shrugs, “She’s getting better. Like you. Although she doesn’t have a quirky mind to cheer her up. When she gets bad, she really falls. You know?” I nod, Tracy, his mom really took it hard. I’m not surprised. All I saw were pictures of the deed, she walked in on her husband screwing the woman from next door in their marital bed. I’d have murdered the fucker, just saying.

     There’s movement on the bed, a cool arm slides under my neck. I hear whispering and my door closing. Hmm, nice dream. A solid body curls into me, enveloping my entire body with warmth, a large hand covers my stomach as soft lips press against the curve of my neck. This is what dreams should be about. I smile and turn into the warmth before sleep claims me.

     Hot, heavy, suffocating, can’t breathe, need to pee. Who the hell is squeezing me so tight? “James?” I mumble and peek up through my lashes. He blinks his eyes open and smiles that smile that I claimed not too long ago. The gorgeous smile that has my heart fluttering and makes my knees weak. “Hey.”
Points for being smooth.
Shut up.
Bite me.

     “Hey,” he whispers back and kisses my nose. I press my forehead into his neck and shut my eyes. It’s safe to say I wasn’t, nor am I dreaming.
“I miss you Maya.”

     “Yeah,” Me too, I
think but I don’t say it out loud because I shouldn’t say it. No matter how conflicted my thoughts are, I shouldn’t even be laying with him right now. Instead I am laying with him and I’ve locked my thoughts, of any events that broke us, somewhere safe for another time. For now I’m going to let him enjoy his news.

     “AUNTIE MAYA!” there’s a little female scream and a thud as the little blonde haired green eyed girl jumps onto the bed straight onto James who grunts, laughs and starts tickling her.

     “Hey,” I grin. How I’ve missed this little angel. “Where’s daddy?”

     “Here,” comes a voice from the doorway. I turn over and smile even broader at the man leaning against the doorframe his green eyes twinkling. Wrapping my arms around the little girl I climb out of bed with her clinging to my hip and neck. I pad over to Lucas and hug him tight, he looks great in beige shorts and a white wife beater, and he’s even had his hair cut so it’s now short and spikey. “How are you?”

     “Pregnant,” I respond as if that explains all. I turn to glare at James, “Just because I hugged you doesn’t mean I’m not mad at you for filling my womb you ass.”

     He chuckles and rolls out of bed. “Let’s have breakfast and go to the beach.”

    “Jacob just left, said he’d be back later and to make ourselves at home,” Lucas explains and takes Amelia from me. “He’s a nice guy.”

     “That he is,” and it’s true, Jacob is lovely and now has the leading spot of best friend. Apart from Marie. I should call Summer, we haven’t spoken in ages, and I hate it when we drift apart but Summer and I have always been like this. When we do start talking again it’s like we never left. I think everyone has a friend like this. “Come on, I’ll cook us something.”

     I wrap my robe around myself and lead them through to the kitchen. James instantly wraps his arms around me from behind as I grab ingredients from the
refrigerator. He doesn’t let go while I mix, doesn’t let go while I load it all into the pan and still doesn’t let go as I serve the pancakes ten minutes later soaked in syrup with a side of bacon. He finally let’s go to help me place the plates on the table.

    “So, fill me in on what’s been going on,” I say around a yawn and chop up Amelia’s food for her.
She starts munching happily, I smile and kiss her forehead, laughing when she pushes me away. Never get in-between Amelia and her food.

     “Amelia just started a private school, the one you went to,” Lucas grins proudly and slaps James on the back. “We’re still in your old apartment.”

     “His old apartment.”

     “Don’t split hairs
,” James laughs and places his hand on my thigh. The warmth of his hand tingles straight to my groin. I concentrate on eating.

Spoil sport.

Whore.

     “They’re moving there permanently, it’s safe, it’s nice and has everything they need.”

     “My bedroom pink now!” Amelia shouts and wipes her sticky mouth on the back of her hand. “And I got toys. Lots and lots.”
I feel a little guilty for not being there for Lucas during his introduction to his new family.

     “That’s fantastic, is Uncle James spoiling you?” Grinning I lean over and wipe her hands with the baby wipes I got read
y whilst serving. You should always think ahead when a child is involved. James scratches the back of his head and smiles sheepishly, “I can’t help it. I see something she’ll like I get it.”

     “Good, as you should. Princesses like us need to be spoilt don’t we Amelia?” I smirk smugly. “What a lesson to teach a child,” Lucas chuckles and throws a balled up napkin at me. “Man this is good grub.”

     “I never said I was a good role model,” winking at him I turn back to Amelia. “Hawthorn’s is a great school. She’ll do well there. Do you like it?”

     “Yeah, my teacher is funny.” She states and fills her mouth again.

     “How’s the company?”

     “It’s missing you, I didn’t realize how much you did until you were gone,” James’ eyes cloud over with sorrow.

     “Yeah, I am awesome.”

     “And not modest in the slightest.”

     “With a brain like this and boobs like these. Who needs modesty?”

     Lucas laughs as he watches our exchange, “She hasn’t changed a bit.”

     “Give it a couple of months and you’ll be taking that back,” I grumble and pout like a petulant child. “This sucks. I can’t believe I’m pregnant. I loath you James Freeman.”

     He grins, totally proud of himself and lifts my hand to his lips. “It’s fate.”

     “It is sperm and an egg. Happens to almost everyone.”

     “
You’re so crude,” Lucas adds as we clear our plates. I lift Amelia onto the counter and wash her down with a damp cloth. “Honey, if you aren’t used to my mouth yet you aint never gonna be.” I playfully flick Amelia’s nose and put her on the ground before giving her a gentle kick on her rear as she runs to the location of her toys. Or most likely my make-up. She’s a mini me in the making. Poor Lucas. “Why don’t you go get Amelia dressed? We’ll go to the beach.”

    
“Sounds like a plan,” he agrees and practically skips out of the room. I stifle my laugh in my fist. Imagine this, a huge not to mention down right sexy man skipping from the kitchen and into the hall with a goofy grin on his face. Yeah, funny as hell.

     “Stop staring at my brother’s ass,” James chuckles in my ear. I elbow him in the gut making him grunt and smile cheekily, “I can’t help it. His ass is a lot like yours.”

     “Then stare at mine instead.”

     “But his is taboo. Forbidden fruit.”

     His body shakes with laughter as he sighs, “Not this conversation again.”

     “Obviously this conversation is one that is going to pop up on many occasions in the future. I still think you’re the best though.” And it’s true. Apart from Jacob, Jacob is very close in the running for that award. It’s unfortunate we’re
platonic.

     “Great to know,” he slaps my own ass and follows me to my bedroom.

    
I pull out a large bag and fill it with towels and sunblock. Without modesty I strip off completely nude, ignoring James’ heated gaze and quickly change into my black bikini with a silver hoop in between my breasticals. Then I tie a white see through sarong around my hips and braid my hair to the side. I add only mascara, because I’ll get sweaty and I want a tan which is near impossible if you’re wearing makeup that is melting down your face.

     “Fuck,” he mumbles, making me turn. Then his lips are on mine. I kiss him back, passionately desperately
, god I’ve missed him. Then suddenly I’m kissing bony blonde, on his desk. My hand comes up and clamps over his mouth. He steps back, his breath heaving. “What’s wrong?”

     “Nothing,” I lie cheerfully. “Just… don’t want to be late.”

     He helps me put on a layer of sunblock and changes into sexy grey swim trunks. I then do him… his sunblock I mean and grab Amelia so I can do hers. She looks adorable in a pink frilly bathing suit and is being a pain in the ass and fidgeting whilst I’m trying to rub her down. “Keep still kid. Or it won’t sink in and you’ll end up sticky and covered in sand.”

     Not like she cares, she tells me as much too. Cheeky little
monkey. I love it. She’s hilarious and so much fun. Lucas uses it after us, I have to do his back for him. James doesn’t like this but he’s a guy and guys apparently don’t rub each other with lotion. I open my mouth to retort with something witty and probably down right disturbing but they both slap a hand over my mouth, this of course makes me laugh. In fact, a lot of things make me laugh.

     We finally get down to the beach and set up the towels. I put a sun parasol above Amelia’s, not that she’s using it, to keep her in the shade. She’s already collecting shells and paddling in the ocean with Lucas hot on her heels.

     “I can see why you like it here,” James says suddenly, snapping me from my thoughts. “It is pretty amazing.”
I nod in agreement.

     “Please come home. I don’t want to miss this.” His hand goes to my belly and stays there as he looks intently in my eyes. “Please.”

     “I’m not… ready. Things will just…”

     “It’ll be perfect. I promise. Me, you, the baby. We don’t have to be together. You know how badly I want to be a father. How badly my mother wants to be a grandmother. Please.” I sigh but I don’t relent. At most, for now I’ll think about it. “I’ll give it some serious consideration.”

     “I’m sorry, for what I did.”

     “I know.”

     “I’ve regretted it every day since.”

     I know that too. “I know James. I just…” God. This is difficult. “Don’t know how to forget.”

    
“Christ Maya, you have no idea,” He’s cut off by a bucket of water getting thrown at us. Making him yelp and me scream and spit the salty fluid from my mouth. James gets up and starts chasing Lucas and Amelia across the deserted, private beach. It’s shared with five other homes but none of them are out. I giggle, snort giggle, like a pig as James skids and falls backwards onto his butt which gives Amelia more time to fill up her bucket and dump it over his head.

     I scoop up Amelia as she’s running past and throw her over my shoulder before running towards the calm waves. “Dude, stop staring at my woman’s ass,” I hear James hiss along with a slapping noise.

     “I can’t help it, it’s a lot like yours actually,” Lucas copies me from earlier in a high pitched voice. Even Amelia laughs along with James and myself. I flip them both off and drop her in the sea where we spend a good twenty minutes splashing each other.

     Upon returning to the sand I lather us both with more sunblock and turn onto my stomach. James undoes my straps for me. I hate tan lines.

     “So you and Lucas are bonding well? What did sinus blocker think?” Sinus blocker is his mom. I call her this because miraculously every time we
have planned a meeting in the past I suddenly got a ‘cold’. He, he. Commencing evil laugh full blast. Seriously in need of a fluffy cat.

     “Who?”

     Oh yeah, I only call her that in my mind. Right. “Your mother.” He just rolls his eyes in response to my insult.

     “Well
Lucas and I are great as you can see. Catching up on years lost. My mom, she’s happy for me. She has Amelia quite a lot.”

     “Actually she kidnaps her,” Lucas snorts and plops down beside me. “She shows up, says pack a bag Amelia we’re off. And that’s that.”

     James nods with a huge smile on his face, “You were right. She was really happy for me.”

     “I always am right baby.” Why the hell did I say baby? “James. Man. Person.” Good save.

    
That was more of a splutter.

    
I’d like to splutter on him.

     Yeah… welcome to my mind. Population three.

     “Crazy.” He shakes his head in amusement and turns me over so his form towers over me and his head shadows my face from the sun. He makes sure my nungas are covered as I retie the straps.

     I hold up my finger and thumb and squint, “Just a little bit.”

     He grins, places his hand on my naval and leans forward to press his lips against my still flat stomach, “And a little bit of us.”

     “I hope she gets my nose.”

     “She?” Lucas asks.

     “What’s wrong with my nose?” James asks feigning offense.

     I flick the tip and shrug, “Nothing. I just prefer to look at mine. And yes Lucas, definitely a
she
. Not a
he
.” I glare at James. “If you have planted a boy in me I will unman you.” And it’s true I shall do just that.

No you won’t.

     It’s not that I don’t like boys, I just don’t have anything in common with a boy. A girl I’ll be able to dress in frill and lace and help her do her hair and makeup and things along those lines so at least she won’t hate me completely. Boys smell. They’re yucky. I still haven’t dropped that belief that my dad imprinted on me from the age of four. Boys are yucky and gross and they give you cooties.