Authors: Linda Schmalz
Kim finally spoke, her shock from Julia’s news seemingly having waned. “Okay, then, so what was it like?”
Julia looked away. Her parade had been rained on and the thrill of sharing her experience was long gone. “Nice.”
“Nice?”
Kim frowned. “Sorry, Jules, but Disney and daisies are nice. Where did you do it?”
She didn’t want to tell more. Kim didn’t deserve intimate details after her reaction, yet Julia desperately needed someone to talk to.
She took a sip of her drink. “Just so you know, it wasn’t like I got to London and jumped in bed. We were friends first and then more.”
“Did it hurt?”
“A bit, but it got easier and then became wonderful, the way the romance novels write it, except so much better because it really happened.”
Kim still didn’t crack a smile or ask anything else. Fed up with her friend’s reaction to her momentous news, Julia changed the subject.
“How are things between you and Chris?”
Kim sat forward. “Great, actually. Not that my news compares to yours, but we’ve been seeing each other since we got home. We’ve gone to a movie and stuff.” She looked away. “We thought we’d be double-dating with you and John when you got home.”
Julia cringed. Kim’s words reminded her of the phone call she still needed to make. “I’m breaking up with John.”
Kim seemed to choose her words carefully. “Are you sure you want to do that? Maybe you want to make sure that Sam calls.”
“He’ll call.” Julia set her jaw. Could her best friend annoy her any more?
“John’s going to be crushed. He’s loved you since kindergarten.”
“I know.” Julia wished Kim could understand what it felt like to love Sam. “I thought I loved John but now I know I don’t.”
Kim took a deep breath. “Maybe I’m wise beyond my years here, and don’t get mad again, but are you sure you’re not just confusing sex with love? Not that I’m one to give any advice on the matter.”
Julia smiled as realization dawned.
Kim couldn’t understand what she felt for Sam because Kim never experienced love like this!
The relationship she and Sam had wasn’t just some silly high school crush. Julia had moved on, and Kim’s lack of empathy stemmed from her inexperience. She’d have to forgive Kim for her concern. It stemmed from naivety.
“I thought of that.”
“And?”
“I loved Sam before we even did anything. Sam and I connect on many different levels.”
“Does he love you?”
Julia paused. Thinking back, she realized Sam talked about his feelings for her, but never actually said ‘I love you.’ But she
knew
he did. After everything he promised,
he had to
. And she believed in him. “Yes, Kim, he does.”
Kim smiled. “Then I’m happy for you and I really hope it works out. When do you plan to tell John?”
“Tonight.” Julia glanced at her watch. “We should get going. I guess I should call him and get it over with.”
Kim rose from the booth. “I don’t envy you. You’re going to break the poor guy’s heart.”
“You’re not helping.” Julia grabbed her bag and slid from the booth.
“Would ice cream?”
Julia smiled. “It’s worth a try.”
Julia turned the corner onto Clinton Avenue. Having parted ways with Kim a few blocks earlier, she walked the rest of the way home alone. The hot mid-western summer sun beat down mercilessly in the late afternoon sky, and Julia looked forward to the cool blast of air conditioning that would greet her as she entered her home. She pondered whipping up a cottage cheese salad for dinner, but then laughed, knowing her father would call it “woman food” and ask her to broil him a steak instead.
Dinner would be difficult, for her father would ask her questions about her job, which she officially hated after one day. And he’d ask about her trip, which she’d have to lie about. Then, she’d have to call John. Perhaps the evening might end on a happier note with a call from Sam? She wondered if he called while she was at work and thanked her lucky stars that her father worked during the day.
As she neared home, Julia stopped short. Someone sat on the cement steps of the red brick bungalow. John saw her, stood up and waved.
Julia inhaled sharply. Oh why hadn’t he waited for her call? She wasn’t prepared to see him yet, but there he was, bounding down the steps to greet her.
“You’re finally back!” The brown-haired, stocky, young man ran up, kissed her lips and enveloped her in his arms. She hugged him gently back, the scent of his Stetson cologne causing her to feel slightly ill in the heat. She pulled away.
“Hi.” She drew a hand across her damp forehead. “I’m kind of grungy from the heat.”
“You look great to me!” John beamed. “I wanted to see you the day you got back, but your dad said you had jet lag and were sleeping.”
“Yeah,” Julia stared at the ground. “I should have called.”
“That’s okay,” John smiled. “Let’s go in the house and cool off. You can tell me about the trip! Do you have pictures?”
Julia walked alongside as her mind raced. She was so not prepared to see him let alone tell him about her “trip”. They ascended the porch steps. Julia unlocked the front door and let them in.
“Julia?” John’s voice shattered her inner thoughts.
“What?”
“I asked if you had pictures from the trip.”
The pictures would be the last things he’d want to see. “Yeah, but they’re not developed yet. It’ll be a while before I get them.”
“Okay, great.” John talked on as Julia threw her keys and uniform bag on the hallway steps. “I was thinking we could go to a movie or something Friday night. Oh, and there’s a fair coming to Maywood Park and I was thinking we’d do that. Got any lemonade?”
As they progressed into the kitchen, Julia eyed the answering machine by the hall phone. No messages. She hid her disappointment.
“So, your dad got you a job right away, huh?” John helped himself to the lemonade pitcher in the refrigerator and poured them both a glass. “Well, that’s cool actually, ‘cause now we’re working almost the same hours. I’ve been working the construction site with my dad from about six in the morning to two-thirty.”
Julia took a long sip of the tart, refreshing liquid. “That’s nice. Why don’t we sit down?”
“Sure!” John grabbed a kitchen chair.
Julia sat across the table. Her throat clamped tight and her stomach knotted. This was much harder than she imagined it would be.
She cleared her throat. “John, I can’t go out with you Friday night.” She stared at her glass, unable to look him in the eye as she smashed his world.
“Why? You need to baby-sit? ‘Cause we could go Saturday night instead.”
Julia sighed. “No, I’m not babysitting and I can’t go Saturday night either.”
“Oh.” He sounded disappointed but not disturbed. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I mean, well, a lot, but I’m not sure how to tell you.”
John set his glass on the table. His eyes drew sad and serious. “I don’t think you have to. Then the rumor is true?”
“What
rumor
?” Julia’s body went rigid. Did he know about Sam? Had Kim, Chris or Bob told everyone she went to London?
John spoke between clenched teeth. “The rumor that you’re going out with Bob!”
“Bob?” Julia stared in horror. That rumor was worse than the truth! “I can’t stand Bob!”
Relief washed over John’s face. His color returned as he sat back in his chair and wiped his brow. “Oh thank God.” He laughed, embarrassed. “It’s just that he’s been bragging that he partied with you in Germany.”
Julia cringed. “I’m not with Bob.” She took a breath and delved in. “But what I’m trying to say is that I did meet someone on the trip.”
John stared at her, confused. “Who?”
“A guy…a man-,” she stammered. This was so difficult. “He’s an actor in England, but I met him in Germany.”
John leaned towards her, his body tense, his eyes riveted to her.
She tried to speak, but stopped. Hurting John was the last thing on earth she wanted to do, but she couldn’t stay in this glorified friendship. Especially now that she knew what love was. She somehow continued. “We’re together now.”
“What the heck does
that
mean?” John’s voice shook and beads of perspiration formed above his brow. “He’s your boyfriend? You’re breaking up with me?”
“No. Yeah.” Julia swallowed and grasped for the words to make this easier. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I fell in love with him.”
“And you fell out of love with me? Just like
that
?” John snapped his fingers and the sound unnerved Julia. Anger marred his normally kind face. She wanted to cry. John had never been cross with her, ever.
“No.” Julia knew she was about to twist the knife in the wound she just opened. “I realized, by being with someone else, that I don’t love you like I should.”
“And what does that mean?”
“Stop asking me that!” Julia snapped. “It means I can’t see you anymore!”
John rose and stormed towards the hallway. Julia jumped up to follow. “John, wait! I didn’t say it right!”
“You said it just fine,” he yelled over his shoulder. “I guess all you needed from me was a prom date!”
“I didn’t say that!” Julia rushed down the hall after him. “I’ll always love you, you’ll always be my friend-”
John turned on her. “I don’t want to be your
friend,
Julia! I’ve been your
friend
since kindergarten.” He turned and spoke with a pained laugh. “And to think I thought, maybe, after we both got settled in jobs we’d-” He paused. “But never mind that now.”
She reached for his hand but he pulled away. “I’m sorry, I really am. I had no idea this would happen.”
He headed to the front door, but stopped and turned once more. “You know, you might want to save that apology. You’re going to need it. Whatever happened in Europe was a fling. It won’t last.”
“It’s not a fling! Sam loves me!”
John bristled. “No,
I
love you, Julia. I’m the one who has been at your side these past years. I’m the one you cried to when your mom was ill. That’s love, Julia. Not some romance you have for two weeks because the moon is full or whatever.”
Julia couldn’t respond. Yes, John had been there for her, but did that mean she owed him?
“This guy will dump you and you’ll realize I’m the real deal.” He shook his head and fought back tears. Her heart tore. He’d never cried in front of her. “But now see,
my
problem is that I’m pathetically in love with you. Always have been. So I’m just gonna sit back and wait for you to come to your senses.”
She tried to ignore his jab. “How do you know what you feel for me is love, when I’m the only one you’ve ever dated?”
He paused and then chose to ignore the question. “You know what’s even more pathetic, Jules? When you do return to me, I’ll take you back in a heartbeat.”
John walked out and slammed the door.
Julia placed her head against the cool windowpane and watched as John ran down the street. Like Kim, he couldn’t understand what she and Sam had. Someday he would though, but she was pretty darned sure his feelings for her were just puppy love and he’d move on to someone new within weeks. John just didn’t see things the way she did now.
She stood up straight and brushed imaginary dust off her jeans. Yep, that was it. He’d be over her soon.
John just didn’t understand
real
love.
Dinner with her father went tediously slow. Julia’s concentration fixated on Kim and John’s reaction to her news about Sam. Neither of them believed Sam truly loved her, and it angered her not to be taken seriously. If only Sam would call, she’d have the proof she needed to convince the doubters that her relationship with Sam wasn’t simply some
fling
or whimsical romance.
If he sensed anything wrong, her father didn’t acknowledge it as he fired off question after question about her trip, job and to her dismay, John. Julia carefully evaded details about the trip, answering as truthfully as she could without saying much. She tried to act cheerful about the job she hated, but when her father switched the subject to John, she could barely look at him.
“Did John finally hook up with ya?” Bert Steele asked as he cut into his steak.
Julia nodded and shoved another forkful of green beans into her mouth so she wouldn’t have to answer.
“That’s good. I ran into his dad while you were over there in Europe. He got John a job at his construction company. John will be making good money if he keeps at it. You picked yourself a hard worker in that one, Jules.”
It was painful to swallow. She reached for her milk.
“You going out with him this weekend? Pass the butter, would ya?”
Julia put down her glass and passed the butter dish to him. “I have other plans, Dad.”