A Merry Little Christmas (21 page)

‘It does sound like Dan’s getting depressed,’ she said. ‘And I can really understand why, given what you’ve both been through. But unless he comes to see me, there’s not a lot I can do. Has he got a hospital appointment coming up?’

‘I’m holding out for that,’ Pippa had admitted.

‘See how that goes, and if there’s no improvement, I’ll try and pop in to see him,’ said Lindsey. ‘I’ll pretend it’s you I’ve come to see.’

‘Thanks,’ said Pippa, feeling simultaneously grateful for Lindsey’s support and guilty that she was going behind Dan’s back. It was so frustrating. Dan had seemed to be getting better, but now he was so much worse again.

‘Hi,’ she said carefully, to see Dan hunched over the laptop as usual. She was never quite sure what mood she was going to find him in these days.

A shrug and a grunt were all the response she got.

‘Cup of tea?’ she said, hoping that was a neutral enough comment.

Another shrug, which she took as a yes.

‘What are you up to?’ she asked gently.

‘Yes, I’m online, before you have a go,’ was the belligerent response.

‘I was only asking,’ said Pippa, between gritted teeth.

There was no response to that, so she made the tea and went upstairs to shower before getting on with the evening meal.

‘What are you doing that for now?’ said Dan.

‘Because I won’t have time later,’ said Pippa.

‘Well make time,’ said Dan. ‘I never see you, you’re always busy.’

‘Because there’s always a lot to do,’ said Pippa, trying to keep her voice level, and ignoring the comment bubbling up, ‘and because you never do anything.’

‘Oh, right, if you’d rather do stuff, than spend time with me …’ She hated this man who’d stolen her Dan. This wasn’t the man she’d married and loved for so long. He looked like a disgruntled child, and suddenly something snapped inside Pippa.

‘For God’s sake, grow up, Dan! I know you’ve been through a lot, I know it’s difficult, but have you ever once in the last few months, given any thought to me? I’m holding our family together by the skin of my teeth, and you’re not helping at all. And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of everything. And most of all, I’m sick of you.’ She caught her breath, shocked at the words that just escaped her mouth.

‘How dare you say that?’ Dan erupted. ‘After all I’ve done for you and this family. And at the first time of trouble you bail out on me.’

‘That’s not fair, and you know it,’ said Pippa. ‘I’ve supported you through all of this. But your mood swings, your irritation with the children, your refusal to get help. I can’t bloody do it for you.’

‘Then don’t bloody bother.’ Dan leapt up from the table and lunged towards her, and for one terrible moment she thought he was going to hit her. But just as suddenly he slumped down, head in his hands.

‘Oh God,’ he said, ‘what’s happening to us? To me?’

He looked up, tears streaming down his face.

‘I don’t know,’ said Pippa, her heart melting at the sight of her Dan breaking down in front of her, ‘but we’ll get through it together, like always.’

She hugged him fiercely, holding him like a talisman against the nasty thought that had weaselled into her brain. What if this time they didn’t? What would they do then?

‘I can’t believe this is the last one of these I’ll do for Steven.’ Marianne settled down with the twins on a picnic blanket next to Cat in the school’s sports field, as they sat down to watch the Hope Christmas school annual sports day. It not being a working day for her, Marianne had been let off taking part, and could be a mum for the day. The twins were playing happily on the blanket, and were just beginning to toddle about, but still content for now to trip over each other and her, and not wander off too far.

‘I can’t believe the summer we’re having,’ said Marianne, ‘I’m even getting a tan.’

‘Could do with some rain soon though,’ said Pippa joining them. ‘Have I missed anything yet?’

‘Not really,’ said Marianne. ‘Apart from Mrs Garratt pulling two Year 3 boys apart who’d got in a punch-up.’

‘Really?’

‘Nah. Sadly nothing so exciting,’ said Marianne. ‘It’s the usual dull non-competitive affair.’

In the interests of not upsetting anyone at all, ever, Mrs Garratt had instituted a non-competitive sports day, insisting it was the taking part that counted and points didn’t matter. So although there were races, no one actually won. A point of view that Steven and George, who were fiercely competitive with one another, found utterly ridiculous.

‘I’d better go and watch events,’ said Cat. ‘I think Ruby might be running in the next race. If you can call it running. She’s the slowest kid in the class, poor thing.’ Pippa and Marianne smiled at her sympathetically.

She got up and wandered over to the race track where ten little girls were limbering up.

‘You okay?’ Marianne glanced at Pippa, who looked tired and pale.

‘Not really,’ said Pippa, with a faint smile. ‘But I’ll manage, I expect.’

‘Dan?’ said Marianne.

‘Dan, Lucy, what the hell we do next,’ said Pippa. ‘You know everyone’s always said, “Pippa, how do you cope? You’re so calm, how do you do it?” Well, the only reason I’ve managed to stay so sodding calm is because Dan’s always been my back up, and over the last few years having Lucy in respite has been a godsend. And now … Dan just hasn’t been the same since his accident, and I can’t rely on him anymore. I’m losing him and I might lose the respite. It feels as though my whole world is collapsing and I don’t know what to do.’

Her voice trembled a little, and Marianne gave her a hug.

‘Oh Pippa,’ she said, feeling utterly inadequate. ‘I don’t know what to say. Can we do anything to help?’

‘No,’ said Pippa looking bleak, ‘I really don’t think there’s anything anyone can do.’ She looked completely defeated.

‘Come on, this isn’t like you,’ said Marianne, ‘where’s your fighting spirit?’

‘Gone AWOL,’ said Pippa. ‘I really mean it, something’s got to give.’

Cat came back to join them, looking slightly stunned. ‘Bloody hell, Ruby came second. Who’d have thunk.’

She sat down and glanced at Pippa. ‘You okay?’ she asked.

‘Not really,’ said Pippa with a weak smile, ‘I’ve just been bending Marianne’s ear about it.’

‘I know what you need,’ said Marianne with a glint in her eye.

‘And what’s that?’ said Pippa.

‘A girls’ night out,’ said Marianne. ‘I think we could all do with one, you most of all.’

‘Great idea,’ said Cat. ‘Come on, Pippa.’

‘But what about the children, and Dan …’ said Pippa.

‘We’ll get Gabriel to come and keep Dan company, and Mel can babysit for Marianne,’ said Cat. ‘See? Sorted.’

‘Well, then,’ said Pippa, looking a little more cheerful. ‘You’re on.’

‘Now don’t tell me we don’t all feel better for this?’ said Cat, bringing three huge cocktails to the table. ‘I know it’s hardly London nightlife, but we can pretend.’

They had come out to a small trendy wine bar called The Well, which had recently opened up in nearby Adlington, a small village ten miles up the road from Hope Christmas. It had had rave reviews in the local press and, sick of slumming it in the Hopesay Arms, Cat had suggested they try it out for a change. The décor was simple but inviting, and there were cosy little nooks, discreetly lit. Cat liked it. It managed to be welcoming, but feel quite sophisticated at the same time.

‘Pretend away,’ said Pippa, enjoying her first sip of a screwdriver in more years than she could remember. ‘You’re right, this is what we all need.’

‘And Gabe’s agreed to get the twins up in the morning,’ said Marianne, ‘bliss!’

‘Funny how you forget that,’ said Cat. ‘Time was, when I could kill for a lie in, and now I can have one, I always seem to wake up ridiculously early.’

‘You should try being a farmer’s wife,’ said Pippa. ‘Cows are even more unforgiving than babies.’

‘True,’ said Marianne. ‘I’m glad Gabe has sheep to look after. At least they don’t need milking.’

‘Well, your last attempt to help with the cows wasn’t exactly successful was it?’ laughed Pippa. ‘I seem to remember you got the cows stuck in the wrong bit of the pen, and half the milk spilt out on the yard.’ This was doing her good. She couldn’t remember when she’d last laughed so freely.

‘True. You can take the girl out of the town, but you can’t take the town out of the girl,’ laughed Marianne. ‘I am
so
not cut out to be a farmer’s wife. I wonder how Gabe puts up with me sometimes.’

‘Can I get you ladies a drink?’ Michael Nicholas sat down in front of them, as casually sexy as ever. He wasn’t wearing his leather jacket today, but a black t-shirt, tucked into tight jeans. On his broad arms, Pippa could make out a tattoo of a sword, with the word
Invicibilis
on them.

Pippa’s heart did a little jump. He always seemed to come out of nowhere. And he really was very good looking. Stop it, she told herself, you’re a married woman … whose husband is being somewhat less than attentive, said the devil on her shoulder.

‘Erm, I don’t know about that,’ said Pippa.

‘Oh, go on,’ said Michael, ‘it’s on the house. Didn’t you know I owned this bar?’

‘No, can’t say I did,’ said Pippa.

‘Me neither,’ said Cat. ‘I thought you were busy working on the estate with Noel.’

‘Oh I have fingers in all sorts of pies,’ said Michael with a teasing grin.

‘Such as?’ Pippa grinned back. He was really very intriguing, and fun.

‘Apart from the work I do for my uncle on the estate,’ said Michael, ‘I’ve been investing in all sorts of small businesses since I’ve been here. There’s a new greengrocer’s opening up soon, and I thought the town could do with its own retro music shop. Selling only vinyl, natch.’

‘That would be great,’ said Pippa. ‘Dan still has most of his old vinyl, but I know there are things he’d like to get hold of again.’

She tried not to think about the records they’d bought each other when they were first dating. It took her back to a better, more innocent time, and she didn’t want to be reminded of that tonight.

‘I have my own band, The Dark Angels,’ said Michael.

‘You do?’ said Cat, never one to miss an opportunity. ‘Why didn’t you say? You could play at the Snow Ball. That would be brilliant, wouldn’t it, girls?’

‘You haven’t heard us yet,’ laughed Michael, ‘but I’d be delighted.’

Pippa sat back and relaxed. She hadn’t had so much fun or laughed so much in ages.

‘You’re clearly a man of many talents,’ said Pippa teasing him.

‘Who also knows a great many useful things,’ he replied.

‘Such as?’

Michael tapped his nose, and looked askance to a quiet corner of the bar, where a familiar face was holding a tête-à-tête with a pretty blonde.

‘Isn’t that …?’ Marianne asked.

‘Tom Brooker, our local, very married MP,’ said Cat. ‘Yes it is, but I don’t think his wife is a blonde …’

‘What a coincidence,’ said Michael with a wink. ‘Didn’t you want to discuss something with him, Pippa?’

‘Well I did,’ said Pippa. ‘He’s supposed to be coming to our protest, but he hasn’t been answering my calls. I was thinking of door-stepping him at his local surgery.’

‘No time like the present,’ said Michael. ‘I
don’t
believe he’ll wish his wife to know he’s – er – otherwise occupied.’

‘But that’s blackmail,’ said Pippa outraged. ‘I thought you were one of the good guys.’

‘On the side of the angels,’ said Michael, getting up to go. ‘I prefer to think of it more as leverage …’

He winked at them, before exiting to go and chat to the barmen.

‘Well should we?’ said Pippa. ‘It does seem like a good opportunity.’

‘Leave it to me,’ said Cat. ‘I’m a journalist, don’t forget. He will really really regret meeting me.’

Feeling less bold than her words suggested, Cat made her way into the far corner, where Tom Brooker looked as though he’d got way past first base with his lady friend. Just as well he wasn’t quite on the ministerial ladder yet, otherwise some of the tabloids would probably be sniffing round him. Which left the ground clear for her …

‘Hello, it’s Tom Brooker, right?’ She slid down next to him, and tried to hide her glee at his discomfiture.

‘Do you mind?’ he said. ‘I’m having a private moment.’

I’ll bet you are
, thought Cat.

‘I won’t take up more than a moment of your time,’ said Cat with a winning smile. ‘Cat Tinsall – you may have heard of me?
Cat’s Country Kitchen
? No? Here’s my card. Only, I’m raising awareness on behalf of the Sunshine Trust. It needs your help. I believe you have several constituents who rely on the services it offers. The thing is, that thanks to your government, people like my friend over there won’t be getting the help they need anymore. It would make a dreadful headline, don’t you think? Local MP turns mother away with dire consequences? What did you say your name was?’ Cat turned to Tom Brooker’s companion.

‘Pam Smith,’ stammered the girl. ‘I’m just his secretary.’

‘Of course you are,’ said Cat, ‘so I know you wouldn’t mind being pictured together, enjoying a business meeting in a local wine bar. Busy day was it?’

‘Okay,’ said Tom Brooker, putting his hands up, ‘what is it you want?’

‘Cat, that was amazing!’ Marianne let them into her house, where she’d promised them a nightcap. A note on the table said,
Hope you had fun, Gone to bed, love you Gxx

‘Oh he still writes you love letters,’ teased Cat. ‘You’ve really not been married very long, have you?’

‘Sssh, we mustn’t wake him,’ said Marianne. ‘What’s everyone having? More wine, or coffee?’

‘Can I have a coffee?’ said Pippa. ‘I should really call it a night soon. I never like being out too late because of Lucy.’

Marianne shot Pippa a look. She wondered if Pippa was secretly worried about Dan’s ability to cope. She’d hinted as much on their last conversation, but then shut up, as if she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

‘Won’t she be asleep?’ said Cat.

‘She wakes sometimes in the night,’ said Pippa. ‘I like to be there when she does.’

‘Stay for half an hour?’ Marianne said.