A Mother's Secret (18 page)

“You would?” She was surprised by his interest. “I’ll have to find one to show you. I made one for Ben when he was born.”

“Bring it over sometime.”

“Okay.” She studied him, wondering why he had such an interest in her life. Why would he want to see a quilt she made nearly sixteen years ago? She decided to change the subject. “How was your weekend?”

He shrugged. “The usual. Work and church.”

“Do you ever do anything other than work and go to church?”

He paused and then laughed. “Just more work.”

“Do you have any hobbies or interests other than horses?”

He shook his head. “No, I can’t say that I do.”

“So then what do you do for fun?”

Joshua looked toward his house. “I like to play games with friends or sometimes I like to sit on the porch and watch storms when they pass over.”

Carolyn’s eyes widened. “Really? I always did that with
mei
daadi
when I was little, and I also shared my love of storms with Ben. We used to sit on the porch and watch the storms roll in and out.”

He nodded with interest. “That definitely is one of my favorite pastimes in the summer.”

Carolyn looked past him toward the horses in the pasture. “You must like being out in the sun all day.”

“I do. It’s one of the best parts of the job.”

“What else do you like about working on the farm?”

“Hmm.” He leaned to the side and balanced the small cooler on his bent knee. “I like meeting with the customers, and I like being with the horses. They’re good company. I can train them and watch them grow.”

“Do you ever get attached to the horses?” Carolyn asked while enjoying learning more about Joshua. “Is it ever hard to say good-bye to them?”

“Wow.” His eyes widened. “No one has ever asked me that before.”

“I’m sorry.” She felt the tips of her ears heat with embarrassment. “I’m being too forward.”

“No, you’re not forward at all.” He glanced back toward the horses. “I guess I try not to get too attached, but sometimes it happens.” He pointed toward a chestnut gelding toward the front of the pack. “Do you see that horse there? The one standing off sort of by himself?”

“
Ya
.” Carolyn held her hand above her eyes as she looked toward the horses.

“That’s Huckleberry. He’s my nephew’s favorite horse.” Joshua seemed a little melancholy. “We both were attached to Huckleberry, so he hasn’t been sold.”

“Really?” Carolyn studied the horse. “Huckleberry reminds me of my
daadi’s
favorite horse. His horse’s name was Samson.”

“You were close to your
daadi
.”

The comment took Carolyn off guard. “
Ya
, I was.”

“You must miss him.”

She nodded. “I do. I miss him terribly, and I know he would’ve loved Ben. It’s a shame Ben never got to meet him.”

Joshua sighed. “I understand. I miss Gideon every day. I think of things I wish I had said and things I would love to show him.” He gestured with his free arm. “He would be so
froh
to see how much the business has grown. I know he would be a workaholic just like me.” His smile was back and she enjoyed the sight. He stood up straight. “I suppose I’m keeping you from something important.”

“No, not really.” She longed to spend the rest of the day talking to Joshua and teasing him about his work ethic. “The grocery store isn’t going anywhere, and I’m not looking forward to shopping.”

“What would you rather be doing than shopping?” He wagged one of his free fingers at her.

“You got me.” She absently fingered her cloak while she contemplated the question. “Let me think. I like to read when I have time.”

“When you have time?” He raised an eyebrow. “Does that mean you work too much too?”

Carolyn shrugged. “I guess maybe I do work too much, but I make time to bake and cook. I’m not the best in the church district, but I enjoy it.”

“There’s nothing else you like besides baking, cooking, and watching storms?”

“Sometimes I read Christian novels.” She tossed that out even though she hadn’t read a book other than the Bible in months.

“Sometimes?” He grinned. “Well, I guess that makes us both workaholics who like storms.”

“I guess so.” She smiled up at him. “At least I’m in
gut
company,
ya
?”

“If you consider me
gut
company, then I guess you are. Speaking of being a workaholic, I better get back to work.” Joshua gestured toward the house. “I’ll put Ben’s lunch inside.”

“
Danki
. Tell him I’m sorry I missed him.”

“I will. I’ll see you soon.”

“
Ya
.”
I hope so!
Carolyn blew out a sigh as she watched him walk toward the house. She hadn’t felt an attraction this strong since she met Benjamin’s father. Of course, back then she was much younger and naïve. She could have easily had a crush on any boy who showed interest in her.

Although she knew her feelings for Benjamin’s father had been immature, she felt that same overwhelming urge to get to know Joshua that she had felt for Benjamin’s father. These feelings were more mature, but that same excitement and fear surged through her. Here she was nearly thirty-two, and she was acting as if she were sixteen again. How did Joshua Glick gain this power over her?

Joshua ascended the porch steps, and Carolyn climbed into the buggy. As she guided the horse toward the road, Joshua turned and waved once before disappearing into the house.

Carolyn spent the ride to the grocery store wondering how she was going to temper these strong feelings for Joshua. She was treading on dangerous ground. She was getting to know Saul
Beiler, and here she had nearly given her heart over to Joshua Glick. She needed to be careful with her feelings and her heart or she would end up hurt once again.

Barbie was wiping Joshua’s kitchen counter when movement outside the window caught her eye. She peeked out the window and frowned when she found Joshua talking to Carolyn Lapp near a buggy. Joshua took a cooler from Carolyn and then they stood and talked.

Barbie’s annoyance simmered as the conversation stretched beyond a few minutes. She studied their body language and watched her son smile and then relax, more than she’d seen him do in a long time. He leaned against the buggy, casually balanced the cooler on his bent knee, and behaved as if Carolyn were an old friend instead of a new acquaintance. She hardly recognized the man standing by the buggy; he didn’t resemble the Joshua she knew. She’d grown used to her serious son, rarely smiling and always worrying about what was left undone on his farm. Yet now he stood as casual as a youth at a singing or at a buddy day spent with his childhood friends.

When Carolyn laughed and then fingered her cloak, Barbie gasped at the coy mannerism.

“How dare that
maedel
flirt with my son!” she exclaimed, her voice echoing throughout the empty house.

Barbie clenched her fists and studied the rest of the conversation unfolding out the window. She’d never seen her son act so casual and interested in a young lady. When Joshua was with Lena, he looked awkward and uncomfortable, and he seemed
to be trying to think of things to say. From her vantage point, it looked as if the conversation between Joshua and Carolyn flowed easily between them, as if they were old friends talking in the grocery store line while awaiting their turn to pay the cashier.

Alarm surged through Barbie. She knew she had to do something to stop this relationship from progressing. She couldn’t allow Joshua to get attached to someone like Carolyn. He was better suited to a more serious young woman like Lena, who could be molded into a perfect daughter-in-law and mother of her future grandchildren.

Something has to be done quickly to stop this!

Carolyn was confident and outspoken when Barbie had questioned her. In fact, Carolyn’s behavior reminded her of Hannah’s. Barbie wanted to see her only living son married to a woman who would behave appropriately and not cause any more trouble for their family. Besides her personality, Carolyn also worked at the hotel that had enticed Hannah to leave the community and rip apart all that was left of Gideon’s precious legacy.

Barbie considered her conversation with Eli regarding her interest in Joshua’s love life. Eli had told her to back off, but Barbie still maintained that her intentions were pure in God’s eyes. Despite what Eli said, Barbie knew what was best for her son. She needed to make sure Joshua married someone like Lena. She was attractive and she would be a good housekeeper. She was eager to be a good helpmate to a husband, and that was what every Amish man needed. And most importantly, Barbie could mold Lena into a good, dutiful wife and mother. She just needed to find a way to make that happen.

Joshua waved as Carolyn’s buggy disappeared down the rock driveway toward the road. He was surprised at how his day perked up when she stopped by. He facetiously thought about thanking Benjamin for forgetting his lunch because he’d been hoping to see Carolyn again. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he had enjoyed running into her at the market last week. She was fun to talk to, and she always made him smile. He hadn’t smiled that much in a very long time, possibly years, and it was a healthy release. He felt revived, as if she’d brought him back to life after he’d lost Gideon and Hannah.

He was surprised by how easy conversation was with Carolyn. In fact, he’d never joked around with anyone or teased anyone like he did with Carolyn. Being with her made him feel young again, something he hadn’t felt since his early twenties. When he was with Carolyn, Joshua also felt as if he was able to let go of the heartache, stress, and worry he carried inside of him.

Does that mean I’m falling in love with her?

The shocking question shook him to the core. It echoed through his mind as he opened the back door and stepped into the mudroom.

“Joshua?” His mother’s voice called from the kitchen. “Is that you?”

“
Ya, Mamm
. Who else would it be?” He took off his hat and coat and tossed them onto the peg on the wall. He couldn’t hold back his smile. He was still thinking of Carolyn and her beautiful face, and—

His mental thoughts stopped as he stepped into the kitchen and walked right into his mother’s disapproving frown.

“Was iss letz?”
He placed the cooler on the counter.

“What was that
maedel
doing here again?”
Mamm
slammed her hands on her wide hips and glared at him.

“Her name is Carolyn, and she was delivering Ben’s lunch that he forgot this morning. See?” He pointed at the red-and-white cooler. “What’s wrong with that?”

“She was
flirting
with you, Josh.” She stressed the word. “Don’t you see what’s happening right in front of you?”

Joshua held out his hands as if to calm her. “
Mamm
, Carolyn is my
freind
. She wasn’t flirting with me.” He suspected that wasn’t true, but his relationship with Carolyn was none of his nosy mother’s business.

“
Ya
, she was. What do you think this means?”
Mamm
dramatically smiled and played with her apron while batting her eyelashes.

Joshua couldn’t smother his laughter. “
Mamm
, you look
gegisch
. Please stop.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t laugh at me. I’m trying to make a point, Joshua.”

“Okay, I get it.” He shook his head. “Look, Carolyn and I are
freinden
. Her nephew works here and that means Carolyn and I occasionally see each other.”

Mamm
shook her head and her frown deepened. “How would Lena feel if she knew you were flirting with another
maedel
?”

“We weren’t flirting. Besides, what does Lena have to do with this?” Joshua grimaced and wondered when his mother would stop nagging him about a woman he didn’t even know.

“I told you she likes you and wants to get to know you.” She waved a finger at him. “That’s why you need to attend a singing
and get to know her better. You need to give her a chance. You’re not getting any younger, and you need to start thinking seriously about getting married and having
kinner
while you still can.”