A Passionate Discovery (Self-Discovery Series) (25 page)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

After ordering from room service, Jason
brought Carla breakfast in bed. When he saw she was still asleep, no doubt
exhausted after the previous night’s events, he thought, he quietly placed the
tray on the bedside table so as not to disturb her.

He was going to leave the room but
found himself entranced by watching her sleep. It seemed as if he had thought
it a hundred times already since he met her, but he had never seen her look
more beautiful. The pain and anguish that had marred her features the night
before were gone and she looked at peace, as he wished her to look all the
time.

As he watched her he thought about
what he had planned for that night. He had made the arrangements before the
events of the previous night but now he wanted to just stop the entire game. He
couldn’t stop it; as much as he wanted to he knew he couldn’t bring himself to
stop the ten nights before they were finished. He could alter them though, and
make them easier for her to deal with.

He knew he couldn’t bear the thought
of another man’s hands on his Carla, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t watch her
control a man. He believed it was exactly what she needed just then, to be the
one in control, to be the Mistress and give orders to a submissive. Not only
would it help her to have total control over a situation for a change, it would
show him whether she had a dominant side that he could bring out.

Briefly it crossed his mind that she
might order the submissive to pleasure her. That thought sent a surge of anger
and jealousy through him, which he quickly quashed, not at all happy at his
loss of focus. He didn’t think she would, not after the events of the night
before, but if she did, well the decision was hers, he thought, driving his
feelings away.

Doing his best to consider the
situation rationally he decided that he needed to finish out the ten nights,
not just for Carla’s sake, but for his own. If he stopped them now, because of
the feelings he was developing, then he would look weak in her eyes; he would
no longer be the dominant one in their relationship and he was not prepared to
accept being the weaker of them. He was the one in control, he always had been
when it came to women, and he was determined that he always would be.

Rolling over in bed Carla’s eyes
popped open. They were too sleep-filled for her to see much but after blinking
and rubbing them she noticed Jason, who was leaning against the wall by the
window. She was still upset after what had happened, though she wasn’t sure
whether she was more upset with him or with herself, but the sight of his
beautiful body, illuminated by the sunshine pouring in through the window,
still took her breath away.

Pulling her gaze away from him she
noticed the tray of food on the bedside table. Her stomach rumbled at the aroma
of the food and she hurried to push herself into a sitting position so she
could lift the tray onto her lap.

Her movements pulled Jason from his
thoughts and he gave her a warm smile. “I thought you might be hungry,” he
said.

“Thank you, Sir, I am,” she replied,
not looking at him. Instead she focused on the food before her, starting her
breakfast with the eggs. She didn’t know what to say to him that wouldn’t start
an argument, and she didn’t have the energy for that just then, so she ignored
him.

The deliberate way she avoided looking
at him was a knife in his gut, it told him she still wasn’t over what had
happened, but he’d hoped she would at least show a little more emotion this
morning. Her voice remained as blank and emotionless as it had when she spoke
to him before going to bed. “I have meetings today, so I will be back late.” He
had a deadline to meet since they were leaving the next day, if he hadn’t he
would have cancelled his meetings to spend the day with her and attempt to work
things out. Leaving her while she was still like that didn’t sit well with him.

“I hope your meetings are productive,
Sir.” She continued eating, relieved that he would be gone for the day, time
away from him would be good, she thought.

Sighing Jason pushed away from the
wall. He was already behind schedule after staying to watch her sleep and much
as he wanted to stay he knew he couldn’t afford to. “I’ll see you at six
tonight, Carla, please be dressed to go out,” he said, hoping the civility
would have an effect on her, it didn’t. He felt a dull ache in his gut as he
made for the door.

Carla waited until Jason had left the
room and then set the tray back on the nightstand. The food was only lukewarm
and it tasted like ashes in her mouth, though the aroma has aroused her
appetite it had disappeared again almost immediately.

Sitting in the bed, her head resting
against the wall behind her, she wallowed in her misery; knowing she had to
come to some decision about their relationship. Either she was going to figure
out a way to live with what had happened, or she wouldn’t; if she couldn’t she
would have to walk away. She knew she would suffer if she walked away but was
sure she would get over Jason eventually.

Making a decision she reached for her
phone to call Scarlett. She was relieved when her friend answered on the second
ring and quickly invited her to the beach, hoping some time with her friend
would ease the despair she was drowning in.

When Scarlett agreed to the beach trip
Carla got out of bed and quickly washed and did her teeth. Returning to the
bedroom she pulled on a bikini, one of the ones she had arrived on the island
with, not the string sort she had bought at Jason’s behest. She didn’t care
right then if Jason would have insisted she wear the string bikini, she felt
too exposed in them and just then wasn’t in the mood to do something just
because it was what Jason would have wanted her to do.

The last thing she did was throw a
bottle of sunscreen and some water into her bag and grab a towel; that done she
left the room and went to Scarlett’s.

Scarlett had no idea what was going
on, but having heard the pain in her best friend’s voice during their short
conversation she hurried to get dressed. She knew how intense Jason could be,
and guessed he was the reason for Carla’s unhappiness.

When she opened the door and saw her
friend her heart was broken. It was apparent that whatever had happened the
previous night, and she had no idea what that was, had been a deal breaker.
“What the hell happened, hon?” Pulling her friend into her arms she held her
tight.

It was a few moments before Carla felt
able to speak; she simply stood there, clutching at her friend, trying to hold
back the tears she felt. “How much do you know about Jason’s ten night plan?”
she asked when she felt calmer.

“Nothing, I told you, I turned down
his offer to train me.” Seeing the state her friend was in she decided she had
been sensible in doing so.

Pulling out of her friend’s arms Carla
nodded in understanding. “Let’s go down to the beach, enjoy the salt air and
talk, okay?” Right then the thing she wanted most was to relax in the sun and
try to put the previous night behind her.

“Of course, honey.” Picking up her
beach bag Scarlett motioned for Carla to lead the way and together they walked
out the door. From the way her friend was acting she was sure it was going to
be one hell of a conversation.

They made their way out of the hotel
and down to the beach, located a couple of beach chairs, set them up and
applied sunscreen, all without talking. An island man, wearing the hotel’s
insignia on his shirt, appeared almost immediately to inquire if they wanted
drinks; Scarlett ordered for both of them and the moment he was gone she turned
to her friend. “Okay, what happened, Carla?”

Carla was more embarrassed than she’d
ever been, but knew if she couldn’t talk to Scarlett there was no one else she
could turn to. “Jason introduced me to a male friend of his last night.” She
wasn’t sure she could even say what had happened, it was so humiliating.

“Um, okay, was he a nice guy?” Scarlett
wasn’t sure what meeting one of Jason’s friends had to do with her friend
looking and sounding so miserable. As Carla covered her face with her hands she
realized just what her friend meant. “You mean you met met one of Jason’s
friends?” she asked, wanting to be sure she had grasped things properly.

Nodding her head Carla kept back her
tears by sheer willpower.

“Oh, honey,” Scarlett sighed, “you
were so not ready for that. What the hell was he thinking?” She was pissed,
what kind of idiot was Jason, doing such a thing.

“I just let it happen, Scarlett.” She
couldn’t prevent the waterworks any longer, she felt like the biggest slut that
had ever walked the planet.

Crossing to her friend’s chair Scarlett
took Carla in her arms and held her. “It’s okay, honey, everything’s going to
be okay. It’s something that some Dom’s enjoy, but he should never have moved
so fast with you.” Just then she wanted to slap Jason for not using his brain,
and for putting Carla through such an experience. He knew Carla had never been
with another man before him, how was she supposed be ready to deal with such an
experience so soon?

“You’ve done it?” Carla asked,
shocked. She knew Scarlett had had her share of lovers, but she had never
thought about her being with more than one man at a time.

“A few times, honey, but only after
years of experience with men.” She couldn’t even imagine doing something like
that less than a week after first having sex of any kind. It had taken her five
years to get comfortable enough with her own sexuality to want something like
that, and another year to find someone she trusted with her fantasy.

Wiping her eyes Carla looked up at Scarlett,
shocked. “How did you, well you know, not feel like you were a horrible woman?
Didn’t you feel like a slut?” She didn’t want to offend her friend, but at that
moment that was how she felt about herself.

“I never claimed to be an angel, sweetie.”
She grinned as she stood up. “I enjoy sex, always have; as far as I am
concerned, as long as I enjoy what I do, and it isn’t hurting anyone, then
anything is fair game.”

“I just feel dirty, Scarlett.” Pulling
her knees up she wrapped her arms around them and laid her cheek on them.

“All this is so new to you, honey. I
remember what it was like for me in the beginning. Hell, you’re not only new to
this way of life; you’re coming into it in a strange way, with a man who
obviously isn’t thinking about how inexperienced you are.” Once again she was
pissed as hell at Jason, she had thought he was experienced enough as a Dom to
handle the situation better than he was.

“I could have said no, he isn’t the
one to blame here.” Carla didn’t know why she was defending him, he had pushed
her into it, but at twenty-four she knew she was old enough to take her share
of the blame for any decisions she made, no matter how bad they might be.

“Jason isn’t an easy man to say no to,
Carla.”

“I just don’t know what to do now. I
told him that would never happen again and he agreed, but what’s going to
happen on these next four nights? Nothing could be worse than what took place
last night, can it?”

“You have to make a decision here,
sweetie. Either speak up when something is too overwhelming or walk away. Those
are really the only two choices you have with Jason.”

The conversation died for a short
while as the waiter appeared with their pina coladas. Scarlett charged them to
her room and then the two of them sat there sipping at the cocktails

“He changed the rules last night, Scarlett,
he told me if I walked away from any of the ten nights then things were over.”

“Wow, he really said that?” If she was
pissed off before, it was nothing to how Scarlett felt then. Now she wanted to
kill Jason. “I really think you should consider walking away, honey,” she said.
It was clear that Jason couldn’t deal with her friend the way her inexperience
required. “If you still want to explore this lifestyle, well we can find you
someone more suitable; someone who will pay more attention to your needs.”

“Scarlett, I love him.” She knew her
friend didn’t want to hear that, but it was the truth.

“Honey, sex isn’t love. I know he was
your first, and okay, that’s a huge deal, but this isn’t healthy for you. Look
at how miserable you are. Love isn’t supposed to make you feel that way.”

“The thought of walking away from him
rips my heart open, Scarlett. I know sex isn’t love, and I know love shouldn’t
make you hurt like this, but I can’t change what I feel.”

“Well you know my feeling on this; you
should walk away now, before walking away is no longer an option. I just don’t
like this side of you he’s bringing out.” She wanted to rip Jason’s balls off
and stick them down his throat, that way he wouldn’t be able to hurt her friend
again, but she knew it was a decision Carla had to make for herself.

“A few more nights, Scarlett,” Carla
said, closing her eyes and sighing. “I’m going to go through with them. If I
can’t stand myself after that I’ll leave.” It was all she could do, she thought
miserably, even if she couldn’t have him forever she would at least build up as
many memories of him as she could.