Hadn’t I sacrificed enough to get here? Well, not to get to the bathroom of Logan Airport, but to get to this brand new stage of my life. It hadn’t all been smooth sailing from point A to point B—or point E, as was probably more accurate by now. I sacrificed things my friends would never let get away from them: love, family, romance,
weekends
. But here I was, passing up on the one thing I never knew I wanted for the only thing I’d ever dreamed about. Why did it feel so empty?
I washed my hands in the sink, catching a glimpse of my face in the mirror. Twin trails of mascara raced down my cheeks to get to my chin. I hadn’t felt the warmth of the tears. I didn’t know I’d been crying. I cleaned myself up, straightened my spine, and yelled at myself in the mirror. Old Tess doesn’t cry over stupid things beyond her control, right? She makes decisions and she goes after them.
Eventually, when I sufficiently drained enough minutes from the clock, I wandered over to security and got in line. Then, with nothing new to look at or read, I was left alone with my thoughts. I filled the space with activity the best I could. I handed over my boarding pass, took of my shoes, took out my laptop, emptied my pockets, and loaded everything on the scanner belt like a good airline passenger. I walked through the metal detector, got my requisite body scan, and then started to put myself back together.
“Excuse me, miss?”
I turned to see the baggage scanner staring back at me. He was a heavy set man, balanced on a stool in front of the x-ray screen. I could see my bag peeking out from under the scanner and knew he was looking for me.
“We’re going to need to search your luggage. Do we have your permission to do that?” He nodded to a second security worker, who snapped on a pair of latex gloves and headed for my suitcase. The second man, a leaner version of his co-worker, moved my bag off to a side table and got to work. He unzipped every pocket and began pulling out my belongings one by one, tossing them into a bucket.
“Um… sir?” He turned, a scowl on his face. “What exactly are you looking for? Is this a random search?”
“Ma’am, please be patient.” He pulled out my underwear and bras, my shoes, and even my “lady accessories” without so much as a flinch. If there was an exploding tampon in my luggage, this guy would find it for sure. After a few more moments searching, he pulled out something metal. “A-ha! This must be what set it off.”
He wasn’t talking to me, but conferring with the first security worker, whose nametag read Carl.
“Nice work,” Carl smiled, then offered me a kind look. “We’ll just take a peek at this and you’ll be all set to go, miss. You can put your bag back together while we do that.”
Oh, thank you, I wanted to say. Instead, I exacted revenge on my intimates and wardrobe separates, tossing them into the suitcase without gentleness. I slammed the bag shut and zipped it closed as loudly as possible. When I turned around, Carl offered me the item that caused all the trouble in the first place.
“Here you go, Miss,” he placed it into my hand. “The metal set off the detector and we just needed to get a closer look. You’re all set. Enjoy your flight.”
As he walked away, I opened my hand to look at it and my heart stopped beating for a moment. It was my opal necklace, something I thought I’d lost a long time ago. A beautiful, multi-colored opal that caught the light and sparkled like nothing I’d ever seen. It was my birth stone.
A gift from Christian.
The necklace was a memory from another difficult time in my life, when our trio split up to head their separate ways for college. Not one of us stayed in Boston, our college-ridden home town, instead seeking spots at schools hundreds of miles apart. Headed for New York City, I met Christian at his house amidst the great car-pack up before his trip to Baltimore for our first college semester.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he smiled at me, sweat dripping down his face in the humid late-August air. The air was heavy enough to stir with a spoon and we battled through it to load that car.
When we finished, he took my hand and led me into his bedroom. “I got you something,” he handed me a thin, long box with a bow stuck on top. “To remember me by.”
“Oh Christian!” I put it on right away, studying the shape of it in the mirror. The opal pendant was large and oval-shaped, glowing blue or pink or green when I turned to look at it from different angles. “You really shouldn’t have. I didn’t get you anything.”
He pulled me to him, transferring some of the dampness onto my t-shirt. “I love you, Tessie. And I want you to think about me whenever you wear it. I’m going to miss you a lot, you know.”
In the airport terminal, I put the necklace around my neck for the first time in years. The familiar weight of it, resting just above my heart, comforted me and alarmed me all at once. What the hell was I doing?
I had to find Christian.
This was it, my brink of no return moment. If I exited the security gate, there was no way I’d be readmitted in time. I could leave now, risking that Christian didn’t want me now that I’d broken his heart. If I did that, I’d lose it all. I’d miss the flight and the meeting, forfeiting my new position, and find myself back in Boston, lonely
and
unemployed. I could manage unemployed if I was going to have good company but there was no way to know for sure if he’d take me back. I stood there, hesitating because I didn’t know how to make decisions of such magnitude. I never took risks on myself. I didn’t really know how. All I knew was that I’d always wonder how things would have turned out. I had to know.
I straightened my spine and marched toward the exit. I made it through the gate without collapsing into a fit of panic and then I was off and running. Tearing through Logan Airport is an inadvisable activity for klutzes. Fortunately, before my foray in airport sprinting, I had the forethought to remove my heels. I ran past the gates, back to the security counter without running over, hitting, bumping, or dropping a single thing. I didn’t trip or fall, I didn’t slip, and I didn’t even stub a toe. It was the most well-coordinated effort my body had made since—well, since it had done something else well-coordinated. And quite a bit naughtier. But also involving Christian. Odd.
I burst through the door, out of breath and overcome immediately by the low air quality outside. The heavy scent of diesel fuel, car exhaust, and trapped cigarette smoke greeted my nostrils, carried on the heavy June air. I stopped on the sidewalk, scanning up and down for an open taxi. People everywhere loaded their luggage into trunks, hugged their loved ones. The arrivals area was a much happier place than departures. The trip was over, the family reunited, the souvenirs distributed. It was also much, much busier, so cabs were getting snatched up instantly. I turned left and started walking toward the beginning of the arrivals strip, hoping to catch a cab before anyone else could see it.
I strained my eyes, trying to take in every car, every detail until I located an empty cab, which I planned to jump in front of if necessary. Instead of a taxi, I saw another familiar car parked along the shoulder. With a familiar figure, resting on its hood.
Christian looked at his watch and back up at me. “Cutting it a bit close, aren’t we?” For a moment, we just stared at each other. He was here for me, there was no doubt, but he still seemed kind of stiff, kind of hurt.
“What are you—How did you—Are you really here right now?” Hallucinations do happen under the right circumstances; it was a valid question. He didn’t answer, just stared. Of course, I kept talking. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave.” The tears were back. I could feel them this time.
“I know.” One corner of his mouth lifted involuntarily, but he quashed the smile before it formed.
“Get in the car before that security guy comes back to harass me again. I’ve held him off for twenty minutes but he’s out for blood now. We’ll go somewhere to talk, okay?”
I tossed my suitcase into the trunk and slid into the passenger side. He was already in the driver seat, holding out a plain white travel cup with coffee in it. “Mr. Antonio said I should do whatever I could to keep you here, so he sent you this. If he asks, just tell him it’s the real reason you couldn’t go to Chicago.”
Christian had his own cup to match, but we left them in the cup holders untouched, awaiting our next destination. We drove through the airport in silence, he paid the toll, and we were back on the highway in no time. I tried to pay attention to where he was going, but my thoughts were swimming in my head. One pressing question seemed to be overtaking all others.
“How did you know?”
“What?”
“How did you know I’d come out when I did? I was supposed to be getting on a plane and then there you are and now I’m in your car.” I breathed, looking out the window as trees passed in a green blur. “Today is not going the way I thought it would.”
“Would you like me to turn around?” He was offering, not threatening. “I didn’t realize I kidnapped you back there.”
“You didn’t. I just want to know how you knew.”
He pulled into a parking lot, stopped the car, and turned to me. “I saw it in your eyes.”
“In my eyes.”
“Yes, Tessie. After you’ve known someone as long as I’ve known you… It was written all over your face. Of course, I didn’t know when you’d figure it out. For all I knew, it could’ve been at O’Hare when you got off the plane. But I had to go to Logan and wait, to see if I was right.”
“You were.” It came out as a whisper, aimed toward my hands folded on my lap.
“Anyway, we’re here,” he said, unlocking the doors. He was already climbing out of his door as I looked around us.
“The elementary school?” He waved to me to get out, so I opened my door. “What are we doing here? We’re gonna look like a couple of creeps, hanging around an elementary school at ten in the morning. Are you sure this is okay?”
“Yes,” he said impatiently. “I called the principal and explained. He says hi by the way. Same guy from when we were here, says he remembers us.”
“Well, I guess if Principal Vincent is okay with this, I can’t complain,” I laughed, letting him lead me around the back of the school to the playground. I hadn’t been back here in years, not since I was a student, but nothing had changed. Of course, everything seemed smaller, like the swing Christian insisted I sit on, but only because my perspective had changed.
On so many things.
“Tell me what changed your mind,” he jumped right back into where we’d left off, as though sitting on a pair of swings behind an elementary school was the perfect place to have a conversation of such gravity. “You were dead set on this one minute, then running from Logan like it’s on fire the next. What happened?”
I paused, kicking at the worn patch of ground beneath the swing set. After a moment, I reached over and took his hand in mine. “
You
happened.”
His reaction was not the one I expected. Instead of sweeping me into his arms and kissing me passionately as I’d imagined while sprinting through the airport, he just stared at his lap, where my hand held his. He didn’t pull it away, but he didn’t squeeze it back either.
“Christian?” He looked up at me, as though coming out of a dream. A bit dazed, his eyes kind of squinty.
We started to speak at the same time, stopped, waited, and started again.
“You first,” he finally said.
“Thanks,” I took a deep breath, wiped away a few straggling tears, and looked straight into his eyes. “Listen, I realize I’ve put you through the wringer for, oh I don’t know…”
“Twenty years.”
“Right.” I maintained my composure, determined to get through what I’d been longing to say for days. “For twenty years, you’ve known what you wanted and you’ve been waiting for me. Finally, just when you give up…”
“I didn’t give up.”
“Fine,” I continued, inhaling deeply. “Just when it looked like it would never happen, I kiss you in that elevator. Things happen, lives are changed, and still, I manage to crap all over it.”
“Tessie—”
“You’ll have your chance to talk when I’m done. You let me go first, remember?” He smiled and nodded for me to continue. “There is absolutely no excuse for my behavior. I’ve been an idiot, going through my whole life thinking I fit somewhere I didn’t. I pushed and pushed and tried to force myself somewhere I didn’t belong. But all this time, the place that I belonged was waiting for me, right in front of my nose.”
“I’m confused. Which one am I?”
“Not a good time for jokes, Mr. Smart Ass,” I warned, although I knew it was just his fall-back defense tactic. “Just say what you need to say, okay?” I pulled my hand away from him, but sought his eyes, watching for a response. That lump was back in my throat. “Going to Chicago is pointless if I’m not with you. And I know I’m taking a big risk here, especially since I just obliterated your heart into a million…”
“You did no such thing.” He turned me toward him, each hand gently gripping one chain of the swing, and looked directly at me. “I attacked you with my feelings when you were vulnerable and that wasn’t fair. I’ve known for years how important a career was to you. I ignored it and laid my feelings on you. It was kinda selfish of me too. The way you reacted was pretty natural, given the circumstances. Although I couldn’t have predicted the promotion…”