A Promise Kept (7 page)

“Sorry,” she interrupted her friend. “I don’t think I’ll be there tonight. I’ve got to go down to Boise. I’m getting ready to leave as we speak.”

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s Tony. He’s in the hospital.”

“Oh, Allison. Would you like company? I’d be glad to join you if you need me. I’m not leading the discussion at book club, so I don’t have to be there.”

Allison felt torn. On one hand, she would love to have Susan’s company. On the other, she wasn’t sure she wanted her friend to see Tony. Though why it should matter, she didn’t know. He was her ex. She wasn’t responsible for him or for what he did or for how he looked or for what others thought about him.

“Let me pray for you,” Susan said.

Allison’s throat tightened. She wasn’t about to turn down
prayer, but the kindness of the gesture made her want to cry. “Okay.” She closed her eyes.

Her friend’s words were few, but they seemed to lift a weight Allison hadn’t realized was pressing upon her.

“I could be at your place in less than fifteen minutes if you want me to go with you,” Susan added.

“No. It’s sweet of you, but I think I’d rather go alone. I don’t know how long I’ll be down there. It could be really late before I get home.”

“What about Gizmo?”

“I’ll take him with me. I can leave him in the car.”

“It’s hotter down in the valley than here.”

True. She hadn’t thought of that. She couldn’t safely leave him in the car for any length of time. September in Boise could be as hot as July.

“Listen,” Susan said, “you gave me the key to your house and the code for your alarm. You go on, and I’ll take care of the dog. He can stay with me for the night.”

“Oh, Susan. That’s asking way too—”

“You didn’t ask. I offered.”

More kindness. Allison drew in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. And I’ll keep praying for you.”

“Thanks.”

Allison had grown to hate hospitals. She hated the sounds. She hated the smells. She hated the anxiety that rose up inside her as she entered the lobby through the automatic glass doors.

At the information desk she learned Tony had been admitted and was given his room number. She didn’t bother to ask about his condition. Even if the volunteer behind the desk
knew the answer, she wouldn’t have told her. Privacy laws didn’t allow it.

On the ride up in the elevator, she tried to remember the words of Susan’s prayer. She reminded herself she was there for Meredith’s sake. Not for her own sake and not for Tony’s. She was there for Meredith. Period.

But the self-talk didn’t help much.

She found Tony’s room at the end of a long hallway. The door was half open, and she had to step around a drawn curtain before she could see the bed and Tony in it.

Memories from the past crashed over her. So many trips to the hospital during the years of their marriage. So many that they ran together in her head until she couldn’t distinguish one from another. She didn’t want to be in this hospital room. She didn’t want to ever look at Tony in a hospital bed again. She needed to leave. She couldn’t—

He opened his eyes and saw her. “Allie,” he said softly, offering a wobbly smile.

“Meredith called me.” She needed him to know that was the only reason she’d come.

“She’s a good kid.”

Reluctantly, Allison moved to the side of the bed. “Yes, she is.”

He grimaced, as if in pain, but she could tell he was heavily sedated.

“She said it might be your pancreas again.”

“Yeah. Looks like it.”

Allison didn’t have to ask if it was because he’d been drinking. She knew the signs. She’d seen him like this before. She wanted to remind him he could die from pancreatitis and ask him why he was so stupid. Didn’t he realize he was killing himself by inches?

It isn’t my business. It isn’t my business. It isn’t my business
.

Tony said, “Tell Meredith I’ll probably be out by the weekend, if all goes well.”

“Okay.”

“Tell her I’ll call her in a couple of days when I’m feeling a little better.”

Will you feel better, Tony? For how long? Why don’t you stop drinking? Why? Our lives could have been so different if not for your drinking. Why did you have to throw it all away?

His eyes drifted closed again. “I’m glad you came, Allie,” he mumbled as he drifted back to sleep.

She waited awhile, then went outside to call Meredith, as promised. Her daughter answered on the first ring.

“How is he, Mom?”

“He’s in pain but he says he should be out by the weekend.” She drew in a deep breath, tamping down an old anger. “He’s been through this before. It usually takes about a week in the hospital, and then he’ll have to be very careful with his diet.”

“Do you think he will be? Careful, I mean.”

“Oh, honey. I don’t know. You know how it is for your dad.”

“Yeah. I know.”

It was at moments like these when Allison wanted to hate Tony Kavanagh, but she couldn’t. She didn’t like him much, but she couldn’t hate him. “He’s always pulled through before,” she said at last. It was the best she could do and still be telling the truth.

Allison

It was after midnight before Allison crawled beneath the covers of her bed. Exhausted by the events of the day, she fell into a troubled sleep. In her dreams, she stood beside an open grave. Tony’s grave. Meredith gripped her arm. Both of them wept.

What could I have done?

What could I have done?

What could I have done?

Allison bolted upright with a gasp, heart racing, fear strangling her. But as her pulse began to slow, anger surged. She shouldn’t have to visit Tony in the hospital. She shouldn’t have to dream about him. He’d made his choices. What he did shouldn’t matter to her any longer. Not even if it killed him. And if it wasn’t for their daughter—

A groan rumbled in her chest as she tossed aside the covers and got out of bed. The clock said it was four in the morning, but she wouldn’t fall back to sleep again. She was too agitated for that. Might as well get some work done.

But remnants of the dream stayed with her as she showered and dressed and made her first cup of coffee. They stayed with her as she opened Photoshop and set to work on another logo design. They were still clinging to her thoughts when a knock sounded at the door a little after nine o’clock.

It was Susan, returning Gizmo.

“Was he a good dog?” Allison asked as she held him in her arms and ruffled his ears.

“Yes. Although I think all the attention he got put my dogs’ noses out of joint. The big lugs aren’t allowed on the furniture the way Gizmo is.”

“Want some coffee?”

“Sure.”

The two women walked to the kitchen.

Allison pulled open the tray beneath her coffeemaker. “Full strength, half caf, or decaf?”

“Full strength, please.”

“Full it is.” She grabbed a K-Cup.

After the coffee started flowing into a mug, Allison turned toward her friend. “I sure appreciated your help. It was good not to have to worry about Gizmo.”

“How was seeing Tony?”

“Harder than I expected.” She shrugged. “It brought up so many raw feelings. I thought I was finished with them, but I guess not.”

“You and Tony were married a long time. You loved him. Maybe those feelings won’t ever go away completely.”

“I hope you’re wrong. I want to move on.”

Allison set the mug of coffee on the counter, then got the flavored creamer out of the refrigerator. While Susan doctored her coffee, Allison went to retrieve her own mug from her desk in the bedroom. By the time Allison returned to the kitchen and got her own coffee, Susan had taken a seat at the table. They were silent for a short while as they sipped.

“I dreamed again that he died,” Allison said at long last, her gaze fastened on the mug in her hands.

“Is he that ill?”

Allison shrugged, then shook her head. “Not that anyone told me. But pancreatitis is a serious condition. It could kill him.” Tears stung her eyes and her throat tightened. She fought both reactions.

“It’s okay to care about him, Allison.”

“I’m not sure I do care. I was crying in my dream, but I don’t think I was crying for him. Not really.” She drew in a deep breath. “Do you think God told me to let go of Tony because he
is
going to die?”

“Oh, Allison.”

“What if I didn’t hear God right about that either?” she whispered.

Susan shook her head. “No one can answer that question except you. And maybe you won’t be able to answer it for a long time. But I can tell you this: Feelings aren’t right or wrong. They’re just feelings. They just
are
. What matters is what you do in response to those feelings. Let God do His work in your heart, Allison. He will turn things to good in your life when you follow Him. Even divorce.”

Was that true? Allison swallowed the lump a second time.
Please, Father. Do Your work in my heart. Forgive me for my own wrong choices. Turn this mess . . . turn all of these crazy, confusing emotions into good in my life . . . And please don’t let Tony die. Not yet. Not until he surrenders completely to You
.

Allison

Ned Lyle’s sixty-fifth birthday party was held the following Saturday. Allison arrived at the Lyle home half an hour before the other guests, sheet cake in hand. While Susan put the last-minute touches on the meal she’d made, Allison stuck candles into the cake. One for every year of the birthday boy’s life, plus a couple dozen more for good measure. Several of them were the kind of candles that couldn’t be blown out.

“Mean, aren’t we?” Susan said softly from the opposite side of the counter.

“Deliciously wicked,” Allison confirmed with a laugh.

“What are you two up to?” Ned stepped through the doorway to the dining room.

Allison turned around and stationed her body between him and the cake. “You were told not to come into the kitchen.”

“Like I was going to obey that command.”

Chet Leonard appeared in the doorway behind Ned. “Need help?”

Ned nodded. “Probably.”

“I meant the ladies.”

“Traitor,” Ned said with a grin. Then he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “All right. I’m going. I’m going.”

After Ned left the kitchen, Chet said, “I meant it. Need any help from me?”

“Nothing I can think of,” Susan answered. “Allison?”

“Nope. The candles are all in place. But maybe we should put the volunteer fire department on alert. We’re going to have quite the blaze when these are all lit.” Allison closed the lid on the empty box that the sheet cake had come in from the grocery store, then looked at Chet again. “Try to keep Ned from peeking until it’s time for dessert.”

Chet winked. “You got it.”

Chet hadn’t been gone more than a minute when his wife, Marsha, came through the same doorway.

“Chet says you don’t need help, but I thought I should check.”

Washing her hands in the sink, Susan looked over her shoulder. “It’s all ready. As soon as everyone’s here, we can eat.”

“There’s quite the crowd outside,” Marsha responded.

Susan dried her hands on a towel. “I’ll do a quick headcount.” She left the kitchen.

Marsha pretended to count the candles on the cake. “Oh my.”

Allison laughed.

“Susan’s always been the mischievous one.”

“That’s what I’ve discovered.” Allison sat on a nearby barstool.

Marsha leaned her hip against the counter. “You seem to have settled in well.”

“I think so. I like living here more than I thought I would.”

“I hope you don’t get cabin fever in the winter. I do. There’s times every winter when I’d give just about anything to move to a warmer climate where there aren’t icy roads and too much snow to shovel. But it would take a cannon to blast Chet out of Kings Meadow.”

Did Allison hear a tinge of irritation in the other woman’s words? She couldn’t be sure.

Marsha waved a hand, as if chasing away a pesky fly. “Don’t mind me. I just know that it’s warm today but we could get our first snowfall any day.”

“Really? This early?”

“Trust me. It can be this early. You never know in these mountains.”

Would Allison suffer from cabin fever? Aunt Emma hadn’t. She used to say winter was when she got the most work done, and that allowed her to play more in the summer. Allison remembered the smell of chemicals seeping under the door from the darkroom where her aunt developed her photographs, and it made her smile.

I’ll just hope I’m more like Aunt Emma and less like Marsha Leonard
.

Susan reentered the kitchen, putting an end to the brief conversation. “Everyone’s here. Chet’s going to bless the food. Come on outside.”

The rest of the afternoon passed pleasantly. Allison made a few new acquaintances and enjoyed the company of others she’d met already over the summer. Over dessert, she took particular interest when several men, including Ned and Chet, got into a debate regarding the timing of a bank robbery in Kings Meadow in the previous century.