A Rainbow in Paradise (19 page)

With each repeating refrain, Eden sang the
words in Navajo as Logan translated them into English. Again there
was a change in the music, and Logan continued to translate the
words he had long known by heart: "Her white shell shoes, with the
white clay she nears you." As Frank sang this, Ella painted Celia
on the soles of first her left foot, then her right. "Her white
shell leggings, with the white clay she nears you." Then Ella
painted Celia's left and right knees.

The ceremony continued as, with each
instruction from the singers, Celia was symbolically "painted" with
the white clay that represented Changing Woman's transformation
into White Shell Woman. Logan quietly continued to translate as
Eden sang with the group the refrain, “With the white clay she
nears you." Beneath a rumple in the sheepskin on which they sat, he
clasped her hand tightly, feeling closer to her than he had ever
imagined, feeling she was a part of him.

When Celia had been properly painted, the
blessing of the
dleesh
was opened to everyone and many of
the watchers stood in line to receive the small white mark on their
foreheads, presented in a blessing manner and painted on by the
kinaalda
. When the line of watchers had been blessed, Frank
Manypersons came to the
dleesh
and rubbed his hands in it,
then smeared his cheeks and hair. Finally Celia walked around the
hogan, painting all the people who had not stood in line. Logan
felt himself touched almost to tears as he watched Eden raise her
face to receive the
dleesh
blessing.

It was midmorning by now, and with the final
solemn ceremony completed, the watchers tumbled outside in a
jubilant air of fun and teasing to mold Celia for the final time. A
pile of soft blankets was stacked a couple of feet deep, each
blanket borrowed from someone special to the
kinaalda
, then
Celia lay down on the stack facedown while her grandmother
completed her final formal task, careful pressing Celia's shape
into the blankets: first her left foot then her right foot, her
left leg then her right leg, and so on to the top of her head. When
they came to this part, Celia made a funny face that caused
everyone to laugh before she held her breath and let her
grandmother press her face into the blankets.

Frank made a final statement, which Logan
translated, "This will help her grow to have a nice shape and be
pleasant to look upon," and everyone laughed and made remarks that
were only slightly rude about Celia's pretty figure and how she
would likely grow plumper with age and the birth of children. Some
of the comments Logan translated; others, he chose not to repeat.
Still others were said in English for Eden's benefit, and he noted
that she laughed in delight even when her cheeks colored
warmly.

After the molding, Celia returned all the
borrowed blankets and other borrowed objects used in the ceremony,
and then everyone went to the firepit for the final distribution of
the finished
'alkaan
. Even with so many to feed, the cake
was large enough to provide generous portions for everyone.

"This is delicious," Eden mumbled around bits
of the tender corn cake. "I've eaten cornbread all my life, but
I've never imagined it sweet like a cake—and with raisins,
too."

"You are enjoying it, then?"

"It's splendid! I'm enjoying all of this,
Logan."

"I know you are," he answered, and felt again
the sharp pain that would come with their separation. He had been
right to see how difficult their parting would be, but wrong to
compare it to an amputation. No, giving up Eden would be more like
trying to cut out his own heart.

"Is it possible I could have a recipe for
this?" she asked as they finished their
'alkaan
. "I'd like
something I could bake in an oven rather than in an earthen pit,
and something designed to feed a crowd somewhat smaller than the
Sixth Army, since I rarely have this many people over."

He smiled. "I think Rosa can probably arrange
that for you."

"I'd like that."

"I'd like it, too," he answered, knowing that
taking her the recipe would give him one more excuse to see Eden
before they parted forever. As he watched her saying goodbye to his
relatives whom she now counted as friends, he felt again how very
painful that parting would be.

"It was wonderful," Eden bubbled, so alive
with energy, she barely remembered how little she'd slept.

* * * * *

They were on their way back to Rainbow Rock
and Logan found himself dreading each mile of the trip, since each
mile took Eden closer to home and their time together closer to an
end. “I want each of my daughters to have a
kinaalda
when
the time comes," Logan said, trying again to remind both himself
and Eden of the unbridgeable gulf that separated them.

"Then I envy your daughters," Eden
answered—her eyes bright, her voice filled with meaning.

The knot that rose in Logan's throat would be
difficult, he feared, to swallow down. "Do you mean that?" he
forced out.

"Yes, I do," she answered fervently. "So many
of our young teens, both boys and girls, fall into a pit of despair
where they feel no one cares for them and life has no purpose or
meaning. Imagine how it would feel to a girl of that age to have
more than a hundred friends and relatives gather to honor her and
to sing her into adulthood." She paused and touched his arm as she
said, "Logan, I think a
kinaalda
, or something like it,
would solve many of the problems of our younger generation, at
least among our girls. With a ceremony like this to mark her coming
of age, every young woman would know how many people love her and
want the best for her."

"That's one of the blessings of being Dineh,"
Logan answered, though the words threatened to catch in his throat.
"A child who grows up in a traditional Dineh family always knows
there are many family, friends, and clan members who love and care
for him. Whatever may happen in his life on and off the rez, he
will always know he is loved."

Eden paused, picturing an abandoned little
boy who had needed the acceptance of his extended family and
friends. "That's a treasure," Eden whispered. Then, remembering her
own often difficult teen years, she added, "I haven't ever known
that kind of caring."

In that instant, Logan wanted more than
anything to be the one who could give that love to Eden.
If
only...

But there was no point in wishing. No matter
what he might wish for, he still had the promises he had made to
his generations.

Silently he drove on until he came to Eden's
home where he made as little ceremony as he could of their
good-byes, promising he would bring her the recipe she wanted
sometime tomorrow. Extending the time he spent with Eden at this
point would only extend the heartache for them both.
If
only...
he thought again as he drove away, but this time the
thought reshaped itself into another form:
If only I can bear to
live without her.

* * * * *

"So that's it? You're just going to drive
back to Phoenix and pretend it never happened?'' Sarah looked as
aghast as Eden felt.

"I don't see that I have much choice." Eden
sighed. "He told me from the beginning that there'd be no future in
our relationship, that we'd only have a little time to enjoy each
other's company."

"That's ridiculous." Sarah's dander was up,
her normally pale complexion reddening as she spoke. "Can't the man
see how right you are for each other?"

Eden's voice was resigned as she asked, "Are
we, Sarah? I wonder."

"No. Don't tell me you're falling for all
that talk about what he's promised his children—children, might I
add, who won't even be born unless he finds a mother for them."

"I know. I said the same thing myself, at
first. It wasn't until I went with him to Celia's
kinaalda
that I really began to understand. The Navajo people have a network
of strong traditions that have held them together over the
centuries, in spite of the other warring tribes and the Mexican
government and the American government, in spite of the Kit Carsons
and the wars of conquest and the plagues and—"

"Okay, okay. I don't need a history lesson,
for Pete's sake. And you don't need to give up so easily."

Eden couldn't help but smile at the
determination she saw in Sarah's face. Over the years, she and her
very best friend had always strengthened one another in times of
weak resolve, and here Sarah was, willing to fill that role in her
life yet again. "You're true blue, you know that?"

"Through and through," Sarah answered,
repeating the refrain they had spoken to each other often
throughout the years, first as girls and later as grown women. "And
I'm not going to see you throw away the best chance you've ever had
at being as happy as I am."

"I appreciate the thought, girl, but—"

"But nothing! Get in there and fight, Eden!"
Sarah looked ready to fight dragons, if that's what it took. "You
want this man, so go get him!"

"I would, if it were that easy," Eden
answered solemnly. "But it's Logan himself I'd have to fight if I
decided to go into this battle."

"Don't you love him enough to fight even him,
if that's what it takes?"

Eden had asked herself that question many
times through the long night that had passed since Logan had left
her at her door, hurrying away from her as if pursued by those very
dragons. She had answered it, too, in the peace of her own heart.
By now she knew that if there was some way, any way, to bring Logan
around without destroying him...

"Of course I love him, more than even I knew
until I had to face giving him up. But fighting this out of him
would destroy a large part of what I love most. Don't you see,
Sarah? He is what he is partly because of his traditions, and if I
force him to give up a part of his loyalty to those traditions, it
will crush a large part of the life and passion right out of him. I
could have him that way, I think, but he wouldn't be the man I love
now, and he'd never be completely happy. I love him too much to see
him lose that happiness."

Sarah mumbled something quite unladylike.

"Sarah!"

"I can't help it, Eden. I care too much about
you to watch you suffer like this. And I like Logan, too. I can't
help thinking that no matter how much he'd lose by giving up his
promise, he'll lose even more if he lets you out of his life."

"Oh, Sarah, I wish it were that easy."

"There's got to be a way." Sarah began
pacing, her face tensed in concentration.

"Please, Sarah. Quit now, before you think of
some cockamamie idea that's only going to prolong the agony and
make everything worse for both of us. Please?"

Sarah paused, staring long at her friend with
that picture of fixed concentration on her face, then reluctantly,
she capitulated. "Okay, but if something occurs to me—"

"I'll be the first to know," Eden finished
for her.

Sarah grinned. "You've got it, sis."

They hugged, Eden holding on desperately, as
if she feared letting go. When they finally separated, both were
blinking back tears.

"So you're all loaded up and ready to
go?"

Eden nodded. "Um-hm. I'll see Logan one more
time this afternoon when he comes to give me his aunt's recipe for
the corn cake, and then I'll toss my purse in the car and take off
for Phoenix."

"Well, one thing you've gotta say." Sarah
smiled through her tears. "It's been the most interesting visit
you've made back home in a while."

Eden laughed in spite of herself. "There's no
kidding about that," she answered. "I'll never forget it. Never, as
long as I live. No matter how much I may wish I could."

Sarah grabbed her again for one last good
hug. "I just pray that you don't regret it for as long as you
live."

"Me too, honey. Me too."

The sun set early this late in the autumn,
and it was edging toward its rest by the time Logan's truck pulled
up in front of Eden's childhood home. Already she had sent the bed
she'd slept in and the dresser where she'd kept her few things off
to the local thrift shop, loaded the last of her mother's keepsakes
into her little car and finished the final cleanup. For the last
couple of hours she'd had nothing to do but wait, and fight back
tears. As she watched Logan striding up her walk, she feared she'd
simply break down the moment she opened the door. She reached it
just as he did, opening it while he still had his hand raised to
knock. "Hi," she said.

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed
it and stepped forward instead, wrapping Eden in an enveloping
embrace that said everything he couldn't quite bring himself to say
aloud. For several long moments he held her, just held her, as if
this simple act could will away the distances and traditions that
separated them and bring them the union they desired. Then slowly
he let her go. "I..." He tried again. "Eden, I..."

Eden took pity on him. "I know. I'll miss
you, too."

He nodded and reached into his shirt pocket.
"Here. Aunt Rosa's recipe for a small corn cake you can bake in
your oven."

Eden's lip trembled in spite of her effort to
smile. "Thank you. Thank her for me, too, please."

"I will."

"Logan, I just want to say that..."

"Shh, love." He touched a finger to her lips.
"Shh, don't say it."

"But I feel I have to. I want you to know
that I underst—''

He caught her by the upper arms and kissed
her hard, kissing her into silence. Finally he let her go again.
"There's nothing to say," he whispered. "We both know how this part
has to go. We've both known all along."

"I just didn't know how difficult it would
be," she said.