A Reluctant Queen (18 page)
He shook his head. “It isn’t stupid, Esther. You are probably right. It probably will help.” He sipped again and regarded her over the rim of the cup. “I will tell Coes to find him a fire-eater and teach him to ride it.”
Esther’s smile was radiant. “Thank you, my lord. You are very good.”
All she could see of his face were his eyes, and their expression was enigmatic. “It is you who are the good one,” he said. “It constantly amazes me how aware you are of people; even the servants who wait upon you. You see them, and you see their needs, and you care enough to do something about them.” He shook his head. “It amazes me.”
He lowered the goblet and she could see that he was smiling.
She said, “What is this I hear about you winning a race on one of Xerxes’ horses yesterday?”
He sighed. “I tried to get out of it, but he was insistent. He has a new horse, you see, and thought he could beat me if Soleil didn’t run.”
“It didn’t occur to you that perhaps it would have been wiser to
let
Xerxes win?”
His eyes glinted. “It occurred to me.”
Esther cast her eyes upward. “Men!” she said.
He chuckled.
She became serious again. “Xerxes resents you, my lord. I am very much afraid that one day he will try to do you an injury.”
“He has every reason to resent me,” Ahasuerus replied. “All his life my father encouraged him to believe that he would be the next Great King. It was a severe blow to him when I was named instead.”
“Is that why you are so patient with him? He slights you whenever he has the chance, yet you continue to tolerate him.”
Ahasuerus nodded. “He would not do anything to hurt me, Esther. You saw how he warned me when he thought my medicine was poisoned. For all his faults, he was brought up to honor the code of Ahuramazda: tell the Truth and hate the Lie.”
“He is not that much younger than you, is he?”
He shook his head. “Six months, that is all.”
“He
seems
younger.”
“He has been indulged all his life.”
Their conversation was so easy, so family-like, that Esther felt emboldened to ask, “Why did Darius favor Xerxes over you for all those years only to reject him in the end?”
“I think he saw that Xerxes was too easily led,” Ahasuerus replied.
“And he knew that in Babylon they called you the ‘second Cyrus.’”
He shrugged. “Perhaps.”
Esther leaned a little forward. “Will you please try to be careful around him, my lord? He is hot tempered and could easily do something he might later regret.”
He smiled at her. “I will do my best, Esther. I promise.”
A
s day after lovely day slid by, Esther found herself falling deeper and deeper under Ahasuerus’ spell. She felt as if she were almost changing into another person, and only occasionally did this bother her. The king slept in her bed and three times a week he dined with her privately. What more proof could she ask that he cared about her?
So she thought until one afternoon in mid-August she saw him ride into the palace courtyard with a little boy of about eight on the saddlecloth in front of him. They were in the forefront of a party of the Royal Bodyguard, and the sight of the child’s hair, the exact same pale brown as the king’s, pierced Esther to the heart.
When she had lived in the harem in Susa she had occasionally heard the sounds of children, but they had their own apartments and their own nursemaids and their lives rarely touched the lives of the harem women. Only once had she seen the king’s two favorites, Mardene and Ilis, the mothers of his children.
Now she watched as Ahasuerus sprang from his horse, then raised his arms to lift down his son. The little boy clung to his father’s hand as they began to walk across the courtyard and Ahasuerus bent his head to say something to the child. Esther watched until they disappeared under the arched doorway that led to the stable yard, then turned slowly back into her room.
“Is something the matter, my lady?” It was Luara, who had been putting away some of Esther’s newly laundered clothes.
Esther shook her head and did not reply.
Luara stood before the polished cedar cupboard, her arms piled with linen shifts. “You look upset.”
Esther stared at her blankly.
Luara balanced the laundry on one arm and came to feel Esther’s hand. “You are freezing,” she said worriedly. “Do you want me to light the brazier?”
Esther shook her head. “Leave me for a little while, Luara. I would like to be alone.”
“All right,” the girl replied reluctantly. She went to the door, looked around as if she wanted to say something more, then refrained. The door closed softly behind her.
Alone, Esther stood in the middle of the room, her hands clenched together in front of her.
How often does he see those women?
Her hands clenched tighter. There was a pain in her chest that was making it difficult to breathe.
Is that where he goes when he is not with me?
She struggled to calm herself, to rise above the searing jealousy that was raging in her heart.
Stop this!
she admonished herself sternly.
He has slept in your bed almost every night since you came to Ecbatana. You have no cause for complaint
.
But this morning she had started to bleed; there would be no child this month. She didn’t know if she was happy or sad about this. A child would chain her more securely than any physical bond could ever do. A son would be Ahasuerus’ heir, the next Great King. He needed a legitimate heir.
But would he still come to her bed if she became pregnant? Or would he feel that he had done his duty to his country and go back to his favored concubines?
I will not be able to bear it if he goes to the harem
, she thought.
I will not be able to bear it
.
Her heart twisted with anguish. How had it come to this? She had tried so hard not to love him. How could you love someone you didn’t fully trust? She didn’t understand it, but it seemed that she did love him.
She stared out at the courtyard, which now held only servants.
God has abandoned me
, she thought.
Everyone has abandoned me. My heart is breaking and no one cares
.
Esther was saved from the torture of imagining Ahasuerus in another woman’s arms when she heard that he was taking a large party of men on a hunting trip to the mountains that lay to the north of Ecbatana. He told her this when he stopped by to speak to her before he went to have supper with the men of the court in the palace dining room. They would be gone for several weeks, he said.
Esther struggled not to betray her joy at this news. “What will you hunt?” she asked.
“Lions,” he said. “And there are tigers in the mountains to the north. I have never gotten a tiger.”
“Lions and tigers?” she said faintly. All of a sudden the hunting trip did not look quite so wonderful.
“And bear and leopard.” He was looking absolutely delighted.
“You have done this before?”
He grinned. “Yes.”
“Well.” She swallowed. “You will be careful?”
His eyes glinted wickedly. “Careful is no fun, Esther.”
She glared at him and he laughed and kissed her cheek. “I had better get to the dining room or dinner will go on all night and I have to be up early in the morning.”
At this news, Esther smiled radiantly.
Hathach moved to open the door for the king, and Ahasuerus stopped and looked at the young eunuch. “I understand from Coes that you are a very decent horseman, Hathach.”
Hathach could not hide his surprise or his pleasure. “It is kind of you to say so, my lord.”
“Can you use a spear?” Ahasuerus inquired.
“Yes, my lord.”
“Would you like to come with me on this hunting trip?”
Hathach went so pale that Esther was afraid he was going to faint.
“You can ride with Coes and his comrades,” Ahasuerus went on, making clear that Hathach would be one of the hunters and not one of the servants.
Color flooded back into the young eunuch’s face. “I would like very much to go hunting, my lord.”
Ahasuerus nodded. “Better see someone in the Guard about getting weapons.”
“Yes, my lord!”
The king gestured that Hathach could now open the door. He went out and Hathach turned to Esther. “Is it all right?” he asked anxiously. “You will not need me, my lady?”
“It is all right,” she said.
He glanced at the door. “Perhaps I ought to go to the barracks now.”
“Yes. Go and arrange for your weapons, Hathach.”
After he had gone, Luara spoke from the corner of the room. “That was very kind of the king, my lady.”
Esther’s gaze was on the door, which she could not see clearly due to the tears that were filling her eyes. “Yes,” she said unsteadily. “It was.”
“He didn’t do it for Hathach, though,” Luara continued.
Esther opened her eyes wide, then closed them. When she was certain she had forced back the tears, she turned to Luara. “What do you mean? Of course he did it for Hathach.”
“No, my lady,” Luara replied softly. “He did it for you.”
When the hunting party returned to Ecbatana, it was as if they brought the end of summer with them. The snow that had tipped the northern mountains in June was creeping downward over the lower slopes, and it was too cold at night to leave the balcony doors open. It was time to return to Susa.
Esther hated the thought of leaving Ecbatana. The summer had been like a hiatus in time for her. Susa was grim reality. Ahasuerus would be pulled back into the rigid rituals of his royal position, and she would be confined again to the stifling existence of a Persian wife. There would be no more riding around the beautiful, sunny fields of the plateau in her wagon. No more picnics with Luara and Hathach in the niches of the mountainside. No more cozy dinners with Ahasuerus in the small dining room of the Ecbatana palace. She was going back to Susa.
Susa and Uncle Mordecai and all the conflicts she had so successfully ignored during the magic Ecbatana summer.
Esther had not spoken to her uncle since her marriage, and once back in Susa she found herself making excuses to herself for not sending for him. Then one day Hathach brought her a request from Mordecai himself, and she could delay no longer.