A Reluctant Queen (19 page)
She decided to meet with her uncle in the Rose Court and, as she sat on the bench by the white marble fountain, she tried to think of what she could say to him. Finally the door opened and Hathach appeared. “Mordecai is here for his appointment, my lady.”
“Send him in,” Esther replied and jumped to her feet to greet her uncle.
He looked just the same, she thought, and sudden gladness filled her heart. It was so good to see him!
She kissed his cheek and said, “Come and sit beside me.” She took his hand and led him back to the bench, where they sat side by side. She smiled at him.
“You look well, Esther.” He sounded a little surprised.
“I
am
well, Uncle Mordecai. It was lovely in Ecbatana. Susa feels so hot and stuffy in comparison.”
“The heat now is nothing to what it was a month ago.”
“I know. I remember well how sizzling Susa is in the summer.”
Mordecai frowned. “I did not come here to talk to you about the weather,” he was beginning to say when the door opened again and Ahasuerus walked in.
Mordecai moved from the bench to his knees, to prostrate himself on the brick floor. “My lord king,” he said reverently.
“You may rise,” Ahasuerus said in his drawling Aramaic. He had come to stand next to his wife.
“My lord,” Esther said when her uncle was once more on his feet, “this is Mordecai, the friend of my family who introduced me to the palace. He is one of your Treasury officials.”
“I am delighted to meet you, Mordecai,” Ahasuerus said. “If you are the one responsible for bringing Esther to the palace, then I owe you a great debt.”
“It was an honor, my lord,” Mordecai murmured.
Ahasuerus turned to Esther. “I know I said I would have dinner with you, but some messengers from Egypt have arrived unexpectedly and I must dine with them.”
“I perfectly understand, my lord. It was not necessary to tell me yourself, you could have sent a messenger.”
Ahasuerus shrugged. “I was passing and I saw Hathach outside the door.”
She smiled. “I’m afraid I appropriated your rose garden; it is so much cooler out here. I hope you were not planning to use it?”
He smiled back. “Not at all. You are welcome to it any time.”
She loved it when Ahasuerus smiled. She wished he would do it more often. “I hope the messengers do not bring troubling news.”
“I hope so too,” he returned drily. He nodded once more to Mordecai and went back out the door.
When Esther turned again to her uncle she found him regarding her in astonishment. “You and the king sound— married!” he blurted.
She could feel herself tense. “We
are
married, Uncle Mordecai. That was your plan, remember?”
As soon as the words were out, she regretted them. She had given him an opening and he took it immediately. “Yes, that was my plan. And I am glad that you are on such good terms with the king. It sounds as if he speaks his mind to you. What have you been able to find out about his strategy for Palestine?”
The tension was making Esther’s neck hurt. This was exactly the kind of interrogation she had feared, exactly the question she did not wish to answer. She said carefully, “He does not have any particular strategy that I am aware of. His only concern is that Palestine remain peaceful. As you know, it provides the only land access to Egypt, and Egypt is the jewel in the crown of the Persian Empire. Ahasuerus will only act if fighting breaks out in Palestine and he feels he must do something in order to safeguard Egypt.”
There was a long silence as Mordecai regarded his niece. Esther looked back, trying to appear helpful.
“Esther. We knew all of this before we sent you to the palace. What we want to know, need to know, is if Haman has persuaded the king to intervene on the side of the Edomites should war indeed break out.”
“He has never said such a thing to me.”
“Have you asked him?”
“No. The occasion for such a question has never arisen.”
Mordecai kept looking at her, saying nothing. All of a sudden Esther was flooded with an emotion she could not immediately identify. It was so strong that she began to tremble. She said, “You can trust Ahasuerus to act honorably, Uncle Mordecai. He is a good man.”
Mordecai slowly shook his head, as if he could not believe what he was hearing. “Good man or not, he is a Persian, not a Jew. As you said yourself, he will do only what he perceives to be in the best interest of the empire, and that perception could well be influenced by Haman. You must find out if Ahasuerus will favor the Edomites, and if that is the case, you must get him to change his mind.”
Esther finally realized what she was feeling. She was angry. Very, very angry. She spun around, walked a few steps away, then spun back to confront her uncle. “Do you know what Ahasuerus prays before each meal?” she demanded.
“No.” Mordecai was clearly impatient with this change in &7 subject.
Esther took one step closer. “This is his prayer: ‘May Ahuramazda protect this country from invaders, famine, and the Lie.’”
Mordecai shrugged. “We all know the Persian code, Esther. ‘Ride well, shoot straight, and tell the truth.’ It is not exactly complicated.”
Esther’s anger was growing hotter. “No, it is not complicated, but neither are the commandments that God gave to Moses complicated, Uncle Mordecai.”
He was growing angry now himself. “I do not understand what you are trying to say with such blasphemous talk. There can be no comparison between the prayers of a Persian and the prayers of a Jew!”
“What I am saying is that
I
am a Lie, Uncle Mordecai. My whole marriage is based upon a Lie. You had no right to ask me to do this. You have no right to ask me to do anything more. I will
not
spy on my husband for you!”
They looked at each other, at odds for one of the few times in their lives.
Mordecai said sternly, “You cannot hide from who you are, Esther.”
“I am Ahasuerus’ wife and that is what must concern me now.”
“You are a Jew!”
“Yes, I am a Jew. In my heart I will always be a Jew. I say our great prayer every day, Uncle. ‘Hear O Israel, the Lord our God is One.’ I know that. I believe that. I will never follow the religion of the Persians.
“But I don’t live like a Jew. I don’t eat like a Jew. I don’t observe any of our traditions or our feasts. And I never will again, as long as I am married to Ahasuerus—the marriage you pushed me into!”
Mordecai was pale. “Listen to me, Esther. It may be true that you are living like a Persian, but you must never forget that God has chosen you for a sacred mission. You cannot, dare not, turn your back upon that.”
She was so angry that she thought her eyes must be shooting flames. “Did He really choose me, Uncle? Are you very sure of that? Have you ever thought that your precious dream might have meant something else entirely? Or that it might have meant nothing at all?”
Mordecai took a step toward her. “Listen to me, chicken. When God gives a great gift, He expects the receiver to use it for His good. God gave you great beauty, my child. Because of that beauty, the king chose you to be his wife. I can understand that you may have fallen under Ahasuerus’ sway—he is a man who knows how to please women . . .”
At these words Esther turned her back on him. His voice continued, “But you are not one of his light-minded harem women, Esther. You are a Jew. You belong to a people chosen by God. Do not ever let the pleasurable embraces of a man cause you to forget that.”
“Hathach!” Esther called loudly.
The door opened and Hathach came in. “You may escort Mordecai back to his post.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“Think about what I have said,” were Mordecai’s last words as, grim-faced, he followed Hathach out the door.
After Mordecai had gone, Esther remained for a long while staring into the rippling water of the fountain. The words she had spoken to Mordecai, words that had boiled out of her like fire from a volcano, were words that she had been bottling up for a very long time. Words she had never consciously allowed herself to think.
But they were true. She was a Lie. She had deceived her husband by not telling him she was a Jew, and now she was entangled in the net of a falsehood she could not escape.
How could she tell Ahasuerus who she was? He, who worshipped the Truth and hated the Lie, how could she tell him that she, whom he thought to be untouched by any political motives, had married him because of her uncle’s scheme to get his ear?
Dear Father in Heaven
, Esther prayed in despair.
I came here because I thought that was what You wanted of me. Send me a sign. Please, I beg of You, tell me what I am to do!
T
he south wall of the palace enclave consisted of four towers of brick, sixty feet high, which were connected by a curtain wall. Against the inner face of this wall were the barracks of the Royal Bodyguard.
Life in the barracks was not luxurious. The men of the guard slept on mattresses that were laid upon dirt floors and their magnificent armor hung from pegs hammered into plain wooden walls. The food was good, though, and the drink plentiful. Their officers lived in the palace or in their own homes in the city, but most of the ordinary guardsmen had little complaint about their lives. It was better than what they had come from.
This is what one of those ordinary guardsmen, Milis by name, was thinking as he sat in front of his barrack one Monday afternoon polishing his bronze helmet. He had ridden out with the king earlier in the day, but the afternoon looked to be a lazy one. He could hear shouting in the stable yard as a fight broke out and the men around him rushed to watch, but Milis was content to sit in the sun and relax.
His head snapped up when he saw the Commander of the Royal Bodyguard himself appear between the tall arches that separated the barracks from the palace courtyard. Teresh did not usually visit the barracks. Milis was even more startled when he realized that Teresh was coming directly toward him. He jumped to his feet, his helmet still clutched in his hands. He was almost the only man in the yard at the moment; everyone else had run to see the fight.
“Milis,” the Commander said. “Just the man I wanted to see.”
“My lord.” Milis saluted. He was astonished that Teresh even knew his name.
“Step inside for a moment,” Teresh said.
Milis’ heart was pounding as he ducked into the shed that was his home. It was a mess. No one had rolled up their mattresses that morning, and bridles and clothing were strewn all over the floor. “I . . . I am sorry for the disorder, my lord,” Milis began.
Teresh made a gesture of dismissal. “I am not here on an inspection, Milis. Although I suggest that is what you tell your comrades if they ask what I wanted with you.”
Milis tried not to look as mystified as he felt. “Yes, my lord.”
“I am here because your immediate lieutenant tells me that you are a good man. Loyal to the Guards. Obedient. Ambitious.”
“Yes, my lord,” Milis replied, more mystified than ever.
“I have a job for you,” Teresh said. And proceeded to explain what it was he wanted done.
Milis did not eat a bite of his dinner Monday afternoon. He drank quite a lot of beer, however, and by Monday night his head was aching. His problem, unfortunately, was still with him.