Authors: Shelley Shepard Gray
Friday, October 2
T
he day dawned bright and sunny. As she gazed out the window from her hospital bed, Amelia decided the weather couldn't be more ideal. It suited her mood perfectly. On his morning rounds, the doctor had said that she could go home before noon. Amelia was so happy about that!
She had been worried about being in this large, sterile building. Try as she might, it held nothing but horrible memories for her.
But everyone around her was so kind. They were accommodating and patient. Every time someone walked by, they stopped in and said hello. A few times a day they brought her a cup of cranberry or apple juice. They talked about people they knew or her parents. It seemed most everyone had known either one or both of her parents.
Still, it had been difficult to be polite.
Every time she was alone, her mind would drift back to the
hours she'd spent in the waiting room, hoping and praying that the news about each of her parents would get better instead of progressively worse.
Last night, when the halls had been silent and she could only hear the faint echo of footsteps and voices from the nurses' station, she'd watched the hands on the clock above her bed slowly move around the dial. She didn't sleep a wink.
Now she was watching the door for a whole other reason. Simon had said he'd be back this morning. She couldn't wait to see him. The short time he'd been by her side, she'd been either in pain, afraid, or groggy. Then he'd left suddenly. Now she was anxious to thank him for his quick thinking and care.
She was also looking forward to Lukas and Rebecca apologizing for their efforts to keep Simon away from her. Surely, after witnessing how much she needed him, her siblings would stop all the nonsense about trying to run her life.
But by ten o'clock, she was beginning to lose hope. She knew Simon's schedule as well as her own. He had to be at work by now. Still, she sipped coffee that a volunteer had just brought her and watched the door.
When she heard the steady steps made by men's work boots, she smiled.
Only to see her brother walk through the door.
“Lukas.”
At her tone, he stopped and raised his brows. “It's
gut
to see you, too.”
“Sorry.” She hesitated, then decided to be completely honest. “I've been hoping Simon would stop by. Have you seen him this morning?” she asked hopefully.
“Nee.”
“Come on, Lukas. Don't you think it's time we stopped pretending that he and I aren't seeing each other?”
Looking more uncomfortable, he nodded. “
Jah
. I do think we should stop pretending. It's past time.”
“If you agree with me, why do you look so put out? You know Simon is a good man.”
“Amelia, I'm sorry, but I think it's time you stopped seeing him.”
“It's too late for you to decide that. We already are.” Completely annoyed, she said, “Lukas, for the record, I think you are being ridiculous. I'm tired of you acting like he is good enough to work at your company but not good enough to court me.”
“I'm not
acting
like anything. It's the truth. He ain't good enough for you.”
“I think he is.” Aware that her hands were trembling with restrained emotion, she added, “Since it's my life that we're discussing and not yours, you need to learn to accept him.”
Her handsome older brother looked at the chair beside her, then took a step back and leaned against the wall. “Listen, Amelia,” he said slowly, “I know you're upset, but you should trust me on this. Okay?”
“I do trust you. But that doesn't mean you are right. You're wrong about me and Simon.”
“You don't know him as well as you think you do.”
“I know everything I need to know about Simon.”
He pursed his lips, then bit out, “He agrees with me.”
She looked away as that statement settled in. Did Simon actually agree with Lukas? Was that why he'd never returned and why he wasn't there now?
But just as quickly, she remembered the tender way he'd held
her in the barn. The way she'd catch him gazing at her when no one else was around. He felt something for her. She wouldn't have imagined that. She wouldn't have! Getting angry, she said, “Mamm and Daed taught you better, Lukas. You shouldn't be saying such things to me.”
He visibly paled at the mention of their parents. “Mamm and Daed are why I'm trying to do the right thing. Don't you see? They would never want you to be his
frau
.” Pushing off from the wall, he continued. “When he and I talked yesterday, I reminded him about his past. He now sees things the way I do.”
“What did you do? Threaten his job?”
“Of course not.” He sighed. “Simon said he was going to end things today when he comes back to see ya.”
Doubt settled in. Her brother was a lot of things, but he wasn't cruel. Had Simon really told him such things? Though each of her brother's words burned, she shook her head. “He wouldn't do that, Lukas.”
Looking uncomfortable, he rubbed the back of his neck. “He is, Amy. He should be here soon.”
As if Lukas had conjured him up, Simon walked through the doorway just then, looking as handsome as ever. But this time, instead of looking happy to see her, his hazel eyes were filled with worry.
When he saw Lukas standing by her bedside, he stopped. “Hey.”
“Simon. We were just talking about you.”
“I bet.”
“I'm glad you came.”
“I told you I would. I keep my promises, Luke.”
As Amelia watched their stilted interplay, hurt mixed with
pure irritation. Simon still hadn't looked at her. And here she was, stuck in this bed and forced to watch. “Simon, did you come to see me or my brother?”
Immediately, he turned to her. “You, of course.”
She noticed his expression had softened. There, at last, was the warm gaze she loved so much. “Then come closer, wouldja?” When he did just that, she looked over at her brother, who was now leaning against the countertop on the back wall, his arms crossed over his chest. “Lukas, the doctor said I would get discharged around noon. Maybe you could come back then?”
“There's no need. I'll wait.”
“I'd rather you didn't.”
“Ameliaâ”
She interrupted. “Simon, maybe you could help me get home?”
He swallowed. “
Nee,
I'm afraid I canna do that.”
Perhaps things really were as Lukas said. Simon wasn't asking Lukas to leave them alone. He wasn't reaching out to hold her hand. Actually, though he was standing by her side, he looked rigid. “You can't or you won't?” she asked at last, hating the new thread of doubt in her voice.
“Does it matter?” he asked.
“I think so.”
“I'm . . . I'm going to go wait in the lobby, Amelia,” Lukas suddenly blurted. “I'll come back in a little while.”
When she and Simon were alone, she gestured to the chair by her bed. “Want to sit down next to me?”
“
Jah
. Of course.” After taking the chair, he rested his hands on the metal railing. Then, ever so slowly, he scanned the length of her body.
As if he was caressing her, she felt his gaze settle on her leg with its orange cast, then drift to her hands. One was lightly wrapped in gauze because of her snake bite, the other sported a small bandage from her IV. She felt his attention pause on the collar of her blue-and-white-checked hospital gown. Then he let his gaze caress her face, and finally her hair. Of course, she wasn't wearing her
kapp
. Her white-blond hair was neatly pinned, thanks to the volunteer who had come by an hour earlier, but it was likely the first time in years that he'd seen her head uncovered.
She wondered what he thought. All her life, she'd been told she was pretty. Though it was a sin to be prideful, she knew it was true. The Lord had blessed her with pleasing features. But all she'd ever cared about was if Simon thought she was appealing. She so wanted him to want her.
As he stared at her, his own expression softened. She felt him study her so closely, she was sure he was memorizing every one of her features.
She held her breath, unconsciously preparing herself for his praise. Things between them were going to be just fine.
Instead, he exhaled and dropped his hands to his sides. “How was your night?” he asked.
After debating whether to push him to talk about their relationship, she decided to wait. If he wanted to prolong a hard discussion, she could do that, too. “It was long but not terrible. The doctors and nurses here are nice.”
“Did you get any sleep?”
She shook her head. “Not much. Like I told you earlier, there are too many memories here.”
Slowly, he slipped a hand up and gripped the bar next to her again. “Did you try?”
His voice was so gentle.
“I can sleep today when I get home. I'll sleep better in my own bed, anyway.”
“I bet you will.” After meeting her gaze again, he straightened and pulled his hand away.
Perhaps it was time, after all, to force their discussion. “Simon, talk to me about your conversation with Lukas.”
“He wasna happy that I have been coming over to see you without him being there.”
She noticed that he was holding himself still and straight. He wasn't fidgeting, wasn't shifting. “Don't you worry about that,” she stated, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt. “I already told him that I was tired of him acting like I was a sullen teenager who doesn't know her own mind. He'll come around.”
“It ain't that easy, Amelia.”
“It can be if you want it to be.” When he still looked doubtful, she added in a rush, “Rebecca will come around, too. Actually, I think she already has.”
“Mmm.”
He sounded so noncommittal. So confusing. “Simonâ”
“Guess what?” he interrupted. “I had supper with my sister yesterday.”
“Truly? Well, that's . . . that's wonderful news.” She could barely remember his sister. Only that she had dark-brown hair like he did. “I'm sorry, I forgot her name.”
“It's Tess. And get thisâshe's English now and she sells drugs.”
“She's a drug dealer?”
“Not bad ones. I'm talking good ones. You know, like the ones doctors prescribe.”
She grinned. “I was teasing. I didn't think she was a dangerous drug dealer, Simon. So, how was your visit?”
His eyes warmed. “Seeing her was good. She gave me her telephone number. She wants me to call her soon. I think . . . well, I think we're going to try to see each other now.”
“That's great. I hope, when you are ready, you can introduce me to Tess.”
But then, just like that, his smile vanished.
“Amelia, I need to tell you something. You see . . . well, talking to Lukas made me realize that my past is always going to be with me. Seeing Tess reminded me that I still have a lot of scars and bad memories about my childhood.”
“I'm sorry for that, but I don't understand why you think I would be bothered by your past. I mean, other than being sad that you've had such a difficult time.”
He stared at her again. Then, looking pained, he said, “When I was a teenager, I got a couple of tattoos.”
Though he'd always kept his sleeves rolled down, she did recall one time seeing some marks on one of his forearms when he was washing his hands. Not wanting to embarrass him, she hadn't asked what they were. Now she supposed they were tattoos. To her surprise, she realized she wasn't all that shocked. She'd always known that Simon had been a bit rebellious. He'd gotten in trouble more than once at school for talking back to their teacher or not following directions right away. He'd also been the first person in their group to accept dares when it came to doing something outrageous.
Then an image flashed in her mind of him walking slowly through her family's property. He'd looked scared and ashamed, especially when she'd spied his black eye. She would much prefer
his skin to be marked with ink of his own choosing than cuts and bruises from another's hand.
But of course she wasn't about to share any of that. “And?”
His eyebrows rose so high, they looked like they were trying to inch off his face. “And? That's all you have to say?”
Of course it wasn't. She wanted to ask about a dozen questions. She wanted to see them, too.
However, if she asked to see them, he would likely refuse. Therefore, she simply shrugged. “I'm not sure what you want me to say, Simon. They're just marks on your skin. That's all.”
As she stared at his covered arms, she imagined his tattoos suited him. Simon was such a complex person. So much of his past was carefully hidden or buried deep inside that it seemed rather fitting he would be hiding such marks under his perfectly formfitting shirt.
Furthermore, she felt privileged. He'd just told her something that he hid from the rest of the world. He'd trusted her enough to do that. And because of that, she was remonded again that she didn't have just a simple crush. She loved him.
When he continued to look so ill at ease, she realized that he was waiting for her to speak. “Simon, why did you tell me about your tattoos?”
“I wanted you to know the truth about me. During my
rumspringa,
I . . . well, I didn't stay around here, Amelia.”
“I know that. Don't you remember? I saw you the night you ran away.”
“You've never mentioned that night. I thought maybe you'd forgotten. You were just a little girl.”
“I didn't forget.”
After staring at her a moment, he looked away again. “Anyway,
after I left, I went down to Columbus and hung out with a lot of guys who did bad things.”
“Like what?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes I fought.”