A Summer To Remember (Seasons of Love & Lust Book 1) (15 page)

Chapter Eighteen

I didn’t drop by Paul’s apartment until Talia and I had a long talk and she agreed I should spend the night with him, and definitely not with her.

My attitude took me by surprise because I couldn’t believe I felt any resentment toward Paul at all. It couldn’t have been true. For God’s sake, the man had texted me as soon as he was back in the city and the only reason why he hadn’t called was because he knew Talia and I were spending the day together.

I arrived with only my expensive Hermès Birkin black leather handbag, mostly because he had given me my own closet space and I kept spare clothes, shoes, and toiletries at his apartment. There was no need for any overnight bags. In fact, Talia had helped me move my stuff to his home the day before since I had a key and knew the doorman and concierge.

That evening, I said hello to both men, boarded the elevator, and took the ride up to his apartment. I felt like a caged rat and began to pace while trying to convince myself that there had to be some kind of explanation for what had happened between him and Ashley, if anything had happened at all.

I found it hard to believe he could have cheated on me when Jude and Savannah attended the same retreat, and even if Jude shared his loyalty to his best friend,
my
best friend would have definitely called me up and told me what was going on.

This calmed me down a bit and when the elevator doors opened on his floor, I felt better as I walked to his apartment, only one of two on this floor. This apartment had been in his family for many, many years. There was a time when the co-op wouldn’t take applications from Jews, blacks or Italians. Of course times had changed, but not so much. It was still a very WASPish building, most of the owners were white and could either trace their heritage back to the goddamn Mayflower, Pennsylvania Dutch, or wealthy French families who had no wish to live in the colony that would eventually become Quebec.

I slid the key inside the lock and turned it, opened the door, and closed it behind me after I removed the key.

“Babe, is that you?” Paul called out in an excited voice.

“Yeah,” I responded, trying to conjure up warmth that was firmly lacking from my voice.

Paul strolled into the hallway holding a bottle of Pinot Grigio and embraced me. I slid my arms around his neck and held on tightly.

“I was just about to open this when I called your place and Talia told me you left and decided to come here tonight.”

“Why don’t you do that and I’ll meet you in the sitting room.”

He walked back into the kitchen while I strolled into the sitting room and set my bag down on the floor.

Inside was a pack of Camel Lights. I hadn’t had a cigarette since my university days. I was determined not to smoke, but just the thought of Ashley’s words forced me to hunt down the unopened pack, tear off the filmy wrapper and grab a ciggie from the pack. I took out my lighter and stepped out onto the balcony.

The sun was setting and the mélange of golden hues was a beauty to behold. Central Park was nowhere from here and the view was unbelievable. There was an ashtray, because Paul’s father smoked Cuban cigars, and I lit up.

The smoke rushed into my lungs and I inhaled deeply. It was like I’d never quit except for the major nicotine hit that went directly to my head. I felt lightheaded, yet in control of the situation despite a heart that raced so fast I feared it might beat itself right out of my chest.

“What are you doing out here? And I thought you quit?”

I turned toward Paul and smiled at him. “I did, but after the day I’ve had, please forgive me if I am not the perfect girlfriend right now.”

He walked over and handed me a glass of white wine, which I drank from before I dragged off my cigarette again.

“What happened?”

“Ashley happened. And yet again in a restaurant. She claimed something shady went down between you two at the retreat. You know I don’t believe her, but I also hate cheating, Paul. Kevin did it to me too many times and I turned a blind eye because I didn’t want to fight with him. I’m not twenty-two anymore. So tell me, did anything happen or was she just trying to wind me up? If all she wanted to do was piss me off then she did a damn good. I hate I think anything she would say could possibly be the truth. I seriously need you to talk me down from the ledge here.”

The look on his face said it all but somehow I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. All I wanted was for the Earth to open up and swallow me whole. I didn’t want to hear the truth.

“Paul, say something. You’re scaring me,” I whispered.

He balanced his glass on the ledge. “It’s not what you think, Jerrica. I didn’t sleep with her if that is what she told you. We were together last night and we talked and had a decent conversation. I told her about how she made me feel because she treated you so awful and she cried and begged for me to come back to her.

“I told her I couldn’t because my life was here with you and that wasn’t going to change. I told her we were in love and then I excused myself and went to the restroom. I came back and finished my drink. This morning…I woke up in my bed naked and there was note on the bed thanking me for a great time from her. I honestly don’t remember what happened after I returned from the restroom though…I swear to God.”

It would have been comical if I couldn’t help but believe him. His brow beaded with sweat and he looked like he was frightened of my reaction. If the situation had been reversed and he was a woman, rape charges could be filed, but what could he do? No one would believe him and I didn’t want anyone to find out about this.

I was more embarrassed for him than I think he was. Was it really cheating if Ashley put Rohypnol in his drink and he awoke the next morning with signs of sexual activity although he had no knowledge of them happening?

“You know what scares me? She comes back to you in maybe three or four months and claims she’s pregnant with your child. Then what are you going to do, Paul?”

Paul drained his glass in a couple of gulps. “We report it. I don’t want to press charges because if this got out, Jude might kick my ass. I have bruises, and there is evidence sexual intercourse might have taken place but it wasn’t consensual on my part. However, it’s still my fault. I should have never left my drink unattended. That was stupidity on my part. I’d had a few before that one and I wasn’t thinking. I never saw it coming, and the worst part is she knew I would view the situation like this. That fucking bitch.”

“What happens between us? I don’t know if I could handle you having a child out there, Paul. Knowing what I know and how I can’t give them to you but this bitch can trick you into ejaculating inside her and oops, she’s fucking preggers! It pisses me off beyond all comprehension how life can be so fucking unfair!” I stubbed my cigarette out and swigged from my wine.

“There is no way in hell her parents would allow her to have a child while she is unwed and there is no way I am marrying her.” Paul walked over and embraced me, kissing the top of my head. “If that is how she thinks she is going to get me back she is dead wrong. I have you and that is all I want. The kids…we talked about that, Jerri. We can adopt. There are plenty of children out there who need good homes and they will be ours even if we don’t share the same genetics. That isn’t what makes a family. Love and trust and this…what we have between us, that is what a family consists of.”

I stared into his eyes and touched his cheeks. “Please promise me this won’t ruin anything between us. We can get past this, can’t we? It wasn’t your fault. I know you wouldn’t have cheated on me, and rape doesn’t count. As silly as you want to think that is, she committed a crime. If she were a man, the situation would be
very
different.”

“I love you more than any other woman I have ever met, Jerrica, and I would have never done anything to hurt you intentionally. Ashley fucked around on me so it’s not like I don’t know what that feels like. I could never prove it but I do believe she slept with Kevin while we were in a relationship.”

My face scrunched up at the thought. “That woman needs her head examined if she slept with him. That man is just…ugh…the sex between us was awful. I couldn’t have an orgasm unless he gave me head and surprise, it was his least favorite activity but he loved to have someone going down on his knob. She went there? The thought is just too gross to be considered, let alone believed.”

“Weirder things have happened.”

“Yes, I know, like your ex slipping you a roofie to have sex with you. That woman is seriously unhinged and I do believe we should get a restraining order against her. I don’t trust her.”

“I did one better than that. I reported the crime to the Stamford Police Department before I left. They made me give a urine sample there, then sent me to the local hospital where a doctor took a blood sample as well. I was told that depending on the dosage, Rohypnol doesn’t necessarily stay in the system that long but if she gave me a medium to high dosage it can be present up to sixty hours after it has been ingested,” Paul informed me.

“Why didn’t you tell me you already reported it when I accused you of cheating?”

“It was important to me to have proof. The last thing I want is to lose your trust after it has taken me all this time to gain it.” Paul placed his right hand into my left. “I know it sounds like some crazy conspiracy for me to cover up cheating but the doctors did a complete examination. The whole incident was notated and photographed, including the bruising in, on, and around my pelvic area. Apparently this often happens when one attempts to have sex with a man and he isn’t fully erect.

“It was stupid and the cops aren’t ever going to charge her with rape of a man and she knows it. Worst case scenario is she’ll end up with a bullshit charge of reckless endangerment. She’ll get off with probation and perhaps she’ll be ordered to take some anger management classes or something. I don’t know what kind of courses they would have for someone who would be insane enough to drug an ex-boyfriend for sex.” I wrapped my arms around his waist again and held him to me. “It’s okay, I’m glad you reported what happened because it restores my faith in you. I love you so much, Paul. Nothing and no one will ever come between us, you got me?”

He nodded. “I wouldn’t dare allow it to happen. All this dramatic bullshit just makes me angry because I fear you losing faith in me more than anything in the world.”

I kissed his mouth and he opened himself to me, thrusting his tongue between my open lips. “Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?”

Paul laughed. “Damn straight, just like the Kanye song.”

I looked at him dubiously. “I think that expression is older than Mr. West.”

“Hey, don’t look at me that way. I didn’t get Kim pregnant!”

“You
so
owe me Thirty Seconds to Mars concert tickets after this shit.”

“I did you one better,” he whispered into my ear. “They’ve already been bought and we’ll be attending the show in Paris. I thought if I have to compete with the drop dead gorgeous Mr. Leto, at least let him be surrounded by equally beautiful men like the French and myself for instance.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“And you’re crazy beautiful but I love you anyway.”

Chapter Nineteen

August

New York City & Miami Beach

The rest of July passed rather quickly as time always does when one is having fun. Paul and I had a blast together and couldn’t get enough of each other. August crept in and as it did, my countdown began for our two week vacation to Miami Beach. Paul had decided to take me out early so I could spend time with Talia who was adjusting as the only female member and the main song writer in Winter’s Regret. She needed all the help she could get.

It wasn’t that the band members weren’t friendly; they’d kiss her ass if Seth told them to, but she found herself bonding a bit too much with Kris Nieminen, the Finnish-born lead guitarist everyone nicknamed Nemo because he was always losing picks for both his acoustic and electric guitars. She thought he was friendly, funny, and hot, but she would never say as much to Seth because the two were best friends and did everything together, including write most of the music together while she handled the lyrics.

My life was pretty much drama-free after the whole Stamford episode. We knew for a fact that Ashley hadn’t managed to get herself pregnant, and she’d been charged with a crime due to the Rohypnol found in Paul’s system. She’d maintained a low profile while her parents worked with a team of attorneys to keep her from serving any time for her reckless crime.

Once we left for Miami, it also meant I wouldn’t have to see her miserable face for a while because she wasn’t allowed to leave the New York/Connecticut area while the investigation was pending.

I eventually told Talia what went down at Stamford and she was relieved it hadn’t been worse.

“I can’t wait to see you, sweetie. I am dying here and on total testosterone overload. Not to mention, I don’t see how people can live down here. It’s too hot and much too humid for one thing. Between giant snails as big as rats, the snakes, and the fucking huge flying cockroaches, also known as palmetto bugs, I am always creeped the fuck out.

“The pad we are staying at is awesome but I’ve found bugs in the house and it’s gotten so bad we had to get a dog and allow Linx, the bassist, to let his pet snake out every now and then just to do a sweep. The sooner we leave Florida, the better. I am so ready to get back to L.A.”

I laughed as I checked out my Facebook timeline at work. “You’re crazy, girl. If it’s that bad then maybe Paul and I should consider staying a shorter amount of time?”

“If you do that then I will go total Italian mafia princess on you and break your legs myself!” she exclaimed before we both burst into girlish laughter.

“Ha-ha, very funny. I have to go, but I will see you tomorrow. Have a wonderful time with your giant snails and freak-sized cockroaches.”

“They’re called palmetto bugs,” Talia sing-songed in my ear.

I set my phone down and logged off Facebook then studied my schedule, which was full as usual. I didn’t have time to go get lunch.

I picked up the phone in my office and dialed down to Claudia, the receptionist.

“What’s up, Jerrica?”

“Can you order a gyro for me from lunch? Athanasios Greek Café up the street is fine but I need it here ASAP. I have another showing with the very wealthy and snooty Dr. and Mrs. Broderick in less than a half an hour.”

“Sure. I’ll run down to pick it up for you.”

“Have one of the associates take your place at the reception desk. I know they hate it but it has to be done.”

“Okay, how about Miranda?”

I inwardly shuddered only because she reminded of a younger and only slightly less bitchy Ashley. “Yes, please do ask her.”

“By the way, your brother is here to see you. Should I send him up?”

“Yes, please.”

I hung up the phone and stood up to stretch my legs, wondering what Jude wanted. He rarely paid a visit to me at work and this couldn’t be good news. I feared the worst down to my very marrow. What could be wrong now?

Jude walked in and closed the door behind him. I went over and hugged him.

“Jude, what a surprise. I haven’t seen you in a while so this is a genuine treat,” I said, all sugary sweetness and buttery light. “What are you doing around here at this time of the day?”

He turned away in embarrassment and stepped back from me a few feet. “I have some…unfortunate news and I don’t know how you’re going to take it.”

My heart sank. I knew what he wanted to tell me and had no wish to hear it. Despite my feelings, I put on a brave face. “Let me guess, you and Savannah didn’t work out?”

Jude shook his head. “I feel really awful about it, but she’s too busy at the moment for a boyfriend and I can respect that. I want you to know she will always hold a special place in my heart but no matter what I sell, she isn’t buying it.”

He walked over to the floor to ceiling windows. “She wants children and the perfect life. Our work hours are insane and we never get to spend any time with each other. Instead, we have mad passionate sex as if that is supposed to make the relationship sound and secure but it doesn’t.”

My hand involuntarily moved to the back of my neck and began to massage my aching muscles. “That’s way too much information, Jude. I don’t want to know about your sexual trysts. Do what you want. Most of all, do what you think will make you happy.”

“So you don’t hate me?”

“Well, you got over Paul and I really quick so who am I to say anything about what happens in your love life? Besides, Savannah assured me regardless what happened between the two of you, she could handle it. I’ll call to make sure she’s okay before we go to Miami.”

“Yeah, speaking of that…we’re still going together to Miami because I have waited to break up with her after we get back. No use spoiling a perfectly good vacation. She deserves that much from me. I said she was busy and I do love her in my own way, but she isn’t all that impressed with how I have decided to show my emotions. I might as well cut my losses, but we can still enjoy a great vacation together.”

I felt like a bulb had been switched on in my head. “Let me see if I can get this straight, because I am having a serious moment of ‘what the fuck?’ here. You haven’t broken it off with her yet, and yet you come here to my office to warn me that as soon as we get back from Miami you’re going to end it with her? What the hell is wrong with you, Jude? And why can’t you just find a goddamn woman already and stick with her? Pussy is pussy. You think the grass is always greener on the other side? I have news for you, Romeo, it isn’t!”

Jude stalked toward me and grabbed me harshly by the right arm. “Listen to you, all high and mighty. You know everything, don’t you? Perhaps it’s easy for you because you’re with the person you want, but for your information, the woman I desire will never be mine because she’s in a love with another man. Whatever we had…however long it lasted…it was just a fling to her. She will never think of
me
the same way I think of
her
.”

I got it. He was in love with Talia so he kept sleeping with different women thinking, hoping, and praying he could forget her. Meanwhile, she was head over heels in love with Seth and couldn’t see anything or anyone but him.

I jerked my arm from his grasp and glared at him, tears blurring my vision. I tried to keep the deluge at bay and prevent them from tumbling down my cheeks. “I get it, and if there was anything I could do to help, God knows I would, but Talia and Seth…their connection is real. Are you sure you’re not suffering from a sour grapes attitude? Talia told me the affair she had with you was completely casual.”

“Well, she would.” Jude cleared his throat. “I loved her then, and I still do. That rock star bastard doesn’t deserve her. At the same time, I don’t see her leaving him either.”

There was a knock at the door and instead of the receptionist walking in, it was Paul, bringing lunch. Jude looked suitably uncomfortable and kissed me chastely on the cheek.

“I have to go. We can talk about this some other time, yeah?”

I nodded. “Have a good day at work.”

He gave me a halfhearted smile and replied, “I’ll try.”

After he left, Paul asked, “What was that all about?”

I shook my head. “You don’t even want to know.”

He walked over to my desk and set the food down, then grabbed me possessively and held me in his arms. “I have missed you so much. I can’t wait to have you to myself in Miami.”

I kissed his lips. “I knew you were going to say something cheesy like that.”

We looked into each other’s eyes, looks filled with longing and lust. Although life seemed so simple at that moment, there was so much in front of us. Unknowns that scared me half to death. I would have hated to ever end up in a position like Savannah. Then again, I had fallen for a man who loved me with all his heart and that made all the difference in the world.