A Taste for Blood (The Godhunter, Book 6) (40 page)

I stretched out a finger and stroked it. Silky, I knew that texture. I'd held it before, gripped it in passion, stroked it in love. Those eyes, filled with pain like mine, they reached me easier than his hands could have. I stared into them and saw understanding, sympathy, and anger. Another rock in my storm that I could cling to. I wound some hair around my fingers and pulled. He scooted a fraction of an inch closer but then just stopped and I closed my eyes as I raised the hair to my face.

A shuddering exhale left me as I fell into exhausted slumber.

Chapter Sixty

“She needs to eat,” the voice woke me and I instantly pushed away from it, burrowing back against the wall.

“
Fine,” growling. “Give me food, now go avay.” A slam. Footsteps.

I was still on the floor, my body stiff, my cat gone. I still had my blanket, pillow, and T-shirt though and I bunched them all together so I could smell them again. Then the scent of food intruded and I saw a plate get placed on the floor and scooted beneath the table. My stomach rumbled.

I swiped a hunk of bread off the plate, butter coating my fingers as I shoved it into my mouth and ate lying down. A glass of water appeared next to the plate and I glared at it as I finished the bread. When it didn't move, or appear to be a trap, I cautiously edged my fingers toward it and grasped it gingerly. I pulled it back and lifted my head to drink deep.

The cold hit me, coating my throat and belly and offering an amount of relief. I sighed and pulled the plate closer. It was good, I ate it all without even knowing what I ate. It filled me with strength and helped clear my head a little but then I felt heavy, drowsy. I pushed it away and went back to sleep.

I don't know how long I slept. I wanted to sleep forever and every time I woke up, I just felt so tired. Images would accost me and I didn't, couldn't, deal with them yet. There was this ache in my chest and it felt like a hot ember surrounded by gunpowder, a guaranteed explosion. The only way I could keep it from igniting was to let this constant low moan out, the sound seemed to block my thoughts and keep the explosion at bay.

But they wouldn't stay away forever, the memories. The more I tried to ignore them, the more persistent they got. I started hearing voices, soft at first and then louder. They didn't even make sense, no flow to them at all, they'd just jump around. Fey voices mixing with gods, wolves, and lions.

“I will live from now until the end of time for you and your love. There's nothing else for me to live for anymore.”

I whimpered, holding my hands over my ears.

“So you clung to the memory of an angel instead of me?”

“
This is just one twisted, fucked up mess, and I can't be a part of it anymore.”

“
No,” I whispered. “You're tearing me apart.”

“
Zere’s no ozer for me, no matter vat you say or do, you can not be replaced.”

“
Kirill?” I sighed and felt a hand lightly touch mine.

“
Your voice brought me from darkness, your eyes saw me for who I really vas, your touch healed, defended, and avenged me, and your kiss showed me vat love can be. I am yours forever.”

“
Kirill, are you really here, are you talking to me?”

“
Now I'm talking, Tima,” his gentle voice washed over me, a little stronger than the memory. “You ready for to come out now?”

“
Okay,” I took his hand and he pulled me slowly from my hiding place.

He helped me stand, my legs were a little shaky. I stumbled over to the couch, still clutching the blanket, pillow, and T-shirt. I put the pillow on one end of the couch and laid down, bringing the blanket over my shoulders and the T-shirt to my face. The ache in my chest was a little smaller.

Kirill sat on the carpet in front of me, just within reach but not too close. I stared at him, his beautiful face with its sharp angles, softened by those blue eyes and thick lashes. He blinked slowly, hypnotizing almost, conveying calm and relaxing my body. I held out a hand and he took it gently, without a word.

“
How long was I under there?” I finally pushed the screaming in my head aside long enough to ask.

“
Two days,” he said grimly.

“
Two
days
?” I frowned. “What about...” I felt my face heat. “Didn't I come out to use the bathroom?”

“
Da,” he nodded, “you vould crawl out and go right back under zere.”

“
Oh,” I sighed and let go of his hand. “I think I need some time to myself, Kirill.”

“
Tima, you have all time in vorld. You take vat you need.”

“
I need,” a choked sob broke out of my throat. “I need to be alone. Will you watch over Nick?”

“
Of course but vere vill you go?”

“
To Hell, I think,” I tried out a small smile. “I hear it's lovely this time of year.”

Chapter Sixty-One

Hell
was
lovely.

I guess technically, it was the Underworld or even Hades but I thought it silly to call a place by the name of the man who ruled it. Whatever you wanted to call it, it was beautiful. At least Hades' home in Hell was. I didn't venture out beyond his walls, just sat in his gardens a lot, looking at the unusual birds, talking to Peter the Pegasus, and sketching the huge flowers.

Hades and Persephone were the perfect hosts. They gave me a pretty room, fed me, and let me have my space. No questions, no lingering looks, just peace. I knew they'd be the only ones who could give me that. They both understood pain and betrayal. They'd both struggled to be with the one they loved. They could be supportive without getting in my face about it, hovering, or doing any of the other things people feel they need to do when someone they love is broken.

Hades wasn't around that often anyway. He had a whole new Heaven to sort out and he was usually gone, leaving Sephy in charge of Hell. She was thrilled. She toned it down when she was around me but I could tell. I think it was the first time anyone had given her such a big responsibility and she was taking to it like Cerberus to a human thigh bone. She carried a day planner around and was constantly writing lists and checking things off of them. So basically, she was too busy to hover. It was a perfect situation for me.

I sighed and opened the leather-bound book in my lap. Isleen stared up from the page, just the tips of her fangs showing in her knowing smile. Was she the one comforting my husband? Did she hold him now, take his blood? Love him as completely as she loved her other men? My teeth clenched and I had to breathe deep and force calm through my bones. Isleen may be just what he needed. I should hope that he finds another, since I had no intention of fulfilling any of his needs.

Why did that thought hurt so much? I flipped the page to the drawing of Arach. The angle of his head, the tilt to his eyes, they were so familiar to me now. I ran a finger over the scales at his temples. They were always so beautiful in the sun, like ruby cabochons embedded in his skin. That smile, it was my smile, the one he only showed to me. Soft, no harsh edges to it, his lips a little pursed, like he was thinking of kissing me. I bit back a sob and turned the page. Isn't that what you did when you wanted to end a chapter in your life, turn the page?

It didn't end though. On this new page, a goblin girl admired herself, smiling at her reflection in a shield, and it broke my heart all over again. I'd probably never see Breck again. Or Fearghal. Or Isleen. No more phookas or fire-sidhe. No vampire faeries or rhyming goblins. No Hidden Ones. An entire House of Faerie was lost to me forever because a dragon had stolen my memory and then my heart.

“
A Thaisce,” his voice was a whisper in my mind. An endless breath of fire through my veins.

I screamed in frustration, throwing the book into the bushes.

“Yow,” a male voice with a touch of feline.

“
Who's there?” I stood up and glared at the offending foliage.

“
It's just me,” Roarke walked out of the shadow of a tree, rubbing his head and carrying my book. “Hey, why aren't I in here?” He flipped a page.

“
You weren't around after I got it.”

“
I'm here now,” he offered me back the book. “I'll sit still.”

“
Fine, sit,” I sat back down on the stone bench and gestured to the ground in front of me.

“
What, just on the grass?”

“
Yeah, the grass here won't actually stab you for sitting on it.”

“
Oh, how novel,” he rolled his eyes and reclined in front of me. “Huh, it is rather comfortable.”

“
You're moving.”

“
Just my lips,” he frowned.

“
When your lips move, everything else follows suit.”

“
Right, sitting still now.”

The silence lasted for about five minutes. I finished a basic outline and the concentration it was taking to put the rest of the details in was making me momentarily forget about my fucked up life. Then that damn cat had to go and flap his jaws.

“He misses you.”

The stylus jerked, giving Roarke a jowly look. “Which he would that be?” I tried to focus on Roarke's jawline but got distracted by his raised brow. “And stop changing your expression.”

“Well, I imagine they all do but the he I'm referring to would be the one I just saw setting fire to the rushes in his prison cell.”

“
Excuse me?” I dropped the silver stylus entirely. “Why is Arach in prison?”

“
Ah, so you do still care,” he smirked.

“
I can't just turn off my emotions,” I huffed, “and why do you care that I care? You're the one who helped rescue me. I thought you'd be on bad terms with Arach.”

“
You need to understand the fey to understand why there is no harsh feelings between us.” He narrowed his eyes on me. “You may have spent enough time in Faerie to grasp it. What the hell, I'll give it a try.”

“
Oh, thanks for the overwhelming vote of confidence.”

“
Anytime,” he waved airily. “Arach did what any fey would have done when faced with something they wanted badly and could not have, he used trickery. It's a tradition with us and as much as I did not approve of it in this particular instance, I could not say for certain that I would have handled things differently.”

“
So you would have stolen my memories and raped me too?”

“
Ah, now there's the humanity,” he shook his head. “He used faerie tricks to get you where he wanted you and then used charm to get you in his bed but do you really believe he
raped
you? Look into that heart which still saves a few beats for him, and ask it why?”

“
Ask myself why I still love him?” I snorted. “Because I'm an idiot.”

“
Obviously but I've never held that against you and you shouldn't hold it against your heart,” he smoothed his eyebrow with a very precise stroke of his finger. “You may have lost your memories, idiot girl, but you were still you and it was you who fell in love with him.”

“
You just said he used charm to get me into bed,” I ground out. “How is that not a trick too?”

“
Oh please,” he rolled his eyes. “What man doesn't use charm to bed a woman? Just because he was being charming, doesn't mean you weren't seeing the true man. You know you saw him true, you tasted his blood, and he knew it too. In that at least, he never thought he was tricking you. He believed he was being as honest as any fey can be. Think about how he suppressed your dragon for you. He knew you didn't want to become fully dragon-sidhe because of your other magics and even though it would have been easier and much more beneficial for him to just let you change completely, he didn't. He respected your wishes.”

“
He kept me from those that love and need me,” I growled. “Trevor could have died.”

“
Have you learned nothing from living in Faerie?” He looked so disappointed. “I thought maybe you saw the true side of the fey,” he gestured to my book. “Those drawings show things a human could never see and yet they're tempered with a human perspective. Maybe you should try to view this situation in the same way.”

“
What do you want from me, Roarke?” I closed my book and set it aside. “I've been trying to piece my life and mind back together because that man has nearly torn both of them apart. Now you sit there asking me to take a new perspective?”

“
Maybe,” he sat forward with a sober look, “if you could understand and accept what he did, you might find it easier to move on from it.”

“
I know he was desperate,” I whispered. “I understand how important the chance of having a dragon-sidhe child was to him. I can see the bigger picture, I'm not that self-absorbed, but I was and am unwilling to sacrifice the life I made, for his wants, and he took that choice from me.”