Authors: Jami Alden
She had school loans to pay off and a reputation to build. Having to turn down the position in New York was a blow, but she was confident that she could find something comparable, but only if she got off her butt and focused.
It had been fun to indulge in a little hanky-panky with Nick. Her brain had dominated her whole life, and it was nice to be reminded that there were other interesting parts of her body.
But she hadn’t counted on falling in love. Now the only thing to do was to get out of this situation, and get out of town, as quickly as possible before her heart hurt even more than it did now.
She finished dressing and checked herself in the mirror over the dresser. She grimaced at her messy hair and smeared mascara. Yet another reason why sleepovers were a bad idea.
Kelly repaired the damage as best she could with the hand lotion, concealer, and lipstick in her purse. She brushed out her hair and was pulling it back into a ponytail when Nick walked in wearing only jeans and a sheepish smile. He looked so gorgeous with his dark hair tousled from sleep and his beard shading his jaw, she nearly forgot she had something important to tell him.
Oh, right. Tell him she couldn’t see him anymore. Her mouth pulled into a frown.
“Sorry about that,” he said. “I’m late for work, and I think we knocked the phone off the hook.”
Kelly glanced at the bedside table, and sure enough, the handset had been knocked askew at some point during the night.
Nick handed her a cup of coffee, and she took a sip. She was stalling, she knew. What was so wrong with continuing this for a little longer, until she left town?
Her eyes met his over the rim of her cup and her heart did a triple salchow.
That’s what’s wrong
, she reminded herself sternly. She loved him, idiot that she was, and every moment she spent with him would only make that feeling grow, and she didn’t have time to deal with heartbreak on top of everything else in her life.
But the words wouldn’t come. How was it that she was so outspoken at work and yet she couldn’t for the life of her think of the right thing to say?
This has been fun, Nick, but I can’t see you anymore.
Easy, right?
She opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Nick said, “Look, Kelly, I’ve been thinking about what we’re doing here. This morning was a really close call. This sneaking around thing has been fun but…”
Kelly closed her eyes. He was saying it for her.
I’m relieved
, she told herself sternly even as a basketball-sized knot formed in her stomach. “I know exactly what you mean,” she interrupted. “I’ve been thinking too. This has been great, but I really don’t think we should do this anymore.”
Nick jerked his head back, looking startled. “What?”
“I agree with you. Today was too close, and it just emphasized how silly this whole situation is. It’s been really great, don’t get me wrong,” she said. “But I need to figure out what I’m going to do next, and you—you need to stop being late for work. We both need to get back to our real lives, without this, this…distraction.”
There, that wasn’t so hard, was it? Kelly kept her gaze down as she pretended to search for something in her purse. If she didn’t blink for long enough, her eyeballs would dry out and he wouldn’t see the tears that threatened to choke her.
He didn’t say anything, and the overpowering silence became too much for her to bear. “Don’t worry, Nick, there’s no hard feelings on my part. I knew this couldn’t go anywhere. It was all just fun, right?”
“Right,” he said tightly. “I’m going to get dressed, and I’ll drop you at your car.”
He didn’t say anything on the ride to her car, didn’t comment when she asked him to drop her off in an alley around the corner so it wouldn’t be so obvious. He seemed upset. But why would he be?
“Are you angry about something?” Kelly asked as she got out of his truck.
“Nope,” he said. “I’m just surprised you want to stop now. I was thinking we had at least a couple of weeks left.”
She toyed with the clasp on her purse, confused. She’d been so convinced he’d been about to call things off himself. But even if he hadn’t, surely his irritation at losing a sex partner was outweighed by his relief at how easily she’d let him off the hook. “Come on, Nick, it’s not like you’ll be hard up for long.”
“No, I guess I won’t.”
Kelly felt like someone had sliced her chest with a scalpel. “So I guess I’ll see you around?” She winced at the pitiful way her voice arced up at the end, like she was pleading with him. She was taking control, dammit, taking charge of the situation before she got too hurt. It didn’t matter if she saw him again.
“I suppose.”
Kelly slammed the door of the truck and walked the block to where her car was parked.
She prayed no one saw her, hunched over her steering wheel sobbing.
Nick’s foul humor simmered all through Thursday, heated to a boil by Saturday, and was damn near combustible by Sunday.
“What’s the matter, Nick, you on the rag?” Tony grumbled when Nick snapped at him for the fifth time in as many minutes.
“Tony, that’s disgusting! Don’t talk like that at my table.” Maria Donovan ladled another serving of braciole on her eldest son’s plate, her glare morphing into a beaming smile as Mike tucked into his meal.
Nick pushed his food around into piles, his appetite having virtually disappeared in the last four days. His last conversation with Kelly played over and over in his mind, and each time he got the same sick, hopeless feeling in his gut.
Stupid, dumb Nick. He’d done it again. Pinned his hopes on a woman who would never be interested in a guy like him for the long haul. Acting like it was nothing. No big deal. “It’s been fun but…”
Fun. He’d felt like his soul was clawing out of his body every time he came, and she was just having fun.
“What is with you, Nick?” Mike asked around a mouthful of roast. “I hate to say it, but Tony’s right. You’re being a real bitch tonight.”
“Michael!”
“Sorry, Ma.”
As usual, Nick’s father just ate and observed, more than happy to let his wife and children bear the brunt of conversation.
“I think he’s having girl trouble,” Tony said.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Maria said automatically, but her gaze lit on Nick with an unholy light. “Girl trouble? Are you seeing someone, Nick? Is she nice? You should invite her over…”
“There’s no girl, Mom,” Nick said tightly.
They all stared at him expectantly, then dropped disappointed gazes to their plates. As pushy as they were, they all knew that when Nick didn’t want to talk, bamboo shoots under his nails wouldn’t pry it out of him.
“Speaking of nice girls,” Maria said, “I ran into Kelly Sullivan again the other day. She’s in town you know, looking after her father.”
All three of the boys rolled their eyes, not bothering to remind their mother that they were the ones who told her she was back in town in the first place.
“I was thinking, Mike, you should ask her out,” she said as she twirled spaghetti expertly against her spoon.
“Why Mike? Why not me or Tony?” Nick snapped.
“Nick, don’t give her any ideas,” Tony muttered.
If Maria was taken aback by his uncharacteristically harsh tone, she didn’t show it. “Well if I could, I’d fix her up with Jake. He was always more intellectual than any of you,” Maria said, “and Kelly’s so smart.”
“And I’m too stupid for her, is that it?” Nick said, throwing his napkin down across his plate.
“No, no,” Maria backpedaled, “that’s not what I meant. But you know how it went with Ann.”
Nick stood so fast his chair toppled over backward, the clatter so loud even his father looked up in surprise. “Yeah, I know how it went with Ann. I wasn’t good enough for her, and I’m not good enough for Kelly. Or any woman for that matter.”
Without another word, he headed out the front door.
“What did I say?” His mother’s words trailed after him.
S
ullivan’s was starting to clear out now that the Sunday game was over, but there was still a pretty decent crowd.
Kelly snuck a look at the clock above the jukebox. Seven twenty-two. Thank God they closed early tonight. She had to get up at the crack of dawn to be in Palo Alto by eleven, where she had an interview at Stanford. She needed to prepare and, God willing, get some sleep tonight. She hadn’t slept more than three hours a night since Thursday.
Funny how all those late nights with Nick had left her tired yet strangely energized. But in the three days since she’d broken things off all she felt was exhaustion.
It was just as well that her father was recovering remarkably fast. If the position at Stanford worked out, she would be able to start within the month.
She set the pitchers down on the bar for her father to refill, fanning herself lightly. Despite the late fall chill in the air, the atmosphere inside Sullivan’s was close and stuffy. “You look exhausted, Kelly,” her father observed.
“I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. I guess I’m a little nervous about tomorrow.”
“You’ll impress the hell out of them, like always,” Ryan said as he plunked the first of her pitchers on the bar. “And the great thing is, you’ll be only four hours away. Maybe I’ll actually get to see you more than once every couple of years.” Her father’s tone was light, but Kelly sensed that he meant what he said.
“It never occurred to me that you missed me.” It was true. As much as she’d loved her big, gruff father, she’d always felt like he’d appreciated her only because she followed directions and stayed out of trouble.
Her father looked taken aback, even a little hurt by her bluntness. “Of course I missed you. You were my little girl, and you left when you were practically still a baby.”
“You had Karen,” she pointed out, “And even now she’s only a couple of hours away.”
“Ah, your sister’s a pain in the ass and you know it.”
“How can you say that about one of your children?” Kelly said with a startled laugh. And here she’d always thought both her parents were so much closer to Karen.
“I always wondered if we did the right thing, sending you away so young.” Ryan paused and cleared his throat. “Look, I know I’m not always so good at showing it, but having you here these past weeks has been great. And it would make me very happy if you ended up closer to home.”
Pressure built at the back of her eyes. She’d also enjoyed her time with her father and the chance to share an adult friendship with him. She was surprised but touched to hear him voice it. On an abstract level, she always knew her father loved her, but the fact that he actually enjoyed her company warmed her heart. “Aw, Daddy,” she said through a sniffle, and leaned over the bar to hug him.
He patted her back, and when he pulled away his blue eyes were suspiciously bright. “So you have to promise if you get this thing at Stanford, you’ll come visit on a weekend sometime.”
She squeezed him again and kissed his cheek. “I promise.” And she would, even if it meant she would risk running into Nick.
She retrieved the pitchers off the bar, grabbed a plate of nachos, and delivered both to one of the long trestle tables occupied by three couples. She tucked her tray under her arm, turned, and slammed into what felt like a brick wall.
The wall was Nick, and he looked…determined. And, she thought as she studied the slight tic in his jaw, pissed off. He wrapped his hand around her bicep and pulled her through the maze of tables and chairs.
“Nick, what are you doing? People are watching.”
The expressions ranged from avid curiosity to mild confusion. She looked wildly at her father, who frowned but didn’t try to stop Nick.
He pulled her into the storeroom, clicked on the overhead light, and slammed the door behind him.
Nick’s hands shook a little as he grabbed Kelly around the waist and set her down on a stack of cardboard boxes. He was out of his mind coming here like this, but it was like someone or something had taken over his body.
He couldn’t stop himself. He was so angry—at her for rejecting him, at himself for being so out of control he couldn’t stop himself from coming here. From proving to her how good it could be between them.
He leaned in and kissed her, savoring the sweet taste of her tongue against his. He groaned in relief and desire as her arms wrapped around his neck.
But a second later she was pushing him away. “No, Nick, stop it! We can’t do this anymore.”
“Why not?” He sank his teeth into the tender skin of her neck, loving the hot shudder that coursed through her.
“Because…” her breath hitched, “because I don’t want—”
“Don’t tell me you don’t want me, Kelly,” he said fiercely, ducking until his forehead rested against hers. He palmed her roughly through her jeans. “Don’t lie to me. I can already feel how hot you are.” Her heat seeped through the denim fabric, and he ground the heel of his hand against her. “This is good between us, and I don’t want to stop.”
She grabbed his wrist in both her hands, shoving it away from her crotch. “Stop it! You can find another fuck buddy, Nick! I’m not going to do this anymore.”
“I don’t want another fuck buddy, as you so nicely put it.” He stepped between her legs, planting his palms on her inner thighs to hold them open. “I only want you.” He ground his erection against her crotch to prove how much.
His hands came up to hold her face still for his kiss. She tried to turn her face away, but he wouldn’t let her. He squeezed her jaw, not hard enough to hurt, but enough that her mouth opened slightly, enough. “Let me in,” he growled. He felt like an animal, all brutal lust. He couldn’t let her get away from him. Not tonight.
Not ever.
Somehow he got her jeans and panties off, and she was standing before him in nothing but her red Sullivan’s T-shirt. She was no longer trying to get away, but responding to his rough, carnal kisses as though she wanted it as bad as he did.
He slipped his fingers between her legs, parting the wet curls, feeling the thick moisture slicking her labia. Her clit was a plump little point nudging eagerly against his probing hand, and Nick was going to die if he couldn’t taste her in his mouth.
He got down on his knees in front of her, pulling one thigh over his shoulder as he burrowed his face between her legs. She leaned back against the boxes as he licked and sucked, his tongue thrusting inside in a rough tongue fuck. Nothing tasted better than Kelly, nothing drove him crazy like the way she smelled when she was aroused, her hot juices pouring over his tongue.
He lashed at her clit and almost burst in his pants as she came against his face. Before her contractions stopped, he had his cock out and pushed her back against the boxes. He bent his knees and drove impossibly deep. “How can you tell me this is over,” he muttered into her shoulder, burying his mouth in the crook of her neck. “How can we stop this when it feels so good?”
She clung to him, muffling her soft groans and pants against his shoulder. Her fingers clawed at his back, her fingers twisted in the fabric of the shirt he hadn’t bothered to remove. He hooked his elbow under one of her knees, pushing her leg up so he could grind even deeper.
“Nick.” Her voice was a frantic whisper as suddenly her head reared back and her mouth opened wide. But only faint sobs escaped her as she pulsed and throbbed around him, urging him to a climax that nearly made his knees buckle.
He clung to her, pinning her against the boxes as he tried to catch his breath. “Kelly,” he whispered, bending his head to kiss her face, her lips. He tasted her skin, the warm spiciness of her mouth, the saltiness of…tears? It was then he realized that Kelly was trembling not only from the aftermath of orgasm but from the effort of holding back the sobs bubbling from her chest. Tears streamed down her face as she thrust herself away from him and frantically scrambled back into her panties and jeans.
A raw pit opened in his stomach. “Jesus, Kelly, did I hurt you?” He felt the back of his eyes burn as he realized he might have actually caused her pain. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say—”
“You didn’t h-hurt me, Nick,” she sobbed, but she wouldn’t look at him.
Before he could stop her she ran out of the storage room and slammed the door behind her. Nick pulled his pants up over his hips, realizing only as he tucked himself back in that he hadn’t used a condom.
He buried his fists against his eyeballs, barely suppressing the scream of rage. Fuck! Not only had he just gone after her like an animal, he hadn’t bothered to protect her against pregnancy.
He really was a goddamned idiot.
He needed to apologize.
He needed to stop acting like a caveman and tell her how he really felt about her. Her tears, while not exactly a positive response, were at least an indicator of some deeper emotion on her part, weren’t they?
Clinging feebly to that hope, he gathered his car keys from the floor where he’d thrown them and let himself out of the storeroom. A quick detour to the men’s room to wash the scent of sex from his hands and face and he was ready to face Kelly and beg for her forgiveness.
But when he got to the dining room, Kelly was nowhere to be found.
“She left—said she was sick,” Kelly’s father said.
Nick felt himself flushing under Ryan Sullivan’s probing gaze. Now that was classy, he thought, doing a woman with her father in the next room. What woman wouldn’t want that?
“Sick?” Nick knew he sounded like a moron, but the blood was taking its time getting back to his brain.
“Came running out and said she felt awful and was going home.” Ryan wiped down the counter as though Kelly’s sudden illness was of no great concern. “She looked like she was crying. Know anything about that?”
Nick shook his head, knowing Ryan didn’t believe him but unwilling to offer any other explanation. Somehow he didn’t think Ryan would like the idea that he’d been secretly sleeping with his youngest daughter for the past few weeks, even if his intentions
had
recently become much more honorable.
Thud thud thud thud thud.
Kelly jumped as a hard fist slammed repeatedly into her front door forcefully enough to rattle the windowpanes on either side.
She uncurled from the couch where she’d sat, head on her knees, crying for the last half hour.
Oh God, please don’t let it be Nick
, she thought, and felt another rush of tears. But if it wasn’t Nick, it would be her father, and that would be even worse. How could she explain why his usually calm, cerebral daughter had so completely and publicly lost her cool?
“Kelly, I’m gonna use my key if you don’t let me in,” Nick’s voice threatened through the heavy wood door before he resumed his pounding.
And if he didn’t use his key, she thought as she shuffled to the door and wiped her eyes, the neighbors would have him busted for disturbing the peace.
“Go away, Nick,” she said, opening the door a crack. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
He ignored her, planting his palm against the door and shoving his way inside. Why had she never seen this pushy side of Nick before? She’d always thought he was so nice. Why couldn’t he just leave well enough alone?
“Nick, please, I have work to do. I have to get up really early and drive to Palo Alto tomorrow.” He blurred in front of her as tears threatened yet again. This was why she never cried. Once she started, she couldn’t stem the flood.
He hugged her against him, which only made her want to cry more. “Kelly, honey, why are you crying? Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head mutely against his chest, wanting to cling to him, to let him hold her and comfort her and take care of her. But she was terrified that if she did, she was going to do something really embarrassing, like admit she was in love with him.
“I’m sorry about what happened,” he was saying. “It’s like I go kind of crazy when I get around you.”
She sniffled and pushed away. “You didn’t hurt me,” she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I’ve been stressed lately, and like I said, I have to get up really early tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“I have an interview, at Stanford. And I really need to prepare, so…”
But instead of taking her hint, he made himself comfortable on her couch. “You’re leaving, then?”
“As soon as I line up a new position, yes.”
He leaned back against the cushions, his broad shoulders spanning nearly half of the couch. “Then I don’t see why we can’t keep seeing each other until you leave.” His tone was casual, but his gaze was intense.
Kelly twisted her fingers in the hem of her shirt, wanting to scream in frustration at his thick-headedness. He should be grateful that she was cutting him loose without any complications, for Christ’s sake! “If you’re worried about a steady lay, I’m sure you won’t have any trouble.”
“I’m sure I won’t,” he said quietly.
Even though she knew she was expendable, that still stung.
“But like I said earlier, I don’t want anyone else. And you seemed to enjoy it too up until recently. I don’t get what changed.”
He was up on his feet, moving toward her again, and Kelly fought the urge to run and lock herself in the bathroom. “I can’t do this anymore. You’re too much of a distraction for me, and I need to figure out what I’ll be doing after I leave.”
“Like move to Palo Alto?”
“Right. There’s a staff position in their ER, and I’m a strong candidate.”
“I don’t see why you can’t figure it out while still seeing me. I don’t take up that much of your time.”
“Look, I know you probably don’t get rejected much, Nick, so I’ll try to use small words so you can understand. I Do Not Want To See You Anymore.”
“See, I could believe you if I hadn’t made you come twice in the last hour.”
“You’re an asshole,” she said, shoving him hard against his chest.
“And you’re lying.” He grabbed her by the shoulders, but gently. His grip held none of the brute force that he’d exhibited earlier.
The brute force that, though she hated to admit it, had excited her down to the tips of her red-painted toes.