Authors: Jami Alden
“Funny, I thought it would be good to make you feel bad, but it’s not,” she said, words slightly slurred. “But I needed to tell you, just the same. I didn’t realize how much I cared what you thought of me until I saw you at Caesar’s. The way you looked at me…”
He winced as though the memory of that night pained him.
His hand rested on the glass and wrought iron table between them. Long fingered, tan and strong looking, with neatly trimmed nails. He had a scab on his thumb, and the index fingernail was slightly bruised. Without thinking, she laid her palm over the back, noting that with their wrists aligned, her fingertips didn’t even make it to his first knuckles.
He turned his hand over, capturing hers and interlacing their fingers. Warmth spread from her palm, up her arm, and pooled low in her belly.
For several long moments they stared at each other, saying nothing. It would be so easy to nurture a grudge or to use his guilt to manipulate him. But it felt so good just to hold his hand, to take and give comfort now that the truth was out.
“I wish I could make it up to you,” he said, “that night at Caesar’s—all of it.”
“That night at Caesar’s was a relapse,” she said.
“How do you mean?”
“After my mom died I took a hard look at my life, particularly my relationships with men, and realized I needed to make a change.”
He squeezed her hand in encouragement.
“I never really believed that anyone would ever love me, you know? And so I acted in a way that basically guaranteed that.” She took another drink of wine. “With guys, I knew none of them ever really cared about me, but at least I could use sex to get them to do what I wanted.” She smiled humorlessly. “At least most of the time I could. I remember the first time you and I had sex,” she said. “I never wanted to do it before you. I never really enjoyed fooling around until you, and when you made me come that first time…” She closed her eyes, savoring the memory like she would a piece of rich, dark chocolate. “I knew you were the one, and I knew I wanted you to be the first. But then after Jeremy”—her mouth tightened—“I slept with just about every guy who asked, because I figured, hey, at least if it’s my choice, I’m in control, right? I thought on some level it would help erase the memory of what happened. And I got some nice dinners and even a vacation or two out of most of them. But then they’d roll off and go home and I always felt…empty.” She looked at him then, challenging. Mike didn’t tolerate weakness of character, and she was surprised at the lack of censure in his expression.
“Two years ago I went into therapy, and I decided I needed to clean up my act, find a nice guy, make peace with my family—all the stuff I’d been running from for so long.”
“I still don’t understand why what we did was a relapse,” Mike said gently.
“I hadn’t had sex for two years before that night,” she said, a slightly crazed laugh erupting from her chest at his look of surprise. “I took a year off dating entirely, and then I was holding out for a nice guy. A guy with potential, you know?” She shook her head at her own stupidity.
“So what happened?”
“It’s so stupid—I’m so stupid. I went to Reno with this guy, Brad. I should have seen it coming. I mentioned meeting his family, and he told me I wasn’t the kind of woman a guy took home to his mother. Turns out he just wanted a hot chick to fuck for a while.”
“When you saw me,” she continued, “I was having a drink, planning to go back to my room. I honestly wasn’t planning to, how did you put it, ‘fuck some poor schmuck for revenge’?”
Mike winced. “Karen—”
“It’s okay. I didn’t exactly behave in a way that would make you think otherwise,” she said, starting to disentangle her fingers from his. “I thought I was going to show you—you know, teach you a lesson. You acted so superior, but you were just another guy who could be led around by his dick.” She pulled her hand from his and drew her feet up, wrapping herself in a tight ball on the chair. “I don’t know why I thought I could handle it. I’ve never been able to control myself around you.”
Mike swung his chair around to her side of the table so he sat facing her, his knees close enough to brush the edge of her chair. “If it’s any consolation, you do the same to me. I kept telling myself I should get up and leave, but I couldn’t. It pissed me off that after all this time I couldn’t resist you, even though I knew being with you would only tear me up.”
“Did it tear you up?”
“Ask Tony. I haven’t slept in the past two weeks, and I almost beat the crap out of him yesterday over something stupid.”
She couldn’t help it. The thought of reserved, controlled Mike losing his cool all because of her brought a satisfied smirk to her face.
“You don’t have to look so happy about it.”
“Misery loves company.”
“I’m sorry for the way I treated you that night, and earlier today,” he said, his tone somber and sincere.
She shook her head. “I hated myself for falling back into my old patterns, for not being able to stand up to you and try to talk to you like a sensible person.”
“Sensible is the last word I would use to describe our behavior around each other,” he said ruefully.
She nodded. “We’re really bad for each other’s peace of mind.”
“Uh-huh,” he said, moving infinitesimally closer.
“We should probably avoid each other like the plague.”
“Probably,” he agreed.
She studied his mouth, the full lips pulled into a line of regret. She knew he would leave if she asked. Maybe she was a masochistic fool, but she wanted him to stay. Needed him to wash away the memory of the last time they were together. Wanted to indulge in her uncontrollable desire without the wounds of the past intruding. Maybe this one night could wash her clean, help her recapture a brief time when sex was about pleasure instead of a complicated exchange of power.
Crazy as it seemed, Mike was the only one who could set her free.
“I don’t want you to leave.” She put her hands on his knees.
“I don’t want to.”
Decision made, she closed the distance between them. Her hand wrapped around his neck, drawing his face toward hers. She kissed his cheeks. Her tongue flicked delicately along the seam of his lips, and he groaned, but didn’t increase the contact.
She kissed him more firmly, encouraging his lips to part with tiny flicks of her tongue. Heat exploded between her thighs as he finally opened to her, his tongue tangling with hers in a kiss that tasted of regret and barely restrained desire.
He pulled her from her chair, and she found herself in a cocoon of muscles and chest. He lifted her legs across his lap and tipped her head back against his arm. One big hand came up to cradle her face as he sucked and licked at her mouth with increasing urgency. Each fervent caress was an apology, a plea for forgiveness. He didn’t bother to hide his need, letting her feel everything in his all-consuming kiss.
She couldn’t help but respond and squirmed against the hard bulge of his cock pressing eagerly against the backs of her thighs. She wanted him inside her with a fierceness that bordered on desperation. Her moan was part pleasure, part distress. As always with Mike, her need overwhelmed her, terrifying in its intensity.
M
ike recognized her hesitation and gentled the pressure of his mouth. He pressed soft kisses to her cheeks and chin, and whispered, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, sweetheart.” His cock twitched against her ass in vehement protest. He ignored it.
Apparently Karen noticed because she cast a questioning glance at their laps.
“Just because I’m hard as a spike doesn’t mean we have to do anything about it.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” she said, her voice shaky, with a vulnerability he’d never heard before. He looked into her face. The guarded, cautious look he’d always seen in her eyes was gone. Her fear of rejection was front and center for all the world to see.
His throat closed up and several seconds went by before he could speak. “I’m not going anywhere, Tiny. I’ll stay here all night and talk, or we can watch TV.” He wrapped her in his arms and tucked her against his chest. “I just want to be with you,” he said, and realized it was true.
She stiffened in his arms and looked at him with patent disbelief.
Tender, unfamiliar emotions filled his chest as the wall around his heart developed a hairline crack. Warmth steadily seeped through to the rest of his body. For eleven years he’d refused to let himself get close to a woman. Like Karen, he’d feared the vulnerability and loss of control that came with being in love.
Right here, with her warm and soft in his arms, his fear slid away, and all he wanted was to make up for every hurt he’d ever caused her. Even if it meant keeping his hands off her to prove he wanted Karen herself and not just her body.
He squeezed her and kissed the top of her head. “You know what I wish?”
“Hmm?” She traced lazy circles around the patch of skin exposed by his open collar.
He sighed in contentment at the soft press of her lips. “I wish I hadn’t had my head up my ass back when we were dating.”
She chuckled and slid her hand farther inside his shirt. “That makes two of us.” Her tongue stole out and flicked the hollow of his throat. He slid one hand over her ass and squeezed in warning.
“You’re making it hard for me to behave myself.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, pulling his shirt down to nibble on his collarbone. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had the opportunity to be this close to a guy for more than two seconds before he started pawing.”
Mike stiffened, then banished the thought of her with any other man from his brain. If he had anything to say about it, he was going to be the only man in her life from now on.
A conviction that should have scared the shit out of him, but didn’t.
“So you’re trying to test my limits?” he asked as his hand slid up the back of her sweatshirt. The skin of her back was satiny beneath his callused palm.
“No.” He felt her smile against his skin and bent his neck to the side so she had better access to his earlobe. “Just enjoying the buildup.” His balls tightened at her nipping caress, and he shifted under her. She lifted her head and met his eyes, her expression serious. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve actually anticipated sex, and I want to savor it.”
He groaned and licked his tongue inside her mouth. “Take as long as you want, Tiny.”
She smiled even as she kissed him back, tangling her tongue with his and turning so her legs straddled him. “I want you so much, Mike,” she whispered shakily. “You’re the only one who makes me feel this way.” Her hands trailed down his shirtfront, trembling a little as she struggled to unfasten the studs. “It scares the hell out of me.”
“I know. Me too,” he confessed.
That seemed to hearten her, and her mouth devoured his. The taste and feel of her consumed him. His hand slid up to capture a breast, pinching her tight nipple through the soft fabric. She moaned and squirmed in his lap, her moist heat penetrating the layers of their clothing. His cock throbbed in protest against the prison of his trousers.
He wanted inside of her more than he wanted to breathe, but he waited for her cue. This was her show, and he was determined to give her everything she wanted. Her mound pressed against the iron rigidity of his cock and he caught her hips, grinding up against her in a motion that quickly had her flushed and panting.
“I want to feel you come,” he whispered, his tongue snaking out to lap at her ear. “You’re so sexy when you let go.”
“No.” She stiffened in his lap, and Mike immediately froze. “I want you inside me the first time.”
Mike stood up with her in his arms and carried her inside. His hands shook as he unzipped her sweatshirt. She was bare beneath it, and his mouth watered at the remembered taste of her perfect tits in his mouth. He took a deep breath, forced himself to calm down. By some miracle she had given him a second chance. No way was he going to blow it by losing control. He needed to make this perfect for her, to make up in some infinitesimal way for all the other times he hadn’t given her the love and affection she deserved.
She stripped her shorts and panties down her legs and sprawled naked on the bed as she watched him strip. “You’re so gorgeous,” she said, her eyes traveling over his chest, abs, and legs. Last time they’d both been so focused on getting the upper hand, they hadn’t taken the time to really look at each other.
For a moment, they simply admired one another, savoring the anticipation. Mike quickly got rid of his shirt and pushed his pants and boxers down his legs. He nearly purred in relief as his cock sprang out, finally free of restriction.
Under her unabashed admiration, his erection hardened another inch, straining eagerly toward her luscious sex as he knelt between her thighs.
“And you’re beautiful.” He kissed her with barely restrained control, his tongue thrusting in a lusty rhythm that quickly had her writhing. “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever known,” he whispered, “and I can’t believe how lucky I am to be with you again.”
She wrapped her legs around his thighs and levered herself up so the tip of his cock slipped inside her slick folds. She moaned, grinding against him. She slid up and down his shaft, slicking him with her juices, wrenching a moan from his chest.
“Wait,” he groaned. He was dying, his dick so hard he was ready to burst through his skin. He wanted to make this good for her, give her everything she ever wanted, but the feel of that hot, smooth pussy against him was more than any mortal man could be expected to handle. “Slow down, honey, or I’m gonna lose it.”
“I don’t want to slow down,” she said, her voice harsh with need, her heels digging into his ass as she urged him closer. She wrapped her hand around his cock and rubbed the bulbous head against her pulsing clit. A sheen of sweat bloomed on her skin, and her breath grew choppy. “I want you inside me, now,” she said, staring straight into his eyes. “Don’t make me beg.”
He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “If you don’t stop, I’m gonna be begging your forgiveness when I come two seconds after I get inside you.” Beads of sweat popped out on his forehead as the head of his penis slipped inside her melting core. It took all his strength to resist the hot kiss of her body, to not let go and mindlessly thrust until he came hard and deep inside her.
“I want it to be different this time,” he panted, arms trembling as he braced himself above her. “I want it to be perfect for you.” She was so fucking gorgeous, lean and golden and spread out beneath him. He couldn’t resist; he slid inside her a few more inches, gasping at the firm clasp of muscles around him.
She was hotter, wetter, tighter than anything he’d ever experienced. It felt so good that the top of his head nearly blew off. “Oh fuck,” he said, and pulled out.
“What?”
“Condom!”
“It’s okay. I’m on the pill,” she said, and guided him almost roughly back inside.
“Jesus, you feel so good,” he murmured, teasing them both with shallow thrusts. He looked down to where they were joined, and almost lost it. Her tiny patch of gold ringlets was dark with moisture, and her beautiful plump labia were flushed pink, stretched around his thick shaft. Her clit was shiny wet, peeking through the folds, begging to be stroked. He swept his thumb across the engorged bud and felt the answering jolt along his cock as she squeezed him like a fist.
She squirmed under him, and the sting of her nails in his back sent a shiver through his body. “Deeper,” she demanded. “I want you to fuck me deeper.”
He set his jaw and closed his eyes against the unbearably erotic vision she presented. “I want to make it last. I don’t want to lose control,” he said, all the while sliding incrementally deeper.
“I want you to lose control,” she said fiercely. “I don’t want to do this alone.”
He looked into her face and saw the savage desire that couldn’t quite disguise another emotion. Fear.
Understanding dawned on him, along with relief. She didn’t need long, drawn out foreplay. She needed him out of control, needed to know that she had the same effect on him as he had on her.
With a grateful groan he slid all the way in, and the low sound of pleasure that escaped her throat made his toes curl. He eased in, then out, feeling her stretch and yield around him as she arched up to take all of him.
He leaned down to kiss her, moaning around the sweet thrust of her tongue and at the feel of her smooth breasts against his chest. His head ducked and he tongued a nipple into his mouth, sucking hard enough to make her yell.
His hips pumped in a firm, steady rhythm. High, keening sounds erupted from her throat as she ground her pelvis against him, urging him harder, faster, deeper, with every pounding thrust.
“Oh Christ, honey,” he moaned as he felt his balls tighten in warning. She writhed underneath him, straining as she fought against her body’s desperate need to climax. “It’s okay, baby,” he whispered. Droplets of sweat dripped from his face onto her chest, and he imagined he heard them sizzle across the tawny expanse. “Let go. It’s okay, I’m with you.” He captured her hands, pinning her wrists to the bed and twining his fingers with hers. His back arched as she wrung him dry, her body sucking him deeper as she fought for control. Suddenly she arched and jerked against him, her hands clenching his in a grip that should have hurt.
She called his name in a high thready voice, and tears squeezed from her eyes as her orgasm tore through her.
He pounded her relentlessly as his own orgasm hit him with the force of a Mack truck. He trembled above her, fingers digging into the soft flesh of her hips as he shot thick jets of come as deep inside her as he could possibly get.
Karen wrapped her arms around Mike as he collapsed on top of her, burying her nose in the damp skin of his neck. He smelled glorious, like salt and sex and Mike. She wanted to bottle the scent so that after tonight she could rub it on herself and remember how unbelievably perfect she felt right now. Her fingers tangled in the damp hair at his nape, and she shivered as his lips trailed lazy kisses along her shoulder.
Their hearts hammered against each other, and harsh breathing pressed breasts to chest. She wanted to keep him in this bed forever and never let go.
Reality crept in as she came back down to earth, and the enormity of what she’d just experienced started to sink in. Her wildness scared her, and she was overwhelmed by the intensity of her reaction.
Nervous tension coiled in her gut. Now what? Even though she didn’t dare hope for more than one night, she was terrified he would get up and leave.
He levered himself up on one elbow. “You are so fucking amazing,” he whispered, and leaned down to taste her lips.
As love talk went, it wasn’t much, but the look that accompanied his words was so unbearably tender that it hit her like a fist to her belly.
To her absolute horror, she burst into tears.
Jesus Christ, Karen, why don’t you guarantee that he leaves fast enough to put a Mike-shaped cutout in the wall?
But to her shock Mike didn’t flee as though the hounds of hell were chasing him. Instead he rolled to his back and tucked her against his chest. Strong arms wrapped around her back, and one big hand stroked her hair. “Oh, Tiny, it’s okay,” he whispered, and pressed his lips to her hair. “I’ve got you, go ahead and cry.”
She sobbed harder while he held her and whispered words of comfort. Released pain and newfound relief combined and rushed out in a flood of acidic tears, and it took several minutes for her crying jag to run its course.
Once the sobs subsided to sniffles, Mike disentangled himself from her and got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She stiffened, humiliated, convinced he was about to make a run for it. She buried her head in a pillow to stifle a fresh wash of tears.
Mike emerged from the bathroom seconds later with a big glass of water in one hand and a handful of tissues in the other.
She was momentarily stunned by the unbelievably gorgeous site of him naked. Someone needed to pass a law making it illegal for him to wear clothes.
Which reminded her of how very attractive
she
must look.
He climbed back in bed and propped himself against the headboard, pulling her up to snuggle against him. “Here,” he said, handing her both the water and the tissues.
She took a big gulp, washing the salty, sticky taste of tears away, and blew her nose as delicately as possible. “Sorry about that,” she mumbled. “I don’t ever cry,” she sniffed.
To his credit, he looked only marginally freaked out. “Normally my ego would be wounded, but I think tonight there are special circumstances.”
She nuzzled her face against the firm muscle of his pec and settled her palm across his lean abdomen. “I think I’ve cried more tonight than I have in the last decade.”
He tipped her chin up to kiss her. “Get it all out then, ’cause I want only smiles from here on out.”
She obliged, albeit a little shakily.
The red numbers of the clock radio caught her eye, and she was shocked to see it was only a little after eight. The reception would no doubt still be going strong.
Sudden guilt washed through her. Ditching Kelly’s wedding and taking the best man with her was not the best way to build up the shaky foundation she’d laid this afternoon.