“I’m sorry.”
Victoria came all over her hand, dripping come into the crevice between each of Dez’s fingers, even splashing the prominent veins in Dez’s wrist. At the last moment, Victoria bent into her and bit into the soft skin where her neck and shoulder met in an effort to stifle her moans. “Thank you,” she muttered hoarsely when she could, then straightened in her chair.
“You’re welcome.” Dez didn’t try to disguise the tremor in her own voice.
Victoria sat, dreamy-eyed in her chair, mouth full and passion-bitten, her blouse still unbuttoned to allow a glimpse of sweat-dampened cleavage. Dez dropped money on the table for a check that hadn’t come yet.
“Are you ready?” Desire clawed under her skin. She didn’t want to play games, didn’t want to force Victoria to admit who was running the fuck. Her old impulses had resurfaced, then, thankfully, died a quick death. Beside her, Victoria blinked and nodded slowly. She cleared her throat.
They were silent as they stood on the curb waiting for the valet to bring Dez’s truck around. Silence reigned still as they drove through the nighttime glitter of South Beach, past the midweek partiers, the beautiful people on their way to the next beautiful place. In Victoria’s driveway, Dez set the alarm on the truck and walked her date up the cobblestoned walkway.
“It’s been an interesting evening,” Victoria said. She stopped Dez at the door. Her eyes were no longer dreamy and unfocused.
“I know what you were doing tonight and I didn’t like it.”
The awareness that the night wasn’t going to end where she wanted it, where she hoped it would, settled into Dez like a lead weight.
“I want you, but not like this.” At Dez’s silent look, she continued. “I won’t play power games and I certainly won’t play by your rules.” She put her key in the door and turned it. The look she leveled on Dez let the taller woman know that she was not invited in. “Besides I have to be at work early tomorrow. This . . . thing we’re doing is about pleasure. Mutual pleasure. I think you’ve had your fun for the night. Call me tomorrow.”
And for the second time in their short acquaintance, she closed her door in Dez’s face.
Chapter 18
D
-day. The day for Claudia’s doctor’s visit. Almost ten o’clock in the morning, usually too early for Dez to be up, but she was wide awake, dressed in freshly pressed khakis and a Polo shirt like she was going to visit older relatives. She ran her hand over her hair for what seemed like the fiftieth time in the last hour and stared past the windshield at the innocuous-looking building with its red brick and plain glass door.
“Are you going to let me out of this car or am I going to have to fight you?” Claudia sat in the passenger seat looking as reluctant as Dez to get out of the truck.
Dez’s finger triggered the automatic locks again. Accidentally. “Sorry.” She let out a deep breath and unlocked the doors.
They stepped out into a gorgeous day. It felt like spring in New Mexico with the crisp breeze and the sound of leaves washing above them like rain. Sunlight turned even the staid brick building into something of beauty, bathing it in liquid gold. Dez hoped that was a good omen. She opened the door of the building and waited for her mother to step through. The receptionist already knew Claudia by name, greeting her with a smile and some comment about the weather. She spared Dez a brief but friendly glance before letting them know that the doctor would be able to see them in a few minutes. Dez barely got the chance to appreciate this new level of nervousness—stomach tied in knots, being unable to stand still—before the doctor made an appearance and ushered them back to her office.
Dr. Charles wasn’t what she expected. Short and round with big hips and her graying hair tucked back in a neat bun, she looked like somebody’s Italian grandmother.
“Claudia, good to see you again.” With a chart in her hand, she turned to Dez. “And this must be the baby you were telling me about.” She held out her hand and dimpled at the younger woman. “You never said how pretty she was.”
Is this woman flirting with me?
Dez shook Dr. Charles’s hand nervously, barely able to muster up a polite smile. The woman patted her arm sympathetically before turning back to Claudia.
“It’s going to be a pretty short visit today, Claudia. The tests all came back negative. You are completely cancer free.”
From the corner, seated in her uncomfortable thick chair, Dez jumped, like someone had jolted her with electricity. “Are you shittin’ us?” At the doctor’s look, she shook her head. “Seriously?”
“Are you sure?” Claudia’s face was an echo of her daughter’s. Her eyes were shiny with surprised tears.
“Very. The last operation was a complete success. We scraped everything out that we could find, and then some just to be on the safe side. I want to keep seeing you for the next few months to monitor your progress and be absolutely sure.”
“Oh my god.” She sagged against the doctor as if finally she could stop being strong. “Oh my god.” And her tears started to fall.
Dr. Charles made low comforting noises. “I know, honey. It’s a big shock.” She rubbed Claudia’s shoulders as Dez watched, still somehow uncomprehending. “But at least it’s a good one.”
Claudia pulled back from the doctor, tears streaking her face. “You’re not going to call me back in a few days and say this was a mistake, are you?” Her mouth trembled. “Just say you’re not going to take it back.”
“I won’t take it back. As far as I know—and I was very thorough—you’re fine. You’re free to live your life however you like.”
Claudia laughed and fisted her hands in the doctor’s neat white coat. “Thank you, Felicia. You’ll definitely be on my Christmas list this year.”
The gray-haired woman chuckled. “Now that’s the best news I’ve gotten all day. I’ve heard how generous you can be.”
The rest of their conversation floated away from Dez as she watched her mother’s tearful face, stripped of makeup but still beautiful. She nodded at something Felicia Charles said, smiled, and then laughed outright. This was what Dez had been hoping for, the thing that she prayed to her aunt’s god, weeping, for. Breath fluttered in her throat. She felt like she would pass out from the relief of it.
“Here’s a tissue, dear.”
Dez didn’t realize the doctor was talking to her until she tasted the salt of her own tears. She reached out for the Kleenex with shaking fingers. “Thank you.”
Once they got outside, Claudia couldn’t stop smiling. Her tears were gone, mopped up and tucked back behind her eyes where they belonged. Still, she blinked in the brightness of the day like a child waking from a long sleep.
“Well, that was—” she broke off and arched her neck to stare at the sharp sky. Her mouth stretched wide and screamed, a long and wrenching cry that flew out of her mouth and filled up the morning air, expanding, rising, cathartic.
A woman walking from the parking lot clutched her gangly wide-eyed child more securely under her arm and gave Claudia a wide berth. Dez ignored them. Her mother leaned back against the hood of the truck and rapidly blinked her eyes as she crossed her arms tightly over her chest.
“After the operation they told me that the procedure had been successful. All the cancer cells were out, but there was also one final test.” She uncrossed her arms. “That was it. I can’t believe this. After living with this for what seems like forever. And now . . . now I hardly know what to do with myself.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
They both would know that the waiting and dread were over. She hugged her mother tightly, pressing her fragile bones to her, felt her deep grateful breaths, and was happy. They drove back to the house, talking softly about nothing in particular while Claudia’s favorite seventies station played in the background. When they got to the house, Claudia put out her hand to stop Dez from turning off the car.
“You go on, Desiree. I’m going to celebrate.” Claudia said.
“You don’t feel like some company?”
Claudia grinned at her daughter. “The kind of celebrating I have in mind isn’t something I can do with my child around.”
Oh.
“Sounds scandalous. Please be careful.”
She hugged her good-bye in the driveway and got back in the truck. Although she hadn’t shared it with Claudia, she felt deflated, like all the energy that it took to be angry at the universe for making her mother sick, for being strong for both of them, was suddenly gone. There was no reason for any of that now. Dez was limp. She needed someone to hold her up. Without giving herself time to rethink it, she called Victoria’s bookstore.
“Good afternoon. Victoriana Books, may I help you?”
The cheerful young voice on the other end of the phone wasn’t Victoria’s.
“Is Miss Jackson there?”
“No. Today is her day off. She should be at home.”
“Thank you.” Dez did a U-ey and headed for Victoria’s house.
Because her mama taught her never to show up unannounced, she called from the driveway. Victoria’s surprised voice greeted then welcomed her into the house.
“Are you all right?” she asked when she opened the door and saw Dez.
“Yeah. Never better.”
“Do you . . . do you want something to drink?”
“Um. Something hot. Tea, or whatever you have.”
“I have Mexican hot chocolate. Is that okay?”
“Yes. More than.” Her mind tumbled into the news from earlier. And she smiled. “That’s perfect.”
She followed Victoria into the kitchen, watching her, still smiling. Today she was wearing a dress, a peach-colored cotton thing with straps that lay on the full curves of her shoulders like pretty enticements. As she bent to open a cupboard, the cloth of the dress stretched over the smooth valley of her spine, the curve of her ass, and thighs.
Victoria straightened with a tin of chocolate in her hand. “You’re freaking me out.”
“I’m sorry.” Dez opened the refrigerator then closed it again. “My mother’s going to be all right. She got the last test results today.”
Breath left Victoria in a rush. “That’s wonderful.” She put the chocolate down, then walked hesitantly toward Dez. Her arms fluttered in the air before settling finally on Dez’s shoulders. “What a relief. I’m so glad for you and Derrick.”
She gladly fell into the comfort Victoria offered. It was exactly what she had come here for, to bury her fingers into the springing curls and inhale the sweet honey scent of her. Monday night’s misstep was forgotten. She needed this. It wasn’t like she couldn’t get it from some other woman, she could. Rémi, Sage, even Nuria. Any one of those women would have done fine. But Victoria lived closer. And she smelled so much better.
“I don’t want any hot chocolate,” she murmured into the soft, springing hair.
Victoria didn’t ask what it was that she wanted instead.
She rubbed Dez’s back in slow circles, soothing the bunched muscles, and turning her into freshly churned butter. The comforting hands dropped lower and Dez’s breath deepened. This was where everything got started that first time. Here, in the kitchen. This time, Dez was on the receiving end of a kiss, and being pressed gently against the counter as Victoria’s fingers slowly unbuttoned her shirt.
“Come with me.”
Victoria’s bedroom was wet with light, the sheets of the bed pleasantly rumpled as if she’d lain back down after making it, unwilling to leave it without the imprint of her own body. The impression of warmth and welcome followed Dez down into the sheets as Victoria’s body followed hers, mouth tender and hungry as she told Dez with teeth and tongue, wordlessly, of her desire, of what she wanted to do with her unexpectedly yielding body. Dez approved. She wanted to give up her control, better yet, have it taken from her. The past month had been all about control—how to stop from breaking down, from being a fool in front of her father, from falling completely into the caricature of a person who she was before. She didn’t want that control anymore.
Above her, Victoria was a lioness, with her fall of varicolored hair, wet mouth, and the hands that touched her with tenderness allowed her mind to roam beyond the fierce bounds of her desire to the press of cotton sheets against her back, the feel of the rest of her clothes leaving her body in one voluptuous fall after another. The room was cool. Her skin was hot, a searing counterpoint to the eyes that watched Dez again like a lioness stalking her prey, calculating the next move. She slipped her hand over Dez’s breast and waited for a response, gauging it, then when pleasure seemed like the result, did the same to the other breast, rolling the tips between her fingers, then pinching gently until sensation licked down Dez’s body to the blood-flushed flesh between her thighs. She arched under her, like a cat herself, for more of the cool hands that staked their claim with no apologies. Those hands gathered up her breasts like candy and held them ready for Victoria’s mouth, the tongue that was rough and soft by turns, prodding her nipples into tight buds of arousal. Desire tightened the muscles of her belly, made her breath harsh and quick. Victoria’s hair tickled her throat and slid around her fingers like clinging vines as she pressed her closer, demanding more.