She read down to the fourth verse.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It
does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud . . . ”
The words flowed from the pages straight into her heart and she could feel them building her up, preparing her to love Matt the way God wanted her to. Nicole thought about the fact that sometime late that night, when the celebrating was finished, she and Matt would have their first opportunity to love each other with their bodies. She closed her eyes and felt a smile make its way across her face.
We actually managed to wait, Lord. We stayed within Your plan, and
I know with all my heart that tonight will be only the beginning
.
She thought about the times when they’d been tempted and knew that God’s strength alone had brought them to this point, to a place where they could pledge their love to each other on their wedding day, knowing that they had kept themselves pure. Nicole could think of no greater gift to give Matt, no greater way to please the One who had brought them together.
God, You’re so good. Just like Mom always told me, You’ve had a
plan for me all my life and today it’s actually going to happen.
She opened her eyes and found the place in Scripture where she’d left off.
“Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
Nicole let her gaze roam about the backyard of the house where she’d grown up. That was the trouble with too many couples. They didn’t understand what it really meant to love. Oh, sure, it was the butterfly feeling that happened when two people first met, but it was so much more than that. She thought over the verses again. “
Love
always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
It was an entire marriage manual in less than ten words.
She thought of her parents and how long they’d stayed together, and a strange cloud of concern blocked the sunshine of the morning.
What is it, Lord? How come I feel this way whenever I think of their
marriage?
Pray, daughter.
Her heart rate quickened, and Nicole felt the rumblings of fear deep in her gut. Pray? For her parents? Again? The insistent urging was the same one she’d felt before the camping trip, and it was beginning to make her wonder if her parents were hiding something. Today wasn’t the right time, but when she and Matt returned from their honeymoon, she would take an afternoon and talk to Mom. Ask her straight out if she and Dad were having trouble.
Whatever it might be, it couldn’t be serious enough to spend time dwelling on now, on her wedding day. Right?
Pray. Pray hard, dear one.
Okay, Lord, I hear You.
The feeling was so urgent, Nicole’s hesitation dissolved. Whatever the situation, her parents needed prayer. And for the next thirty minutes she lay aside all thoughts of her wedding and the things she needed to do to get ready, and poured out her heart on behalf of the two people she admired most in all the world.
The excitement was so great in the minutes before the ceremony that for the first time in six months Abby wasn’t consumed with thoughts of their divorce. Instead she was swept up in what felt like a dream scene, one she’d dreamed decades earlier when Nicole Michelle was still a newborn. Nicole was radiant, of course—the waist and bodice of her dress fit perfectly, the skirt and train billowed about her like a satin cloud trimmed in lace.
Abby and Jo had already lit the candles at the front of the church, and now Abby made her way through the tuxedoed men and stunning bridesmaids and sidled up next to Nicole. “You could’ve worn rags today and you’d have looked every bit as beautiful.”
Nicole cocked her head and grinned, meeting Abby’s gaze and holding it. “I’m so happy, Mom.”
A light chuckle came from Abby. “It’s obvious, sweetheart.” She leaned forward and kissed Nicole, patting her gently on the cheek. “Kade’s walking me down now. Next time I see you you’ll be a married woman.”
“Can you believe it, Mom? It’s finally here!” Nicole squeezed Abby’s hands. “You and Dad look so good. No one’ll believe you’re old enough to be my parents.”
Yes, Abby had noticed. John looked more handsome than the groom in his black tux and baby-blue cummerbund. She smiled, hiding the way Nicole’s comment pierced her heart. “I’ve got to go. Love you, honey.”
“Love you, too . . . and Mom?”
Abby waited. “Yes?”
“Happy anniversary!” The words poked daggers at Abby’s heart, but she smiled at her daughter.
“Thanks, honey. Love you . . .” Tears welled up in Abby’s eyes as she turned to find Kade. Happy anniversary? She’d almost forgotten that this day marked twenty-two years of marriage for her and John.
Maybe everyone else will forget . . . I can’t get through it otherwise . . .
She spotted Kade a few feet off, chattering with one of Nicole’s bridesmaids. As Abby walked up to him, she felt someone looking at her and she glanced over her shoulder. John was there, ten feet away, standing by himself near the church window. Was he smiling at her? Why? Why work so hard to pretend when the charade was only hours from being over? Abby turned away and linked arms with Kade as he promised the bridesmaid a dance at the reception.
“Flirting with the girls already, Kade?” Abby was desperate to preserve the lighthearted feeling she’d had moments earlier, before Nicole’s happy anniversary wish . . . before she’d spotted John.
“Always, Mom. You know me.” His grin faded and he studied Abby. “You’re the best-looking mom a guy could have.”
Abby bowed her head. “Thank you, kind sir.”
“Oh, and happy anniversary.” He grinned and the hurt in Abby’s stomach was so great she wondered if she’d make it down the aisle.
I
can’t do this, God . . . help me . . .
Kade was waiting for her. “You ready?”
She nodded, forcing herself to move ahead as the wedding coordinator opened the church doors. As Abby took in the church setting, her breath caught in her throat. It was like something from a movie, white satin ribbons adorned the ends of each pew and huge sprays of pink roses fanned out across the altar. And so many familiar people, most of whom had known the Reynolds family since they moved to Marion. In fact, the church looked almost identical to the one she had entered twenty-two years earlier back when . . .
And the song. Was it the same one that had drifted down from the balcony all those years ago? Abby had to blink hard to remind herself where she was and who she was and that this was her daughter’s wedding, not a flashback of her own. They arrived at the front row where Kade kissed her cheek and winked at her. Abby took her seat and sat alone to watch the attendants make their entrance.
The bridesmaids wore light blue, the exact shade as the cummerbunds worn by the men. Sean was the youngest groomsman, and when the wedding party was lined up, Abby was struck by how beautiful they were. Suddenly the music changed and every head turned toward the back of the church. As the crowd rose to its feet, Abby peered around them and was among the first to see Nicole and John as they made their way down the aisle. Halfway there, John leaned toward their daughter and whispered something that made them both smile. Abby felt the sting of tears in her eyes as she watched them.
Who are you, John Reynolds? I don’t even know you anymore
. The man who’d stood beside her mere months ago making promises to her dying father . . . the man who had kissed her so passionately that night, and who years ago had asked to her to listen to the music of their lives, who had begged her not to ever stop dancing with him . . . the man who shared with her the only memories of little Haley Ann . . . Was that the same man walking their little girl down the aisle? Or was he an impostor, going through the motions, biding his time until he could be free from them all?
Abby no longer knew.
She glanced at Matt. His eyes shone as he saw Nicole in her wedding gown for the first time. Surely any man who could look at his bride with that type of adoration would be faithful to her for a lifetime. But then, John’s eyes had looked that way, hadn’t they?
Abby wasn’t sure anymore.
The minister cleared his throat. “Who gives this woman to be married?”
John smiled at Nicole in a moment shared between them alone, regardless of the nearly two hundred family and friends who watched. “Her mother and I do.” Keeping his eyes trained on Nicole even after his words were said, John lifted her veil and kissed her on the cheek. A hundred images flashed in Abby’s mind. John kissing Nicole’s infant cheek and that same cheek again when she was hit by the car that awful afternoon. Always Daddy’s little girl. Nicole had cherished the role, and as Abby watched them she was struck by a realization: the John Reynolds she remembered would have struggled greatly with this moment. In fact, it would have torn his heart wide open. For the past days and weeks and months, Abby had wondered if John was looking forward to the wedding. She figured he was, since it signaled the end of his attempt at staying clear of Charlene. But the truth—at least in part—had to be that John was dying inside. He’d dreaded the coming of this day since Nicole first made her way into his heart the morning of her birth.
Are you sad, John? Does it hurt the way you thought it would, or have
you already moved on, even from a moment like this?
Almost in response, she caught John’s glance as he made his way next to her. His eyes were watery with tears and the ceremony hadn’t even begun. The fact reminded Abby that if things had been different, she and John would have had ample opportunity to grow close over the past six months. Sharing their thoughts on Nicole’s wedding and reminiscing about their own love. Remarking at how fast her childhood had disappeared and wondering where the time had gone.
Abby sighed and stared at her hands, at the wedding band she still wore. John said nothing but positioned himself so that his shoulder was nearly touching hers. She could feel the heat from his body and she tried to imagine what Beth must be thinking, sitting back a few rows. Probably the same thing they’d all think by the end of the next week.
That Abby and John Reynolds were world-class hypocrites.
John clenched his jaw as Pastor Joe commanded the attention of the crowd and began speaking about commitment and God’s plan for marriage. The preacher was a man the Reynolds family knew well. He was the associate minister at the church, the man who had led the high-school youth group when Nicole was a teenager.
Had Nicole and Matt met with him to plan all this? And why hadn’t John been more involved? He could have at least had a conversation with one of them about what scriptures they wanted read at the ceremony or what direction the message might take. Had he fallen that far from his daily walk with the Lord? John felt himself being suffocated in a blanket of shame and he silently begged God to take it from him.
I’m so sorry, Father . . . never again will I let You
go. I don’t care what else happens; I can’t make it without You.
He thought about Abby, how they had been unable to have even a pleasant conversation in weeks.
Lord, is there a way? Someday, down
the road a year or two? Is it possible that she might forgive me and
maybe even . . .
“When two people marry, the commitment is lifelong.” Pastor Joe smiled at the congregation. “No matter what else happens along the way, they will be tied to that promise forever . . .”
John remembered a distant friend of his father’s who had gotten divorced in his thirties and remarried his wife again twenty years later. And of course there were Matt’s parents, Jo and Denny. If they could find a way back together after so many years then . . .
Maybe that’ll be us one day, Lord
. John considered the idea.
You’re
the only One who could make it happen, God
. He pictured the way Abby’s eyes had grown hard, how she never smiled or laughed or allowed her feelings to show around him anymore.
Reconciliation seemed about as likely as snow in July.
With Me all things are possible . . .
John reveled in the return of the inner voice. God was beyond faithful, prodding him, encouraging him, bathing him in grace every moment since the night he’d read Kade’s paper on the eagle. The deepest regret in all his life was that his restored relationship with the Lord was—for him and Abby—too late. He’d even started writing his feelings down in a journal, confessing his shortcomings, analyzing all that he’d done that had hurt their marriage.
Maybe
someday when she’s not so mad . . . maybe she’ll read it, Lord. It’s all
my fault . . .
Confess your sins to one another; talk to her; tell her.
For just a moment, he let his imagination take him down such a path—but he knew there was no way.
Abby’s mind is made up, Lord.
She has . . . other plans
. John’s fingers tightened into a fist and relaxed again as a pang of jealousy gripped him. Kade had mentioned earlier that morning that the house was going to be quiet with Nicole and Mom gone. A few questions later and John knew the truth. Abby was going to New York on business, which could mean only one thing. She was seeing her on-line friend, her editor.
Not that he could blame her. It was simply over.
Pastor Joe had moved from commitment to honor and he seemed to be winding up. “I’d like to close by talking about the eagle for a moment.” He grinned in John’s direction, and John felt the blood draining from his face. Had someone told the pastor? His breathing seemed to slow to a stop as the man continued. “The bride’s family has spent a lifetime calling themselves Eagles. Marion Eagles.” A friendly chorus of chuckles sounded across the church. “But God also calls us to be eagles. Why? Well, lots of reasons, really.”
Kade shot John a curious glance and raised an eyebrow. Obviously Kade hadn’t told Pastor Joe about his report. He glanced at Abby and could tell from her unchanged expression that the message wasn’t hitting a personal chord with her.
You’re really trying to tell me something
here, aren’t You, God?