A Way to a Dragon’s Heart (6 page)

Statue stillness struck him, and he literally couldn’t think for fifteen seconds beyond the images in his head. “Whenever you’re wet…I’m going to be trapped in visuals of that for a while,” he confessed.

“I know. The Fae-blooded are fun that way. But it also serves my point.” She snagged a fork and gathered up a golden fruit-topped bite. “I can’t let you starve while in brain lock. Open up.”

He complied, moving the decadent treat over his tongue with a moan. “They came out perfect.” He reached out and brushed his fingers along her collarbone. “What was I wrong about?”

She fed herself with a sigh. “Being born with scales along the erogenous zones indicates an early and intense puberty that cycles a few times before it’s done with you. At its peak, my pheromone levels were so high even Dominic avoided me ten days out of every month for more than a year. It’s why I’m so good at teleconferencing when I travel.” She grabbed her plate and walked to the table.

“Sexual friendships are all I had for a long stretch, and I got rather good at knowing who could take it and who couldn’t.” She looked up at him as he sat across from her. “Avoiding the conversation isn’t about him; it’s about you, Xander.” Her gaze dropped to his mouth. “I’ve seen you happy with Caleb when your brothers aren’t on your case. But you want
more
than what you have with him, not less, and less is all I have to offer. A ‘friends with benefits’ relationship is what’s on the table, and you’re not built for it.”

“You don’t know that,” he countered. “I’ve had intimate friendships before. The Fae barely know how to have any other kind, and one-fourth ancestry is plenty of Fae blood to live up to. Caleb and I have had poly partners that began and ended as sexually intimate friendships. Don’t count me out before you’ve even given me a chance.”

She sucked bits of peach from her fingers. “I’m not doubting your ability to have a sexually intimate friendship, just your ability to have one with me. It’s not what you want, which is why it’s never happened.”

Xander tried to figure out how he ended up arguing for a sexual friendship even as he opened his mouth to do so. “Whether or not we ever try for a romantic relationship is a decision to be made solely on your terms—as it needs to be because otherwise that’s not a relationship; it’s a felony—and I don’t dispute that. But our friendship has always been about
us
, about decisions and opinions and emotions and truths between us. Don’t make this decision without me. Don’t discount my opinion. Don’t assume my emotions are stuck on a single track from which the slightest deviation will derail it all. The truth is we’re friends, and above and beyond anything else I’ve ever wanted, I’ve wanted to be what you needed because you’ve been what I needed.”

He moved around the table to the chair beside her. “I love Drew. I knew him before I knew myself in the world. But family comes with history, and a twin more so. I needed someone to keep me off the ledge with so many things since coming back from school, and you stepped up in the middle of all the chaos and career focus and let me in even further than you thought. I don’t know where I’d be right now if you weren’t in my life. I just want to be the same for you.”

Xander turned her chair to face him. “Kryssa.”

“You can’t be my next relationship,” she said.

“I understand you don’t want a relationship.”

She took his face between her hands. “You cannot be my next relationship, Xander.”

“I get it, Krys.”

“No, you don’t. You’ve had intimate friendships that became more and then returned to intimate friendships. This can’t be one of those.”

Xander’s heart sank. Things had swung from the avoidance of a relationship to the avoidance of one with him. “If it’s starting where it needs to, why does it matter where it goes?”

She took a deep breath and sat back. “Because the rebound relationship always fails, and I don’t want to lose you.”

Xander tried not to smile in relief. “But this wouldn’t be like that.”

“You don’t know that.” She turned back to her plate. “I’m not where I was when it all first happened, but I haven’t had a relationship since so the rebound phase is technically still there.”

“I don’t think it works that way. I’m pretty sure there’s an expiration date on the rebound parameters for future relationships.”

She just looked at him and reached across the table, pulling his plate over. “You should eat before it gets cold.”

Xander toyed with his fork. “Tell me what to say to make this okay again.”

“It’s not un-okay now.”

“You’re making up words. Trust me, it’s
un-okay
.”

Kryssa laughed, took his fork, and fed him a bite of his pancakes. “I’m not trying to be difficult or grumpy on purpose. I just don’t want this to go from talking about everything to not talking at all and avoiding each other for some undetermined awkward period afterward. I don’t want to stop being friends.”

“We won’t. We’re just going to be more intimate friends.” He spoke around the next bite. “If that’s what you want. If not, then tell me what else you need and we’ll do that.” She twirled the fork, and he touched her hand. “This would have been easier if we didn’t have to think about it, huh? If we could have just let it happen when it happened?”

“No.” She fed him another bite. “It’s better we know where we stand.”

“Which is where?”

“I don’t need whatever you and Dominic seem to think I do.”

Xander laughed and missed part of the next bite. Kryssa licked away the soft bits of fruit from his chin and chest. He covered his smile. “You were saying?”

Kryssa sighed. “Fine, you might have a point. It’s been a long time, and I shouldn’t count you out even if I’m right because I might be wrong. So how do we do this then? Where do we start?”

“Well…” Xander paused. Part of him hadn’t expected to win so quickly, and the rest had never expected to have this conversation in the first place so he didn’t have an answer ready. Taking a page from Kryssa’s book, he didn’t let that stop him. “My vote is to kickback for the rest of the day. We walk the trails, swim in the lake, take a siesta, then lounge about and watch Food Network until we recover from all the work. Then tomorrow we hit town for lunch at the diner. We can check out some old classic at the theatre, maybe get some gourmet ice cream, walk through a few quaint shops, use up my expense account, use up
your
expense account, and then go for drinks and dinner at that four-star restaurant everyone is raving about.”

“Authentic diner lunch, gourmet ice cream, four-star dinner and shopping. Wow, I like it. But that sounds an awful lot like a date.”

Well, it would. It had originally been planned that way, but no reason to go into that and scare her off. “It’s what we would have done anyway. Now it’ll just be the start for moving forward.”

“Moving forward, just friends reaching another level of intimacy in their relationship and opening boundaries?”

“Definitely, just friends getting friendlier, not a rebound romance in sight. There’s nothing to worry about.” Xander could do this. He could separate his desire for more from the reality of what he had. One step at a time, one boundary at a time, they’d become whatever they would become without the need to push.

“All right, sounds like a place to start,” she agreed.

“Great, it’s a not-date.” A place to start, that’s all they needed, and everything would be fine. Xander had this, and he would be there for her. He could do this. He could really do this.

Chapter Five

“Drew, I can’t do this. I mean I know, don’t you think I know? I laid awake all night going over it all. But I can’t do this.” Xander pressed his hand to his forehead as he paced the kitchen.

“Just calm down, Xander, you have this. Don’t mess up the end before you get the chance to begin,” his twin coaxed. “Now just walk me through it quickly. She very clearly said she didn’t want a relationship?”

Xander sighed and looked out of the patio doors. He couldn’t see her in the lake, but the surface rippled with the movement of something more than man-sized beneath the water. “Yes, she said that she’s still in the rebound phase and that she didn’t want to lose me.”

Andrew nodded and crossed his arms, looking pleased on the phone’s small screen. “Good, that’s good. So she hasn’t ruled out a relationship with you in the future. This is just a patience thing, and you’ve already been plenty patient, bro. You’ve just got to follow through. Now was she sitting or standing when you talked?”

Xander shrugged, patched his phone into the wall unit and started to pace again. “We were standing and then sitting.”

Andrew nodded. “Good, good, okay so you said it came up over breakfast. So did she keep eating or push it away?”

Xander paused, and the background behind Drew grew still as well. Then as one they began walking again as Xander sorted out his thoughts. “She ate a little, stopped, and then she wanted me to eat.”

“Nice, that’s good. So did she pause while you ate or did you both keep talking?”

“Well…” Xander thought back to yesterday. “We kept talking, but she fed me.” Xander nearly stumbled when his twin unexpectedly went still.

“She what?”

“Don’t just stop like that. It makes me dizzy at this distance,” Xander complained.

“Sorry, but she fed you, Alexander? During the whole confession, concession conversation she
fed
you?” Andrew emphasized.

“Well, yeah, she…” Xander stopped. “By the All, you’re right. I don’t even think she realized she did it.” Xander smiled. “This could actually work. Okay then, so how do I do this? Caleb gets in the day after tomorrow, and everything becomes about me and him. If she’s in full-out nurturing mode with me, I’ve got to move forward before the emphasis changes, right? Or do I just step back and not worry about it? Maybe let her make the next move?”

“I should have come up there with you and looked at the cabin across the lake like we’d planned. You’re always calmer when we’re together.”

Xander laughed a long, pure, cleansing laugh. “I love you Drew, but no, driving up here with you would not have instilled calm.”

“Gods, I know, I’m sorry about all of that. I’ve just been a little frantic and intense to get you settled since Caitlin got pregnant. I just keep thinking about you being alone, and I get a little crazy to fix it because I feel like I broke it to begin with.”

Xander sighed and ran his left hand through his hair. Andrew mirrored the action with his right hand, and Xander smiled. “You didn’t try to break us up, Drew. I wasn’t ready to leave with Caleb beyond those few months after graduation any more than you were ready to let me go. The deli needed us, and we were too young not to need each other.” Xander laughed softly. “I was mad at you, I came up here to get away from you, and I
still
called you when we arrived and twice since then, not counting today. Leaving with Caleb would have been a disaster.”

They each sat in a chair at different tables, apart but forever together. “We’ve grown up a lot since then, Xander. It wouldn’t be a disaster any more. I’ve got Caitlin and Aaron. Everybody else is either mated or so close as to not make a difference. There are more than enough of us to hold down the fort. With two mates and the baby almost here, I’ll have enough of my own personal life to manage to stay out of yours.” Drew paused. “As much as I can anyway; I’m just saying don’t make your decisions for us anymore. Don’t make them for me.”

“Drew,” Xander began.

“I’ve always liked Caleb, always. It’s just been easier to be angry at him for leaving than at myself for making you stay. I’m sorry for that too,” Andrew confessed.

Xander took a deep breath. “You do know I’m not
that
far away, right? Nowhere near far enough to bring on this kind of trauma revelation. What’s going on?”

Andrew shrugged. “Nothing, or maybe Caitlin knocked some sense into me and pulled the whole
we should have waited to have a baby until we finished raising you
line on me the day you drove up. You know, whichever.”

“I love Caitlin. She is officially my favorite sister-in-law.”

“She knows. Having her own twin brother has given her some unique insights. Ones I managed to quite efficiently absorb when facing a night on the couch no less.” Andrew leaned back in his chair. “Have you talked to Caleb yet?”

Xander looked out towards the lake. “You mean since yesterday? No. I thought about calling him, but I didn’t know what to say. It’s not the conversation I thought I’d be having with him about Kryssa.”

“But you knew you’d be talking to him about her.”

Xander shrugged. “Well, yeah, we talk about Kryssa a lot. He likes the idea of me being with her.”

“Then call him. If anyone can help you navigate this, it’s Caleb. He knows how to take his happiness where he can get it and to wait on the rest,” Andrew said.

Xander gave a sympathetic smile. “You really feel that guilty?”

His brother shrugged. “You have to ask?”

Kryssa had already offered to help him with Caleb. Now Caleb would help him figure this out with Kryssa; an elegant and perfect solution to both questions on his shoulders. Caleb knew exactly how to hold on while never pushing his luck. He also wanted them together, whether altruistic or ultimately selfish in reason. In turn, Kryssa rarely took “no” for an answer and knew how to get her way no matter how much she had to fight or how tightly she had to hold on. This could all work.

“Okay, I’ll call him as soon as I get the chance. But what do I do until I talk to him? I mean, do I just act like normal?”

“You can do that?”

“Shut up and tell me what to do,” Xander ordered.

Andrew laughed. “Just be yourself, bro. She loves you like you are. This is just about giving her the chance to realize she’s in love with you too. Or for you to accept that she’s not, and this is all you’ll have. Either way it’s an answer and a step forward, right?”

Right, a step forward. Xander just hoped it was far enough.

Chapter Six

Caleb spread out the paperwork and let Xander take his time combing through it all. The “hello-kiss” they’d shared still tingled on Caleb’s lips as he watched Xander get lost in the details before him.

“Wow, this is a rock solid contract and oddly skewed in my favor.” Xander looked up at him. “Why does Kathleen only have twenty percent interest? She did all the hard work in building it and helped get it off the ground. I’m just as happy to buy in at thirty-three percent instead of forty to make her an equal partner.”

“Yeah, she turned that down. In fact, it took more than a little convincing to get her up to twenty; she only accepted five initially. I annoyed her into going higher five percent at a time, but she won’t go past twenty. I could take it or leave it, so I took it.”

Xander shook his head. “Siblings can be the most confusing people on earth.”

“bonded-siblings more so, but you already know that. Whether or not the Fae-blooded use the term, Drew is definitely your bonded-sibling.” Caleb collected the papers into a file folder.

“Thanks for these by the way,” Xander said. “I didn’t need to see the hardcopy but thanks for going through the trouble to get them.”

“I know you prefer working with hardcopy. You like the physical interaction, especially when you’re nervous like right now.” He held out the file. “For the record, how much of that nervousness is about me and Eternal Delights?”

Xander sighed. “Only ten percent or so; I hadn’t expected you to be available to meet me when I called this morning so I haven’t worked up to the full blown fretting-to-come.” Xander took the file and slipped it into his bag. “Thank you for letting us drop in early. I would have given you more time and taken the tour Kathleen offered Kryssa and me, but I needed to see you.”

Caleb schooled his features. “Of course, Xander, you know I’m always here for you—even when I’m away.”

“I know.” Xander walked around the stainless steel-topped island of the small test kitchen that doubled as the café’s office. “I don’t want you to think that I’m not giving this the proper attention. I read every word, and I’m going to discuss it with Kryssa and Drew and further with you and weigh it all fairly. I really want to see if this will all work out.”

That took a weight off Caleb’s mind. “Glad to hear it.”

“I just need to clear my head, and I think you can help me,” Xander said.

Caleb closed the distance between them and took Xander in his arms. “I’ve always had the best ways to clear your head.” He leaned in and brushed his lips over Xander’s. “Where would you like to start?”

“Uh…” Xander laughed. “With Kryssa?”

“Ooh, this just got more interesting by leaps and bounds,” Caleb cooed. “Do go on.”

“It’s what I said on the phone. Kryssa doesn’t want a relationship, but she is ready to take our friendship from platonic to intimate.”

“Congratulations on that again by the way.” Caleb smiled and fought not to seem too excited. “This is what you wanted, right? It’s a chance to see if there’s real hope for something long term and significant.”

“It is. I’m just nervous; I can’t shut off my thoughts. I want to let things unfold naturally, but I’m hyper-aware of everything. I don’t want to come off eager or not eager enough, and I know the only way to ensure that is to just let it go and let it happen. I just have no idea how to actually do that.”

Caleb pressed his lips together and nodded. “No wonder you don’t have room to fret about me. You’ve managed to make this incredibly complicated for yourself with only twenty-four hours to mess with it. Impressive.”

“It’s not funny. I was actually glad when she had to take the conference call. It’s like after all this time pining, I’m suddenly afraid to be alone with her for too long. Tony would say that’s short bus even for me.”

“Ah, yes, your eldest brother is such a lyricist, it’s true. But Antonio would be wrong,” Caleb assured him. “It’s perfectly understandable, Xander. This is the first time you’ve had a chance to really screw things up, and you’re scared. You should be. If we learn anything from the cryptic breakup with Landon, it’s that Kryssa can hold a grudge like only a True Dragon can. Caution is your friend. Hyper-caution that causes hesitancy, however, only looks like a friend, but it’s really out to get you.” He hooked his foot around a stool leg and pulled it closer. “Come on, have a seat and tell me how I can help.”

He stepped back and gave Xander room. To Caleb’s delight, Xander sat and pulled him close again. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but I like the nervous, needy you,” Caleb confessed. “You kissed me when you got here, you’re taking physical comfort in me and all without the prerequisite grumbling that eats up our first half hour together whenever I come back into town.”

Xander frowned. “It’s not every time, is it?”

“No, baby.” He kissed him softly. “Just the times I come back after an argument like the one we had before I went to Europe.”

“Sorry about that.” Xander blushed. “I know I was unreasonable. I’d just spent more time than I wanted to defending this whole idea to my brothers, and then just as they came around, you seemed to be disappearing. But your need to come and go isn’t predicated on how much hassle I’ve had from my family. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

Caleb clenched his jaw then forced it to relax. He took a deep breath and let the lingering scent of the caramel apple pie he and Kathleen had tested out that morning balance him. “I’m going to skip right over the fact your brothers were against me and go right to the fact they came around.”

“Yeah, well, you know my mom and sisters always make them eventually either shut-up or come around. This time they came around.”

“You mean Drew came around and dragged everyone with him,” Caleb corrected.

“Yes, that’s what I mean.” Xander smiled. “For what it’s worth, I talked to him after breakfast, and he apologized this morning.”

A string of starter syllables issued from Caleb between several deep breaths, but each refused to form a whole word.

“Yep, that’s what I said,” Xander agreed. “I thought something serious had happened, but apparently Caitlin came to the rescue.”

“I consider Caitlin to be
something serious
and she
happened
, so you were right. How is she?”

“Three centimeters and still no contractions or other hints of labor last time I checked. The midwife will check her every few days, but until something else happens, she’s supposed to carry on like normal. The early maternity leave was unnecessary just like Caitlin told Drew. But it’s too late now.”

Caleb gave a slight shrug. “I don’t know. She got an extra month at home to enjoy her pregnancy—well an extra, extra month now that she’s overdue, but still it’s more time to bond with the baby and to prepare Drew and Aaron. Then there’s you and the fact that if Caitlin hadn’t left, you couldn’t have swooped in to rescue Kryssa from the fiasco now forever known as the
Bobble-headed Body-snatcher Bombardment
.”

“You jest, but it really was that bad.” Xander laughed. “I think anyone trying to rescue her would have been welcome at that point.”

“But it’s not anyone that she’s ready to sleep with; it’s you,” Caleb reminded him.

His lover sighed. “And that brings us right back to the issue at hand.” Xander laid his forehead on Caleb’s shoulder. “How do I take that first step without coming off like I’m trying to run the whole marathon?”

He ran a hand over the silk of Xander’s short waves, pausing to play with the exposed skin at the nape of his neck. “You’ve been training for this particular marathon for a while; I don’t think she’ll mind a little eagerness during the warmup. But you have to take her at her word, Xan. If she doesn’t want a romantic relationship right now, don’t set out to convince her. I know you learned nothing but respect for women at home and your mother and sisters are formidable and impressive, but they’re still family and more lenient than Therian women tend to be. You can’t have any patriarchal slips on this one.”

Xander lifted his head and looked at him. “I’m not sure what you mean. The Fae-blooded are matriarchal, just like Therians.”

“But the human world isn’t, and we live in the human world. We pick up habits that sometimes screw us over across cultural lines.” Caleb caressed his face. “When a man says no, it’s the end of the conversation, but when a woman says no, it’s treated like the beginning of a negotiation. It’s one thing to stand your ground and present your case; it’s another to treat every
no
like a
maybe
, especially after you’ve become intimate. When a Therian lover says no, she’s not only signaled the end of the conversation but what could very well be the beginning of an emotional ass-kicking if not a physical one. If you go into this with any intent of convincing Kryssa she wants more, this will end in tears. Fortunately, it would never occur to you to try to force it, because that would end in hospital bills.” He kissed Xander’s forehead. “Take it for what it is and let her come to whatever conclusion she comes to when she comes to it. None of this succeeds or fails on how eager or calm you seem, just on how sincere you act.”

He held Xander and let him marinate in his words a while.

“So it’s okay to
want
her to change her mind but not to
try
to change her mind,” Xander finally said.

“You can’t help but want it, but you take what you’re given and you let it become whatever it becomes.” Caleb took a deep breath. “No matter what exactly it becomes.”

“Do you speak from experience?” Xander asked.

“More than a little, so I know the temptation that comes with even a small victory.” He took a half step back to look at Xander. “I couldn’t make you run away with me; I’ll never be able to do that. All I can do, all I’ve ever done, is accept when you’ve said no and give you the chance to say yes time and time again.”

Xander let out a shaky breath. “And if
yes
never comes?”

“I’ll have enjoyed every day I got the chance to ask.”

Xander stood up. Caleb stepped out of his way and watched him walk over and lean on the prep counter.

“I’m a bastard,” Xander said.

“Um, I’ve met your dad.” Caleb joined him at the counter. “I’m positive his name is on your birth certificate and everything.”

Xander shook his head and laughed. “I always treat it like you’re the one leaving, and I’m the one settling. But you’ve settled too.”

Caleb leaned beside him. “We all settle for something. Even when we get what we want, we settle for the when and the how, the parts that aren’t in our control.”

“Is that what this is? Did you open the bakery—”

“Pastry café,” Caleb interrupted.

Xander’s jaw clenched. “Did you open the café as a way to settle? Did you decide I needed a baby step to break away from Drew? Did I force you to settle for some little tourist town instead of New York or L.A. or Miami?”

Caleb stood up and walked to the other side of the small kitchen. “I hate Miami.”

“That’s not an answer.” Xander straightened and raised his voice. “Did you give up someplace you would have loved more and build here because of me?”

Caleb turned and placed his hands on the island between them. “I don’t want to argue with you, Xander. Besides picking a fight with me won’t make things with Kryssa any easier.”

“Answer me.” The words were slow, careful. “Would you be in London or Crete or Tuscany if it weren’t for me?

“Senior year of university,” Caleb replied.

“What?”

“We had just finished finals and opened our acceptance letters for the culinary arts program and went out to celebrate. Afterward, we went up on the roof of Blakely Hall for some private celebration. We were naked, our bodies still tangled up as we swung in that papasan/hammock thing we’d put up there.” Caleb paced the length of the island. “We looked up at the stars waiting to catch our breath, and that’s when we came up with the name, well, two names. You came up with Ethereal Delights, and I countered with Eternal Pleasures. We couldn’t decide because I liked both of them so much. How do you pick between two names that sound like some place you’d find in the red-light district of heaven?”

“This was our dream, one that took its time getting here.” He came around the island and took the stool Xander had abandoned. “I built here because it has the charm of a small town, the dependable foot traffic of regular tourism, and a major city just around the corner for convenient proximity to both catered events and specialty resellers. It was a sound business decision and, yes, one I could have made anywhere. But you were here, and so here is where I wanted to be.”

Xander took a deep breath, his expression flickering between love, regret, anger, affection, irritation and hope so quickly, Caleb felt lost as to what his lover truly felt.

“Why didn’t you come to me before you started building? Why didn’t you discuss it with me, try to seduce me to someplace else?”

“Because it’s not about someplace else; it’s about being where you are.” Caleb ran a hand over his face. “I don’t care where we make it work as long as we make it work.”

“Make what work?” Xander spread his arms. “This?” He touched his chest. “Or us?”

“I did
this
for
us
. I didn’t call you before I started building because I didn’t want you to feel obligated. I didn’t build elsewhere because this isn’t about seducing you away from your family.” He got to his feet. “This was our dream, and I thought if I made it come true that…” Caleb paused and closed his eyes with a sigh.

“You thought what, Caleb? That I’d come running? That I’d be unable to resist?” The words were quiet without being calm. “That I’d forget every time I thought you were going to stay only to wake up to packed bags and plane tickets? Or was it supposed to erase the times I did go, only to be left feeling guilty when the time came to come home?” He walked over and placed his hands on Caleb’s shoulders in wrathful tenderness. “What is this supposed to be, Caleb? What am I supposed to do? I finally accept that you’re always going to leave and now here’s this gesture of commitment and stability that I didn’t think you possessed.”